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(((((((((((((lisa)))))))))))))), it is a waiting game and we are here when you next have an update. prayers going your way.
Love Joan
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Lisa: I think Joan's frog and scorpion story sums up your mom. That's one story I am going to remember forever.

Did you get any indication as to your mom changing her mind about surgery before she blew her top?

I was thinking that your Aunt Rae was your mom's sister. Is that correct. If so, how does she explain your mom and their upbringing? Your aunt Rae is such a sweetheart.

Sending you love Lisa and peace.
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Update: surgeon order second scan and it seems some blood is starting to flow. Shes been given heavy amounts of antibiotics and it's basically a waiting game. They do not want to rush into doing a colonoscopy and disrupt progress. So they wait.
Update: they are getting her settled back in her room and the phone rings. Seems the receptionist at assisted living took it upon herself to give the nephew a call and inform him mom was in serious condition. all of that paperwork was changed but it wasn't at the desk. Woman thought she was doing her job. Which she was. The mistake wasn't hers. Guess who's mistake? He got mom on the phone and immediately started screaming at her that it was her fault he lost his job and now their losing their house. Her nurse when she called said they called surgeon and he ordered her a sedative. Sooo, here we go To her residence, get that fixed. Then back to hospital. Very nice visit. SHE WAS ASLEEP. had to meet with security and there are only 3 people allowed in room. I put my aunt raeDown just in case.
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Lisa, I know that every one is sending prayers for you.... have faith in the number of people who want nothing but the best for you and your family.....and you're right, good visit, she was asleep.... do what you feel is right,... I admire and respect you for having no regrets.... heartfelt prayers to you, wonderful lady.... this is the storm you knew was coming..... let us know how you and the situation is going....
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I think I just insulted the guy on "Jersey Shore" by callling DQ the 'situation' as that is his name on the show... and he's and addict too... so from now on, I'm calling DQ ,...... the Situation....
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Ladee, social worker at hospital will have a conversation with J tomorrow. Mistakes happen. But this is their mistake. Doug or I will also make a call to her. They gave me their office phone at her residence to leave a voicemail for j. I let her know she has some fires to put out with the nephew. I've secured things at the hospital and she needs to do the same there.
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Didn't you call this last week when you said it was awful quiet? Whammo! Sh*tstorm! Smart of you to get security at the hospital involved. That lady at assisted living opened a big gnarly can of worms unknowlingly. Happy for you that The Situation (aka DQ - thanks, Ladee, I like it. Can I use it too?) was sleeping during your visit. Whew! Do you think that the nephew will try to get into her place while she's gone?
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Leave it to Jane. She'll find a way to screw things up.
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Yes Judy, it really does fit her doesn't it... THE SITUATION..... it's always something, as Rossanna Rossanna Danna used to say....
And good for you Lisa, having those clear lines about what is your choice of responsiblities and those that is not your mess to clean up... and if the house is broken into, everyone will know it's him...... too bad you couldn't put a little camera somewhere.....and great move to keep him from the hospital.
When you first posted, did you ever see yourself here doing the awesome things you are doing.... ???? I love this thread, just love it.... angels to you this evening Lisa, you are setting a hell of an example for doing the right things for the right reasons..... hugs
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Happy Tuesday!! Chemo day. I love this part of the day drinking coffee with Doug. So peaceful. Each of the kids had questions for me to discuss with fil dr today. Mostly concerns with his appetite. Main one with the bad protein in his blood how do foods high in protein affect his blood. pretty cluesless aren't we? speaking with security last night. How odd that a building that should be a safe place for the public that they have such a specific plan to keep their patients safe and free from harassment. Doug said he felt so ghetto having to give them information to prevent him from calling or getting near her. We've lived our lives free of this drama from the three of them and now we're dealing with the next generation from the one brain fart of letting her into our home. Oh well, live and learn, right? Any calls to her room has to go thru switchboard and we were given a code to be put thru. Pretty sure I'm not gonna be needing that;) after yesterday's outburst I was given a code to speak to charge nurse to get updates so I don't have to be there. Yeah!!!
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(((((((hugs)))))) Lisa - mornings and conversation are great aren't they
If fil is diabetic - I saw that you wrote about sugar free ice cream - he especially needs protein to keep his blood sugar steady - hormones - long story...
I don't think it will affect his blood in the way you are concerned - but as always check with his doc
Bad mistake letting the nephew have her info - someone needs a brain transplant, or to retire or something. That is all you need!
Codes are good - and DQ being asleep is good.
