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Wow, Joan. Another post to bring tears to my eyes. I wish I could sit on that bench with you.
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You will - in my heart. :)
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Yes, Joan, Lisa is amazing! But, then I think all of the KAW are amazing! (I hope one day I will be worthy of the cape and tuna cans.)
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Emjo that is great having a bench in memory of your Gordie. Our bike/walking trail that was once a railroad track has benches in memory of people who have passed on -one of them was given in memory of an amazing women who I had worked with for years and we had lost touch -I did not even know she had died- it brings back to me how she lived her life and she would have been pleased that her bench gives people a place to rest and enjoy the surronding nature-I always feel closer to God on the trail and often do my best praying out there walking along.
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That was beautiful Joan. Me too Judy. So many here that I would just love to hold their hand and sit with.

Ok girls. Joan already knows this because she saw my Facebook post and liked it . I have a confession to make. IM A ROYAL WATCHER! especially anything Princess Diana. And it so happens her exhibit is here at Frazier museum. So I planned on going, it's here until Jan. We get up this morning and everyone immediately starts straightening the house, and I'm thinking, daaaaaaammmm! Next thing ya know, I get out of the shower and my girls are sitting at the table dressed, makeup on with smiles on their face. Come on mom. We are getting you out of here today. Ok, I'm thinking lunch. Nope! Drove straight to the museum. Omg! I was so freaking excited the parking attendant where we parked was chuckling. So we get our tickets and walk in. Oh lord girls, the goosebumps!!! We saw her report cards, toys she played with, home movies. So I turned to go to the next room and Beth and Jen are standing in the doorway with shit eatin grins on their faces.( Now I have to tell you, seeing this exhibit if it ever came anywhere near Louisville is on my bucket list. ) so Jen looks at me with her beautiful smile and says, "are you ready mom? This is it!" I'm so giddy at this point, I just can't stand myself!!! I walk in the room and I swear to you my eyes watered! There it was. THE WEDDING DRESS!!!! omg, the butterflies in my stomach. I stood only a few feet from it thinking this has got to be the ugliest freaking wedding dress I ever seen in my life! but who cares???? I bet I walked around that glass case looking at every pearl sewn on. I look at the girls and they were teared up. they knew what this meant to me. Jen leaves the room and comes back and said you are going to love this. Walk in and good lord, there's the evening gowns, day dresses, outfit she wore walking thru the land mines. Gown she wore the last time she was at the white house. next room, the funeral. Video screen of procession, dried flowers from front of the palace, condolence books from all over the world. Ok, I'll stop. I could go on and on. Those three hours my girls gave me is one of the most wonderful 3 hours of my life. They could care less about the royals and in fact groan when a bio comes on and I have to watch it. They told me they just could not imagine not being with me and just watch me being as happy as they knew I would be. I love, love, love my girls! Jen told me I just didn't realize the people watching me with smiles on their faces at my excitement. Then we went to our favorite steak house. What a perfect day. Thanks for listening girls. So much happening in our lives, I just needed to share sumthing wonderful with you. Just don't know how I'll come down off this cloud I'm on to get some sleep tonite. Love you guys!!!!
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I pray and walk too Austin, and feel close to God when in nature How nice that there is a bench in your friend's memory. Gordie used to run on the trails, Once in a while someone leaves flowers, or a card on the bench - people we don't know but who knew Gordie. It touches me. We planted some lilacs behind the bench, and there are some wild roses beside it. The lilacs are in memory of my father whose birthday was in May. I always gave him a bouquet of lilacs from the garden with his gift. He died before Gordie was born, but they know each other now. The lilacs and the bench will be there when we leave. The first person who used it was a young man about Gordie's age, dressed as he used to. Strange but comforting are the signs we get. Just because someone dies, you don't want to stop doing things for them. In fact, you need to do things for them. The bench was one.
Hi flutterby - not sure what it takes to be a member - just jump in! :)
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((((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))) I saw that on fb and that you have confessed to being a royal watcher. What a wonderful day with your girls. You will carry that memory in your heart now forever. I am so happy for you - just what you needed in the middle of all this. Awesome!!!!
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When my husband died and we had the memorial service-some of my friends from church worked hard cleaning up the flower garden in front of the church and it was so hot that day -they did not know I would be stoping by with browines that I had made because my husband had loved brownies and I had bought a flowering bush that my son and granddaughter had planted and it is in bloom every year the month he died and into a month later when we had the service. Also instead of flowers people gave money to our church and they bought an electric grill in his memory-he loved bar b cues and our church has a lot of them. Also our church was a house my husband played in as a child. Emjo had brought back memories for me since he has died I have only had bad memories and was always hoping some day I would think of good things about his life and tonight I did have good memories to share for the first time since he died-it has been over three years.
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See what we would miss Austin if we didn't check in all the time.... happy to hear there were some good memories.....
Emjo, ya know I love ya and you are in my thoughts and prayers...
Flutterby, you are already a member.... posting makes you one... so welcome, and keep coming back....
I got to 'church' when I go rock hunting... it is so quite on the back roads, I get to hear what God is saying to me....I could never live somewhere without quite....
Lisa, how awesome for you and your girls... just shows us , again, what a wonderful family you have.... and you were worried at the begining of this thread about 'letting them down' because of the mess with your mom... see, we told you not to worry about that.... I would love to see that dress myself...... she was one awesome woman wasn't she.... she'll live in our hearts forever....
Hugs to everyone...
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I'm 58 and single and moved my 82 yr old mother in with me two years ago because she wasn't thriving well on her own. It has not been a pleasant experience because I don't get along with my mother. Even as a child I didn't get along with her. My other siblings aren't keen on my mother and stay away. I should never have taken her in. Mother is ungrateful, selfish, narcistic and has always displayed an "entitlement" attitude. She was a neglectful mother and the problems she had when she was younger have followed her into old age. I stay in my bedroom too much because I don't want to look at my mother. It's a tough situation. I do my best and she is getting good care from me but I don't love her.
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I didn't love my dad either, that's why he was financially able to go into AL and that is where he got awesome care... so maybe other arrangements need to be made soon... living in your bedroom, is not living... good luck and come back and let us know how you are doing.... hugs
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Unfortunately my mother does not have the financial means to pay for an assisted living facility. Before I moved her in with me here in Jacksonville, she had her own apartment in one of those 55+ apartment communities in Daytona Beach. Over the years I stopped in to check on her and finally in Dec. 2010 I realized it would be considered negligent, on my part, to leave her living alone. Mobility issues got in the way of her getting groceries, preparing meals and keeping her apt clean. I'm the oldest of five and none of my other siblings volunteered to help mom. I'm helping her because she gave life to me. She was not a good mother and she caused many problems in the family.

