A Typical Day With Dementia

Simply let her have it. It's a picture! Did you check it for hidden money? People hide things in the most uncommon areas. After grandma passed and I was going through her things, my cousin mentioned that grandma used to rathole her money. Sure enough. I found 5-$100 bills in a family picture. I immediately went through other photos and found $1400 more dollars!

If it wasn't for fighting me tooth & nail on everything, mom and I would have had nothing to talk about at all. This was how things always were between us, really, but when dementia came onto the scene, things were ramped up 10-fold with her arguing, even senseless things. Every single thing I said had to be disputed; if I said black, she said white. If I said ok mom, it's white, she'd change it to pink! Round and round we'd go, it was awful. Nothing she said or did made sense after a while. I remember once she accused the staff of 'stealing' her silver heart necklace with DAD'S ASHES in it. As if such a thing would be wanted by anyone else. She nerved up all the ladies in the ALF to the point where a whole bunch of them were insisting that they, too, were 'robbed' by the staff! So they marched into the ED's office and demanded he do something about the THEFT that was going on. He told them, 'sorry ladies, but you'll have to call the sheriff, my hands are tied on such matters that are CRIMINAL in nature.' So one lady did just that: she called the sheriff, unbeknownst to my mother, the instigator of the whole thing! The sheriff showed up at mom's apt. door with the ED. Mom was flabbergasted! The sheriff said Hi JoAnn, I hear that something was stolen from your apt? My mother said I NEVER SAID ANY SUCH THING, turned on her heel and slammed the door in the their faces!!! She called me on the phone, huffing and puffing about OMG, can you believe the nerve of the sheriff showing up here, and yada yada? I said ma, you accused the staff of THEFT, now you're being asked to put your money where your mouth is and you don't like it. I went over to her apt the next day, went into her closet, pulled out her large jewelry box, and guess what was sitting right there in the drawer? The silver heart necklace with dad's ashes in it!

We jump down the rabbit hole WITH them when dementia is at play, literally. And that was early on in mom's journey, too. Things only went south from there, unfortunately.

I'm sorry you are going through this chaos with your mom, I can empathize with you all day long and twice on Sunday. There's no easy answer, either, except to say this: take care of YOURSELF as you travel this road. You won't be able to make mom happy no matter WHAT you do anyway, so keep that in mind. Her mind is broken and for that reason, there's no rhyme or reason to WHAT she says or does anymore. #Truth.

Ssometimes it's just easier to give up the object for the time being....though I know from my own experience it's easier said than done! Just take a deep breath, and let it out slow. I have to remind myself that I'm the one getting aggravated and to what end. Don't feel bad, we have all done and felt like you and can emphasize.

Katy,
I bring Mom’s favorite cereal to her MC each week. Also, her favorite cookies.

Each and every time, I have to sneak out the empty cereal box, and the empty cookie bag. She gets possessive with the empties, and gets grabby, if I try to get rid of them, in her sight.

Same thing with used tissues. 😬

It’s all kinda gross, but I have to get that stuff outta there. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Dementia sure is weird.

Barb, I agree with you that it isn't necessarily a guy thing. I've known a few women (some in my family) with the same attitude.

I also got divorced after 25 years, was told I was too disabled to live on my own, but found it was the best thing ever for me.

Gershun and Send, your DH's sound a lot like my first H and NOTHING like my current DH.

I don't think it is necessarily a male thing. But I do know that I was driven to the brink of insanity trying to convince 1st H that there was more than one way to look at things.

After 24 years, I called it quits and found out I was perfectly able to live on my own. Something I was assured I would fail miserably at.

Send, how weird. My hubs is the same. Whenever I do something clumsy or am absent minded about something my hubs shakes his head and acts like I'm really stupid. I say to him "oh, and you never make a mistake" He responds "no, I never make mistakes" He really means this too.

So, yes maybe arrogance is common among the male species.

Sorry, Katykat, I don't mean to take away from your concerns but I just had to say my piece.

Sendhelp,

I like what you said about working with his truth, while maintaining your own sanity.

That's where it is with caregiving for people with Dementia. Their truth is so changeable...we have to be always ready to expect the unexpected.

KatyKat,
In agreement with Barb, don't apologize, don't delete.
You did nothing wrong, and had all good intentions to help your Mom. Something she can no longer do.

Just yesterday, my dH and I were going around and around, and I was trying to get to the truth so we could move on, removing blockades from our moving forward. Dh comes across as arrogant sometimes. In exasperation, I said that he acts like he is smarter than everybody else, and what others know do not count to him.

He answered, "I am smarter than everyone else".

Thanks for creating a thread so I can make this unimportant and absurd comment. I am trying to work with his truth, while maintaining my own sanity.

Katy, don't apologize and don't delete!

I can't tell you the number of times during my mom's 5 years of vascular dementia when I wrote stuff here instead of climbing the walls, screaming or giving up.

We are here for each other, kiddo.

Sorry I wrote this now. It's all true, but TMI.

Funkygrandma59,

Oh you bet!...I have been doing a lot of yelling and screaming at the walls of my house when I get back home at night.

Thanks so much for the well wishes.

Welcome to the world of dementia. As you are discovering, there are no "typical" days when someone with dementia is involved.
You just have to do your best and make sure that you're taking good care of yourself along the way.
And if it just gets to be too much, go out on the back porch or patio and scream at the top of your lungs. You'll be amazed how much better you will feel after doing that.
I wish you and your mom the very best.