Believing caregivers, how do I reconcile that scripture says to put others before me whereas the secular world says put me first?

Even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I've planned....

I'll Never Let Go of Your Hand
by
Don Francisco

I know what you've been hearing
I've seen you hide your fear
Embarrassed by your weaknesses
Afraid to let Me near
I wish you knew how much I long
For you to understand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
I know you've been forsaken
By all you've known before
When you've failed their expectations
They frown and close the door
But even though your heart itself
Should lose the will to stand
No matter what may happen, child
I'll never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
The life that I have given you
No one can take away
I've sealed it with My Spirit, blood and Word
The everlasting Father has made His covenant with you
And He's stronger than the world you've seen and heard
So don't you fear to show them
All the love I have for you
I'll be with you everywhere
In everything you do
And even if you do it wrong
And miss the joy I planned
I'll never, never let go of your hand
I'll never let go of your hand.

Hello Dear Friends,
I miss you all so much. You are all always in my prayers and my heart. You are and have been such a vital part of my strength and endurance. I love you all so much!

NHWM- Much love Dear friend, my condolences.

Send- I love the poems and scriptures.

To all of you, I hope that you are all doing well, and hanging in there with grace.

We just got back from taking Mom to see a sister she hadn't seen in 30 years or more. It was such a blessing for her. It was a long tiring journey and I am SO happy to be home, but I am glad she had a wonderful time, that is what mattered.

I just finished up this semester with all A's, even in chemistry which I was terrified I would do so poorly in. God really helped me through it. I received my Associates and am continuing on this fall towards my BSN. We shall see what God has in store. I will tell you that going to school at this time in my life has been possibly foolish, and super difficult. But, with God's help I am managing.

AB had 2 more episodes. We finally hired some help for him, because Mom is my priority and well I just cannot do it all, you all have taught me that. :)
Mom is doing well, God really takes good care of that woman. She has a check up next week.
The goats are so cute and quite therapeutic for me. I just love having them as pets. DH says we will not worry about milking until I have completed school. That is a load off. The babies still drink, so Moms are not going to get mastitis or anything and I keep a watchful eye on them. But, I just love them so much, they are a blessing.
This year is going by so fast.
One thing we did on our trip was stop by Helen Kellers birthplace. I have always had an admiration for her and Anne, God's hand is written all over her story.
It made me cry.

Well Dear Friends I will try to be back as often as I can and hopefully can have a conversation :) XOXOXOXOXOXOX

" The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart."
Helen Keller

Thank you, Smeshque

I will never forget your support and kindness! 💗

I am at peace knowing that mom is reunited with my daddy in heaven. She was ready to be with Jesus.

We are burying her ashes in our family plot this weekend.

smeshque - so good to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing since you have not posted for quite some time.

Sorry to hear about AB having episodes. I just can't imagine having to carry your load. Really, that's a lot. Take care smeshque.

I am feeling particularly anxious today so I thought I'd come here and see if I could find any thoughts that mirrored my own. Your post hit the nail on the head. And even though it's over 3 years old, I thought I'd respond anyway.

I feel like I'm fighting anxiety and depression all the time while working hard to keep it from friends and family. I am constantly reminding myself that Christ calls us to serve others yet at the same time yearn to have at least part of my life back where I have more freedom. We're told to find it pure joy when faced with trials. I surely wish I could feel joyful. Prayer and reading the Bible are what keep me going. I don't always "feel" God's presence but I know His promises and that gives me comfort.
I'm especially thankful for this site. Nobody but those who are caregivers know the layers and layers of struggles and emotions that go into caring for an elderly loved one.

