Asking for prayers from all of the forum members that pray.

Prayers that your mom's heart will soften. Perhaps someone in a hospice house, if indeed that is where she is going, will be able to speak the right words to her.

Update: So, I called my mom and she answered with hello, I said hello, then radio silence. I asked her how she was doing and she replied, "I'm DYING!" My response, Aren't we all.

I knew at that point that she was trying to play games. That's why she didn't call me, couldn't very well justify being rough when you reach out.

She won't answer any questions and when she does it is "I don't know." Or my all time "favorite" "they said it's this, that and blah, blah, blah." That is verbatim.

The social worker is getting the same and told her friend that she has been caught lying and saying the same stuff, they don't know what it is, denial, not understanding or dementia. This is nothing new, just a new, no BS audience that is trying to help her and finding out she will do it her way or make everyone near miserable, or attempt too.

She is so very angry and I can't fault her for that, not regarding being sick unto death. It must be very scary to see your life coming apart at the seams and know that you have limited time. I just pray that she can let things go and find some comfort in The Lord. The testimony would change an entire community, she gives her heart to The Lord, then goes and makes things right with the people she has chewed up, apologize and ask forgiveness, that's what I know The Lord can do, imagine her body being healed on top of that. HUGE!

The facility has been pushing her to get a POA assigned and she told them she will call all the shots and make all the decisions for herself. They explained it is for the time she isn't able and the state will intervene if she doesn't do this. Same conversation I have been having for 5 years or longer. I pray she doesn't do it the hard way.

She wants to go home. She has set impossible standards for a facility and will be unhappy wherever she goes, if her heart isn't touched by The Lord.

I have seen mighty miracles in my life, so I am believing that HE is able to deliver one for her and therein, to many. That is my prayer and belief. I thank EVERYONE that understands that and has joined me in those prayers, HE IS a prayer answering God and I believe HE will move on this need, as well as, for our friends lealonnie and Bridget66, who are both facing some very serious personal crisis' and need HIS loving hand to bring them through. I BELIEVE our prayers will be answered for all in need here and in each individual life of all involved. In The Name of The Lord and Saviour, Jesus The Christ. Amen and amen!

I will update after the meeting she has with her friend and the social worker.

God bless all of you! I appreciate every prayer, good thought and kind word.

ITRR,

This is so hard.

How can you possibly help her if she doesn’t share the truth?

You know how she is and now you have confirmation from her social worker.

Wishing you peace as you continue on in this caregiving journey.

Im so sorry that your mother is dying, ITRR.

Need, the best help I have to offer her is prayer and continued prayer chains.

I can love her where she is, I just can't get close, she is potentially dangerous to me in every way possible. Always has been. By the grace of God this will change and I can go visit.

Yes, keeping boundaries and helping in these situations is definitely a trial by fire.

A friend of mine sent me this prayer & I want to share it with you ITRR, in case it will help you or your stubborn-as-an-ox mother:

The Total Healing Prayer

Father God, thank you for your unconditional love, for sending Jesus to save me and to set me free. I surrender myself to your power and grace to sustain and restore me. Loving Father, touch me now with Jesus' healing hands as I believe that your will is for me to be well in mind, body and spirit.

Cover me with the most precious blood of Jesus from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Cast out anything that should not be in me. Root out any unhealthy and abnormal cells and multiply the healthy ones. Open any blocked arteries or veins, rebuild and replenish any damaged areas. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection by the power of Jesus precious blood. Let the fire of your healing love pass through my entire body enriching its function. Touch also my mind and my emotions even the deepest recesses of my heart. Saturate my whole being with your presence, joy and peace and draw me even closer to you every moment of my life, confirming that the Holy Spirit dwells in me, telling me what to do.

Amen.

ITRR,

Sometimes, the only thing that we can do is pray. You do have to protect yourself.

I did that with my brother. I prayed for him daily but I couldn’t be close to him either.

I did take mom to see him in the hospice facility before he died.

I do feel like my prayers were answered. For so many years I had horrible anxiety about finding him dead in his apartment.

