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This topic was dealt with earlier but the comments were closed.
I am a carer for both my parents. I totally sympathize with other carers who are or who have dealt with this issue. It can be a big problem. You get burnt out trying to manage it and there is so little real help or medical advice available via doctors.
So guys - here is my 20 cents worth.
Aging can involve physical and mental degeneration. Genetics and environment are big factors.
Elderly people in modern western societies are treated as a problem by governments and unfortunately many individuals who don't want to deal with something difficult, time consuming and messy.
When someone starts having BOS there is probably a previous traumatic experience dealing with the bowel. My Mum and Dad both have problems and I am juggling both issues by myself. Why? Well, I love them and want them to have a better life then they would in a nursing home.
I have this as my primary motivation but I am also very stubborn. I believe that there is a way around any problem but it takes a trial and error approach.
Other people have noted that constipation is a precursor to BOS. Yes, yes, yes ...
What was the cause of the constipation in the first place.
In my Mum's case ... she worked all her life, she had several pregnancies, she lived in a time when women wore, corsets, suspender belts to hold up stockings and pads and you had to have a thin waist to be considered attractive. This was all set you up for bowel problems.
Added to this is a life of chronic dehydration. People drank caffeinated or carbonated drinks instead of water. If you played sports they used to tell you that it was bad to drink water during or immediately after sports and that you short eat an orange instead and drink moderately. Crazy but true.Dehydration is bad for your bowel - think dried up leather guys.
As you get older your digestives enzymes stop being produced as well and you may have teeth problems. All bad for your bowel. Food lying in your stomach and not being digested thoroughly will cause bowel obstruction.
Lack of exercise. You get older and exercise less. All bad for your bowel.
So what is a good routine?
Get up, drink fluid, water, juice, a cuppa.Eat a nice breakfast - preferably low glucose and lactose.Take a digestive enzyme (chose a gentle one - Herbs of Gold work for us) before or during breakfast.Go for a walk or do some kind of activity - according to ability.
Use a fleet or saline water if necessary. Just the small saline enema available over the counter called Fleet. There are bigger ones if necessary. These work immediately. A person might be able to do it themselves. I know there are other laxatives but as others have noted these interfere with regularity and can cause gas or cramping and even the radical swing between diarrhea and constipation.
Even though I have this as a daily plan, it doesn't mean I am always successful in keeping life peaceful and happy. It is a matter of keeping your head together and trying to take time out before returning to the battle front. "Every day is a gift - unwrap it with enthusiasm!"
Loooking forwad to comments guys!

You have 30 minutes to edit a post.

Enemas are the last last LAST resort for constipation issues. 😑

OCD issues about bowel movements go hand in hand with old age and/or dementia.

Stool softeners are a much easier and way less invasive way to keep things running smoothly.

Good luck to you.
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I am 82. After years I IBS I sorta love the slowdown!
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Every single day I get to hear if dad was able to "go". When he needs to use the bathroom we are each asked "do you need the bathroom?". And we get know when he's done if he went or not. And almost everyday mom is panicking bc she didn't /couldn't go and rushes to start taking mylanta or she is panicking bc she has diahreaa and rushing to the immodium... God forbid if there are doctor appointments bc inevitably there will be bathroom troubles and the night before and morning of will be traumatic getting out the door.

I said to my husband the other day I'd like one day without poop talk.....😬
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Does she take a stool softener? Or add fiber, like Cirtracel? I would try this before going to the enema for a solution.

Also from a browser search:

"Constipation can be related to pelvic health in several ways:

Pelvic floor dysfunction (PFD)

Up to half of people with chronic constipation have PFD, which is when the pelvic floor muscles are unable to relax and coordinate properly during a bowel movement. Symptoms include straining, hard stools, and feeling like you haven't fully emptied your bowels. PFD can be caused by constipation, or constipation can be a symptom of PFD."
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One thing that is not usually referred to with bowel problems is that the human intestine is about 25 feet long. Sheep have 4 stomachs for digestion (we used to farm sheep so that’s very real for me), humans have a very very long tube instead. An enema cleans out the bowel, but if the back up in the tube is clogged hard, it happens all over again. It’s necessary to change the diet, not just rely on an enema.
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I haven't worked out how long you have to edit a post yet. Any advice?

I wanted to add that my Mum only just started exhibiting the BOS symptoms in the last two weeks. I felt gutted because I recognized that it was a mental emotional thing and I felt very unprepared for it. Dad's incontinence was more to do with a physical problem and we were doing OK with that. Mum's issue was triggered by something which I am still working out.

I sense that BOS is like any obsession and that I need to study obsessions in general before I start getting advice from the "experts" since we are only at the beginning.
I am wary of treating things with heavy duty anti-depressives etc. if they can be avoided by some other means. I have had family members who have had anorexia and bulimia and most came through it but I also know that some cases are more serious and I don't under-estimate the human mind to tyrannize. I have experienced a short term eating, sleep disorders and some depression but it was short term. From memory, it was associated with disappointment, a sense that I was not able to control a situation or an emotion. I want to see if that is the case with my Mum. I am praying that we can find a way through it.

I was told once that anorexia and bulimia don't really exist in third world countries where food has a different meaning as a scarce resource.

Elderly people have to deal with a lot of loss, disappointment and a lack of a sense of purpose, a loss of identity etc.. Added to this is the well known issue of Alzheimer's. Mind you you have to wonder why aluminum is used in common indigestion medications. Dad's cognition issues were preceded by years of undiagnosed gall bladder problems and the recommendations of doctors that he use copious amounts of Mylanta. Decent meals and adequate water have eliminated the symptoms and the need for Mylanta. But I wonder how much aluminum was deposited in his brain over the last two decades.
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