My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Ok, is the room cleaned out of all her belongings? At least you can start doing something positive in the bedroom. I know you can do this. No doubt about it. Hope he doesn't call your dog ugly. You have a wicked sense of humor, Lisa. I love it.
True to form, nothing has been easy or quick, but it is coming to an end. Just a reminder about the locks or extra security precautions. Nephew could be a concern if he needs money for drugs.
Love and Hugs, Cattails
In our community we just lost a 30 year old to pills. Ive known his mother & him for close to 20 some years & his mom is a ER nurse & he has been abusing rx pills since a car wreck like when he was 16 He was found dead friday took too much found by his mother. I got on my facebook because my neices & me are friends with him He had just asked me to be friends & just signed up for fb since he lost a friend that passed at age 30 like 3 months ago . Well My neice told me to read what this other college educated married father of 2 boys.. 30 year old posted that since 2010 here in our community he has now lost 6 friends age 29 to 30 from overdose of prescription pills. My neice lives out of town one reason is she was a part of this crowd about 10 years ago & got her life straight & as I read the facebook post I rembembered these kids because Id see there obit. & txt my neice did you know so n so and 6 have died. WOW This is INDIANA Im sure its worst other places but the weird thing is they all 6 grew up together like best friends. SO SAD!
Good Luck Lisa Ill keep reading....
Tbailey: Always good to hear from you. Lisa is such a good example of someone who takes charge and, step by step, kicks the necessary butts and gets the job done. So sorry to hear about the young people in your community.
Hugs to all, Cattails
PS: Still wondering about Rebecca. Her mom was really mean to her at Mother's Day and hurt her deeply. She is a very sweet soul.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
Joan
Is therre any utility in doing basic grocery shopping for her BEFORE you pick her up? Then you can stock the basics...and really, who cares if she doesn't have the exact potato chips she wants, or whatever. Then your time with her is more limited. Shop the minimum, unpack it. Go get her, unpack her on the curb and let the facility deal with the rest. Tell the facility to aren't on call for groceries. You aren't to be listed as the emergency contact, you are done.
Holding space for you to be through this next gauntlet. And sending love.
YES....make sure you are not the emergency (or any other kind of) contact unless you really want to be. Them calling with every bit of drama will also serve to keep you involved --sometimes I wonder if my Dad does the things he does just so my sisters WILL be called. They can't make you be the contact...she might even go ahead and list you, if they ask her, so you need to tell them in no uncertain terms that you will NOT be receiving any calls. If they need to know who else to call--not your problem...anyone but you or members of your immediate family.
RE the nephew texting until your battery died. Can you not block his number????? Even temporarily if you don't want to do it permanently. Have you considered forwarding a good sampling of those texts to your email account so you can reproduce them if necessary (like if you need an order of protection from him for your own family?) I knew in my bones that having him do anything was going to be trouble down the road... but at the time, it did provide a diversion away from you and your family taking care of her, so I guess he served his purpose. Is he STILL working at Dougs, now? He needs serious help, too. Scary how many people close to you have issues. Sends me back to my wonderings that there is something genetic happening here that manifests itself in the form of addiction.
Anyway, be strong and be careful not to let yourself get tangled in her desperate attempts to hook you back in. Now that nephew is gone, you are all she has and if she has any sense at all, she's going to realize that and try to make amends...it's SO hard because we all want to believe it is for real and sincere. To some extent it *is*, but it's usually not honestly motivated...but rather for survival.
Please be careful of the nephew...I know you love him and want to think better of him, but he has allowed himself to be ruled by something dark and scary and you need to think about him in that way for now and protect yourself and your family.
Sending you hugs...xo
Being Free of Mama: PRICELESS.
That's my guess. Sending love!
Lisa: I can't wait to hear the news.
Jane B: Loved your post.
Hugs to all my sweet and amazing friends. Cattails
Sleep good Lisa, sweet dreams...
Does that number have a special significance in your family?
Now you can start decorating. Film your own reality show, "I Used To Hate My Guestroom." then you can post it in YouTube and we can see the transformation in the room and in YOU as things progress.
Thanks for keeping us posted. I love the invisible but real web of sisters supporting you through this!