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Cathy,

You sound so brave. I am anxious for all of you. Prayers lots of them. In God's hands. May God work with and through the surgeons and may all work out well.

Love to you, Cathy and to your sweet Father.

Cindi
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Maggie,
I am sorry. I know about the wanting to sleep thing. It is hard and it does get depressing. I feel for all of us.

Cindi
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Cathy,

I pray that everything turns out fine. My dad had the worse odds when he went in for triple bypass/aneurysm surgery. He did fine and went to rehab.

I will say my novenas, double.

Love,

Marylynne
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hi everyone, welcome maggie,
This weekend has been a mess so far. My mom has been hateful, and made my son who lives with us angry, so now 2 of 5 grandsons mad. leaves me to deal with her anger, and theirs. My nephew still angry with her for her caustic tongue. Dysfunctional? yes, and it all started with her. My son had a friend over Friday evening, and she said she didnt like her, and i said, why? she said i just dont. So she proceeded to go to his apartment and tell the girl that she needed to leave. That she didnt want anyone drinking beer here. duhhhh again, my house? dont i have a say? Anyway, the girl did leave, angered my son, and she is still harping on people drinking beer. My son is harping on how mean and crazy granny is. I am a wreck trying to deal with both of them. I just agree with each one and try to make peace between them. Maggie this mother of mine turned 90 in March, and she too, is going strong like the energizer bunny, and i too, wonder if i will outlive her, or if ultimately, i will die, and she will still have to go to a nursing home, because it is a sure bet that her grandsons will not deal with her. well, gotta go, she is yelling for me. love to all, donna
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Things are getting alttle intense here. Its the night before the surgery. Dad is very worked up. He is barking at everyone. I understand why. I just hate to see him this way.I have no expectations for tomorrow. I just want it over. My church said a blessing over my dad today. It was beautiful. Our priest has been great. Thank you all for the prayers.
Cathy
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she driving me mad, absolutely mad. this am, when i had to leave, she wanted me to take her to the cemetery where my grandparents are buried. i took her there. on the way she said, i hate to have to beg someone to take me anywhere i want to go. (in a hateful way) then we got there and she walked around for a while while i placed flowers on the grave of my grandparents. we came home, as there was no where else to go. My cousin came by, and mowed our lawn with his riding lawn mower. Mom has been out to my sons apartment 3 or 4 times this afternoon telling him to get out and trim the yard. get up close to things, which wasnt done with the rider. my son still angry with her, i am becoming terribly upset. he is mad, comes in here and tells me that she is harassing him. Goes out to his house and tells his friends to leave, and smarts off to them. IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS. she started telling my cousin that all she does is sit in "that corner" and stare out the door. I never take her anywhere and no one comes to visit her. My cousin is a smart man, and he said, well, when you have outlived all of your peers, then that happens, there is no one left to come to see you. And she said well, i blame donna for not doing more things for me. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR yeah sure, she is such a pleasure to do things with. hope your dads surgery goes ok cathy will be thinking of u. love to all, donna
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Dear Girls,

I am very depressed this evening and have the feeling that I just want to be free. For days my 12 year old has been sick and took ill with vomiting and the runs last night. Was up till 5:00a.m. and still have to get up the next morning and face these horrid old people. I am sorry, but thats the way I feel. I had to go to a graduation party with my Mom tonite and I can't even talk to anybody else without her getting up to look for me or ask who was I talking too, if I was away from her too long. Everybody there said that they have never seen a worse case of mother-up-the-ass syndrome. She won't let me alone.

I laid by my daughter when I got home, she came and got me twice to turn her tv channel. Then when I get aggravated she tells me off. She told me I left food out on the counter and didn't put in the refrigerator. I told her I put it away. When I got up it was put away, but she wouldn't say she was wrong.

I have been making it a practice to just agree and bite my tongue. I am losing myself completely. I just feel like telling everyone to go to hell and just leave. I know I did this to myself by taking more and more responsibility over the years, but I can't take it anymore.

I think I am in the same position as you Donna. My kids hate my mom and I keep telling them not to cause trouble, because I can't handle it. I should let them speak their mind, but don't want the trouble that it will cause. My oldest is not afraid to tell my mom off, but I just wreak havoc for it.