You are a wonderful daughter - some would have walked away long ago. You are walking a tight rope between her needs, and yours, and doing an excellent job Bravo Lisa! Kudos to Doug for his support! You got a really good man there!
Waiting games are no fun, and I am sure you have some mixed feelings about the outcome - or maybe not, and that is OK.
Let us know how the morning goes - fil's chemo, and if the antibiotics are helping - makes total sense not to upset her colon at this point,
...and how you are.
Muck lover and hugs and prayers
Joan
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Lisa, I've been busy, have missed all of you, and being here. Man, what a difference a day or two makes! Lisa--high fives to you and Doug both. Thumbs down to Jane, again. As Cat (I think) said: your mom has made her wishes known. She even had the presence of mind to have the doc say she is competent in front of witnesses. Interesting. But they did call you in because her judgement is SO poor. It is all a big cesspool-of HER making. So glad nephew could get back in there, it's only fitting, don't you think? They are big on the blame-shifting! Obviously mom wants you to be in the impossible situation of making her end of life decisions-one last slap and way to cause you stress. This is part of her raising the stakes in my opinion. Since she can't manipulate you in a little way, she is figuring out more massive and enticing ways to push your buttons.Naturally, she has to triangulate others to accomplish her goals. Every time she can get you there, she can unleash some of that venom out of herself and onto you. She is a sick one (and yes, she IS evil). I think her temper tantrum is what got the blood flowing to the colon again! We are all so proud of you-you are a rare and special woman. And so is Doug a rare and special man. Please tell him I said there are about 100 of us here who KNOW he is not a BIT getto. The hospital knows it too; they have the code system so the healthy, well adjusted people can interact with the system and keep the gettofabulous, time-wasting, shit-stirring ones out of their hair! (Does THAT describe your nephew?)I hope chemo went ok today. Lisa, I know there is a cookbook about meals to eat during chemo and radiation for cancer tx. I saw it when researching my BIL's cancer tx a few years ago. It's pretty neat--broken down by the location and type of cancer and treatment and likely side effects; things most apt to be appealing etc. If you're interested, I'll see if I can find the name of it for you. Maybe the oncology department or SW or dietician could give you some info for helpful diet for FIL. That would normally be addressed as part of an oncology service in a non-VA setting. Keep asking all the questions, they will be glad you are interested and happy to know FIL has so many loving and caring family members on his team! You are doing EVERYTHING right! Far from clueless! Praying for all of you, love and hugs, Kimbee
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Home at last!!! Fil gets in the car when I pick them up and tells me he was out in the heat for just a short time yesterday and he started getting shaky and felt real funny. Ok we let them know this. No no no, just let them get this done. I'm fine now. Doc comes in and I start blabbing. Looked at fil and shrugged. How long outside was just over an hour. Any chemo will keep you dehydrated. Plus the large dose steroids he receives, when they leave his body will make you crash just as if you were diabetic. Which he's not.(Joan- sf ice cream is kept there for dougs benefit). Very rough day with mil. Came home somewhat teary. I'm so scared for her. She asked me 4 times, "I wonder how many more treatments he's going to need. Each time I answered like it was the first. She wanted to go to lunch 30 minutes after I took her to get some breakfast. My sil filled out their cancer ins papers that the VA had mailed after dr filled out his part. She went to the nurses station demanding why they weren't doing their job. We were in the room at end of hall and heard her. Fil and I thought she went to the bathroom. I hurried to her and said Mary I think those are the papers you and she filled out. It took calling my sil in Alabama to convince her. She went back to room and I stayed. The one nurse who she introduced herself to 3 times was already explaining about her memory to the other one. I said she may come back next week with the same request. they said she can can come back in 10 minutes. We're fine with her. Called charge nurse bout DQ. Nurse told me listening to stomach it sounds like more blood flow. Has another scan scheduled for later today. Sure wish I had known long ago there was a way for updates without actually have to show up. The code charge nurse gave me will be good for any time she is in that hospital. Makes it legal with the hippa laws. So there's my day. Feeling really sad today with mil. At 5 we go meet inspector to check out the house Jen and Chris buying. They can't be there till six. Have a super evening all!
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Kimbee, absolutely I would love the name of the book. Thank you so much!!!!!
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((((((Lisa))))) you have negotiated another very difficult day very well. I sure understand why you are feeling sad about mil. Time will come when she needs to be evaluated. So much going on right now. I really wonder how you hold up. I am sure Doug is feeling sad and concerned for his parents too. Know you all are on my prayers
much love and hugs -Joan ♥♥♥
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Good morning everyone. Back from the beauty shop. Happy to report there were no hairspray welding maniacs chasing me. Mil introduced me as Lisa, her sister in law. One woman said lord girl, your brother sure robbed the cradle. Heeheehee. Hair looks the same thank goodness. And of course mil thinks it looks so much more attractive. God love her.

