Mom's hair is combed and she's all dressed and ready for her PT.. my hair is undone, lips chapped, no makeup and my blouse is all wrinkled. Mom's bed is all pretty and made up..my bedroom is in complete disarray.
@BurntCaregiver, now if it had been a dog rescue situation, I would have been ready on all points. :) I still have everything I need in my car for a roadside rescue even though it's been years since I did rescue.
Thanks Burnt, I have been lucky to have my older son nearby. We have reached the hard bit as the bone mets and the brain mets are growing quickly. The hospice team is getting a workout as the brain mets are presenting a challenge. They admitted him into the inpatient facility yesterday to see if they can bring some Haldol on board with the methadone and the hydromorphone.
To tell you the truth, I really can't relate because I have never allowed myself to ever be sloppy in my person or my environment.
That would be the day I sleep in a messy bed because I'm making up someone else's.
I'm going to let you in on the caregiver's secret and mind you, I did this work for 25 years and also have an elderly, needy, and abusive parent.
Most things can wait. You don't have to jump to it because the elder in your life gets demanding and expects you jump to it when they snap their fingers. Or because someone is sick and expects you to become a slave to them. If it's something like needing to have their medication, that cannot wait but most things can. You don't have to rush and do without because of someone else's impatience. They can wait.
If there is no time for you to be able to get yourself ready because your mother requires every waking moment, it's time to bring in some outside help or put her in a care facility.
@OncehatedDIL
I think having been in the caregiving field for so long taught me superior organization skills and to be prepared for just about any situation. It's made me a little neurotic about being prepared. I'm a person who can't have chaos.
I feel for your situation with your son. That's hard and I hope you had help.
44, It's quite common to be low on Vit D. We none of us get out in the sun enough dependent on where we live. Simply changed with taking vitamin D. What I think is more worrisome is low potassium levels which means a basic electrolyte needed for heart health is low. No amount of bananas is going to address THIS one, and you need to follow this carefully. It's unusual in the absence of diuretics. Be certain you aren't self treating with vitamins and supplements that may not be helping and may be harming. Keep in close contact with your Doc. Low thyroid also exceptionally common, esp in women. Hashimoto's found in many after 50 and easily addressed. Please keep in contact with the doc, don't self treat, and do take care of yourself. While I am not one to pray I will surely keep you in my heart and in my thoughts. I hope for the best for you. You aren't alone. A whole bunch of us, whether caregivers currently or not, are dealing with the whole "healthy thing". Our bodies are determined machinery. You be good to yourself and get well.
It's so hard..everything happened so suddenly. Mom is very ill and I just got a not so good report after my annual physical from my doctor. Low potassium and low vitamin d levels. On top of that I have an underactive thyroid. Please pray for my mom and i. Hugs to you.
@waytomisery - In packing up my son's rehab room, I had basically just gathered his stuff without any organization and tossed it in bags into my van. I told myself "immediately unpack and put this stuff away so you know where everything is".
The moment we got him in the front door he needed to have a bowel movement, the poor guy had struggled with diarrhea since before the surgeries. I got him in the bathroom and his brother and I dumped all the bags out desperately looking for the packed supplies I needed to clean him up and change his paper briefs.
I suddenly realized that I hadn't rushed around like that for 40 years - back then I had a toddler and a baby.
It is worse as the messes have the potential to be soooo much larger.
yes, in many ways. I don't even know how you all doing 24/7 care do it. I'm "just" managing things for dad in assited living. yet, recently, at doctors visits, his blood pressure is a nice 120/65. Mine? with no diagnosis of high blood pressure? 175/98 !
@aging44 I know I can relate - like you, I am a current 24/7 caregiver who's family member just started hospice for pain relief after bone mets broke one leg and the other hip.
I had a chance to run errands the other day. I saw I was getting some looks but didn't have time to think about it. Later I saw I was wearing a mishmash of sweats, pajamas and winter outerwear. My hair was quite the mess and I needed a shower. Gosh, it really was great to get out ;)
My son did 12 days in a rehabilitation hospital to recover and learn how to transfer with assistance. My room in his house is now stuffed with a collection of his accommodation equipment. His room has been cleared of stuff to make access possible, it looks neat and clean. People said "take this time to get a break" oh yeah, had to arrange for a stair railing to be built for his rental house's front entrance and have the tub/shower combo's heavy as hell glass doors to be removed to accommodate a shower transfer bench.
I slept without interruption for 12 days, seems like a dream now. :)
Edited to say - I am fooling myself if I think I slept without interruption for 12 nights. Several of those nights I had to field phone calls from my son as his brain mets have caused some short term memory issues. I would need to mediate a bit between him and his night nurses. They were all very understanding because all of my empathy was for them. I wish someone had tagged his chart "short term memory issues".