Last night my daughter was in the bathroom and my mom couldn't get in it in the middle of the night. She told me this morning that my daughter cannot hog the bathroom. I told her just knock and she will get out and let you in. She said she shouldn't have to do that. It is not her private bathroom.

I hate this and I hate her. I hate all my relatives that make light of my mom being with me all the time. I hate my life. I hope god don't punish me, but I can't stand this anymore. I am crying. I want a life without them. I have never had a chance to know what that is like. What its like to get up and do what you want to do, without having to feed or worry about anyone but your own family. I want to go somewhere where no one can find me.

I'm not going to do anything to myself/ don't worry, Just had to vent. I want out....

Love,
Marylynne
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I just had a horrid though, what if these people live past 100. Maggiesue, I know just how you feel. Sometimes I just want to sleep and let everyone leave me alone. Thats my way out.

Marylynne
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Cathy, it has got to be intense as you said. All we can do is pray and hope for the best. I am glad the church said a blessing over your dad today. There is a prayer before an operation do you know it? Here it is...Loving Father, I entrust myself to Your care this day
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Cathy, it has got to be intense as you said. All we can do is pray and hope for the best. I am glad the church said a blessing over your dad today. There is a prayer before an operation do you know it? Here it is...Loving Father, I entrust myself to Your care this day; guide with wisdom and skill the minds and hands of those who minister in Your name; and grant that every cause of illness being removed. I may be restored to soundness of health and learn to live in more perfect harmony with You and with my fellowman, through Jesus Christ. Amen
Into Your hands, I commend my body and my soul. Amen. It is a prayer I said before my operations. God Be with your Father, and Family and Bless you.

Marylynne, I am sorry you are sad and feeling such pain right now. Sometimes, it is just all to much to take. I know how it is to feel like you just want to leave. Let everyone take care of themselves. Because you no longer have the strenght or will to go on. You just don't think you can make it maybe even another moment. Unappreciative parents, sick child, demanding, complaining list goes on. I hope you somehow find peace and that the pain flows through you and passes through. Tomorrow is another day and the sun almost always shines and it feels renewing again.

Donna, your mother is just causing havoc. Chaos...acting out, getting away with acting however she chooses...being pissy. How much more? How much dementia does she have? How much havoc and one old lady make? Not right. Causing uproar. Make her stop that nonsense. She's taking out her negativity on you all. You all are letting her get away with it. Or, so it seems. Not right. She is not acting right.

Judy, hope you are doing okay.

It is late here. Husband and I were gone nearly all day. We went to a graduation party. Hired the caregiver for 8 hours. Mom went with brother to an indian gaming casino an hour away. They left at 7:30 pm and she isn't home yet. It is weird having her when we are going to bed. Hope she has the key or else hubby will have to hear doorbell. I am a deep sleeper when I do sleep. It was nice to be away from home and do something different. Hot day here. Husband and I snuck off to a movie. Saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall." It was funny. Full frontal nude of the male star. Was surprised. Things getting more free these days, I guess.
Husband is snoring I better go.

God Bless you All
Cindi
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Cathy my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family hope all goes well.

Cindi glad you had some peaceful time and some party time. Its good to be around ppl.
Marylynne shake it off, I didn't hardly speak to my mom yesterday she was making vicious comments and I just ignored them. I wished she would die before my Dad so he could have some peace and quiet. I believe thats all we all want is PEACE!!! Its such a waste for her to be here and not do anything with the time she has, she's not stupid but does a good job pretending thst she is.

Donna I think everyone still does what your mother says and she sees that she can get to all of you. Tell your son that his friend can be there and grandma is out of her mind.

I am getting the car to the shop tomorrow and I am also getting two baby kittens. One for me and one for my boys. They keep asking me when they are coming. I am aprehensive even though mom said I could get one because I am getting two but they were found together and I don't want to split them, They are both girls. I hope it may help my Dad he usually likes animals, he loved my dog.
Hope everyones day goes fine OXOXOX judy
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Judy,
we are all so funny advising eachother etc..when we are all darn affected by what our mother's think feel..etc. Just like you and the kitten issue...Your house you get two kittens if you want! I wouldn't split them either. My dad likes our beagle, Oliver. I think the pets really do help the depression etc..He also likes my mother's bird...I firmly believe they are living longer cause we take care of them...now that is a blessing..but also....(laughing)...anyways..I won't say it!
Get that car in Judy..thought the car was already in was waiting for you to say you picked it up! Girls have a good day...and may God Bless us all and have mercy on us all!!!

