Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Smeshque, we sung this song in service today and you came on my heart. I thought I would share and pray that whomever needs to hear this reads it and is blessed.

Through so many dangers and toils of this life I have already come, but He keeps on giving the grace and the strength, to just keep pressing on.
He's given a promise that I am gonna stand, on every word His holy word has said, and holding His hand I'll never fear whatever lies ahead.

I'm gonna make it, He's already said that I would.
I'll keep on trusting He's working everything for my good.
He walks beside me and heaven is in my view, I'm gonna make it through.

In spite of the good intentions that I've had, sometimes my strength can fail, though I have tried the very best that I could, my weaknesses prevailed but, then I remember the promise that He made, in my weakness He is strong, and that's when I know that no matter what may come, His steady hand will lead me on, and on and on.

He walks beside me and heaven is in my view. I'm gonna make it, He said I'll make it, I'm gonna make it through

Words and music Geron Davis

May The Lord God almighty bless you exceeding abundantly, all of you.

Phillipians 4: 4-8 NASB
4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and pleading with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Lord, help me remember I am doing your work.
Help me to clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and love.
Help me to live out and embody the fruit of the Spirit showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Enable me to see them through your eyes.
Help me to have compassion as you did and to follow your example.
Ease my burden and provide times of rest and refreshment.
Give me the energy necessary to fulfill my tasks.
Grant me the strength and extra grace to be able to handle things I might not normally be able to handle.
Help me not to lose my joy and give me moments of laughter.
In moments of frustration help me to be slow to anger and to refrain from letting any anger or frustration give a foothold to the devil or lead to any sin.
Comfort me as I mourn what I have lost.
Fill me up with your love so that I’m so full that your love overflows out of me–I do not have the sufficiency to pour this out of my own supply so I need YOUR supply.
Thank you for supplying all of my needs according to your riches in glory through Christ Jesus.
Help me to just be your conduit and means through which you work and help me to remember that it’s you THROUGH me.
Thank you for trusting me with this role of caring for another.

My BIL gently reminded me that that as a Christian he believes it is kind to help others. I agreed but asked to what LIMIT? "Where you can". Hmm, not sure I follow?

I feel judged for withdrawing my help for numerous tasks - tasks that have other alternatives than MY help (I am prefered option as free family help & they don't want to pay/take responsibility/change). I actually feel quite abused by the former manipulative situation but discussing it comes across as quite 'victim-y'.

I respect him & would like to have a conversation around this. Any ideas or quotes come to mind?

"Beatty,"

Although off the top of my head, I can't specifically think of ideas/quotes, if you haven't already read "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, you may find an answer to what "limits." This by far was the best book I've ever read when it comes to self-help books as they not only talk about the "whys" but, "how" to do it. They are both Christians so it may help you even more to understand and have that conversation with your BIL so when he throws out certain "guilt" reasoning, you'll be equipped to have a proper response!

Thankyou NobodyGetsIt.
Yes I have read the Boundaries book - it was life-changing. I really mean that. Lightbulb moments, plus permission to effect change. Good idea to re-read parts to refresh so I can reference it.

I hadn't really thought about BIL & Sis trying to guilt me (they wouldn't intend this I'm sure) but you are spot on. Sis was quite shocked at my plans to move. Like other family members - more interested in suggesting rather than being curious as to what plans I have & why. Shame. I will put that book in my holiday reading pile.

Clearly you are a person of great faith and God bless you for it. I want you to consider something though. Back in the biblical times the average lifespan of a human being was not even what we consider middle age today. No one (other than a slave in bondage) had to sacrifice their entire life to be a caregiver to an elderly person because people rarely lived to be elderly then. It's okay for you to be angry, resentful, and impatient at times because being a caregiver to an elderly person will bring out these feelings if you're doing it for years at a time. No one is perfect. It's not wrong to say no. You should never feel guilt if you aren't willing to give up your whole life to be someone's caregiver.

"Beatty,"

You're welcome, Beatty. I'm so glad you've read the book and found it as life-changing as I did. It actually helped me to put it into "action" while in an extremely toxic relationship with my half-sister who I never lived with and was 15 years older than myself. I terminated the relationship however, when she was dying I did go to see her at my ex-BIL's and my mom's request. Nothing changed on her part with that visit. The day she was dying my mom, aged 82, who had fallen and fractured her right wrist (driving hand) two days prior called me that morning and asked if I would drive her to the hospital which was an hour away. There was no way I would ever, ever deprive my mom of seeing her daughter in spite of my own situation. We went and spent the day, leaving at 4 p.m. As soon as we got back to my mom's house, we received the call that my half sister had passed away.

What I liked about the book was it was extremely well written and interesting plus it had real life examples (although names were changed) and the chapters were broken down into the different relationship types it applied to once you read the introduction and first chapter. This makes it very easy to go back at any time and as you said "re-read parts to refresh" yourself.

