My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I feel for all of you, you know that. There is no perfect answer.
Sending you love and peace.
Cat
All we can do is love you and your family and extended family, support you, listen, jump on the band wagon when your plate is already full, but we are calling 911 for YOU when we all grab our 'keys' on the computer and do what you did, we are trying to help someone we have come to love and cherish.... so the love ran full circle with this one.... sending you angels......
POA). So, let me offer u my assurance and love to you n family, we KAW will help you get through this long hard transition, the best we can. Cause yes' it is hard-damn hard, but we can DO it, one baby step at a time, together. Luv u ALL, his n prayers, moments of joy too, Kim
....what is a DQ? [[hullo...Dairy Queen??]]
IS there a section of this site dedicated to translating all the acronyms used??
clicked. Sometime it's worst than texting. Ever try to figure out a teenagers way of
texting. I have a 15 yr old GRDTR. Then it gets interesting. I think she thought I new evrything until she got a phone and started texting. Surprise I don't !! hehe
Don't forget KAG - Kick A$$ Girls aka KAW - Kick A$$ Women
and we wear blue tights and tuna cans -where they count - someone has mentoined funnels as well, and we jump down on people from trees and spring up and give them falcon punches. -and we will have a cloud in heaven where we will meet when this is all over and it will be for members only. Have I forgotten anything important?
Lisa it is hard - (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) So glad you have talked with Ray (fil) he sounds pretty clear, and good that comfort measures will be put in place as needed.. I think any of us would have called the emts. Glad he will call 911. I hope you all are not reeling from this quite as much, though it is a lot to deal with in a short period of time.Much love Joan
cat - wondering how you and dad are doing ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))
Sil called me today. In somewhat of a panic. My fil asked if one of us would come over this evening and help mil pay the utilities. So sil said she could do it. Mil was in a fantastic mood. She has done so well with the money last month that she's managed to save $228,000 in her checking account. THEN: "you kids have been so good to us, I told ray we should send u all on vacation." sil was in a state. I was laughing so hard, I dam near peed myself. (seriously, really really need to have this bladder of mine done) ;) yep, take 2 zeros off that total. Thank goodness we took fil to bank to arrange for the money to go straight to savings when their checks come in. We also removed their overdraft protection. All utilities will be on automatic widrawel starting in oct. bless her heart for trying to take care of us. Kim, sorry bout mom. Hospitals are so draining. Hope she feels better. And you get some rest too. Cat, hope dad had a good day today and you are getting plenty of rest.
Lisa - LOL! The same Dr? That's the kind of crap that happens to me all of the time. You know, like you're driving to a school play and some guy on the road is being a total jerk and cuts you off, so you flip him off because you'r having that kind of day, and you don't usually do that kind of thing, but it felt good...and then you pull into the same parking lot as the lunatic driver and have to sit with each other at the play. Akward.
It amazes me that so many of the new folks take the time to read the whole thread... that is just awesome to me.... and punchnjudy, these threads are 'friendship links', I do not know if I could put one foot in front of the other without my cyber friends.... so many I look forward to reading about.... catching up.... it's like a 'cyber coffee shop' and we all meet up to drink what ever we drink, and talk about our day.... or night, or time in the ER or hospital room, or NH, and we always look forward to seeing who Lisa has made 'twitch' that day.... as long as we can maintain our sense of humor, we will survive...maybe limping and one eye closed, but we'll survive... appreciate all of you.... love and hugs.... and by the way... THANG had to sweep, mop AND dust this evening..... there is a loving caring GOD...... love ya'll
few nasty folks along the way were not embraced. Lisa is "in charge" of her thread n she is kind, funny n SMART! Jeanne, Ladee, cat n Joan keep us on track, Judy makes us laugh til we cry. Bookworm helps us remember that Superhuman power IS possible, n now lucky we r in the states. BW-dizzy? Dr's. Don't know what's causing it?? Can you spell stress??? Joan n all the rest of you concerned about my health-thank you! Got a new plan in place for me today. Judy, rest?? Hahaha. Double doc app't for both mom n me , then my dr, then her dr for ER F/U, then some groceries, dinner, organize days for mom, helper, n me.- nice to see you back here! know I forgot some names, sorry. Sleep is calling. Good Night! H, P n moments of joy, kim
Having said that, I couldn't agree more that this is the hardest thing. These are the hardest times.
My dad is the same. Doesn't want to eat much, etc. I was with him at lunch today and he eats in the small dining room that is for people who need assistance. It was a zoo there today. I was trying feed my dad his lunch and another man at a table next to us was doing these awful, very loud, cries and moans. Then another man at a table across from us would start his moaning. No offense meant to those two people who were haunting the small dining room, but it was distressing. You felt like you were in an asylum.
I'm there all the time with my dad and this doesn't happen that often, but today it was just too much. I mentioned to the speech and swallow therapist that we were just done. I'm taking my dad to another room to eat his lunch. This is like a scene out of One Flew Over the Cuko's Nest. (sp)
So I rolled my dad down to the family room which was empty and peaceful. He ate a few more bites, but then no more. I turned on the tv and put on a cooking show. It's a big screen TV, like he had at our place. He became so peaceful and we watched tv together for a couple of hours. I had taken some cushions off of a chair and propped them under his feet and reclined his wheel chair back. I also got him a blanket from his room. He looked so comfortable. He looked at me and said "Home."
I know he so misses being home with me. As I said, these are the hard times.
Sending love to all of you. Cat.
As I was reading your MIL’s bank balance, my eyes widened. I stopped and tried to imagine me having that much money. Then when she offered to pay for your vacations, my mouth dropped open – thinking “No, No! You or your husband will need that money for your medical expenses (cancer)”….When you said to take out 2 “00”, I started laughing so hard! That was sooo funny!
SouthernBelle, I’m glad you got to read from the beginning of this thread. When I first started reading it, I had Dial Up. Darn thing kept disconnecting. In frustration, I went and applied for wireless connection – additional $55.00/month – but soooo worth it. When newbies (myself included) comes on AC, and I see their situation is similar to Lisa’s I recommend them to read this. I tell them that it may be long but it’s so worth it! …
The first time I read it, it was like an internet soap opera. I didn’t stop and take notes. Now, I’m back to reading from the beginning so that I can take notes and see if I can apply some of the advice given to Lisa.
Chi, PunchNJudy, when I first started reading the thread, I did get thrown off with MIL. then, somewhere midthread, someone described Lisa’s biological mother as a Drama Queen – hence DQ. Then, I didn’t want to keep typing the word “parents-in-law”, so I abbreviated it to PIL. Although I keep having problem remembering DH. I remember it today, then a few days from now, I run into it and can’t figure it out.
Lisa, will you please ask your DMiL if she will be my accountant? i had $400 extra this month, but i really would have liked $40,000 so much better!!!!
maybe with that extra whopping $2,280 all you kids can have a catered campout in the back yard! bonfire. s'mores. good bottle of wine. or ten. no scary stories though, i think ya'll have had enough.