I just got home from the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I admitted my husband to a NH because it has gotten to hard to care for him. My friends from church have been helping me out for almost a year, but the incontinence has gotten so bad that I cannot expect others to care for him while I work. Tonight I am considering quitting my job and staying with him 24/7. I feel so guilty because he was actually having a good day today. We did everything together. He was my soul mate and best friend. I feel like I have let him down.
FMLA is designed to help employees balance their work and family responsibilities by allowing them to take reasonable unpaid leave for certain family and medical reasons. It also seeks to accommodate the legitimate interests of employers and promote equal employment opportunity for men and women.
FMLA applies to all public agencies, all public and private elementary and secondary schools, and companies with 50 or more employees. These employers must provide an eligible employee with up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave each year for any of the following reasons:
* for the birth and care of the newborn child of an employee;
* for placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care;
* to care for an immediate family member (spouse, child, or parent) with a serious health condition; or
* to take medical leave when the employee is unable to work because of a serious health condition.
Employees are eligible for leave if they have worked for their employer at least 12 months, at least 1,250 hours over the past 12 months, and work at a location where the company employs 50 or more employees within 75 miles. Whether an employee has worked the minimum 1,250 hours of service is determined according to FLSA principles for determining compensable hours or work.
I don't know about the location logistics. Could you have breakfast with him before you leave for work? Dinner, or maybe just dessert with him in the evening? You will need to be his advocate and see to it that he is getting the best possible care. Your role as a caregiver is not over -- it has just changed. You are still his loving wife and it may be easier to play that role now.
I hope the church circle will continue to support you both by visiting him while you are at work.
There is no reason for you to feel guilty. The villain in this drama is the disease, certainly it is not you!
I mourn the loss of my husband, bit by bit, as the dementia takes him away. I rejoice in the good days.
Certainly needing to place your husband where he can get professional care is another huge loss for both of you. Of course you feel sad and mournful. Acknowledge that and accept it. And then move on to do what needs to be done in the current situation. Feeling sad is normal. But there is no need or reason for feeling guilty.
I wish you courage and peace and you move on to this new part of the journey.
as marie says think long and hard before u quit ur job to be with him 24-7 . jobs are hard to come by now days and theres long list of people wiating for a job . i would say u best bet is to hang on to what u have . maybe u could take some time off work and hang around at the nursing home and see how he does it there ? dont feel bad dear sometimes it is the best thing for anyone to do .
i care for my dad here at my home . he was in the nursing home , it didnt work out for him . he needed one on one care .
keep in touch and let us know how ure doing and ur husband too . xoxo
Do think long and hard before you quit your job. can yiu afford this? What will happen to your insurance and retirement? Talk to someone who can help you plan these finances into the future before you make such a move.
Having a job is more than the money and benefits - the social interaction and self esteem are every bit as important. Giving this up - as I did to care for my Mom - is not always the right choice. Remember your well-being is every bit as important as your husbands.
Much love to you.
I'm glad you found this site. It was here for me when onbody else had time.
People here care ...
I hope some of us can help. I can't imagine your grief ...