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I have been following this discussion from the beginning. Lisa, Your sense of humor and life experiences have no doubt helped a lot of people through their caregiving trials, including mine. The KAW also have been a great help. My MIL has lived with us for 9 years. My husband is an only child so we are all the family she has. My MIL is 92 now and has a multitude of health issues, including chronic kidney disease. She is almost deaf now. It hasn't been easy...it changes the whole dynamics of the family. But we have had things easier than most. My MIL is very quiet and passive and she is content to do her puzzles and sit in her lazyboy chair and watch tv. She has a nice room set up like a small apartment and her own bathroom. We set her up with adult daycare as soon as she came to live with us and she goes there 3 times a week.

I am thankful for this website. I know that when we get to the point of having to look into nursing homes, that I have the help and advice of all you wonderful women.
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Oh, Cat, that must be so rough. "Home". Tugged at my heart. Your description of the other residents - moaning and cries - it does give quite a One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest visual. Not good. You're really stuck too - you can't bring your dad home to your house and you aren't happy with him at the NH. Between a rock and a hard place. (Like you don't know all of this already. It just hits me when I read your comments.) I wish I could do something for you but I think you're on this journey on your own, and all we can do is wave and yell that we love you from the sidelines.
Pam - a campout in the backyard sounds like fun in a way, doesn't it? If it was with a bunch of family that you liked, and it was catered? I'd like that....sitting in a lawn chair with my feet propped on a rock by the campfire, gin and tonic in a red solo cup, smore's, someone playing a guitar. I'm always dreaming about being somewhere else and I don't even have it rough.
Ladee - the cowboy at Walmart almost became a hovercraft with the vac stuck up his behind - no wonder he's a little skittish around you! I wonder if you went out of your way to say "hello" if he'd be eating out of your hand. Maybe he still thinks you're mad at him.You could always fix him up with Thang.
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Judy I must have missed Ladee's discription of the "Cowboy" but your version is quite amusing and ????? Ladee I agree maybe you should be extra nice to hime just to see what he does.. I got a laugh out of it anyway.
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Diavalon, I'm not sure what thread that the whole vacuum cleaner story was on - if its not this one, then its either the Grossed Out thread of the Caregiver How Are You thread. Ladee went into Walmart to get a vac that was on sale. They only had the floor model, which Ladee said that she would buy at a discounted rate if they didn't have another one at the store for her when she returned in a few days time. The whole story and comments to it got us all a little crazy. I think the manager made the mistake of pointing out that Ladee had two different shoes on at the time as well - not very smart on his part. The KAW was going to storm Walmart in our blue tights and tuna cans. Ultimately, Ladee got her floor model at a discounted rate and Cowboy, the manager, wasn't happy. He would've been less happy with that vac shoved halfway up his behind though, and he didn't even realize it. I laughed so hard at this ridiculousness on the computer every night as the Cowboy story unfolded and people got carried away. All this side stuff is such good therapy. If we just discussed dementia and daycare and NH's and pissed and moaned without any humor, I would've disappeared a long time ago.
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It was on the YOU thread... and hell no I'm not going to be nice to him.... what on earth for????? What if there is something else on sale that I want that they don't have ... no way, nuh uh..... I want him to be scaired that I am going to approach him again... and we did get carried away didn't we... LOL... thank God I have a few laugh lines on this old face.....
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Ladee, I'm sure glad I'm not the only one this has happened too. I have a store manager of a local grocery store that basical hides when I come in. To say the least they ticked off my daughter so bad that she called the coperate office. Not only did she get calls at 9 pm at night but they sent us $75.00 in gift cards. I have laugh so had at some of the comments. I do believe it is good for the soul. I agree that we all need a few laugh lines to help the days go bye easier. Keep it up.:)
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Yes Ladde's Walmart story gave us some comic relief as the story unfolded-we do laugh and cry on this site and Ladde did win out -we knew she would. We also are able to be KAW kick ass women when needed
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Katybo, geez, u' ve been here all along? Speak up!! The Ladee walmart cowboy story was well punctuated by Cat's marvelous journalistic talents! If you did read that, hop over there n read it, cute n funny, just what we all needed! I love the $75 in coupons-guessing that wasn't walmart! Cat, my heart is breaking for u, that all sounded soo hard. Poor you and dad. I hate your sister won't show him the kindness he deserves. I am thankful he has you. Lisa, how u holding up? Joan, ur toonie is beautiful! I hope ur both feeling better. Sharyn-my Cherokee purple seeds dried nicely-thank u for teaching me how to save them. My meeting went well today, very helpful, n I can get as many consultations as I like! I felt so relieved to get there n turn some of the stuff over to someone else! Stopped at the hospice store on way home n got a great, lined linen dress, skirt, 2 pins, awesome new European Leather shoes for DH-dear husband-and Halloween costume for mom- she will be an honor graduate with a fab antique honors sash- from the school of wisdom n many years! All of that loot was a whooping $5.00! Whoohoo! No vacuums though...my mom is doing well, naturally still tired n 1 more med test, fri afternoon. Night all, luv hugs n prayers, and a moment of joy n sanity, kim
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wondered how you carry thru with the hard decisions and not feel the guilt - even when you know it was the only decision that you had. She s not in my house anymore and in my heart I know I did all I could do- but I'm always wishing what might have been - and still feeling the pain of having a mother that I know now never loved me. I wish it would go away and people are so quick to make assumptions about a situation they know nothing about.
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((hugs)) Crystalmpn perhaps it would help to talk to someone who understands what caregivers go through, a minister or the social worker at your local Home Health Care provider. At some point, I just had to accept my Mom loved me as best she could.

