Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

You all are so edifying to me. Praises to our Lord Jesus and beautiful words of God. So lovely, so lovely.
You all bring me joy, I believe to our Saviour as well, glorifying and praising him.
Thank you so much. May God bless each of you in your situations of life.

May HE lift you up always.💙❤💜💛💚

Psalms 3:3
"But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head."

In the Morning of joy

Smes; I sing the song (found on an old record) "Thou, O Lord, art a shield...." in churches sometimes; it's a great song - do you know it?

Mally1- Sounds like a beautiful song. Unfortunately I do not know it that I am aware of. I would like to know it, or at least the lyrics.
It is one of my Mom's favorite verses, i bet she would love to know that song also, she loves singing.
I am going to try and find it. thank you for telling me about it.

Each one of us knows with certainty in our heart what is right and what is wrong. Some situations might be more complicated than others but at some point we know it with clarity. Most of the time doing what we know is right requires making very hard decisions and sometimes we choose to ignore it.

I think doing what’s right requires different levels of thoughts and actions and in a very simplified way when it comes to caregiving, I believe this would be the order:

- First, deciding to do what is right over what’s easy 
- Second, taking action and actually doing what’s right (putting others before us)
- Third, achieving a level of acceptance, commitment and understanding that allows us to do the right thing without resenting others or feeling sad or angry for what we are missing or sacrificing. Not blaming, not complaining, not feeling sorry for ourselves, not wishing our life was different...etc.

All the steps of that process are very challenging for our human condition, but when you break the process down like that, you may realize that if you’ve acknowledged what the right path is, and have followed it, the third step is a constant challenge, a constant test for our faith and our endurance. It really doesn’t end. Some days we succeed and others we fail. It basically intents perfection, which although not impossible, we know is a true challenge for all humans.

So, I really believe we don’t completely fail by not achieving perfect acceptance. That’s were prayer comes to our rescue, and where the Lord who knows our heart an our intent better than us, helps us, because He does undoubtedly help us every day and every second of each day, so we keep going.

Long answer to say that I do believe we should put others first, even if that requires keeping silent when we would like to say something to just defend ourselves. God knows our truth.

I also believe we need to apply common sense and take care of ourselves so we can serve. That’s not contrary to our dedication to service.

May God keep helping every one of us on this journey, caregivers and loved ones, and more so those that need care and attention yet are forgotten and not being cared for nor receiving love or consolation! 

Rossess-beautiful job of explaining, also what I feel. You have said what I have been trying to find the words to explain, only God gave you the words.Hallelujah.
Thank you so very much, I truly appreciate you speaking truth and light.
May God bless you in your journey. Hope to see more of your understanding. You are a blessing.

We all go through this journey differently but at the end, I think we all learn and grow, emotionally and spiritually. I had to break down the process of choosing service like that to not feel like a failure myself.
And I know God understands us, weakness, shortcomings and all!

Amen Rosses- you are one who understands where I am at in my journey, that is such a blessing to finally hear someone speak it. Aren't we blessed to have Jesus, who understands it all.

For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. 2 Timothy 2:12

smeshque: That is so lovely! Rosses003: You wrote beautiful things!
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

mally1: Uplifting songs like that bring us great cheer!

Thank you Ll you are always so encouraging. Hope you are doing well. I always appreciate the verses too. I love that verse from Jeremiah, thank you.

smeshque: Oh, thank you so much for your cheerful words! I'm doing okay and hope that you are as well.

1 John 3:22 - "And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight."

Thank you Llama, just talking about what my journey has shown me and taught me. By the way, “Llama” in Spanish means flame, fire...Maybe alludes to faith on fire! Which is a great fire to have inside :)

God bless!

Rosses003: Oh, I didn't know that! "This girl is on fire." But actually I just love llamas.

smeshque: That's a beautiful scripture verse. Blessings to you today.

Thank you Llama, I hope you are showered with many blessings, you are so kind hearted.

