Bathing the Elderly

Thank you, thank you all for the info! I do understand the frustrations because I have them here to and I do get a laugh at some of the descriptive terms used. :) I struggle when someone vents so vehemently - probably because I'm such a positive person in general that I just don't feel good going there. I would rather see it here on a venting thread so that those feelings can get out rather than held in.

Christina28, I have detailed instructions also - thank you, because now I don't feel quite so anal! :) Our Visiting Angel wanted the instructions so that she could do the bathing as closely to my process as possible. She's been bathing folks for many years and since my mom has been doing sponge baths for years now, that makes it a lot easier than the shower/tub situation. Now that I do the bathing, I continued the sponge bath for the same reason.

I wasn't there so I don't know what Mom would have liked better about the way I do it but if anything, it might have been the difference in stature and physical build that caused a difference. Our VA could have followed the process exactly and it still would have been different because I'm taller and do some of the things from the floor rather than standing. It's easier on both Mom and me when I do that but I'm thinking it would be more difficult for the VA to do it from the floor. Good news was that Mom didn't complain at the time, just told me after I did it this week that she liked the way I did it better.

It took a while for Mom to get comfortable with me doing it. When she first came to live here, I would tell her it was time to bathe and oh, we would fight! She would do it though because I told her that her mom taught her to bathe once a week.

Over time it got to the point where I had to go in with her and remind her of the steps because she couldn't remember what she had just done. Then it progressed to me doing the bathing completely. This progression has all happened since May of last year and I'm just wondering when/what the next step will be.

At this point, Mom can still walk around with no problem and takes no medication - never has. She's in stage 6 except she can still eat by herself as long as I put it in front of her and she is not incontinent but her toilet habits are not always the greatest and every once in awhile she totally forgets how to use the toilet and what to do with the paper.

So, the next stage - will it be bathing her in bed because she can no longer get out of it?

I ALWAYS use a towel warmer in my own bathroom.....offered to get the col one and she turned me down cold.....so that is why I turn the thermostat to 78 degrees and myself into a sweathog on bath today....:)

I know what you mean about the sweathog, Jam! I don't have a towel warmer but I tried putting a heater in the bathroom to warm it up and Mom complained about it. So no warm towels and no heater and the thermostat is set at 72 but I still get hot. It can be 0 outside and I'll still be wearing a tank top on bath day!

So, Jolly--and as your name suggests, I'l bet you do not complain as much as the rest of us do-- how is it that your Mother does not take any meds? Does she have Alz. or dementia? I do not take anything except wine with my whine.
HOWEVER, other people got to my Mother before I did, and it is hard to undo what is a habit. Like complaining. She is on the Exelon patch, 9.5, and Seroquel. Last night she had enough for a good sleep, but was awake until 1 am, as I mentioned on the Gross thread. How would NO meds like those effect her "imagination"? Doctor already took her off Detrol (see article on this site). She does have kidney failure (93 year old kidneys) and pees a lot, gets lots of UTIs. Going to the bathroom is our most frequent daily event.
I have recently found a doctor for Mother who is certified in geriatric psychiatry. If they do not specialize in things geriatric, I have found they are not as helpful, and I am often more aware of certain aspects of caring for elderly dementia that they.
More about bathing. One good thing about Mother's behavior is that she was always very clean about her person, and she is still quite reasonable about it. The doctor said don't give her a shower every day, and we keep it to about every other day, but we use body moisturizer like it is going out of style. I keep her hair short and tousled--very cute and not old-ladyish at all!
Another thing--she gets sebaceous keratoma on the backs of her hand and some places on her face. We treat them with Effudex ( flourouracil) 2x a day, and off to dermatologist to freeze if they are stubborn.
Hope to her from you all about your experience with and without meds for Dementia/Alzheimer's, and all things bathing.
Love and Hugs, christina

Christina, I think I come by my "jolly" naturally. Daddy, who died of Alzheimer's in 1988 at the age of 71, was known for his "Never Worry" motto. I really have to try hard to come up with even one instance of him being angry - at least until the AD was in full swing. Mom was also a pretty happy sort. There is only one time in my life that I ever saw a tear in her eye - she just wasn't the emotional type. Her motto was that no one should ever be bored because there was always something to do whether it be work or play.