I always knew my Mother did not really care for me. I was the head-strong one, going to do it my way....the other siblings have always seemed to be afraid of her and waited on her hand and foot. I had things to do, books to read and places to go...this really bothered her. Always very jealous of friends I had and time spent away from home with other families. Still I get the "what are you doing now!" question.

It took a lot of time for me to understand our family dynamics. Mother has been with my husband and I for 2 years and is very well cared for. Perhaps it is easier because I detached myself from her years ago and no longer see her as the "Mommy" like my siblings still do.

You owe no explanation to anyone. You did all that you could and that is much more than the average person would attempt. The word guilty should not be in your vocabulary! When the going gets tough with my visiting siblings, I just excuse myself, go off to another room and shut the door or even take a drive alone.

Know that you are loved!
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I am so happy survived 2 that you were able to have a good end to your mama drama. Gives me strength to deal with mine who is dying at 68 of lung cancer...and just as vicious as ever, but not in my home..
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. . . a campout in the backyard sounds like fun in a way, doesn't it? If it was with a bunch of family that you liked, and it was catered? I'd like that....sitting in a lawn chair with my feet propped on a rock by the campfire, gin and tonic in a red solo cup, smore's, someone playing a guitar. . .

Judy, that is just how i pictured the campout for Lisa and all of her extended family!

we were pretty broke for all of my kid's lives and had no car or truck for seven of those years to take the kids camping. all the camping we did was because as a leader i set up trips and other parents drove, lolz. sometimes i would create a backyard campout. kind of a crazy thing to do in low income apartments, but this old place had plenty of greenspace around. some people thought we were insane because yes, there were drug dealers and problems in the other apartments across the street, but really, that stuff didn't come to our side much. of course i did keep my knife under my pillow.

as a Girl Scout Leader, a Scouter in Boy Scouts, and a Cub Scout Den Leader, i had been collecting gear for years so i could set up myself and all of my kids, and the neighbor kids to boot. i didn't have a fire pit, so i used the oil pan that i used for coal fires in Dutch Oven cooking; i set the big metal oil pan up on bricks, and chopped the wood down small enough to go inside of it. the Filipino mom next door grilled food on a little hibachi, and i built a fire after dark and helped all the kids make s'mores. the kids played hide and seek, flashlight tag, and i told scary ghost stories. it's one of those crazy beautiful memories the kids still carry.

