Anyone else with ADHD act as the main or only caregiver for someone?

Yeppers! I have definitely been using fisher price tools on this house!!! I love this metaphor!

I started out strong, and as organised as someone with ADHD can be, but things kept getting forgotten even then, 4 years ago. BUT I'm also the only one who was willing to even try to do it, so I work on forgiving myself for all the things I forgot to do along the way. (Sorry Dad that I never got you Red Lobster before you died!) Every day there's an "oh crap I was supposed to ... " moment!

Now I'm at the point that I just don't want to deal with any of it. I know it's partially because my Mother is nasty and cruel and demanding, but it's also because my brain is just fried. To the point that I just allow my mind to shut out the things I don't want to deal with. Like paying the bills (not good!) or arranging Mom's appointments (sigh).

The constant tasks are what does it, I think. You FINALLY figure something out or solve an issue, and then there's a pile of new or recurring ones to deal with.
You need a break. A long break. I hope you are able to take some time to renew your mind!

‘REALLY struggling’ are the exact words I just used! Shortly after posting my brain went *phut * and it stopped working. I’ve never experienced anything like this, it’s weird and scary. Cognitive burnout. I did talk to a counselor ( 60ish yrs w/adhd ) who said I’ve done better than 99% of most adhd people in the same situation, I was like….’What?! Really??!’

I think adhd & elder responsibilities are like being a handy person whose job is to fix and maintain an old falling apart house. You have a full set of tools but they’re Fischer Price and IKEA. So you do the job and the house is fine but you get tired because it’s a lot of nonstop work and your tools are crap. Then one day your tools break because, well, they’re Fischer Price and IKEA. ( Okay I love cheesy metaphors…)

It helps to know others get it but I’m sorry some of us are going through this. Blessings, all!

Oh man, this is my life currently!! I'm both glad and sorry I'm not alone. I can BARELY set up the automation for my life to run smoothly let alone someone else's. It stressed me out so badly, but I'm doing my best. I had to set up everything as autopay and I'm in the process of finding a financial company to help me with a lot of it, cause it is NOT my Forte. Not to mention my father is a raging narcissist and is constantly telling me I'm terrible at everything. Which I internalize cause he's the "adult"... I keep telling myself that my life is important too, and that my time frame for dealing with his stuff has to come second. But it's hard to do, and I'm REALLY struggling.

My Grandson has ADHD. He was on Adderall until 19. From the first day he took it he said his mind slowed down. He had to discontinue the Adderall because of Epileptic seizure. Can't use Adderall with seizure meds. Some tasks he does with no problem others he just can't get the sequence correct.

I can see where Caregiving can be overwhelming for you. ADHD is considered a disability.

Thanks you guys! I’m hardly barely managing my own life stuff to be honest.

For me I definitely have the. ADHD “ thinking ALL the thoughts everywhere all the time “ but also limited mental bandwidth for what I can retain. The constant, incessant influx of tasks, paperwork, medical info, scheduling , calls, etc….etc… feels like it’s hijacking my available brain space constantly. I also have some learning problems which are ADHD related, I’ve learned to work around them by developing my own goofy systems, but the elder care/health care system has its own rules that just kurfuddle me. I Do the Things that have to be done, and not ‘poor me’ but I feel it’s a great effort to be the center of this spiderweb of caregiving duties, at great cost of losing cognitive space for other areas of my life. After 6.5 yrs I feel completely brain fried. There’s no reset - even when I got covid mom had a huge emergency and I ended up co-ordinating that mess.

I hope that all makes sense. Like I told my bf, “ I feel like I’m doing what I’m worst at , and I do a pretty good job, but at a huge cost. “ I am exhausted I guess. I’d love to stop feeling bombarded by these tasks and duties and get some cognitive space back.

Thanks for getting it, and I will have to check out that podcast!

Yes! And I know exactly what you mean about no longer feeling stupid. :-) Sounds like you're doing really well with all of this. I highly recommend Tracy Otsuka's podcast, " ADHD for Smart-__ss Women." It will brighten your day. Are you also managing your own career?

Hi! I also have ADHD (and other mental illness) along with a variety of physical health problems. I've been the main caretaker for my grandmother since around 2020. Thankfully I had access to social services pretty early on to help, so I didn't have to also manage the cooking and cleaning, on top of finances and hospital visits. I had to really shuffle things around in my life in order to make it all work. The mental weight and stress of being a caregiver (in particular during COVID) put me straight into burnout and I was left unable to have the cognitive space left to do my studies.
I've never really stopped to consider how my ADHD impacted the situation, so its interesting that you bring this up! It's rather that my ADHD symptoms have been exasterbated by the situation and it has effects on other parts of my life. I do my best to remain as patient, compassionate and gentle as I can with her. My phone calendar helps me manage a lot of my temporality-based symptoms. It just feels like crisis after crisis and I never get a moment to actually process it all before I'm faced with another crisis. Were there certain symptoms of ADHD that you found were difficult in relation to caregiving?