Neither Daddy or Mom took any medications for the majority of their lives and both had excellent health - to this day the doctors are amazed by Mom's blood pressure and the same was true for Daddy.

Early on with the AD, they gave Daddy some Haldol (?) but that didn't seem to do anything. That was back when they still didn't know a lot about AD and there weren't many drugs available. When Daddy checked himself into the hospital for tests at the age of 69, he forgot why he was there and broke a gerichair trying to get out. They gave him a normal sedative for a man his size and weight and it knocked him out for 3 days. They did nothing wrong in giving him the dose and none of us could have foreseen the outcome. He never went home again, never walked again, had to be taught how to chew and swallow again, etc. For two years he was in bed/gerichair in the NH until he died. He would spend his day in bed commanding ship (he was in the Navy in WWII) or teaching class (teacher for 35 years).

Mom, born a month after Daddy, is soon to be 95. She has never taken any medication on a regular basis and I only give her Tylenol every once in awhile when she complains of pain and only then when it impacts her sleeping. She has never been actually tested but the doctors have all said she has dementia and, having been through it with Daddy, it's very obvious. Could be AD, could be dementia but I'm sure it's not any of the specific dementias that I have read about. She has been progressing through it for many years now - probably more than 10 - and until last May, lived with my oldest brother. She got into a lot of bad habits living there while the dementia progressed but I don't fault my brother. He lost his wife to cancer in 2003 so she wasn't there to watch over things and he, like the rest of my siblings, won't stand up to Mom like I will. So there was no bathing, no hair washing, her feet were a mess, etc. My brother figured everything was okay as long as she was getting up and making her meals every day. That's a story in itself.

Since she has been with me we are in a regular routine of bathing and hair washing - although once a week at this point and that is enough or my smell sensitive husband would say something. :) I take care of her Depends (she is not incontinent but she can go to the toilet 10 times in a hour after meals) and her feet on a daily basis (lotion, fresh socks, corn pads) and she sees a podiatrist every 10 weeks to cut her toenails. I manicure her nails and cut her hair on a regular basis too.

I raised a daughter with epilepsy so learned years ago the effects drugs can have, both good and bad. I was happy that I didn't realize she was having seizures until she was 10 so I knew who my little girl was and when the drugs changed her disposition, I could tell right away. It took me awhile to learn that it was okay to tell the doctor we didn't like a particular drug and that quality of life was most important but it was a lesson learned through lots of bad experiences. Today she is a happy wife and mother of 2 but she still deals with seizures - in fact she spent yesterday on the couch having small ones and her husband told her that since the kids were in school and she was at work, she had to stay on the couch in case she had a grand mal.

So, I don't know what the meds would do for Mom or what they might have done had they been started years ago. I know that overall, she has been happy and healthy without them. I can see some depression in her from time to time now but it really seems to be caused more by her age and inability to do the things she used to do. She is limited only by abilities her body and mind have lost so we do what we can to keep her happy. She really likes folding towels!!

Hugs back to you and all the other wonderful caregivers here!

I am wondering the same thing, JollyJ. How is it going to work bathing my almost 99 year old mother in her bed? She is barely able to make it to the bathroom with help for the bi weekly sponge bath now. She has, what I call valleys and peaks each week on how much she can do and how hard it is to get her up to go into the bathroom. She is very cooperative on getting sponge baths while sitting on the bidet toilet. I worry about the time she won't be able to make it to the bathroom. I wonder if there is a video of bathing someone on the bed. The other thing I wonder about is changing diapers in bed. I tried once while my mother was having a bad time and felt that she could not get up. Three ripped diapers later, I taped one together. Luckily she could get up the next morning.

My mom sits on the toilet on a towel while I bathe her, only standing up so that I can take off her Depends and wash her bottom. We don't have the bidet attachment but that does sound like it would be handy. For now, it works fine. Mom is definitely mobile and can get around the house just fine at this point but I wondering the same things you are. I don't know what it will be like when she is stuck in bed and I have to wash her there and change diapers. Sometimes though, I can honestly say I wish she was there already!

Don't get me wrong, I know that it's much easier having her mobile for bathing and toileting but even though we have her limited to the one floor of the house (we have a bi-level), it's amazing what she can get into. At night we have a half door that keeps her from getting anywhere but her bedroom and the bathroom. Otherwise we wouldn't sleep at all!