anyways, Lisa's story about her DMiL sending ALL the kids and their families on vacation with just $2000 made me think of the campout idea. it really is a lovely thing to do with good people. the red solo cup was a perfect touch btw.
:D
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Can we sign up for that back yard camp-out with all the trimmings?! LOL!
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I'm with you Chi. Sign us up, Pam. Thanks for sharing the story. Very heartwarming and wonderful. Cat
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Lisa - Ray has his head screwed on straight - you all are doing so well. May there be peace in the valley for a while now to let you catch your respective breaths
KImbee - looks like things are comng together for you and your mum - or starting to anyway - I hope you life gets a little smoother too
Cat - so sorry about your dining experience with dad - one flew over the cuckoos net indeed. It doesn't make all this any easier.
camping out in the back yard sounds great! - camping out anywhere is great. We used to have indoor picnics - start with laying a red and white plastic checkered tablecloth on the floor...
to the so many who have had horrendous childhoods due to a narcissistic parent, and are still in there doing their best for that parent and for themselves - my heart goes out to you - to us
Hugs to all - enjoy to weekend
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Your Strengths: It is your own home not your parent's.
Your partner is still with you.
There are social service agencies to help.
This is a mistake, Whoops! choice you'll never make again,
WE cannot help everyone, no matter how willing and dutiful we are.
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Hello everyone. I'm sitting here with feelings of relief and guilt. And you just know I'm gonna tell you why. :))))) Mary had her appt today with her brand new primary care dr. Sil had this appt. We just got off the phone and she's having the same feelings I'm having. Mil was very rude to nurses and drs. Must have been pretty bad. Lied about her breathing difficulties Tuesday. Argued with sil about it. I told sil to ease up. She very well may not remember it. Dr asked questions and then would go back and ask those same questions after he gave her the answers. Sil said it was more like a meeting/interview for a while. Dr was with her for an hour and 40 minutes. Long story short, all her paperwork she had to sign and date was 1912. Not 2012. He referred to this being her birthday. Each time she had forgotten this was her birthday. Repeatedly told him she was cured of her cancer, and accused him of trying to confuse her. So you know where I'm going here. I'm so relieved she had these difficulties. Like I wanna do a happy dance. Then guilt sets in that I'm so pleased about it. Then I tell myself THIS IS A GOOD THING! He was able to see first hand her confusion and memory loss. Sil apologized to nursing staff while they drew blood. She asked them to please understand this is not the mother we know and love. One nurse laughed and said aww honey. It's ok, have you looked at our waiting room? This is what we do. We are used to this. So appt number 1 down. Very good chance mil may have to have a heart valve replaces. See the dr on the 19th for that. Never once was heart valve mentioned while she was in hospital. WTH. So that's where we are. Celebrate her birthday tomorrow. Lots more going on. Just don't have it in me tonight to put it all down. Love to you all my dear friends, Lisa
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Lisa -thank you for the update. As for narcissic mothers -I felt freer when I realized my mother never liked me and never will -but she is losing out -not me and my kids do love me and want to spend time with me as does my sister and her three boys -so my sister and I are the winners-my mother once told my sister she was a contraception mistake -can you imagine-I probably was one also-both my parents were narcissic and I married a narcissic man whose mother and grandfather were also narcissic-but my mother does not have power over me any more -I took the power back-she is not able to hurt me any more and that is a good thing.
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(((((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))) please let the guilt go - it is a VERY GOOD THING that the doctors and nurses saw how Mary is, and, yes, they know how to deal with it, You would think that the heart valve would have been mentioned in hospital.

Hope you can have a good birthday celebration tomorrow regardless of all that is going on. Take some deep breaths and pat yourself on the back for doing so well. Love and hugs to you all!!!!
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Lisa: Sounds like the Dr appt. went well. At least they got to see Mary for who she is and how can they help her otherwise.

