Feeling good today. Slept well last night. Isn't usually the norm. Try to shut the mind off. With each day passing betw seeing her, I am better..
Drove the 2 hrs to my Mom's on Friday.
I know precisely how I will proceed before I hit her gate guard, then her front gate. I pass off lunch to her. I take a few bites, standing up. Lose my appetite-put rest in her fridge. She starts in with the criticism + weird comments (her norm). I load up more dishes into her dishwasher-start it up-collect trash that is pushed far down into her trash compactor (have to use all my brute strength & more to get it out). I think she truly enjoys seeing me play Cinderella, though she continuously utters, "why do you work so hard when you are here? why? why? why?" Yells + cusses. I ignore & keep moving. Tell her has to be done. Use a big Contractor trash bag to gather up all trash + empty out spoiled food in fridge. Gather cigars + ashes & upstairs trash. Continue to ignore her.. talk over her with "Let's go to Pavilion's (the grocery store), we can take the trash to the dumpster behind the bakery. I have to do this.. She is 79 & just...LAZY. If she was more physically active, she could drag her trashcan to the curbside for weekly pickup. She quit on that 6 mos ago.
She was horrible the entire day. Negative & critical entire time. Went grocery shopping-carried everything in & put away.. Played Scrabble.. She remarked how "you could move in" ...made comments of "when I come down to your place...will we go shopping?" I cut her off immediately with "not happening, easier for me to come here for day visits..works better this way for all" Told her again "I would be miserable." Looked at her straight in the eye, when I spoke it, so it would register. Shared with her re: my Kids..our jobs... She said how she "never did anything with her life." I told her Real Estate has been tough w/the Economy, but that it will get better. Told her my Listing will sell soon. She said, "No it won't."
Not my fault she is bitter & hateful. She was an Alcoholic from when I was 10-18, then Manic....NPD her whole life..now the Borderline & the Early Onset--heading to Mid..
***I will do what I can...hire on help for her when she will accept it..
My Dad was the BEST. Set her up. She did not create a life for herself. He did not get in her way of having friends or hobbies. We had a family membership to the golf & tennis club. She never went. She lives in one of the most beautiful cities in CA..
I told her to be happy for the generations to come. She said "No, I am not & I won't be."
Yesterday on the phone she asked me how I was. I said "great..happy to be home" She knows I drove home in the rain-Friday night traffic from L.A. back to San Diego. She said, "I'm jealous." I told her be happy. Let's go to positive expressions vs negative...
On with the day. Beautiful out there.. Life is amazing... I keep going...
So you visit. So.. ? What's behind this guilt? 🤔
Do you think you should be doing more for her?
Go more often?
Let her move in?
I would probably visit, as a *visitor*. Not as a maid. And only stay while polite conversation was had.
Why do you feel you have to clean her home?
Its not you not doing enough, its Mom being a pain in the _ _ _ and making life harder than it needs to be. My brother told me I was my own worst enemy when I was caring for Mom and just wanted it right. Mom was into her Dementia by that time she could have cared less her hair was not done just right, that her clothes match. It was me that wanted all that for her.
There should be no guilt on your part. You are handling the situation the best u can for you. If Mom doesn't think its good enough, oh well, thats all u have to give. Take it or leave it.
mean mothers don’t want you to feel happy.
they don’t want you to seek happiness either.
they want you to be more miserable than they are, and often they succeed:
…you see OP, she’s lucky she has you in her life: you’re kind.
…you’re unlucky. she’s happier, the more unhappy you are.
it’ll never stop. it’ll get worse.
the reason you feel guilty (even though you’re doing millions of things for her), is because you’re unappreciated.
—if she would say, “thank you so much,” you wouldn’t feel guilty at all. you’d feel great.
—if she would say, “i want you to be happy! go do something wonderful for yourself! relax! have fun! show me all the fun pictures later, so we can laugh and smile together! you’ve done so much for me. do something fun for yourself every day!”…
you would go ahead and do it.
——
mean mothers don’t have their daughter’s best interests at heart.
they want you to suffer. they’re horrible people.
—
find some way to break free. it’s not ok that some human beings on the planet get to have a life without abuse, while others are stuck with abusive parent/s.
why aren’t you allowed to have a life without abuse? you’re a kind person eat-pray-love —— why couldn’t you be one of the lucky people without abuse?
—
or don’t break free.
but the abuse will never stop.
huggg.
🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