My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Mil appt with cardiac dr is tomorrow. Doug has this one. She's having really good days. And then she has a day where she slips backwards. I just can't get a read on this dementia. There are days it's Mary, and then other days she takes a step backwards. We are taking each day as it comes. I just can't seem to get my thoughts together. And we all know I have sooooo many thoughts. Heeheehee. Love you guys and thank you fpor loving me back and being my friends. Promise I'll get my shit together and snap out of it. Thanks for the I'll hunt you down like a og Judy :))))))
You have been working so hard to manage through all this!
{{{hugs!}}}
I'll be back later girls. I plan on taking lunch to Mary and ray tomorrow and sitting with them for a while. Wasn't ready for it today. But I will be tomorrow. Love you all my friends!
I'm sorry about mil's health. It sounds like you're all finding your way through together - kind of like stumbling into the unknown, but having each other to hold on to on the way. There isn't anything I can say to make you feel better, and my heart goes out to you and your family, and I'm hoping for the best. When I think of you - I smile.
e each other. What a blessing. Tell Doug we love him and are honored to be part of your extended family.
Love and prayers. Cat
I truly believe the phrase 'grace under fire' was written about you. I wish I had half the grace dealing with my situation that you have shown dealing with your problems.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Yesterday after the drivers left on their route my boss called me in her office. She said first let me assure you I have and never will reveal to anyone what you told me in confidence about your mother. But another woman here can sure use your help. Situation not as bad as the one you were in. Mom dosen't live with her, but just as abusive and her sister was arrested by the bank on Wednesday when she was caught doing fraudulent transactions on her mothers account. I right away knew who it was. This woman left work crying when she received the phone call. Long story short. sis got mom for $11,000. She and her husband had already payed three returned checks. Told her STOP!!! so I called my magic #. they met with her at 4 yesterday afternoon. She just now left here with every contact number and names of every agency I've found help with over the years. Couldn't believe everything I told her was right on with what the detective told her. Hahaha. Told her I'm just glad I could stop her paying the checks like Doug and I did the first time. I can't tell you how good this has felt helping her.
Next: you thought I was done didn't you? Hahaha, ya shoulda known better.... Phone rings at 2 a.m. It was mil. Wanted to catch me before I left for work. She asked me if she has another dr appt today and who was taking her. Lord girls, scared the hell out of us. So I just got up and chatted with her for about 20 minutes. She told me not to forget fil birthday next weekend. It's actually today. But I just told her we won't. She said I'll let you go so you can get ready for work. Fil called this morning and told us we are not doing his birthday today. Mil thinks it's next weekend so that's when we will do it. Isn't he just terrific?
Ok, I think I'm done. I hope your day is as beautiful as each and every one of you are. Lisa
Enjoy the birthday celebration next week.
Wonderful that you could help out the other bus driver.It must have been very rewarding. I believe there is a reason and purpose in everything that happens to us, and that good can come out of it.
Hope your infection is much better. You are in contact with so many bugs with all those kids you drive.
Life is going on, even if Mary is not quite herself, she is still there. Treasure every moment.
jeanne - you are a terrific example - turned the conversation to fishing then back to bed. Great.
austin - you are here helping other through your own bad experiences, and very valuable indeed.
bigkatie and flutterby - hi - lisa is amazing, isn't she
cat - hope you are holding up reasonably well. Let us know how you and dad are doing.
Running out of superlatives for all you fine ladies. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
Love, hugs and prayers - Joan
This is my life now. Some weeks are better, some are worse. You learn to live with a degree of pain. Life does go on, whether you like it or not. I mentioned that before, and did not mean to be callous, but what choice do you have? The choice is in how it goes on, not whether it goes on. I can see my glass as half full, or half empty, or half full of water, and half full of air, if that makes any sense. Some of the water is gone, but the glass is filled with something else. It is just different. The next tough one is in October, his birthday, then Christmas, then another year starting without him and so on. Then there are the unexpected events like the death of my friend's son which are triggers for pain. I have too much experience with death and grief for my comfort, but it is not all about comfort, is it? I tolerate fools less well now, but embrace life with less fear - not no fear, but less.
Here is a poem I think I posted before somewhere on AC. It speaks to me of Gordie, and what he would have said to me, and also what is in my heart. It is true - people die, but love remains. To me that is comforting.
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Now that I am gone,
Remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
Cry with your brothers or sisters
Who walk in grief beside you.
And when you need me,
Put your arms around anyone
And give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much.
I want to leave you something –
Something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known
Or helped in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
As well as in your mind.
You can love me most
By letting your love reach out to our loved ones.
By embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
Give me away as best you can.
-- Author unknown
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A man with crutches walking in the trail this morning approached Gordie's bench. I saw him read the plaque before he sat down, and rested. The words on the plaque invite people to rest in memory of Gordie. It was meaningful to me.
Much love, thanks and (((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) Joan