The heart valve issue is a new twist. Could the problem have anything to do with Mary's mental deterioration? Just wishful thinking on my part, but it's still a question to pose.

Sounds like you have more to tell. Fill us in when you are up to it.

Sending you love and white light. Cat.
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Lisa, luv u girl, get some rest. Glad the dr saw what you all have been seeing. Kimbee
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Lisa, did you celebrate mil's bday? How was she? Any word on DQ? Been 36 hours since anyone commented here. Feels like the quiet before the storm again! Oooooh, noooooo!
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I'm with Lisa: What's going on here. Was their an air raid? Pull the drapes, lights out? Cat
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Hallooooooo??? Lisa?? Anyone home? I'm going to post on your wall and hunt your ass down. Enough is enough here.

Cat, did you mean you're with me on your comment or Lisa? Are you losing it, dearest?
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Duhhhhhhhh: I'm with you Judy. I'm not losing it, I've lost it. But I think I'm starting to get it back. I had a good day today. Went to see my dad, as usual, and he ate a little bit at lunch. He has lost another 3 pounds this week, but it didn't rip my heart out. He has such a sweet nurse and when I was rolling him down the hall after lunch, she was it the hallway at a writing station. I stopped and asked her about his weight and she had the data at hand. She really likes my dad, so we just looked at each other and she had that sad look on her face. There really wasn't much else to say. She takes good care of him and I am always relieved if she is working on a weekend day as those are often different staff and not as many connections. So I just looked at her and said, "Ok, Julie, thanks." She knows I love her.

When I came home today, hubby was working so I had the house to myself and I think I needed that. I love to have my space, the peace of it. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much, but I love my time alone also and it's kind of healing.

I read something today. In summary a woman commented that she was a servant of God. She is just here to serve. It really wasn't religious...I know you don't like that. It was just about caring. Well, it made sense to me. I am just hear to love my family and maybe be a voice for those who don't have one. I can't fix my dad, but I can be his faithful witness and be by his side. That's all I can do. And it felt like enough. Like it was just ok to be me and be by his side. Like my being there was enough. After all, I really can't do more than that.

Sometimes having the time to be alone really helps me process my thoughts and emotions. It was a good day.

Love you, Cat.
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Dear Cat,
Sometimes, it doesn't get any better than that!
I am so glad you "got that"!
You have worked so hard to take care.
Peaceful heart!
{{{hugs!}}}
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Cat~I so get what you are saying!!! Being an introvert, I need my down time to just be me. I love having the house to myself after years of raising children it is such a treat to be alone. It makes me a happier person too. I love people but I have to have my space with no demands. Enjoy the time with your father and the time you get be alone!!!
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Thanks Chi and Sharynmarie: It was so nice to hear your voices. Cat
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Cat, been worried about you, glad to hear u having a bit of peace, u deserve it so much. I'm glad dad's Julie cares for him, kno that gives u peace too. I can totally relate to needing quiet alone time. I'm an extrovert but need time, space, aloneness to process all of this-it can't be hurried, n the day-2-day is so hectic. My mom is sleeping more. I find myself torn b/w "luxuriating" in the time to be "lazy" alone, restful, VS getting her up n the constant effort it takes to engage her in life. She does better if I am working at it, right there holding her hand every min., if not, she wants to run back to bed. It's too much...So I keep trying to strike a balance for both of us. I am really eager for my new helpers, feels like forever waiting. Cat, I feel like my mom is starting her long slow journey toward death. My heart aches for you as you go thru this with ur precious dad. Hold on to ur moment of peace as long as u can. Gonna run, tornado warnings all round us, rain moving in quickly. Luv to all, Kim. Lisa, hope u r ok?
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Kimbee hope you will be safe from the storms-we are getting lots of rain-this is a good day to start getting fall clothes from storage and putting away summer clothes fall will be here soon-trees are already turning colors.
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