So, the fact that he died comfortably in a hospice facility was an answer to my prayers and I felt relieved.

I saw him overdose as a kid more than once and I couldn’t take it anymore.

I am amazed at God’s mercy. The apostle John says, “God is love.” Yes, He really is.

My brother made some really bad choices for much of his life. In spite of that, he was a believer and I absolutely know that is why he didn’t die in fear.

He was comforted by Jesus as his Lord and Savior. He felt that God had forgiven him.

It is sad that he suffered the consequences of his addiction. Addiction is a disease that some people can overcome and others do not.

I truly believe that he developed mental illness from being a long term addict.

His hospice facility had photos of angels in his room. They had really pretty angels on shelves too.

Throughout the years family members of residents brought beautiful angels as gifts. My mom was comforted when she saw that my brother was surrounded by images of angels.

ITRR - joining you and others in prayers.

So much of what you write is familiar to me. Mother finally gave me POA when she was 95. Her financial advisor, a man she respected, was pushing for it. Mother said to me "You want to control my affairs" My answer was, "Absolutely not. I have enough trouble looking after my own affairs, but if you become unable to look after yours, I am willing to do it." I think she heard I meant it.

Know you are doing all you can and remember God has a plan. He wants all to come to Him. Cast your cares on Him. He is able.

Thanks for the update RR. Sounds like Mom is going, but not gently, into that good night. I think the problem with "patients" like Mom is that they can be so mean, and strong in their meanness, that we (family and nurses and etc) never really get a chance to understand that they are going until they are gone.
Mom has lived by her tenets and she will most certainly die by them.
We are all given "free will"--even believers believe that. Mom is taking every advantage of hers. I am glad you reached out to call her. I am not surprised she has tried yet again to manipulate you because it is what she does, what she knows, what she understands. She will likely be dead and gone six months before she stops manipulating others.
The sad thing when I hear stories of your Mom is that she has made herself such an unhappy life. It is not only that she hasn't been touched by "god" but that she seems not to have been touched by joy, by wonder, by love. And for me, most of all the loss of laughter. I would truly rather be dead than be without it.
I have had patients like you Mom and often they were my favorites, in all truth. Full of vim, vigor and vinegar.I would bet she has the love of nurses and aids where she is; I think you can count on that.
You have done what you feel you can; that's what's important.
Love out to you RR.

I am praying for you and your family. Faith is believing in the things unseen. Things that you cannot even imagine are possible. But God is able. He can make the crooked way straight. "Lord I believe but help my unbelief. " Praying for a miracle for you and your mom.

You are in my prayers daily.

Alva, yes, of course, free will. However, I believe in a merciful God and I know that HE will give every soul the mercy to accept or reject HIM for the last time. It is always our free will to accept HIM or reject HIM.

I know that HE has the power to heal her body and bring her to the place she is suppose to be. I witnessed my dad being taken to this place and it changed him for the rest of his life. I believe this can happen for my mom.

I appreciate your stance, I just don't agree.

Your Mom accepting your God would bring you comfort, RR. For that reason alone it is something I pray may happen. We will likely never believe in terms of faiths, but I know we wish one another the very best. I wish that for your Mom as well. Certainly she very well may come to the peace you wish for her as she nears her end. I only hope that if she does not you will not be hurt by that, knowing that you did what you could, reached out when/where you could, and offered her what peace you could.
As I have often said here, my wish is for YOUR peace more than your Mom's; I know you, and don't know her.
I will continue to hope that you get what you need in what may be the end times in this realm for your Mom.

Dear Isthisreallyreal,
Praying now! Dear Father, Creator of all life, look with mercy on this dear woman and heal her pain in the way you deem best. Love her and end her suffering. In the name of Jesus,
Amen

ITRT, I KNOW God is merciful.

Countless testimonies from people who have had near death experiences have proven that. They all felt an overwhelming sense of non judgmental LOVE unlike anything that words could describe. I know because I have felt it.