Thinking of Cathy and her father...prayed again..and telling you that I feel for you,Cathy.

Cindi
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had to wait til my hubby had a day off to take the car to the shop.
How does everyone split any bills pertaining to their households, like groceries or utilities ? I just went grocery shopping, lets say once a week I spend $60.00 so thats $240.00 a month granted they don't eat everything I buy but meat costs the most and we all eat that. My Dad gives my mom $50.00 toward his part of the groceries each month. She gives me probably $65.00 if I am lucky each month.

When it comes to electric and gas bills I take the bill and divide it by 6 because there are 6 ppl living here and then I multiply that number by 4 because my family is 4 ppl. so I give that amount to my mom because she writes the check out from her acct.
how does everyone else handle it? Judy
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Good day my faithful friends,
Cathy hope your dad is doing ok. Judy, the kittens will help them both, bet your mom will love them, if only when out of your sight. Marylynne, your mother sounds like mine, overbearing and pissy. they both need to be put in a home. when will we ever get the nerve to do what we believe will happen in the end anyway? cindi, bless you for your ever cheerful notes, makes me think, and yes you are right, she is used to having her own way, and i am primarily responsible for that, as i have never said no to her at all. I am going to have to learn to be a little more assertive when she is acting bad. It is that honor your mother and father thing that keeps me in line i guess. love,donna
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Tricky question and one I have been wondering about myself. $60.00 a week on groceries sounds heavenly to me. Where do you live again, Judy? The recession etc has made the groceries go sky rocket. Restaurants have increased prices because of this too. My mother has my brother (who handles their finances) give me $850.00 total a month. $320.00 is for caregiver...she pays for me to have 8 hours off a week. $130.00 is for my father's expenses...haircuts, vitamins and non prescription needs, diapers, clothing, all his needs basically except for medication (by the way sometimes this amount is not enough). Then the remaining $400.00 is for her I guess and any other expense they may incure that is non medical. That means food, electricity, gas, water, water softener. She has her own phone line that brother pays. She use to pay me $450.00 when she lived in a senior residence where she paid $2,000 a month to live. When she moved in here she told me she would pay be $400.00 so I said okay. I figure all my life I have paid money for her for many things and I really couldn't afford it anymore having a kid in college. Til this day every once in a while she comments critically how she pays me. Which is not true and makes me angry. Yes, she pays $400.00 more now..but she use to pay $2,000. so I am saving her money! And, furthermore not a penny goes to me for extra spending money. I told her I don't make any money off of her. She is very expensive to feed cause many times I have to farm in food from restaurants etc...or cook things I wouldn't normally just to have her eat a little food. Plus with the tv on all day with dad..and her heater on all the time..and her tv on..etc..plus the extra water softener we have had to order cause her skin gets itchy from hard water, etc..etc...I don'tmake out a bit! Told her before she couldn't pay anyone to do what I do. She does give me gas money occasionally and sometimes I take it most times I don't. I am her chauffeur as you guys are too. I am also her private secretary. I already made an appt for her eye dr appt (she has another eye infection)...her hairdressing appt...(once a month she gets it colored), have had to try to find a cheaper hairdresser and I had to surf for this lotion she likes and order it here online with my credit card first because that is the only way it will work. I also have to get her lotto and the results every day. I am taking her to Monterey Park and Los Angeles this Saturday for another mother's day gift...she likes to eat Chinese food there..and also to pick up her jade earrings she had fixed. Anyways..there it is...the whole financial story in regards to what mom gives..it isn't bad really...but I stick to my guns and have her give me that money cause otherwise I have to pay out of pocket and I can't afford to do that...take care of them for free...not be able to earn an income, and give away money that I don't have...but I have done that in the past. It does hurt me when she complains..but she does have the money available..she doesn't have a lot but enough...yet she would want me to suffer and pay her bill..

