I held firm. I have to or my Mom will think the new tradition is to spend Christmas Day with me. I haven't done that for 30 yrs.
Drove to her: Dec 22nd. My grown Kids did not want to come. They came last month-few days before T-Giving.
Brought her lunch. Cleaned. Brought her presents. 3 visits in Dec. (2+ hrs each way) Took her grocery shopping-collected trash-cleaned fridge-played Scrabble. She kept bringing up Christmas Day. Reminded her my Kids were going to see some European family in town.. their Aunt who had thyroid Cancer + their 26 yr old Cousin who had SVT-Heart surgeries. I know she has no one but me...but...
Told her I would be going on a long Christmas walk... watch a Christmas movie .. Told her many times throughout the season that we celebrate every day of the season. .. Seeing Christmas decorations & lights.. Spreading cheer. She is not this person, so confusing to her. Told her I am not a fan of all the build up for just one day... I like to enjoy all the days of the season. Let's just say, I am happy I hold to my boundaries, but will never be able to escape her?? *She can never be happy that we are happy without her. Huge % of my life has been w/o her for yrs.
She asked me for about 3 mins solid why she couldn't live with me or vice versa. I firmly stated, "I don't want to discuss this again. It's very stressful for me. I have grown Kids & a Career/a sig other. Told her she should want her kids to leave the nest & soar." She asked if she had been a horrible Mother. I said, "Do you want to talk about 10 yrs of (her)Alcoholism & go from there?!" She said "I don't like this game anymore." I said "Good, let's focus on the here & now, have a nice day...and next best steps with each month: opening up to part time help in the New Year. Told her this is what my friends' Parents have done.
She lit up a cigar in the kitchen. I asked her if she could wait until I left. She told me I could go.
Drove home in rush hour traffic 2 hrs & was elated to arrive back home.
I don't think I will ever have peace on earth with her in my life....but I have no choice. I am the only one she has...
Called her once I was home, & was met with "Thank you so much for coming...best time..I am sad you are gone & not here."
Nothing compared to what so many of you endure, but so taxing on my brain. Every decade of my life has been chock full of her neuroses...
Proud I have kept my boundaries...but sad that I have to work so hard for the respect...
I'm glad you were able to keep your boundaries with mom this Christmas, and that she actually thanked you for coming over. Too bad she had to add the 'but' on the end, as they ALWAYS have to do. Always always always. Never able to leave a compliment alone, but insist on adding a dig in on the end to make sure we know we SHOULD HAVE done something more, and too bad we didn't. Too bad you're gone and not there..........but thanks ever so much for coming. Ugh.