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Hi!

So - to answer the car question; she has her car. I handed the keys to the nursing staff at the SNF where she was staying, back in May, and they then were the ones to give them to her when she "signed herself out" against medical advice.

Her driver's license has been suspended. I reported her to DMV, and they suspended her license. She still drives, however, as far as I am aware.

Or, at least she did ... six days into living in her new apartment, she fell on her face and gave herself a pretty good black eye. Instead of calling either 911 directly, or me, she called my brother - who at the time was on Day 3 of an active COVID infection (highly symptomatic and definitely contagious). While he at least called 911 to go and get her, my brother decided it was somehow okay to drive her home when she was discharged (I didn't find out about the COVID until after the fact).

So ... guess who has COVID now?!?! Yep. My mother.

I guess she was so unwilling to connect with me, and risk the mirror I might hold up, that she was willing to knowingly expose herself to COVID - despite her numerous co-morbidities.

Of course, the entire scenario, and its many byproducts - she has blamed all squarely upon me.

I have been shaking my head so much, I think I might need acupuncture.
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Ah Ha! Thank you so much for the update.

She has to blame her "poor me" circumstances on someone. She doesn't want to admit to herself that she might be responsible for her poor choices. That is a normal reaction for people like her. For you, treat it like a game. Look at her with a sad face (puppy dog eyes) and say "Bummer to be you." (Phrase taken from the parenting class, Love & Logic)

My Mom had COVID at 99 years and 10 months. She was vaccinated and single booster. The MC moved her to isolation, where she got to enjoy the services of having nearly personalized service. (1 nurse, 3 patients). She loved it. In addition, she was blessed with "easy" COVID so she never had any of the horrible symptoms of being sick. She had a slight fever, tested positive for 10 days and never understood all the protocols for isolation or why everyone was making a big deal about it. I hope your Mom has easy COVID too.

As for you, keep those boundaries reinforced. Some day, when you are least likely to expect it, you will be able to use her actions as a reason why you will not participate in her shenanigans.

You are doing good. Keep up the good work.
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Brother doesn't yet realize he can say "she lives alone and is unsafe" does he?

He had a truly golden opportunity, I think, to get her living situation looked at.

They really deserve each other.
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It might be easier to list what my brother DOES realize, versus what he does not. The list would at least be shorter.

One of the recent texts from my brother read, "maybe it would be good for her to consider assisted living" ... like, um, where the **** has he been all these months, to include when she blacked out from her skyrocketed blood pressure, broke her foot, etc. etc.? He was there with me when we visited assisted living places back in May!!! Good grief.

That's the upshot; my mother controls him, and he doesn't push back on anything.

That pattern may break someday, but, I fear that's a ways away yet. Until then, however, the distance from the situation - physical as well as mental/emotional - has been truly liberating for me.
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erzoolie, I have a question. You write: "I guess she was so unwilling to connect with me, and risk the mirror I might hold up, that she was willing to knowingly expose herself to COVID - despite her numerous co-morbidities."

What would you have said if she had called you and said your brother had covid and couldn't drive her home. Surely you wouldn't have gone and gotten her, right?
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Well, what I would have done, had she called me instead of my brother, is immediately call 911. But, to be clear, in general, if she asked for my help and there was some way I could assist her that would not jeopardize my boundaries in any way, I am perfectly willing to assist and be helpful. I won't validate her poor choices by quietly going along with them - but, I'm not of a mind that I need to "cut her off" or something. If she chooses to behave and be civil, she is more than welcome to contact me anytime.
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" I won't validate her poor choices by quietly going along with them." Good. So that answers my question. If she called you to come get her upon discharge because your brother has covid, you wouldn't have done it because her current living situation is a poor choice.
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Hi, All!

Hope everyone here is doing well!

Nothing groundbreaking to report ... my mother is still in her studio apartment. She's been to the hospital twice and also suffered through COVID since she moved in, not quite two months ago. I don't hear much, since she isn't speaking to me, and getting information out of my brother is an exercise in futility.

I did reach out to her via text and asked if she was interested in doing something to celebrate her birthday, which is in a few weeks - she replied "no thanks".

So, there you have it. I'm sad about it in some respects, but, I am much more at peace these days over what I can control, and what I cannot.

Onward! <3
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