Cindi
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Donna,
I know all about the honor thy mother and father....Especially being Asian and having that Joy Luck mentality. Did you ever see that movie, Joy Luck Club? My Mother is a bit of every mother there! I have had to learn to stand up for myself better and against some of that asian mentality. It has not been easy it has been one of the most difficult things in my life. I still need a long ways to go. Good Luck Sweetie...
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Oh girls, lets talk money,

My mom is the cheapest thing on the earth. She puts in $125 a month for groceries and pays for her own groceries, such as cereal, soft drinks etc. My monthly grocery bill is over $600. I cook meat almost every night. She gives me $25.00 a week for gas in my car. I fill up at least twice a week at $50 a pop. She gives me $26 a month for the cable bill and puts in 1/3 of the electric bill. There are 6 people here. That is a good idea, splitting it up by people. She never gives me any extra money.

Will get back to you later, rice boiling over.

Love, Marylynne
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Marylynne,

Never enough money. I allow about $200-$250.00 a week for groceries but that also includes drinking water which we buy and also some toiletries.

Love yas
Cindi...Judy, Donna, Cathy and anyone else who caregives this is a tear jerker...send me your email and I will send it to you...
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Its good to see everyone back. I got a little nervous over the weekend.
DAD MADE IT THROUGH SURGERY. HE IS ALREADY OFF THE VENT. What a day. The doctors and nurses are gonig to watch close through the night. He is truly blessed. So am I to have the friends that I have.(all of you) I am very tired, hope to sleep some tonight. Have to get to the bus-stop to see my son in the morning. I haven't seen him since 5am. I miss his cute face.
The wather bill is our biggest issue in our house. Dad forgets its running. I went to work one morning, he was washing up. When I got home it was still running! 8 hours! He can't hear it. Dad buys most of the meat and what he likes. We take care of the rest. He gives me gas money once a month, not much, but it all helps. Sometimes he will hand me a check for 100.00. I ask what for he says whatever. I wish my dad could RUB-OFF on your parents. Your parents don't sound like parents at all. They just sound mean.
The few time that dad does get out of line. I let him know. None of us are children, and we deserve respect!!!!!!! Take nothing less, even with honor thy mother and father. I am catholic too. That dosen't mean we have to be #!%#@ on. Excuse my galic!!!
Thank you all for your good wishes and prayers. They truly helped
Love,
Cathy
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Dear Cathy:

Waited patiently to hear about Dad. Glad your wonderful Dad made it through surgery. Hope everything goes well tomorrow. Don't be surprised at some ups and downs though.

Love,

Marylynne
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I second Marylynne's emotion and comments...I have been waiting too and hoping for the best. Even told my mother and husband about your father, Cathy. How we alll were rooting and praying. You must be exhausted, Cathy.

Get some rest and like Marylynne said be ready for ups and downs...take good care of Dad and yourself and family...esp yourself so you can be there for family..

Love,
Cindi
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Goodmorning Ladies,
Thank you all so much for your support. It has been much needed. I am exausted. I got up early to see my son and husband. I was able to get some sleep last night knowing that dad is in good hands.
Thanks for the warning about ups and downs. I was just so happy because he was able to say I LOVE YOU before I left the hospital. Trying not cry now. I will spend part of the day at hospital. I also need to be home for family too. Dad understands. I didn't get home until 11:30 last night.
Keep up the prayers. I am thinking of you all too.
Love, Cathy
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OK The warning about the ups and downs was a good thing. Dad is still doing well, but he has decided that he is going to argue with the nurses. He is under the impression that he dosn't need to take meds, and he can get out of bed on his own. BOY OH BOY IS HE STUBBORN. He started out the day yelling at me. I told him to knock it off or I was leaving. He is very confused. Making me a little nuts. Foctor says he is doing well, not out of woods yet.
I hope you all have a good day.
Love, Cathy
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Dear Cathy:

You are still not out of the woods. A couple of days after surgery my dad got atrial fibrilation and needed to go into ICU for two weeks. The talking out of the head thing and the yelling at you is probably the anesthesia. But, I do have to tell you that my Dad had a severe bout with depression, his taste buds changed, a bunch of little things that just aggravated them to death, which just makes things harder on you. My dad even got out of bed and fell down.

I'm not trying to bring you down, but don't be surprised at any of these little things. It is a well known fact about depression with heart surgery. Hope everything goes as smooth as silk.

Love,
Marylynne
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Hi Everyone, long day here. Just got in a bit ago. It is around 12:30am Took Mom to the Emergency room tonight about 7pm. They admitted her for observation overnight. She was having chest and abdominal discomfort and difficulty breathing. Brother came later in the night to help out. So that was good. You just never know from one day to the next what it will bring.