What plans do you have to take your life back? I think that all caregivers can relate to this when it comes down to 24/7 care. This is why there comes a time when other options must be explored.
It is important to take care of yourself. You will have a better outlook.
Martyrdom is overrated.
Thanks Burnt, I have been lucky to have my older son nearby. We have reached the hard bit as the bone mets and the brain mets are growing quickly. The hospice team is getting a workout as the brain mets are presenting a challenge. They admitted him into the inpatient facility yesterday to see if they can bring some Haldol on board with the methadone and the hydromorphone.
That would be the day I sleep in a messy bed because I'm making up someone else's.
I'm going to let you in on the caregiver's secret and mind you, I did this work for 25 years and also have an elderly, needy, and abusive parent.
Most things can wait. You don't have to jump to it because the elder in your life gets demanding and expects you jump to it when they snap their fingers. Or because someone is sick and expects you to become a slave to them. If it's something like needing to have their medication, that cannot wait but most things can.
You don't have to rush and do without because of someone else's impatience. They can wait.
If there is no time for you to be able to get yourself ready because your mother requires every waking moment, it's time to bring in some outside help or put her in a care facility.
@OncehatedDIL
I think having been in the caregiving field for so long taught me superior organization skills and to be prepared for just about any situation. It's made me a little neurotic about being prepared. I'm a person who can't have chaos.
I feel for your situation with your son. That's hard and I hope you had help.
I just had a round of all bloods, inc vit D (I expect to be low) & thyroid (maybe a little off too) & chol 🙄.
As a friend of mine says "We are all getting older. It's better than the alternative!" 🙃
I try to look at test results as I look at a swooping bird. I'd rather see it & have a chance to protect myself than have it strike me unawares.
It does take energy to adjust. Strength to you today.
What I think is more worrisome is low potassium levels which means a basic electrolyte needed for heart health is low. No amount of bananas is going to address THIS one, and you need to follow this carefully. It's unusual in the absence of diuretics. Be certain you aren't self treating with vitamins and supplements that may not be helping and may be harming. Keep in close contact with your Doc.
Low thyroid also exceptionally common, esp in women. Hashimoto's found in many after 50 and easily addressed.
Please keep in contact with the doc, don't self treat, and do take care of yourself. While I am not one to pray I will surely keep you in my heart and in my thoughts. I hope for the best for you. You aren't alone. A whole bunch of us, whether caregivers currently or not, are dealing with the whole "healthy thing". Our bodies are determined machinery. You be good to yourself and get well.
(((Hugs)))
The moment we got him in the front door he needed to have a bowel movement, the poor guy had struggled with diarrhea since before the surgeries. I got him in the bathroom and his brother and I dumped all the bags out desperately looking for the packed supplies I needed to clean him up and change his paper briefs.
I suddenly realized that I hadn't rushed around like that for 40 years - back then I had a toddler and a baby.
It is worse as the messes have the potential to be soooo much larger.
I'm "just" managing things for dad in assited living.
yet, recently, at doctors visits, his blood pressure is a nice 120/65.
Mine? with no diagnosis of high blood pressure? 175/98 !
Pair 1: Girl all done up, hair done, dress neat. Mother wild scraggly hair & dressing gown.
Pair 2: Girl with wonky pigtails & creased dress. Mother beautifully made up & coiffed hair.
Ist Mother says "I only have time to get one of us ready in the morning".
2nd Mother "Oh yes, me too".
I had a chance to run errands the other day. I saw I was getting some looks but didn't have time to think about it. Later I saw I was wearing a mishmash of sweats, pajamas and winter outerwear. My hair was quite the mess and I needed a shower. Gosh, it really was great to get out ;)
My son did 12 days in a rehabilitation hospital to recover and learn how to transfer with assistance. My room in his house is now stuffed with a collection of his accommodation equipment. His room has been cleared of stuff to make access possible, it looks neat and clean. People said "take this time to get a break" oh yeah, had to arrange for a stair railing to be built for his rental house's front entrance and have the tub/shower combo's heavy as hell glass doors to be removed to accommodate a shower transfer bench.
I slept without interruption for 12 days, seems like a dream now. :)
Edited to say - I am fooling myself if I think I slept without interruption for 12 nights. Several of those nights I had to field phone calls from my son as his brain mets have caused some short term memory issues. I would need to mediate a bit between him and his night nurses. They were all very understanding because all of my empathy was for them. I wish someone had tagged his chart "short term memory issues".
Sending a hug your way today!
Put on your own oxygen mask first, then your Mom's. It doesn't "feel" right but it *is* right.
May you gain clarity, wisdom and peace in your heart on this journey with your Mom.
I think that all caregivers can relate to this when it comes down to 24/7 care.
This is why there comes a time when other options must be explored.