"Hold On To Me"

When the best of me is barely breathin'
When I'm not somebody I believe in
Hold on to me

When I miss the light the night has stolen
When I'm slammin' all the doors You've opened
Hold on to me
Hold on to me

Hold on to me when it's too dark to see You
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again

When I don't feel like I'm worth defendin'
When I'm tired of my pretendin'
Hold on to me

When I start to break in desperation
Underneath the weight of expectation
Hold on to me
Hold on to me

Hold on to me when it's too dark to see You
When I am sure I have reached the end
Hold on to me when I forget I need You
When I let go, hold me again

I could rest here in Your arms forever
'Cause I know nobody loves me better
Hold on to me
Hold on to me

Hi everyone,
I hope you all are well. It has been a rough year thus far around here anyway. Mom is just recovering from being extremely ill for almost a month. It was awful and I am so thankful she is ok now, I didn't know for a while how it would go.

I have about a month before I return to school after the summer break, I hope it will all go well.

I just wanted to check in with you all and let you all know I think of your often, I pray for you often and I miss you often.

I hope all is well in your worlds, as well as can be.
Please keep me and Mom in your prayers.

Psalm 18:32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, And maketh my way perfect.

Nice to see you on here Smeshque!

Psalm 27:13-14 Yet I am confident I will see the Lord’s goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.

Psalm 130:5 I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word.

Psalm 40:1-2  I waited patiently for the LORD to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.

Exodus 18:18-19 “But Moses’ father-in-law said to him, “What you are doing is not good. Surely you and these people with you will wear yourselves out, because the task is too heavy for you. You cannot handle it alone.”

Proverbs 27:12 The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

2 Timothy 3:7 Always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.

Trust in God with all your heart.

In my own situation with my 99 year old mom, I do try to put her first in just about everything, but when I feel myself burning out, I know I won't be any help to her at all if I also don't take care of me. So yes -- in my case, she comes first, but when she starts suffering because I'm burned out, I give myself TLC.

Just a quick stop in.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Last I was here Mom was getting better but then she got worse. It has been about a two month battle. Not sure where we stand right now, waiting.....

I thought I was going to lose her, but God was merciful to me and she is slowly getting better.

I will write more later.
Just asking for prayers
Much love to you all.

There's a land that is fairer than day,
And by faith we can see it afar,
For the Father waits over the way
To prepare us a dwelling place there.

In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

We shall sing on that beautiful shore
The melodious songs of the blest;
And our spirits shall sorrow no more-
Not a sigh for the blessing of rest.In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

To our bountiful Father above
We will offer our tribute of praise
For the glorious gift of His love
And the blessings that hallow our days.


In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore;
In the sweet by and by,
We shall meet on that beautiful shore.

II Timothy 1:7
New King James Version
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Hi Smeshque!
I will pray.

In other words, NO FEAR!

Joshua 1:9
NKJV
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Isaiah 41:10
New King James Version

Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Ask God to help you handle the day because you can’t do it by yourself. You may be surprised how much that little prayer helps.

Jesus calmed the storm with His words:

PEACE BE STILL

The story can be found in the bible in Mark 4: 35-41

Believers today can pray to the Lord who has the power to calm the storm.
Unbelievers can also pray to the Lord, asking 'Who is this man [Jesus]?"

A beautiful solo, found on youtube, fba.org
Song is in about 12...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hilP2pK6ols

The message could help caregivers who never felt acceptance from your mother.

Believers who believe:

We Shall Behold Him
Sandi Patty

The sky shall unfold
Preparing His entrance
The stars shall applaud Him
With thunders of praise
The sweet light in His eyes shall
Shall enhance those awaiting
And we shall behold Him
Then face to face
Oh, we shall behold Him
Yes, we shall behold Him
Face to face in all of His Glory
Oh, we shall behold Him
Yes, we shall behold Him
Face to face our Savior and Lord
And the angels shall sound
The shout of His coming
And the sleeping shall rise from
Their slumbering place
And those who remain shall
We shall be changed in a moment
And we shall behold Him
Then face to face
We shall behold Him
Oh yes, we shall behold Him
Face to face in all of His Glory
We shall behold Him
Oh yes, we shall behold Him
Face to face my Savior and Lord
And we shall behold Him
Our Savior and Lord!
Savior and Lord!