She seems to be feeling better and didn't want to stay overnight. Brother had to convince her.

Cathy, I will pray for your father and your family. Sounds like your father has a mind of his own like my mom. The hospital staff can already tell my mother is a handful. Marylynne, I think you are doing a good thing telling Cathy your experience with your father. Doesn't mean hers will be the same but it helps to know what might or could and did happen to you.

I am already for this week to be over. It is long and drawn out and I just don't have too much energy or will to see it through.

Take care
Cindi
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Hi there, Cathy glad to see sergury went well now I wish a quick recovery so you can bring him home. How is your son handling grandpa in the hospital?

Cindi sorry to hear you had to take mom to the hospital hope she's ok.

marylynne seems like you are in better spirits thats good.

Well I brought my baby kittens home 2 of them and Mom took it well and so did Dad. I hope it is therapuetic for them. They are super sweet! But just like babies you are up in the middle of the night with them 3:00 am. So I will be tired today.

Can't go far car is in the shop won't be done til next Tuesday.
Mom broke her toilet yesterday, she broke the float in the tank, its snapped off. I have to get my son to take me to the hardware store after school.
Dad is complaining of his feet still and in pain.Waiting for the urology records to get here they were mailed.
Wishing everyone well later Judy
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Hi Everyone,
Things here are chaotic and crazy. I really need to get away (which is my way of taking care of myself whenthe stress is overwhelming and it is). Let's see long story short. Mom is awaiting going for stress test which has been postpone to later in the day. She is not a good patient, starving, thirsty etc. Got mad at me cause I wouldn't call and ask when she can go home today (even though she has been told probably this afternoon maybe evening). Cancelled Dad's cardiology appt because too much chaos here. Sister calls me leaves a message on phone that she has a mouse in her house in her bedroom and she needs a place to stay and can husband call the company he works for and get mouse exterminated. This is where the added stress comes in...you see my sister is seriously mentally disturbed and we have been trying to get her to seek help. Her bf is out of town at a seminar til Friday. She has been alone in her house night and day he told my brother with all the nights out. She is very depressed. She talks to spirits. She told me she has to get out of there and that she is not crazy but there has been so much spirit activity. HELP ME! I want to bale yet I am required to stay here and keep everything together and make things better. Have spoken to brother off and on and he is trying to help. But it rests on me I know this. My husband said if I let my sister spend the night he is going to leave house for now. My sister has spoken to my son's spirit and still does..and to other spirits too..she will not go for help. She has nowhere to stay soon so brother and husband feel this is a ploy to lean on us and stay with us. Her bf broke off their engagement and wants her to get a job and move out.

Hope things are better for you all. Cathy hang in there. Judy it's help without a car for that long esp. Glad the kittens are bringing you and family joy. Heard vicks makes foot pain feel better if it is nerve related...

Bye for now
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This is a test message. My messages have not been posting and I am trying to figure out why.
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I am not doing well. Had words with Mother in the hospital ended up leaving her there. Now, she calls and is ready to be picked up. Brother of course is unavailable because of his kids etc...Fed up. Ready to walk. She called my husband a jerk and a basta*d. All because he didn't ask how she was doing when he answered the phone this am and also because she is upset and angry about my sister not being able to stay at my house or my brothers. She is afraid for my sister's life. I called sister to try and take her to a doctor etc...Like Marylynne says I hate my life. At least right now I do.
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Dear Cindi,

Tell me about your sister talking to spirits. What does she say your son says to her. I know she is mentally ill. That is terrible. Has her mental illness, always consisted of talking to the dead. I know they say there are people who talk to the dead. Does boyfriend of sister help when he is around or does he leave it all up to you and brother? I definitely understand the thing with Mom in the hospital. Bad patient, I know all about it. I have had my mom in the hospital trying to juggle taking care of my dad at home and mom in the hospital. Mom doesn't understand that I have a family besides her and my dad. My mom always needs something and somebody is always doing her something.

Want to get a kick, Mom said today that me and her should run away. Ha! Not with her. Told her I have thought about it.

Hope you feel better and good luck with sister and holding things together.

I feel for you!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Marylynne
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