I'm hoping when the time comes that our Visiting Angel will be able to teach me how to do it all properly.

If you mother cannot get into the bathroom check out "Quick tips for Caregivers" and "The comforts of home." They are very good books that can help you with day to day stuff. They tell you how to do bedbaths and to put on diapers and how to check for bedsores and all kinds of things. They are very good and have helped me move my dad --about 6.5 -i am 5 ft and my mom who is only 4.9 but who is real dead weight when I try to move her. I cant tell you how many injuries that those two books have protecte me and them from. I couldnt find any videos but these books were good.

Right there with ya! Don't have answers. My husband mostly tries to be calmer with her (his mom) which is like pandering to a temper tantrum with a 2 year old. He can say the same things I just said and she scoffs at me. I am the bad guy. Telling her she stinks about bathing or changing her depends doesn't help because she thinks we are lying to her. She can't smell and fights with me over horrible depends and sometimes will feel them all over while telling me they are dry and then doesn't want to wash her hands. YUK!!! She forgets by morning what happened but still holds a grudge about something she can't put her finger on. Ha!! If you figure it out - sell it and you'll make a mint because nothing I've tried works. A new therapautic trick has been to leave the TV on very loud until she changes or even puts on a depends (she has refused to even do that) and then I have a horrible mess!! I know this sounds cruel but I can't change the sheets every day, wash and mop and bath her because she is being difficult. There are only so many hours in a day and she fights with every task!! Your ideas sound good to me but logic isn't their thing I have discovered!! Good luck and God Bless!

Thanks Punkersad. I will check into those books. Belindaow, does your mother-in-law like dressing up? I can get my mother to cooperate by showing her sparkly clothes to put on and the perfume bottle. Even though I am allergic to perfume, when the going gets rough, I pull out the big guns, the perfume bottle! I also have some glittery jewelry to wear when she is clean(changed underwear and a quick wash.) What use to work with my daughter when she was very little, now works with my mother. I also notice that when I am all smiles, her attitude improves greatly.

Belindaow.....are you taking care of my mil? They sound identical so I know what you are going through....except I don't get the help from my husband......I just get the "you are an angel and thank you for taking care of mom".....:)

We contacted a home care agency and got a "Bath Lady" who comes twice a week. This also has helped her with her oral hygiene. They respond better if it's a 'professional' and not you.

My mom is 97 and lives in a retirement home. She does not bath or shower but stands by the sink and bathes with a washcloth and soap and towel. She has a foul smell covered up with body lotions and creams. She seems scared of water and won't discuss it. It has been that way for many years.

Barby, I was afraid that I would have the same problem with my mother. I bought a Toto Washlet to put on the toilet. When my mother was sitting, I could push a button and a wand would come out and squirt warm water on her bottom. This was done a couple of times a day. I would help her wash with a washcloth and soap while the washlet washed her bottom. She had no odor ever. The washlet is a little pricey but I thought it was worth the money. It sets on top of the toilet and must have an electric outlet close by. It also has to be hooked up to the water supply. It is portable. If you are interested, you can check on line for the Toto Washlet. There maybe other models that are less expensive now. Hopefully this will help you see another way of cleaning your mom without stress.

My mom does not think she smells even though she pees right into her shoes. She does not think she is incontinent. She does not think ANYTHING is wrong with her. She can walk on water, fly a plane, live alone, cook, clean, and she literally cannot get out of a chair without help!
Maybe some FEBREZE for the elderly is a new product we can invent! Just spray and go......You all think I am being mean, but you need a sense of humor to get through this period.
Hell, I would be happy if she raised her armpit so we can get the deodorant on.
I already posted on another thread that she eats her own feces. Washing her hands is something I INSIST on...her finger nails are always BROWN...YUK!
Why do they do this? The brain is a very weird organ....

I'm so glad to find this site. It has helped some just knowing that I"m not alone dealing with an aging Mother. She is 90 and lives in a senior apartment complex that has some assistance, not assisted living. She has not been bathing as much as she should and yes she does stink once in a while. I "think" she is lying to me about taking a bath. I've been checking to see if her towels are left out. Tonight she said she had already put them in the dirty clothes basket. She's also been wearing the same clothes day in and day out. I've been doing her laundry for the past several weeks because she never finds the time! Last week I had to go through her closet and literally smelled her clothing to see if it needed washing as she hangs everything back up after wearing it!

