My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I didn't realize that Jan still lived with you. For some reason I thought she had left. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a quick end to this.
Love, Cattails
You'll probably be tired for a while. Let that be okay. Eventually, you will reclain your personal, soul space, too. It's coming, I promise.
Holding our collective breath with you...XOXOXOJB
So I'm wondering; If Christian Care can take her tomorrow, is it possible that you and Doug can drive her over with the things you have packed? I know it won't be a pleasant drive over, but it will be a pleasant drive home.
You could pack the rest of her things and your nephew could take them the following night when he doesn't have a sports obligation.
I agree with Rebecca and wish we were all close enough to be with you, help pack her up and handle the transport.
Lisa, I think when this is over you are going to need time to decompress. I have found when I experience bad situations it is helpful for me to just clean. It's like reclaiming my space and it's a positive way to get rid of bad energy.
When you know the move date, call a carpet cleaner and make arrangements for them to come in. Maybe repaint the room she was in. Just reclaim what was chaos and turn it into a new look. A look that you mom never witnessed or shared. If it doesn't seem to extreme, change your locks. If you can deal with the hassle, change your home phone number to an unlisted number and only give it to friends and family that you trust. All these things can make you feel like you are starting a new chapter. It's only necessary if it's helpful. You are the judge of that, but I fear you mom may want to call and harass you.
Right off the bat, Invite Jen over for a take out dinner, just the four of you in your home. Don't worry about cooking, that's not the point, it's just time for you to share a meal together in your home. You are the survivors.
I'm probably over reacting here, so take it with a grain of salt or apply what feels good.
LOVE and so many heartfelt HUGS to you, Doug, Beth and Jan. You are an amazing family.
Cattails.
I wish all of us lived close enough to take turns staying with you when Doug is not there until your mother leaves. Just know I am praying. Rebecca
Why don't you, hubby and dtr out out to dinner and let mom deal with her own dinner. Stay strong!!!
Here is what I would do. I'd sign her up for Medicaid! Then I would put her in the car and deliver her to a facility that takes Medicaid patients. You don't want to have someone smoking around Oxygen - especially in your home! Despite anything else that maybe going on - this could cost you your life and the lives of your loved ones! Not to mention - have you checked with your insurance company to see if they would cover any loss in case of an explosion? I'd do that right away! Mom would just have to change into her big girl panties and deal with the consequences! Sorry to sound judgemental but we all get so wound up in "what would mom think" or "what would mom do" we just loose the entire picture of "what needs to happen". And remember, you just can't please people who can't be pleased.
We are all praying that she will be gone very soon and the abuse will end.
Love and Hugs, Cattails.
a few more days and it will be over. Prayers are with you.
Well, cool. The cat's out of the bag, you had a great day, everyone loves and admires you, and we all hope that mom will be in her own place asap....hopefully, Tuesday afternoon.
Take those bikes out tomorrow. Go to the movies. Just have some fun with your hubby.
Be sure to let us know what happens on Tuesday.
Love and Hugs, Cattails
It's not a bad thing to have people who love you and it's ok to let them know you are in pain. When is there ever a perfect time to share your story. You will never be able to do it without showing the stress and emotion you have experienced.
I take it that you are getting together with your husband's family, probably at his parent's house. My point is that I'm thinking it will be family only. If you have a chance to have them all together, or you and Doug can arrange that with the adults, maybe you could take a moment to tell them how much you have looked forward to being in their presence, that you know they love you and Doug and the love is returned; that you understand they are concerned about you both, but things are going to be resolved shortly. Tell them that you want to enjoy this day and being bathed in the love they all have for you, that you will explain in more detail later, but for today, you just want to be with them because they are the family that you love.
I've no doubt that you will blubber through this little speech, but there is no shame in that and these people love you. They will feel honored that you shared that much with them and they will do all they can to make your day with them just what you want it to be.
Let them see you. They are your family, a true family. They are going to feel the same way all of us feel about you. We love you and treasure your voice. Your voice is a gift, so don't keep it so close to the vest. You have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to feel guilty about. Your husband and children will be proud of you for just being who you are, as all of us are.
You are Lisa, a very amazing person who has traveled a long road. Someone who has been a loving wife and mother. Someone who has experienced what many have not. Someone who always tried to do the Christian thing. Someone who is breaking free of the horror of you mom and siblings. You are a shining star of grace and love.
At most, it's a 5 minute talk that you can offer to your family. It will mean a lot to them and they will feel that you have taken them to a place of confidence. From what you have told us about them, they will respect it and be grateful that you reached out to them.
So that's my thought. You and Doug can mull it over and discard it if it's too traumatic. Whatever you decide, you have my 100 percent support.
Much love to you, my brave friend. Cattails.