These people had died clinically, no heartbeats, no pulse, no brain waves. Yet they were out of their bodies and could see what doctors and nurses were doing to their lifeless bodies during surgeries. Interestingly, even atheists reported feeling the presence of the all mighty and his indescribable love. And of course, they became believers.

As loving parents, we never abandon our children. When they make mistakes, we give them chance after chance to get things right.

We are God’s creations. As a loving merciful God, he will always embrace us and give us chance after chance to get things right.

Rest easy. Your mother has nothing but LOVE waiting for her.

If anyone wishes to read a fascinating book on a near death experience, I recommend Howard Storm’s book, My Descent into Death.

I read it years ago. It’s definitely a page turner. He was an art professor who was an atheist. His story is amazing! It’s a quick read but a powerful story.

ITRR, keep the faith about your mom. You have been an inspiration on this forum and an incredible advocate for both of your parents. Don’t lose hope. I don’t believe that your prayers are in vain. God hears our prayers.

Still praying for you and your mom. Thinking of you always. Take care.

God is merciful once we are dead (I can't quite see mercy in the really horrific things some people go through here in earth). It's the people who write the religious texts that aren't.

Morning, Real! Are there any updates?

I wasn't talking about the religious messages written by people here I was talking about the religious books people get their religious learning from.

You're welcome Bandy.

Good morning everyone!

I haven't updated because there wasn't anything, not really, to update until last night. I tend to keep to myself when I am struggling for balance, as I have been since this started.

My mom is being moved today to a board and care home. Her new POA let me know where and that she thought it was a good fit for my mom. I pray it is.

I have been calling her daily. To say it is a rollercoaster ride is an understatement. This doesn't surprise me, it is standard operating for her. You know, "if momma ain't happy..." then add a terminal diagnosis that isn't getting her what she wants and it's a tempest. She has apparently given up trying to beat this or so she says to me. Any question gets a yes, no, I don't know, all three answers, every single time. This is intended to create confusion, so very sad.

I can understand her emotions being all over the place. Not only is she losing her life, in every conceivable way, her little dog died Sunday. This has been a shock to everyone involved, I truly can't fathom being in her shoes. As she said, new years day I was having the time of my life and then here I am. Yep, that very crisis I asked her to make plans for, Praise The Lord it is working out as well as it is.

As challenging as she makes everything, I feel like I am able to call daily and check in. She still won't release any medical information and I'm okay with that. I know it is a manipulation and control tactic. I don't need it to continue to pray and believe for her and that is what I can do, for now.

My husband is going to go with me to visit her. That gives me a great out if things go south with her. None of my friends and loved ones think I should visit alone. I agree, it's impossible to know what she will do if she hasn't heard The Lord calling yet. I don't know when we will go and we won't be doing anything but visiting. This is her choice and I honor her decision to be this way. It's good to know where things stand.

To clarify, I am not in denial about any of this. I know she can reject The Lord and turn her back on HIM. I will let HIM be the judge and I will continue to pray for her. Scripture is my guide to all of this and it's very thorough. I put ALL of my trust in The Lord and HIS words. I don't want to see any soul perish and would grieve for anyone that chooses to reject the grace and mercy of full salvation. I know there are those that will and do and it is something worth grieving over.

As an aside: I would like to bring to everyones attention, I think this is a cautionary story for anyone dealing with long term pain management. I think it hid symptoms and she just thought any changes in bowels was opiate induced. She hasn't said this, it is my opinion based on what symptoms she would have had and didn't notice.

I hope this wasn't all over the place. Because I kinda am right now. I know what I want to do, what I can do and what I should do and they are at odds with one another right now. These relationships are a challenge to navigate at best and a nightmare at worst. My mom runs towards the latter, intentionally.

So, I call to say hi, love you and try to find a good dog story that will not give cause for upset. Just loving her right where she is, warts and all :-)

Thank you all for continued prayers and thoughts. They are very helpful and I know we serve a prayer answering GOD, even if the answer is no. God is good all the time.

Sp, God doesn't make the suffering, HE has given us free will and man creates his own suffering.