Mom often wonders why I spend so much time in my bedroom but it's because I dislike interacting with her. I don't tell her the truth because that would be cruel. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick our mothers and I was handed one that isn't normal. Mom gets good care but her existence in my condo is ruining my life. Everywhere she goes she makes a big mess and it creates a huge amount of work on my part to keep the place clean. Thank you for commenting.
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Jacksonville -you will get great support here from other caregivers and some of us that were caregivers. You do not have to love the one you are caring for-which is almost allways the case here-a few like our Linda heart really loved her Pa and she knew he loved you also. I am sorry you have to hide away to get some peace-and most sibs do not help with the care-they leave it up to the only one in the family who really cares and most elders do not appreciate even a little bit what is being done for them-they are narcissic and can not or will not see beyond their selfish wants and needs-it is what it is. People tend to treat the person who does the most the worst and they tell themselves and anyone else who will listen to them that their caregiver does not do much for them. It is sad but these are the facts.
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Jacksonville58, have you read the entire 1600+ posts in this emancipation saga? Lisa too had lots of "reasons" why she "had" to personally take care of her mentally ill and cruel mother. And then she saw the light and freed herself.

Living in your condo and ruining your life is not the only option for your mother. What if she had no children? What if you took the same attitude as your siblings? Do you think that she would be on the streets now?

She gave you life. You may feel obligated to see that she has a safe, comfortable place to live, and the medical care she needs. But you are not obligated to provide this in your own home.

If you haven't already, I think you would find reading the entire long thread very inspiring.

Good luck!
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O...M....G.....Isn't it sad when a parent who required so much from us seems
to become a blankety elderly terrorist. Set it aside remembering you gave
her a chance to repair the damage to herself and others, but it had already
gone too far. You need professionals now who know what to expect from her
and are equiped with facilities and equipment and medication to intervene.
It seems you ended up with all the left over bad behavior,mental illness and
emotional blackmailers. Added to a child with disabilities, you are a blooming
saint. She is like the drowning victim that fights the rescuer and both end up
losing their lives. I am so sorry you have gone through so much trying
to rescue her. Remember: there are some things we are not qualified
to change. Let go and Let God...Sometimes it seems that all we have
left is God's Grace...and then we find that He is all we need to wash
it all off of us. Praying for you and all who love you...
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Jeanne . . . I appreciate your comments about my situation. My mother is frail and when she become bedridden, she will have to go to a nursing home. I will tolerate the situation for a little longer. This December it will be two years that mom has been living with me.

My father passed away twenty years ago but his life was made miserable by my mother. Whenever there was extra money, my mother would take off and spend it and she always had boyfriends. And would you believe that she claimed to be religious? Yes, she would go to a Catholic church! When I was a teenager my mother had my brother (fifteen years younger than me) and as a teenager I was always looking after my baby brother. At times, when my father went away on a business trip, my mother would be out with a boyfriend and I'd be at home babysitting. My mom never felt remore for her neglectful ways. So, you can imagine how I feel now to have my mother living with me and having to look after her and giving up my personal life as I did as a teenager. I will go and read the other postings for inspiration.
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My mother's famous words when I was a teenager and my father was away on a business trip: "Don't tell your father!"