I am new to this site, but have the same difficulties as all of you. I struggle with how to forgive my mother who has never been willing to admit or try to stop the emotional abuse towards me. She is now 84 years of age with even more diminished ability and yet she still acts the same way toward me. I have prayed and sought the Lord for so many years trying to get peace about this . /everytime I believe I have made real progress in forgiveness, she will come out with a new subliminal attack of some sort. It's just so hard! So pray and pray again. The Lord does not ask me to continue to subject myself to the negativity and treatment, but I feel guilty if I walk away from her.

Andi, so glad you found this site. I am sorry about your situation. You are in a difficult situation.
Just don't give up and keep praying, your strength and your answers will come. Patience is one of the biggest things for us as humans to deal with. We want it when we want it. God knows best and it will come when he is ready for you to have it, for your own good.
This site will be helpful to you as well. Knowing there are others in your situation , helps a lot. But find your comfort in God's word.
Caregiving is usually seen as a burden. But in fact it is a true blessing. A selfless act of love we get to bestow upon a loved one. It turns our weakness into strength. It helps us see what truly is important in life and how we can endure with the Lord's help, through the most challenging and difficult times.We will look back on these difficult times when it is over, and see how we grew, and our strengths, and how we have no regrets because we did the best that we could to love like 1 Corinthians 13. Caregiving is tremendously hard, but if God brings you to it, HE will bring you through it. So hang around. Will be praying for you, and may God bless you.
And remember:
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Hi Andi, and welcome!

You probably have already found plenty of comments by the many people on this site with similar situations. The key take away in my opinion is that your mom simply cannot control what she is doing nor is aware of the extremely negative effects of her behavior. When you don’t know what you’re doing you cannot change nor help the situation. It’s beyond selfishness or lack of empathy, it’s an illness.

I’d say that more than forgiving her, focus on forgiving yourself. People who’re children of a parent like yours grow up with anger, sadness, frustration and to face a lot of guilt. So, forgive yourself for all you feel guilty about!

At the end of the day, both of you are victims. She’s a victim of her ill mind/personality and you of the consequences of that same illness.

Remember that your understanding of the situation -which she will never reach- makes you the bigger person. Things look and feel a lot different when you know you’re in control. Start exercising the power of your knowledge to not let her words and behavior get to you, because now that you know she’s ill and clueless while you’re aware and informed, everything should be and feel differently. Does it make sense? Hope so!

Also if you’re a believer, resource to God. Because since we’re talking about power, there’s no greater power than the one that comes from above to help us navigate through life :)

This question applies not only to caregiving, but to all of life. How do we determine what to do with our lives? For Christians, it is "Thy will be done". It is so easy to get pulled in many different directions by what we think we should do according to lots of different perspectives. But peace can be found in relentless pursuit of what God has planned for us for each day. Not what we plan, or what anyone else plans. Not in woulds coulds or shoulds. He has the master plan, and knows what we are capable of and will provide the resources, if we can just focus on and listen to His direction for every moment, hour, and day. "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Thy name, Thy kingdom come THY WILL BE DONE....." That is how Jesus lived His life, and how He asks us to live ours.

Indycamille- absolutely, thank you.
God's will be done. Through Jesus Christ our Saviour.

smeshque: Oh, thank you. You are so sweet.

Andi: Welcome! You are not alone in the abuse category. My own late mother never stood up for me when I was abused by an uncle. She kept corresponding with the vile man! She took it to her grave. I wish you healing.

LL- now I know why you have a good spirit and great strength. I pray for you healing.
May God bless you and keep you.

smeshque: Thank you SO MUCH! This man was a pedophile in the family and many were his victims including his own granddaughter. I was on my own since my mother chose not to believe me and never even told my brother. I had to.

I understand, I also have been a victim.
I am so sorry you have been through that and that your mom did not believe you, that had to be so disheartening to say the least. You are a strong, kind, and loving person. I can see in your words how you have taken all that bad that happened to you and turned it into good. You are very strong. I am so happy to have the privilege to exchange words with you. You are a survivor. May God continue to bless you and keep you.



"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7