It's getting exhausting! She's has dementia caused mostly by TIA's according to the Dr. Just trying to figure out when I need to start having Home Health Care start coming in. I don't think she is ready for Assisted Living yet at this point!

Mary

I'd say about now....

All are such great ideas, and I wish one would work on Mom. She needs antidepressants in the worst way, but until such time as she is in assisted living, she can't be trusted to take any medication, her dementia and stubborness is that bad. She has a special knack for immediately getting diarrhea whenever she is upset, or an anxiety attack.

I share everyone's difficulty! My mother sometimes is reluctant to bathe--she can be too tired, not feeling well, or in pain from her sciatica. Sometimes she's in a mood where she's afraid of falling when using the shower bench to get in and out. I find that the best things is to discuss with her how important it is for her health that she shower. Sometimes we switch her schedule because her complaints (i.e. not feeling well) are valid, but in general my rule is that the NY state-mandated minimum is 2 showers/week, so that's what she must have, but we aim for 3/week. Since she doesn't have major incontinence issues, that's fine. In her case, though, some of her skin is prone to yeast infections. If your patient smells, have yourself or their doctor check their skin for a yeast rash. If left untreated they can smell horrible and they tend to stick around a _long_ time so treatment is not a limited-time thing. So showers and putting on anti-fungal powder help fight the infection and keep a person clean and healthy and that's the most important thing!

Wow. I had no idea the problem I was having with my dad was so common. I am new at caregiving. I'm so glad I found this site. I don't feel so "alone".

Those are terrific ideas! I didn't think about the towel on the shower chair. I think the cold is a big hinderance.

My dad is really getting the best of us. He refuses to get up and move as well as take a shower or bathe. If you tell him he is starting to smell he gets very offended and becomes more stubborn. He has been in the hospital for a few days now and keeps telling the staff that he has taken a bath when in actuality he hasn't done a thing. He has started wearing depends but I am not sure that this is a good idea. When we talk to him it is like talking to a brick wall. We are so frustrated. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Desperate at this point.

I'm going crazy I am alone with an aging dementia patient on a regular basis taking care of him and the rest of the family doesn't seem too concerned when it mention how he needs to bathe and also to see a dr get a haircut, so on and so forth. This man is the father of my fiancé, so I go to my fiancé and explain my concerns ans he acknowledges them but never actually does anything. The only way I got him to go to the dr last time was to call 911, which was because he was acting very strangly and I was really concerned he was doing things that were unsafe. What to do? I can't get him to do anything around bathing or hair cutting or toe nail clipping I bought him everything he needs and offered to help have tub safely equipment and a chair and everything just want him to be happy and we'll cared for but he practically has a tantrum when I mention a shower.....any advice? He also needs to see a dr......

Hopefully someone might respond but even if they don't there are a lot of helpful comments on here I'm really glad I found this site....☺️

Serendipity,
What in his younger days would have made him want to shower? A military inspection, a date with a pretty girl, a job interview? Find a way to use something that he had been familiar with earlier in his life. What works for my mom is going to church or the hairdresser the next day.

A person on my meals on wheels route is wanting help to bathe and cannot afford to hire someone to do this. She is too heavy to lift and I am not sure what to do to help her. She told me that there is such a thing as a lifter that can be installed in the bathroom. Can this be done through Medicare?

Shaliz, I would not get involved with helping with this. Instead let the agency you work for know she is needing assistance with this. By trying to help with this you could be opening up a huge mess that you would be in the middle of. Bless you for wanting to help but there are other solutions and resources that need to be utilized.

my mother in law lives with us she refuses to shower or even see a doctor in years. she is combatitive and crazy basically how can we force her to deal with her issues? theres no getting threw to her. should we call elder protection services on her? she wont listen to us and you can smell her coming a mile away. there is also years of some kind of mental issues .please any advice would be great.

My 92 yr old Mom hates it but will take a bath. I just want to make her comfortable, not embarrassed. I am 62, her favorite daughter lol. How do I help a very modest woman expose herself for grooming purposes?

a calendar or white board seem like a good idea. My mom who lives in a small apartment under sis's house don't agree. Don't want to poke holes in the walls! At least I can put a calendar on the bathroom door.