I'm an only child of a very self absorbed 81 yr old woman. We have a stormy history.She is sweet and caring yet has moments of complete narcissism. Listening to her talk about herself constantly drives me crazy!!! I feel trapped and all I want to do is run away. I feel guilty because I dont' live with her, I have my own place and I only help her 20 hrs a week. Why should I be feeling resentful and bitter and burned out? She calls 3-4 times a day on my days off with questions, .problems, etc. I need to write a huge note on a poster board in huge letters. "Don't call me unless it's an emergency!" She sucks the life out of me. I hate feeling this way because I don't want any regrets when she's gone. I can't be her daughter anymore like this. I'm her hired hand. She pays me to take care of her and I'm grateful. I am on disability because of physical disability. and can only work part time. Sorry for rambling.....Anyway, I need to look for another job so I can get my life back. It's not that I don't want to help her, I just feel CONSUMED, the stuffing is out of me and I want out. I feel so burned out. What is wrong with me? ARRRGHH.
.
I think you are having a bad day, and need to vent. Ok
Completely understand sometimes you are not up for answering the phone.
I get how needy and difficult an older parent can be, and I wish you well with that.
I hope you can gear your relationship towards a family, mutual support grounded in love, rather than a straight business transaction with a side of guilt.
You need to value YOU more than your mother.
You need to value your health more than your mother.
It's a state of mind and it's hard to get to, but day by day, start taking your life back. Look, I love my mother, but I like me more!!!
xo
-SS
Take care of yourself and get a different job, so that you aren't relying on Mom's money. You are in an awful spot, but you aren't alone.
You clearly need support, Smitty, and I urge you to look into options that will be the best for both of you. Your Mom's needs will only increase so you need to plan now. I am sorry you have no other family member to help.