Yes, she had boyfriends.
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There's more to my story: My brother who is fifteen years younger than me was not my father's child. He doesn't know who his father is and he didn't find out until he was twenty. That's when he heard my parents arguing and heard my father declaring that he wasn't his son.

I dislike my mother so much! When we go out in public I have to hold her hand so she doesn't fall. I'm providing this caregiver's role out of being decent. But, underneath it all I am miserable. When the time comes and my mother needs a hospital stay, that's when I'll have the hospital social worker place her in a nursing home.
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Jacksonville, if you read this thread you will see you have other options. Read the second comment made by Jeanne when I came to this sight at the end of my rope and desperate for help. Then read on. Just because this woman gave birth to you does not mean you owe her anything. I don't care where you live, there are always options. Pick up the phone and call social services in your area. They will help you. Good luck!
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P.s. The night Beth has been waiting for all summer is here! The season premiere of dancing with the stars! She is so funny. We have to plan the evening down to the minute the show starts. Then she gets her notebook and table, sits in her chair and writes down every song danced to. Then on her off days every few weeks she has a cd made with those songs. Then like every year past, one hour before it starts she will call aunt Rae each week to remind her it will be on in one hour. So I guess there actually is something she enjoys more than doing laundry. Heeheehee
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Lisa, I don't know if this will help you or not, but I take Ester C and Zinc, (and some other supplements), twice a day and it 'appears' to keep cold and flu virus's away. My last cold was Oct 2010, and the one before that was Dec 2007. I can't remember before that. I haven't had a flu in well over 15 years I guess, and I don't get flu shots, not since my kids were babies. I volunteered and worked with kids from 1987 to 2009 and I have a low white cell count, so it's kind of a miracle I wasn't sick all the time for what I was exposed to. My white cell counts are especially low in things related to children's diseases like Diphtheria, Measles, Mumps, Rubella, Whooping Cough, etc. The oncologist who saw me after I was referred to him for my blood work up told me that I should stop working with children. I figured if I had not gotten sick yet, I was unlikely to.
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Hello everyone: I just wanted to tell you that my dad passed away this evening at 5:05 PM. As of yesterday morning he was non-responsive and no longer urinating, plus he was running a low grade fever. We kept him on morphine, every two hours. I was with him through the day and evening yesterday and then went home to get some sleep, expecting a call any minute. I spent today with him and am so grateful to God that I was there, holding his hand, when he took his last breath. I can't tell you how much that meant to me. I'm just so grateful that I could share that moment with him and know that I was releasing him into God's loving arms. Be at peace dad. I see you and mom sitting on a hillside that overlooks a field of wildflowers and I know you are both surrounding by your beloved dogs. Someday soon we will join you in the light.

Thank you, all my precious friends, for caring about me and my dad. Sending you love and white light. Cattails
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Cattails, I am so sorry for your loss. I do understand. My father passed away last June and it was hard. I miss him so much, but I know he is no longer in pain. I am happy you were with your father at the end, unfortunately I was not with mine. I feel so guilty for not being there, but I did not know he would leave us that soon. Cherish the good memories you have with him. In time, it does get a little easier. Trite, but true. I feel like I know you after reading your postings and I know you loved your father very much. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Hi Maureen, our Cattails, I am so sorry to hear you have lost your wonderful Dad's physical presence here but thankful he can have peace and that you were with him until his last breath. That is a powerful moment to experience. You have certainly been a special and wonderful daughter who gave him all the love that every dad hopes for, but not all are blessed to receive. I'm sure you made him so proud in who you are and all that you have done for so many, and the wonderful legacy you are making in your lifetime-moment by moment. I hope you will have your own peace knowing his hard struggle is over and you gave everything you had. This is a busy time but please know we are here for you now, and later, too, when things slow down a bit. You are a blessing to all of us-know we are sending you love and hugs, and your special white light right back to you in a special KAW kind of way. We love you Cat, and wish we could be there in person; know we are there in full-on cyber spirit. Our deepest sympathies, Kimbee
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Cat, may this time of great sadness also be a time of celebration of your father's presence that has been such an important part of your life.
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Cat - My heart goes out to you. I wish I could give you a big, squishy, I-love-you-my-friend sort of hug. I can only hope that when I take my last breath, one of my children will be there with me, holding my hand. There is no greater comfort than that. Well done, Cat. Sending you my affection, friendship and love.
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Thanks Judy. You are my Irish soul sister.
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Cat~My heart goes out to you. You have shown so much strength throughout this journey and now that your father is at peace, he will continue to live in your heart. Hugs and peace to you and your family♥.
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(((((((((((((cat)))))))))))))) so glad you could be there with your dad when he passed, and that he passed quietly, but sorry for your loss. I know you will miss him dreadfully. You have been a very caring, loving daughter for both your parents. It is something of which you can be proud. They must have known/know that you love them very much.Your mum and dad are together now, and at peace. May you be at peace too. Much love Joan
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Cat, i am crying for you, but oh what a beautiful legacy of love both of your parents created in you. you were your dad's peace and comfort to the end i am certain. i am praying for you now. God Bless.

sorrow is not forever. love is.
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