Mom has been in SNF for just over two weeks now.
She used to live with me - has for the past three years. Between four ER visits, a stroke in January, a host of other health problems, and now a suspected fall that has left her with limited mobility, she is receiving in-patient rehab largely at my insistence, as she originally just wanted to come back to my house despite being confined to a wheelchair. She is not keen to accept reality, and insists she is "fine" and "can take care of herself".
Fast forward to last night. We had a family caregiver meeting last week, with the social worker, nurse, physical therapist, etc., and started the "journey" towards her ultimate transition to AL. She wasn't overjoyed initially, but by the end of the meeting, seemed to be warming to the idea, albeit slowly. When my brother visited her a few days later, he reported back to me that she was "smiling and talking about the AL places she wanted to visit". Things seemed positive overall.
Last night, I "checked her out" of the facility to take her to dinner (which is permitted). Things were pleasant. We sat down, ordered dinner, and then she said she is "being kicked out in five days". She then further claims she "does not qualify for skilled nursing or assisted living", because she is "perfectly capable of taking care of herself".
I think she is confusing the end of the Medicare fully covered 21 day period. Just for medication management alone, she definitely qualifies for AL, if not more.
But ... it went south from there. By the end of my meal - which I spent mostly protecting the boundary that she cannot come back to my house because she would be unsafe - she had accused me of ruining her life, making her homeless, destroying her financial plans, etc. etc. She said a flurry of other hateful things, essentially keen to cast me as the "bad guy" enough that she would win leverage over me to take back control of the situation.
The good news is, I stood my ground. I didn't falter. I took her back to the SNF, got her back to her room, gave her a hug and left.
Now, I'm no stranger to tongue lashings from her. But, I am human still, and so, so far from perfect.
I plan to contact the social worker/case worker today - who by the way was the one person at the SNF my mom said she "cannot stand". Odd, since she is a soft spoken and very kind person, from what I observed - on top of having one of the toughest jobs there is, I believe.
Just seeking a little reassurance from my "cheering section", which is how I think of all of you. Reassurance that they are not going to "boot her out" in five days, that is not something that they would do. And, well ... that I'm not the bad guy. Intellectually I know I am not, but, my emotional side took a pretty good beating last night.
Sigh. Thank you for propping me up, again and again.