DQ UPDATE!!-- phone rang off the hook starting at 12:36. Leaving nonsense messages. Won't give me my medicines. After 8 phone calls I got my information code and called hospital. No change. Actually doing much better. Dr ordered solid food for this morning. Her problem? Wants those dam pain pills. So I asked to please get that phone away from her. She was ringing in as I was talking to her. My husband and daughter have to be up for work in a few hours. I've spent 22 hours at hospitals since Monday. She said she would take care of it as soon as we hang up, but she would have to replace it by 8. So no more phone calls till 9:10. She's pissed. Not my problem. Temps hitting 102 here today. As soon as I dropped mil off and walked in the door she was on phone with Beth. Right after I left fil headed out to garden. I think it's dougs turn, so he's on his way there to talk some sense into the man. I wonder if Doug will be that hard headed when he hits 80+? ;)))
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Lisa: Now that sounds like your mom. She must be improving. Calling you in the middle of the night with med issues certainly reinforces her claim to being of sound mind. On the other hand, considering where her head is 100 percent of the time, a lack of blood flow to the colon isn't helping her brain any.

Your poor MIL. Glad the haircuts went well and you still like yours. I hope Doug can talk his dad into staying indoors.

You all sure have your hands full. Sending you love and hugs, Cattails
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Glad the hairdresser worked out ok. I hope the hospital can do something to cut down on the calls. Hope Doug got your fil to stay out of the heat.
It does sound like the DQ is doing better, if they have ordered solid food,
Hope you have a peaceful day today. - no more nephew or DQ dramas, I am sure you could use one,

Love and hugs
Joan
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Hi-how 'd the inspection go?? Hope you and all u other KAW have good days today!luv, hugs and prayers, kim
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Inspection pretty much what we expected. Neww roof from hail damage. I electrical issue which Doug will handle. And plumbing issue with washer hookup. Should be pretty simple. These issues will not pass inspection whoever tries to buy the home so we are hoping the seller will have them fixed. Just don't know how much more I can take of the two of them walking around here looking like they just want to vomit. Heeheehee I remember that feeling when Doug and I bought our first home. Thanks so much for asking Kim. And emjo, so far a calm 24 hours. My sil called from Alabama last night. We talked for quite a while. She's still everyday dealing with the loss of her husband last year and now the issues with mom and dad. She feels helpless that she can't move back to Louisville to be with them and help. She needs these last 5 years with the school system for her retirement. I can only reassure her thru her tears that we got this. Just what she accomplished this last weekend took so much off our shoulders. The eye dr and insurance claims. She accomplished in one day what we have attempted to get done these last 2 months. She agrees that it's going to take some crisis to get mil into a hops or to a dr. We are still praying fil can get her mind wrapped around that she needs medical attention. Last resort is to somehow get poa on medical for them both. That would relieve the stress on fil. And he's told her he will be relieved. This has just been a bad week.
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Is your mother terminal? By this I too have experience with my Dad and COPD. I am working with hospice. I cannot afford to pay for nursing home. He has his SS only. An important thing to know about getting involved in Hospice Care is there are Hospice for PROFIT and Hospice for NON PROFIT. You want HOSPICE FOR NON PROFIT. The will work and do not turn anyone away. Basically they will acess your mother in your home on her needs for care. Any equipments, bed,etc. Medicare will pay for all of this. Medicare will also pay for the primary nurse for your mother who will come once a week to manage her meds aqnd discuss with you use. They will send out a cargiver who will help bath, change bedding, lite house chores, etc. Again Medicare will pay for this 100%. There is no cure for COPD I am sure you know. Thier plan is to provide comfort and dignity and help to you the primary care giver. Please look into HOSPICE. Again Medicare, not Medcaid will cover. I have found it a great help to me and the staff has become a part of my family dealing with this. I have made a vow to do everything I possibly can to bring attention to these wonderful folks that have chosen this path as a proffession. They are Angels walking amoung us. HOSPICE FOR NON PROFIT.
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Lisa, so glad things are working out so well for you. But my mom no longer lives in my home. And no, she's not terminal. Bloods flowing and she's as mean as ever. And your right. Hospice has cared for our aunts and uncles and I agree they are angels that walk among us. Prayers sent your way, lisa
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Hi Everyone: Lisa thanks for your post on my wall. Emjo: Love the picture of Gordy.

