I have been caregiving for 8 years now. First 6 with Mom with diabetes, CHF and dementia who died feb 2017 and now dad who now too is presenting as Alzheimer's. I am 52 and there is NOBODY else to do a thing to help. I am single and am an only child. He was always sweet (my mom was nuts) but he too is becoming nuts with his dementia. Screaming in his sleep, waking me in the middle of the night to scream at me... things he NEVER did, ever. It's sundowning. But I am tired... really tired, and I can feel my own health suffering. Sad thing is I have a fear (as in phobia) of docs. So I don't go in. And even if I did, there is nobody to help ME!!! I take care of everything and somehow got left on the planet alone with no support. If I had something bad... nobody, and I mean nobody could come and help me. It sounds crazy, but my two best friends died this year too suddenly at 50 and 51. How did this happen? I set out to be a good guy with mom 8 years ago.... Now I am alone on the planet and in a mess. (and broke to boot!)
We went through the same thing with my grandfather, because of his assets we were over qualified for Medicare even though he pays out almost as much as his income each month. I'm going to look into Ahmijoy's response to see if something like that is possible for us too... thank you Ahmijoy! In the meantime, we found other local programs for seniors who were denied Medicare for similar reasons that has helped us be able to afford some type of care so far... I'm in California but if you google programs that help seniors receive care when denied for medicare, maybe companies or forums with local suggestions for your areas will pop up. Alzheimer's Association may have some info for things in your area as well.
We also found out about one of the programs through different social workers we contacted ourselves not just through the govt office but also through hospitals. "respite programs for caregivers" or "help for family caregivers" is a good way to search for respite grants and other programs too
If you have extra room in the house you can also consider having a part time caregiver in exchange for room and board, or a full time one in exchange for that and a weekly pay arrangement. It's okay to need to put yourself first. I know you don't like doctors but you should really consider support groups or therapy, they have both in-person and online now, it won't hurt to try it and even if you don't want to continue it they may give you even better ideas or suggestions.
It will get better in time. Stay strong and take action!
Also.. take some time out to do something you love!
I wish I had some wisdom for you.
All I can tell you is a few things that may or may not help you.
You should take dad to a dr, I know you are uncomfortable with Drs but there are medications to help him sleep through the night from my understanding. This in turn will help you get some much needed rest. Trust me when we don't get enough sleep it affects are ability to make good & healthy decisions for our LO and for ourselves. Plus, it makes life look so much better.
Next, and this is my belief that we are never truly alone. God is always with us. He just waits for us to call on Him. Just a thought!
I have found in my own life when I was alone or even just thought I was alone somehow/somewhere someone new would just show up in my life. I can't explain it. I can't even understand it. It happen before I decided to walk with Jesus. I think it had to be Him. It never even made any sense.
And the people on this site are amazing. So, you have us. True it is not the same as having human contact, which brings me to my next point, see if there is a support group in your city.
As I have readed more times than I can count everyone here says, "take care of yourself", and you need to do just that.
I hope this helps alittle.
Keep us posted.
Good luck & God bless.
What do you want to do? What do you think is the solution? Do you think Dad needs to be somewhere? Sounds like he needs around the clock care. Can he self-pay or should you file for Medicaid? In a facility there will be three round the clock shifts of trained people to take care of him. There are people there who can take care of him at 3AM when he’s screaming. He will get meds, food, clean clothes and bedding, and supervision to keep him safe.
Do you work? Is he alone during the day? That may rapidly become not such a good idea if he is. You’ll have to quit your job to be home with him. Can you afford to have no income and buy your own health insurance plus put some money aside for retirement?
Do you want to contact his insurance—Medicare and supplemental if he has it—and ask if they will cover a health aide to come and help you out? Will Dad accept a health aide in the home?
You have done your time and paid any dues. You know no one is going to drop from a cloud and say “let me help you”. You need to decide what you are willing to do and then be determined enough do it. Good luck and come back with updates. We care!