Having worked in a mainstream church from 1993-1998, it's very easy to see how Christians can and do use "guilt" and other manipulative tactics all under the guise of Christianity. There is no harm in having the ability to use the word "no" when it protects yourself and the limits you want to set. In fact, you absolutely should. Working on staff was where I actually learned "how to say no." Even better, is when you can say "no" without even having to give all kinds of reasons and explanations but, that may take some time for some people to get to that point. I make the choice whether I want to explain my "no" further or not.

Whether or not your BIL and sister would intentionally do it or not only you would probably know the real answer to that since I don't know the background but, I can tell you sometimes it's disguised really well and you have to be really in tune to the them. It could be that they're used to you being a "go along with things" type and therefore, they can't imagine you not doing something they've requested from you. I think the main clue/answer is in your line about their lack of curiosity as to what plans you have and why - that to me is very telling and shows their motive.

I wish you the best moving forward and may you have the courage to do what "you" want to do!

Happy New Year All!!
I hope you all have a better Year than the last. I have missed you all dearly.
My does are due to kid any day now. I have been studying up on being a goat midwife :)
My plate has been super full for a while now, which is why I have not been able to visit here like I want. But, I think of you all often and keep you in my prayers.
I was studying Acts 27 this week and I found in it some things I never really thought about before, and I have read that chapter many times over. Just thought I would share my thoughts on some of the verses. This is when Paul was set sail to Rome.

7-11 This part of the sailing was getting dangerous due to the winds and the like. Paul attempts to warn the people of the danger, but rather than listen to a man of God, they listened to their human wisdom. This reminds me of Ezekiel 33, when God said if the watchman warn the people of danger and they do not listen then it is on them. Well, such is the case here. This verse is similar to Christian lives, if we warn people of the danger of living without Jesus, and they do not listen then it is on them. But, if we do no warn them, it may very well be on us. But, like today’s culture man’s wisdom trumps God’s wisdom, unfortunately.
12-20 After being warned by Paul and not heeding the warning, the ship and passengers underwent severe troubles. And in verse 20 when it says that no stars or sun appeared in many days and they were pretty much hopeless, that would be an extremely difficult part of the journey. As in life when we go through trials and we feel all hope is lost because we cannot see the rainbow because of the storm, it is hard. But here comes faith in the next verses.
21-26 After a period of silence, Paul speaks up. He encourages the men that everything will be ok, that their lives will be spared. Paul never lost faith in God and God’s plan for him. As a child of God, we can have that hope, “and know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to HIS purpose,” Romans 8:28. Paul knew even before this journey set sail that he would get to Rome because that is where God wanted him to go. These passages are such a good example of life. In our journey we have hard and perilous times, yet our faith in God and knowing HE is working on our behalf, will bring us to the other side, where HE wants us to be.

Wishing you all the best, until next time.

Much love and prayers!

Good evening everyone.
It is COLD!!!
So, I have 7 goat babies. Sarah had her two on the 25th of Jan. A boy and a Girl Jada and Job. Rebecca had hers on the 26th two girls and a boy, Zeeb, Mary and Rhoda. Abigail had hers on the 28th, two sweet girls, Chloe and Phoebe. All Bible names. :)
I had to help Rebecca and Abigail Deliver, they had some issues. It was the most amazing, scary, exciting and beautiful thing I have ever gotten to do. It was Awesome to say the least. Sarah had no issues and actually kidded in between my 30 minute checks on them. It was quick for her.
I stayed with Abigail all night before she delivered because I knew it was anytime and her being a first timer I wanted to make sure I was there if she had trouble which she did. In a few weeks we will be milking. We had to sell the 2 wethers. DH decided no males if we are going to have dairy goats. Because we rent a buck as needed. I did not want to sell them because they were sweethearts but they went to good homes. Now we are going to have some issues because Job has become special to me, he is a sweetheart and I don't know if I will be able to sell him. I would like to keep him and breed him to the girls minus his mother and sister of course. But anyway we will see.
Lesson learned, I will never again breed my does to kid in the middle of winter.

I have been staying tired with all thats going on and just don't seem to find and "free" time to do the things I wish to do.
So please keep me in your prayers this has been an especially hard winter.

you all are in my prayers, and I hope everyone is doing ok.

I am hoping one day to be a regular again. Don't give up on me.
Much love and prayers you all.

Praise God, Thank Jesus, pray for each other and especially this nation and our leaders.

"Jesus Christ the same yesterday and today and forever. "

"For every tear I shed I am watering a promise."
--T.D. Jakes

Hi everyone,
I hope you all are well.
I had a moment to stop by.
We just finished the milking room in the barn. Next week I will have to start taking the kids away from their Mama's at night (heart breaking). And begin milking.
I will be trying my had at some herbal goat milk soaps. I am looking forward to that.
Anyway, everyone is doing fine. I am staying exhausted. But, God is my strength.
Please take good care and know that you all are loved and prayed for.


Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
Psalms 19:14

I have a very specific prayer that I say when dealing with medical/caregiving issues:
I always ask God and Jesus to send in special angel armies.

A special army of medical angels, to guide the doctors, nurses and other members of the medical team.

A special army of mental health angels, to heal the patient ( and myself!) emotionally and mentally. To heal my thoughts. To heal my emotions.

A special army of warrior angels, to protect us from harm.

A special army of financial angels, to help us handle the financial aspect of care.

A special army of healing angels, to heal us physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Hope this helps. :)

Smeshque,
Congratulations on your little goat herd.
Even though hard through this winter, you have really brightened up! Glad to see you here, and so happy for you!

It shows through your words how great you are doing! 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐
🐐🐐🐐

A friend of mine asked me how do we continue to "honor our father and mother" even in estrangement? Any ideas?

Yoda; by not recounting tales about them to others (outside of therapy).

By not shaming them to other family members.

By not responding to provocations.

By showing up at the funeral and keeping quiet.

Thanks for the advice. I will pass it on.

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let Me near
I wish you knew how much I long
For you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you've failed their expectations
They frown and close the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
I'll never let go of your hand
Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Don Francisco

Luke 21:1-4
New King James Version

The Widow’s Two Mites
21 And He looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury, 2 and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. 3 So He said, “Truly I say to you that this poor widow has put in more than all; 4  for all these out of their abundance have put in offerings  for God, but she out of her poverty put in all the livelihood that she had.”

Believers observing Good Friday April 2
John 19:28-30
King James Version

28 After this, Jesus knowing that all things were now accomplished, that the scripture might be fulfilled, saith, I thirst.
29 Now there was set a vessel full of vinegar: and they filled a sponge with vinegar, and put it upon hyssop, and put it to his mouth.
30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

The secular world doesn’t say put you first. In fact there’s little debate surrounding good parents needing help. As far as I can tell my close friends who had good loving parents go help their parents. These good parents didn’t & still don’t make being in their presence a horrible experience.

the secular world says children of abusers have the option to not give what’s undeserved.

IMO abusers deserve abandonment.

I've never felt that God expects us to just take abuse and mistreatment from others, including our aging parents. Yes, abusive, mean parents get old and infirm just as good parents do but if you've suffered at the hands of uncaring loved ones does God still expect you to drop everything and commit yourself entirely to their care? No, I don't think so. I think he wants us to treat everyone with kindness and decency but if doing so would cause you to become entangled with those who have let you down in the past to your own detriment I think he would grant you a pass on that.

Sending the God of angel armies......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOkImV2cJDg

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side
The God of angel armies
Is always by my side....

I agree with you Gershun. God does command us to love one another, but He also commands us to walk away from foolishness & to not let people walk all over us.

HI Send! I just wanted to say hi to you:)

Hi Shell!
I was hoping you would join believers everywhere to pray for Ali, whose room mate is moving OUT!

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against a spiritual wickedness in high places.

Ephesians 6:12

I love this post. I very much understand your thoughts and pray abt it a lot.

Hello smeshque,

I pray that my poem will give you some encouragement during these difficult times:

How We Are Holding Up

My daddy forgot my name today
It seems so strange to say
This day became eventual
As daddy fades away

Letters on white paper
Not etched into his mind
Just a word, just a word
A word he could not find

Repeating my name
Five, Ten times... gone
Trying to grasp and keep it
Asking, "What went wrong?"

Gone... but forgotten
Blurry time and space
What's in a name, Dad?
See the smile on my face?

We put our trust in God
One hour at a time
We cling onto Dad's spirit
As time erases his mind

Our love knows his heart
A heart that's strong and true
We remember his strength
And the things he used to do

We treasure every moment
We treasure every smile
From dawn to time for bed
Facing each and every trial

Outside a storm is brewing
The world is in a hurry
Unkind words and heartbreak
Stress and work and worry

In the arms of God, 
Where we are living still,
Peace returns, enters joy
Blessings are so REAL!

My Daddy forgot my name today
And, that's OK with me
Believing in what God has planned
Is all we will ever need

-Debi Huizar

Herefordad, that is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

It made me remember my grannie. She didn't know who I was but, our visits were filled with love and laughter and that was all that mattered in the end.

Thanks to everyone on this thread that prayed for me during my long journey with my mom. She’s in heaven now dancing to Sinatra tunes with my dad.

I can’t thank you enough for your warmth and support. I continue to pray for all of you.

My heart goes out to each one of you.

Being a believer is the reason I took on moving my Mother to live in my home after my father died. She could not afford to live by herself and I know what the Word says about care of widows and family. Timothy 5:8. Was heavy on my heart. My flesh didn't want to do it knowing only some of how hard it would be. I am strengthened knowing God's grace is enough. We are called to serve. Dying to the flesh is a daily reality check. It is a fine line between selfish and self care. Hugs and prayers