A little update on my dad. I visited him yesterday and found him in his wheelchair, slowly rolling his way down the very wide hallway. I was surprised and so happy. At last, something he can actually do for himself without any danger. Nurses and aids say hi to him and they pass and lean in to tell him he's doing a good job and it's good to see him. He gives them a big smile. I gave him a bunch of hugs and he seemed happier. It was just so good to see him able to travel about under his own power and have people interact with him. Good for us both and I left with a much lighter heart.

Hugs, Cat
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Oh cat, that's just awesome!!! I'm so happy for both of you. I have received some good news too. J called today. Seems the charge nurse at hospital took it upon herself to get a social worker back on moms case. J told me the two of them have been working together to insure that there will be no role for me in her transfer from hops to home. They have their own rehab to home building. She has made arrangements to have her moved there by ambulance when she is released from hospital. She wanted to warn me she will most likely be calling because she's angry she can't go to her regular rehab she uses. I asked her what about her clothes, because like the other rehab they will make her dress Dailey and take pt. Lisa, that will not be your prolem. A member of the staff will wheel her across the parking lot to her apt to pack what she requires. If you feel at any time you'd like to visit her fine, but her needs will be met. And Lordy, like an ass I started crying. She told me the input from the staff at hops these last few times has helped her enormously getting a handle on moms personality. She knows a little of the relationship but she found out much more from me today. I was firm with Doug on how much she needs to know about the abusive situation I've been thru. I told her some on the phone today. And there were quite a few gasps on the other end of that phone. Sooo, she asked me to call the late second shift charge nurse tonite for any more plans. After moms behavior towards me Tuesday, this young lady chose to stay involved in these plans thru both social workers. Looks like god sent me another angel. But good night. With the history with mom, I'm scared to believe it's actually happening. Love you my angels!!! Lisa
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Lisa, that's great news. It will continue to get better. The more people who see what your mom is about, the more the change will take place. She has a solid history now at the hospital and they will remember how she behaves to you and the staff.

Great news. Love, Cattails
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Hi everybody-glad some good news all around. Joan we just got to the ocean-sending it's calming effects yout way. Be strong-we r here for you too, during this tough time of year. You are strong and smart, glad we've found these friendships. I am honored to be among this group of strong, smart women!
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Have a great time Kim!!!!
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Thanks Lisa!
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EGLord, you are coming in about 1000 posts late! :-)

Lisa asked for advice. Got advice. Felt empowered by the advice. With her highly supportive husband acted on the advice and has turned her life around. Amazing! It wasn't as easy as making a phone call, of course, but she persisted, went through the process of having her mother evicted and having her settled into a facility (with a very ditzy social worker who has had to be patiently trained with regard to DQ (drama queen mother). Lisa is our fabulous success story! We've been with her every step of the way. She is very articulate and shares openly and often.

Your advice is right on the mark, EGLord. You'll be pleased to know it was implemented very successfully.

Jeanne, one of Lisa's Kick-Ass Girls.
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Thanks eglord! And thank you Jeanne!! UPDATE: received the call she's back at the AL facility. I haven't had to do a gosh darn thing! I just can't explain the relief and hope I'm feeling. So after the call I called the groomer and took both dogs. I took the precaution of giving them 4 extra numbers just in case. Aunt Rae at the top of the list. I've been on pins and needles since they've called. I do believe Doug and I need to go out for dinner tonight. Love you my KICK ASS ANGELS!!!! Lisa AND Doug AND Jenny AND Beth. :))))))
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