My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
You have survived the DQ, with love and grace, and you will survive this two. I have the utmost confidence in you. Scared, sure, cancer is scary, and so is the ending of a life. But, as I shared earlier on this thread, and on your wall, good can come out of it, and in your case, I believe it will. Facing the possible decline, and impending death of a loved one is never easy, nor is facing one's own decline and death, but both come to all of us. I am surprised that death, and the surrounding experiences, and feedlings, are not talked about more on this site.
You are great, girl! Do your thing! Planning ahead, making meals etc. is one way you cope with this, and it is a good way. Food is basic.
Wishing you well. You and your amazing fam. are in my prayers, it will work out!
Much love
Joan
What I can tell you is that cancer starts in a certain part of the body; the primary cancer site. Obviously, it will grow and in time spread. When it leaves its primary site and goes into another part of the body, it is said to have metastasized. Various cancers can travel to the bone, the most "common" being breast and lung, but I think prostate and maybe thyroid too.
When a person has breast cancer and it has spread to the bone, it is still called breast cancer, but after spreading to the bone, it is referred to as metastatic breast cancer, or breast cancer with metastasis. This is because protocols (cancer treatments) are designed to treat the primary site. If you have breast cancer that has spread to the bone, you are still dealing with a cancer unique to the breast, even if it is now in the bone. So it is important to know the primary site of the cancer in order to treat it.
On Tuesday, you will get more specific information about FIL and that will help answer a lot of the questions that all of you have.
Two good sites are cancer dot org and cancer dot gov. I'm sure there are others, but those are two I use to refer to.
I'm praying for your family and sending buckets of love, Cattails.
help you be better able to comprehend some of what you are being told. Don't forget to catch a little rest when you can-long road ahead. Sending comfort and love to you, Doug and family. Kim
You wrote earlier that you had had several losses in the past few years. You may experience "multiple loss", as our family did. Each loss has to be fully grieved, and when losses come one after another in a relatively short period of time, you don't have time to finish grieving for one before another one hits. The impact of the losses accumulate, and can create "complicated" grief, with prolonged stress, sense of loss and other symptoms. It is quite a hurdle to overcome.
As always, take time to look after you, to nourish yourself in all ways. It is OK -even good - to take breaks from the sadness and stress. I thought the comedies were a great idea. Men and women tend to grieve differently, but it sounds like you and Doug are excellent support for one another. It is part of what makes you such a wonderful couple.
My heart goes out to you all. I pray for peace, and comfort for your pil, and that the DQ doesn't do her thing in the middle of this, as would be typical of a narcissist. That is all you need! Even if she does, I suspect you will have a little different perspective now.
A scripture which I have found helpful in times of trouble is Ecclesiastes 7:14 -
"When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
anything about their future"
Truly, we don't know what will come next..
I know people have different beliefs. I hope I have not offended anyone by quoting scripture.
Much love and hugs
Joan
Lisa: Don't forget to visit your Aunt Rae. She loves you and it would be a lovely respite for you. Have you had any calls about your mom?
I'll be praying for you, Doug and the entire family tomorrow and after.
Love and Hugs, Cattails
This is not an easy time for the family. Just keep remembering your notebook.
God Bless.
The word "premalignant" cmforts me. I did a little reading and apparently, from what I saw, the chance of it going malignant is small, but it is better to tackle it earlier instead of later, just in case, and the increased numbers from 1 % to 4% in a short period of time are a concern. I wonder how long he has had it. Apparently it is more common on older men, and more likely to cause problems the longer they have it.
Let us know how he does with the chemo, and also how mil, Doug, sil and you are. I know as long as there is something to do, a person carries on, and you are very much a "doer", but when the spaces between the activities come, the feelings tend to emerge
Prayers for all continue - carrying you in my heart
Joan
So this is not a metastasis. Sounds like a disease of the cells that normally travel through the bone....made in the bone marrow?..... the cells are changing and can become cancerous. His body is producing a high amount of these mutant cells and they want to take an aggressive approach to stopping the spread and the progression of cell change. I'm hoping they are still pre-malignant. I'm sure you will have more specifics in time. Hopefully, you will get that consult soon.
I'm praying for your sweet FIL and hope he gets through the chemo treatment ok. Praying for your MIL too.
Love and prayers to all of you, Cattails
GETERDONE.... The next crisis I have, I want you in my corner..... hugs and love to you......
Lisa, have you heard anything from or about your mom lately?
Sending you lots of love, prayers and some good giggles when you need them.
