"Boundaries are for cattle. Human beings do NOT pay attention to boundaries".
When I think on that, it is perhaps true? We so often have discussions of setting boundaries, and people so often tell us that they are ignored; recently one of our more "bright" responders said "The boundaries are for YOU, not them." Indicating that when we set boundaries we better have a good electric fence. Because in my experience even cattle don't pay boundaries without fencing a whole lot of mind.
How many made a difference with the setting of boundaries?
Personally, I find Dr. Laura to be too right-wing. Her advice isn't wrong, but she totally lacks compassion and empathy. I'm a believer in tough lovefor a person's own good and being a 'straight-shooter' but when that isn't tempered with mercy and compassion it just makes a person a bully. Dr. Laura seems like a bully to me.
My boundaries protect me from others bs. If that shocks them, oh well! They should be happy it wasn't with an actual cattle prod, because that is where I would go if they didn't back away from the boundary.
To be honest, I have such a mouth on me lately. These narssasist I use to have in my life can't handle me anymore! 😜
Alva, I always wanted to go to an Al-Anon meeting, years ago, the first time I got help for codependency, , ex was an over eater and over spender. I enabled him to become extremely obese and us broke.
At the time I thought it was for families of addicts. I did get my help though therapy and books. But I'm sure it would of helped me greatly.
Alva is correct, boundaries are never for the other person, no one can trample your boundaries since they are yours and you can choose not to allow it. I now can easily remove myself without explanation, justifying, or apology when a situation becomes unhealthy for me. That’s a boundary.
The analogy of a boundary of being a fence around your life to keep out the bad, but with a gate in it to let in the good still holds, and not just for cattle.
Geaton, not everybody can handle straight shooters! 😊
Ive heard a lot of people get turn of with the religious aspects of of AA, or it's an excuse. I wish they would maybe tone it down a little.
Alva, Good to know about the vaccines. Modern effects me more than the other one. That my mind went blank on. 😆
As an aside kids, the new covid vac? Must be Moderna because it's the only one I react to; sadly I didn't even both to ask as last shots so easy. THIS ONE huge reaction. Flushed, feverish, joints and bones so sore it hurts to turn and headache. Just don't try to go to work on this one till you know if you react. If you're still working and intend to get it I recommend waiting to Friday. Boy, this one takes the cake!
Burnt, agree with you on AA and Al-Anon and think we should all go whether there's an alcoholic in our lives or not.
I am not a fan of Dr. Laura. She's completely full of the brown stuff on this one about boundaries being for cattle and not people. When the cattle aren't respecting the boundaries the cowboys rope them up and force them to. Sometimes people have to be their own cowboys and force others to respect their boundaries and limits or you ride off into the sunset as they say and don't look back.
Our country (if you're in the U.S.) is founded on:
Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
These are guaranteed American rights, but without having personal boundaries with others they are not possible.
Setting a personal boundary with other people can mean changing an unhealthy relationship or ending it altogether. It can mean making a tough and painful decision to stop enabling someone to continue in a dangerous lifestyle. Or not covering every inch of ground for and obeying the commands of a demented senior who won't accept help and change. It can also be about accepting whatever happens as a result of you respecting your own boundaries and not guilting and punishing yourself for doing nothing wrong when it does.
No one has to be a pushover or a doormat because of another person's neediness or control issues. Forget that.
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But also I think everyone should learn to respect boundaries others set.
I have ended so many friendships because of people butting into my business to much.
You want to come in my house and tell me, my lamp shades are to small. Don't let the door hit you on your way out!!