Any person that isn't teaching a merciful GOD, isn't teaching about my Heavenly Father. Just so you know.

The Holy Bible tells us of HIS mercy. If you are going to read anything religious, I recommend reading The Holy Bible and not man's interpretation of the word.

prayers to you and your family. Knowing the Lord will be there for you and your mother and may he comfort you and your mother and hold you in his arms.

Dear Real; you are doing all the rights things, with love.

I hope you have a satisfactory visit that doesn't go south.

(((Hugs)))

Me too Barb.

Thanks for the hug!

Boy, I have been thinking of you and "mom" so very much. I have to tell you I think this could not be going better, given that we are ALL going eventually. I don't know that I ever knew your mom's age, RR, but I know she can't be real young. She is dying. Whether her stuff was caused by opiates in any way we just can't know either, and even MDs, even if they COULD talk to you, would be real unlikely to have "the answer" for you. And what does "the answer matter, really. We all go and we all go of something and we all will get something; we are lucky when we get it later in life.
I am amazed and I love the fact that she doesn't wish to fight, that she will accept placement and help, that she has chosen her POA and won't burden you with any of this, and even that her little dog (I hope he/she was old) predeceeded her. She can visually see him waiting for her over the rainbow bridge.
I think it is wonderful that you feel up to the short call daily to check in and tell her you care. I am thrilled you will visit her and that you will have hubby with so that in all the pain you can share together, and even get a chuckle in your witness to the vagaries of life (and death). Our passing should not be all painful. You will have support. You can get in your final "we two, different that we are, did the best we could with our own limitations".
I am sorry you are facing this loss that we all, should we outlive our moms and dads face, but I believe there can be learning and love at this passage in life. And great peace after, great relief that there will never be pain for our parents again, that we will never feel helpless in the face of their agony again.
How far will you have to travel? I know you live in the Southwest. What section of the country does Mom live in? I wish you comfort of your husband, a good trip, acceptance, peace, and even joyful moments on this final journey for your Mom. Please take good care. And thanks so much for updating us.
Wherever you are you have our complete support. Know we want only your comfort, your joy, your peace.

Hugs, ITRR. I hope the visit goes well. You're amazing to still find the time and compassion to comment to me recently, even as you're going through this with your mom. I'm glad to read she's peaceful about the prognosis and transitions in her life, and I pray she stays comfortable.

Alva, I think symptoms were missed or dismissed because of the pain management. Not that the opiates caused the problem.

I agree, this is going great considering her "plans".

I think that a quick exit from cancer is a blessing. To linger, being sick, with no quality of life is not. If she gets to go quickly it would be good.

The challenge is not knowing the reality and making decisions based on partial truths is hard.

Ali, thank you. I find getting out of my own head helps me find balance. When we care more for others it helps keep us grounded. And I need both right now:-)

ITRR,

I am so glad that your mom has settled into a place. I hope that she will find peace and comfort there.

sp,

I recommended that book because Polar was discussing near death experiences. Everyone has their own belief systems and that is fine.

I personally don’t care what people believe or don’t believe. It’s their business.

It’s the only near death experience book that I have read. Others on the forum have mentioned reading many of them.

I know you can't really make any decisions easily without knowing, but I would just go now to see her. She may last a while; she may not, but she has not wanted you to have any info to make better guesses. If you know her POA you can ask for advice about whether to come now or later, but if you go, then you HAVE gone, and it is done, no matter how long Mom last. She may, who knows, love where she is placed and recover. Whatever is killing her now isn't likely to be the bowel breaching. She survived that one, or would be gone of it. She may have a cancer. She may just be suffering of age and generalized wasting and ill health. No one can know that. And it doesn't much matter in the long run. All that matters to me is that you have the peace of that last visit if it is something you feel you want/need. If you don't want/need it, then I wouldn't give a fig if you went at all. She has chosen who she is comfortable managing her affairs and having around; they are likely those who do her will. That's great; she has gone it, as Frank Sinatra (aNOTHER unpleasant person) "my way".

ITRR: Prayers sent to you.