Cattails.
The ex's cousins lost one of their brothers. Once they got the urn, they drove around town with it, saying "Kenny, do you remember the time when we..." and recalled a lot of antics they had done. When my Gordie was in a coma in hospital in his last few days, his dad said to him -"we know you had some debt, Gordie, but you didn't have to go this far to get out of it ( no he didn't hurt himself, it was an assault, but the comment still worked). Though he didn't respond much, we told the old stories - "Gordie so you remember when..." and found out from his best friend that it was them who (accidentally) started the fire in the bush when they were 8. Oh dear!!!
Laughter is great and you have a tremendous sense of humour.
I have a strange situation with mother I have to address, so I likely will be on the road tomorrow to see her, and her doctor. It appears that something is wrong, and I hope it is not what I suspect. My laptop comes with me, so I will be in touch.
Emjo- hope whatever is wrong is not as bad as what's in our imagination. My thoughts are on both of you.
We got dad to settled this morning at the nursing home. We were able to get him on the same floor as Karen, the charge nurse, (our son’s girlfriend) and also Christie, who is another nurse manager on the same floor who I just loved when my dad was in rehab. Christie and Karen had requested him. The room on their floor opened yesterday, and we were able to secure it for dad.
My dad has a bed by the window, looking out onto the courtyard. Christie and Karen gave him a nice welcome; lots of hugs. My dad loves a pretty face for sure. He shares a room, but his room mate is a younger man, probably in his 40’s. They share the same first names.
I took some of his clothes and staff is marking his name on everything….at least they said they would. I have more to take and will do so tomorrow. We have a much better mattress, which we purchased for him when he arrived with us, so that will be going down along with the air filled roho cushion, a $400.00 item we bought for his chair because when he came here he had the beginnings of a bed sore on his butt. We will also check into buying the air-filled pressure pad that Hospice let us use. It goes on top of his mattress. You can’t get one in NH unless you have bed sores. Of course, these prevent bed sores by redistributing weight. Prevention is worth a pound of cure, so we will check into buying that for him
I’m taking him to his doc tomorrow for a 9:30am appointment. Going to do blood work and just an over all check up so we can have a base line and see if he needs to address any other concerns to NH. I think my dad will come through the exam fine. His blood pressure today was 118 over 70 and he has regained some strength on the right side.
I met up with Becky on the way out. She is the gal at the front desk and if ever there was a kind soul, it is she. She wanted to talk to me for a minute and told me (in the softest voice and the kindest way) that she could see the toll caring for my dad had taken on me. I know I look and feel like shit, but for me it’s a gradual daily change. For Becky, it had been 9 months since she last saw me. She wanted to tell me that I was one of her favorite people, a very loving daughter and that I was doing the right thing for me and Warren. She’s been through this too with her parents and is probably my age. She gave me the name of a place in Cannon Beach, Or., that she loves and said it was a great place to enjoy. She will be leaving the NH effective Aug. 1st and wanted to say good bye. I will sure miss her, but I have her new # at her next job. It’s a management position and a great step for her.
I thought it would take me a few days to do it, but I got the bug to call the company that rented us the bed for dad and also the wheelchair. Boom, they called back around 4:30pm and showed up 10 minutes later to pick the equipment up. In the meantime, Hospice called about paying a visit and so I explained to them that dad was in nursing care. They were very understanding and will call tomorrow to pick up their loaners. I’ll call Soroptomist (sp) and make arrangements to return what we borrowed from them.
I’m doing laundry now, bedding, blankets and clothes from this morning. My poor washer and dryer have been going non-stop for 9 months. We brought them up with us when we moved, so hoping they have a few more years to give us with a lighter work load.
Karen and Christie took my dad via wheelchair up to the nurses station. He got lots of hugs from staff that knew him before. They put my dad behind the desk. I told him, "Ok dad, now you are in charge. If anyone comes up, you answer their questions." He just cracked up.
As I left, I could smell lunch and knew he would be eating soon. I was so grateful that someone else was doing lunch for him and dinner and breakfast tomorrow.
It has been a long road, lots of years. I know it's not over, but at least now I feel like I am walking on pavement and not uphill on a loose gravel slope.
Yesterday was terrible, today was the day I dreaded. This evening feels lighter. Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but we will deal with it.
Setting up hubby for a colonoscopy (sp) to be sure nothing serious with the two bouts of diverticulitis that he has experienced in the last 4 months. Time to start focusing on us.
Love to all of you, Cattails