If I had only known the last time would be the last time
I would've put off all the things I had to do
I would've stayed a little longer, held on a little tighter
Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven are on the hands that hold you now
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun, you've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in heaven, they won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken, and all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now, even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in heaven, yeah, are on the hands that hold you now.....

Casting Crowns/Lyrics Find

I so appreciate your struggle and your desire to do the right thing. I believe setting healthy boundaries and maintaining a healthy balance is in line with God's heart. Easy to say, hard to practice sometimes... With that, I ask God to show me how to pray for my mom -- and he does! I ask Him to provide for every little thing - there's nothing too small to ask for - the right words, the right reactions, the right resources - and then I gain the insight I need for the moment. I'll scream inside my head "I can't handle this" and He'll gently speak to my heart in a loving and reassuring tone, "Yes, you ARE handling this" and I'll realize that, indeed, I am... with Him.

You can't help anyone, unless you help yourself.

Period.

God doesn't want you to damage yourself just to help others.

Help comes in different ways. Take care of yourself, and then you can help your family.

Never let weariness cause you to feel ill towards your loved ones. Sometimes this can be a real challenge as our patience gets worn down each day and our flesh gets weak. Refresh and draw strength in Jesus.

8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.
9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
10 As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:8-10

I love you all and hope you all are doing well. I wish you all a very Happy and Blessed New Year!

The Lord bless you
And keep you
Make His face shine upon you
And be gracious to you
The Lord turn His
Face toward you
And give you peace
Amen, amen, amen
Amen, amen, amen
The Lord bless you
And keep you
Make His face shine upon you
And be gracious to you
The Lord turn His
Face toward you
And give you peace
Amen, amen, amen
Amen, amen, amen
May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
And Your family and your children
And their children, and their children
May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
And your family and your children
And their children, and their children
May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, He is with you
In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
He is for you, He is for you
Amen, amen, amen
Amen, amen, amen
May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, He is with you
In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you.

God wants us to love others as ourselves and sometimes the most loving thing to do is get someone else to help with the caregiving so you can recharge your own battery and be more loving. I tried to care for my disabled sibling who is aging and has many health issues, while being a wife, working full time, and helping my daughter with my grandson and I could not do it. I got help from the state and now when I’m with my sibling I CAN be patient, loving, peaceful, generous etc. sometimes loving others means getting help.

Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF not MORE THAN YOURSELF.

I Stand In Awe
Sovereign Grace Music

You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom?
Who can fathom the depth of Your love?
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty, enthroned above
And I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
You are beautiful beyond description
Yet God crushed You for my sin
In agony and deep affliction
Cut off that I might enter in
Who can grasp such tender compassion?
Who can fathom this mercy so free?
You are beautiful beyond description
Lamb of God who died for me
And I stand, and I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
Oh, God
I stand and I will
I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
(Holy God) Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
I stand, I stand in awe of You
Holy God, to whom all praise is due (Holy God)
I stand in awe of You

This thread is about altruism vs. selfishness, in the context of Christianity.

I wonder about people’s opinion on life.

God gave life vs. your parents gave you life? Which is it? Both gave you life?

Or God originally gave life, and all generations thereafter come from human beings giving life?

Or every life is 100% given by God? Parents have little to do with giving birth to a child?

My personal belief:

I believe we should honor our parents. As for, who gave birth (one’s parents or God)…?

The more you feel it’s your parents, the more duty you feel towards your elderly parents?

Hi Poodle,

I’m not a Christian. There are many monotheistic religions (belief in one God).

I believe (if there is a God), that, as you wrote:

“God originally gave life, and all generations thereafter come from human beings giving life.”

You wrote:
“The more you feel it’s your parents, the more duty you feel towards your elderly parents?”

I don’t think we owe our parents. That would mean, the moment you’re born, you’re already in debt.

I believe on can (if one wants to), out of love (not out of debt), help one’s parents.