Today has been a rough day. My precious friend that has been in a board and care home for about 6 months died. He was 93 and fought the good fight, he has been reunited with his loved ones that have gone before. He will be sorely missed here.
The prayers are for my mom. She is in the hospital, she had a bowel obstruction that perforated, while they were doing surgery they found a mass that is colorectal cancer that has metastasized to her liver. She is in serious but stable condition and they are running tests and doing pathology before we will really know what the prognosis is.
I appreciate and covet any and all prayers for her. Whatever is meant to happen I pray she doesn't continue to suffer as she is now. Thankfully they have her on a pain pump and are keeping her fairly comfortable. They have left the surgery site open and it is very painful when she is awake, she cries out in pain. It is difficult to see any human being suffering so.
Thank you for the prayers.
hugggggggg.
Hugs 🤗
The last 6 weeks may not feel real yet, let both the good & not so good details wash over you as they need to. In time, may the good, fond & funny memories arrive & be the ones to look back on.
(((Hugs)))
- Matthew 5:4
ITRR, may you feel blessed and comforted today.
Were there trials and tears, of course, every relationship has them but, once I was an adult, my parents weren't in a position to reign anything in my life. Everything I did, I did willingly, knowing who they were.
Yesterday I decided to just be a puddle and cry all the tears I had. It was cathartic and I am doing okay today. I had a good nights sleep and feel less exhausted then I have for a month, Praise The Lord!
One thing I pray everyone learns, before they need it, it's okay to honor a parents wishes, even when they are hurtful and not the best plan. It is their end and they should get what they want, even though we don't agree with them. This, obviously, doesn't apply to being their sole caregiver or crossing your boundaries. We ALL get to decide for our own lives what we will or will not do. Them and us!
I have seen so much BS in the last 6 months with family trying to keep dear friends away, just because they do not have the capacity to deal with authority, I have seen greed grow to a sickness and sole focus and I have seen the very low bar set for competency by our medical industry and I have seen lies beyond my ability to comprehend and many other heart breaking situations. It doesn't need to be this way.
Have that talk with your parents and families, put your wishes in writing and give someone the legal ability to advocate for you when you can not advocate for yourself.
My mom told me what she wanted and I am grateful that I didn't have to be anything but her daughter, for what that was worth.
No amount of money is worth your own well-being, period. Help if you choose to but, not because you are looking for an inheritance or acknowledgment or anything, you will sell your soul if you do.
Figure out what your boundaries are, enforce them and keep yourself from getting trapped. It is okay to do those things. Face it, it's not the 1st time your parent(s) were mad at you and it won't be the last. However, you will be strong enough to face the anger if you don't let them suck your life force!
Love all of you and your hearts. May today be a new sunrise for all of us. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) to everyone!
Telling someone they better learn about boundaries or they are going to be scr*wed when they have to deal with what they say are difficult parents is unacceptable on a caregiving support/advice forum?
I agree with so much of your advice to us. We learn as we go.
Just so you know, distance isn't a sure fire solution to not getting dumped on by jekyell and Hyde.
I have always admired your independent spirit. You cared for your parents and accepted them as they are. That’s an important lesson for everyone to learn. You knew how to protect yourself and live a fulfilling life of your own.
So many of us wasted our time trying to change our situation when it was not going to happen.
None of us have the power to change anyone else’s behavior. Change doesn’t happen when a person is set in their ways and unwilling to change.
We can voice our opinions until we are blue in the face and our parents still want things done their way.
You knew how to deal with your parents and you moved forward in your life. You never allowed yourself to become crippled by their situations.
We do cry afterwards. Sometimes, our tears are about ‘what could have been or it didn’t have to be this way.’
Family dynamics are complicated. People don’t usually treat others the way they treat their family. You would think that people would treat their family better than they do. I suppose the silver lining is that we learn how to break cycles and not treat our own spouses and children the same way that we were treated.
"The FINAL leap of faith that is life happens when we die. We may likely have believed firmly in an afterlife all our lives...but, being human, there is this veil between us and the next life. That's our bodies. When we die (and we ALL will) we simply move from one room to another. Yet we see people balk at the inevitable and become angry at, what? God? The selfsame God who gave us life and all the joy that comes with it? It's the final act of courage and of allowing ourselves to 'let go'.
I'm sorry for your mom's anger--being angry at God is so pointless, but it helps some people to deal with what's happening.
"Tears are God's gift to us, our holy water. They heal us as they flow."
-Rita Schiano
Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
The Buddhists I cared for would not allow patients/family members to be touched for some hours after death, usually about 12. There is something in this I agreed with.
It is a subject with so many taboos in our society and I think that is a great shame, in fact. A great shame. I so wish it were otherwise. This passage, for me, is the last great mystery. Do I want to do it today? No. My daughter is visiting from out of town, and I am amidst a great cat fishing podcast. But do I fear it? Never. Not for a single second.
Thank you.
Sending my deepest condolences to you
I am so sorry for your loss. I know its been a month but I really don't follow discussions all that much.
Where have you been? We miss you!