Caregivers being brats.

Okay so the other night I had just had-it-up-to-here with mom's endless repetitive worry wart bedtime questions, demanding answers to each one. I finally just blurted out that just once I would like to be able to go to bed without all the drama and that I wish she wouldn't have such bad days every day. She just looked at me and said SOMEBODY is having bad day! I had to just look at my face in the mirror for a minute....

Mom and I used to laugh a lot over the weirdest things. Mom still had her sense of humor into her Dementia. But I lost mine caring for her. I could not laugh at the things she couldn't help doing or saying. I felt it was disrespectful. She told me one day I was no fun anymore.😁

After 3 months in the AL I had a care meeting with the RN and my oldest went, an RN. Both had worked together. We were sitting there and the nurse told us that Mom had come out of her room completely naked. TG the Nurse was in the hallway and rushed my Mom back to her room. My daughter started laughing, then the Nurse then me. Not because Mom came out naked but because a straight laced man in our Church lived right across the hall. All I could think of what he would think when he walked out of his room and saw my Mom, someone he new for years, running around naked.😮

irreverEnt yesss. Had to use "E" trick to remember how to spell the darned word.

ir·rev·er·ent-perfect!
No apologies necessary on this thread.
I think we do need to let go of a lot of things to lower ourselves enough to rise to the occasion of being irreverent at the moment.

Caregivers can be called 'brats'. Why not? I did homecare for a long time and can tell you that what might be described as a caregiver being a brat is usually just the caregiver keeping a handle on the situation and getting the work done that needs to get done.
Caregiving is not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned. Sometimes you have to be a little bit hard or "bratty".
As for using humor. I say if you're not laughing you're not living. If you could have seen my father's wake that funeral home was like a comedy club. Then everyone came back to eat and drink at my house. Why not? Everyone gets through things in their own way.
I've heard some of the best jokes ever at funerals and wakes.
I remember being at the funeral of a friend's father some years back. The family were devout Catholics so there was a lot of standing and kneeling which is a Catholic mass. In the most silent moment when the priest was blessing the Communion someone farted in church. And it echoed too because the accustics were great in that church.
It was hilarious. The priest had a hard time keeping a straight face himself. If you can have a laugh, it helps. nothing wrong with that.

@notgoodenough,

I would have been "dying" if I heard that comment about the casket making some nice cabinets. That is funny.
'Gallows' humor can be funny too. I am reminded of the historical execution of Lord Stafford by Henry VIII. The condemned is offered a blindfold before the noose gets put on. Lord Stafford who had only one eye is remarked to have told the executioner that there's no need. He just turned his eye patch over to cover the other eye. 600 or and some odd years later people still get a laugh.
Laughter and time can right all things.

Sorry, Sendhelp, the term "brat" sort of got to me, because I've seen the terminology "senior brat" bandied about in the forum, usually referring to an extremely self-centered, difficult elderly person...and there's not usually any humor in those posts.

I would personally rather be referred to as someone who treats difficult situations with a certain amount of irreverent reverence, as it were.

But I guess in the nature of this thread, I can indeed sometimes rise (lower?) to the level of brat-i-ness.

@ Notgoodenough,
You don't have to be called a brat to post here. Your comments are welcome here.
The term "Brat" has many definitions. In Russia, brat is defined as "brother".
What term would you like to call your behaviors? Any is okay. It does not mean you are bad or not good enough.


Your example of using humor at your Mom's funeral is excellent, and funny to me. It fits perfectly on this thread. Otherwise, why would you whisper it to your sister if it was acceptable for anyone to hear it?

Your comment varies from the traditional behavior one would expect to hear at a funeral service. Kind of "outside of the box" if you will. However you want to define your behavior is okay, but I do not want to limit this thread to "gallows humor", nor take away from the "Jokes needed" thread. I do appreciate your example.

I had thought of including my Pet Peeves in this thread.
Because I have some. Holding back. Way back.
Not wanting this thread to become a critical place to deconstruct other's
use of their own terminology.

I am a brat, on purpose. To get some M&M's I even had to beg. I was unrelenting.

Hoping that addresses your question of "Why" we are brats.

Why is looking at an extremely difficult situation and trying to find some semblance of humor in it - in order to be able to cope with and get through it - make one a "brat"?

Isn't it essentially the same thing as "gallow's humor"?

I understand there are people out there who love to be - and therefore are -perpetually offended by any slightly off-color comment, but that's their problem to deal with.

Want a specific example? At mom's funeral I leaned over and whispered to my sister "you know, mom's casket would make some really nice looking kitchen cabinets." She still laughs about it.

If using humor to get through troubling times is bratty, then my husband and I must be the biggest brats ever, because we poke fun at practically everything, most especially ourselves.

Dh was hoarding and hiding a good supply of M&M's.
M&M's with peanuts.
I was a brat until he finally gave in.
Now that I have had my chocolate, I feel better.

Funny, I went into the kitchen, and it occurred to me, maybe this thread's topic could be about what we are singing.

I came back, and there you are!

Yes, SnoopyLove,
I am an example.

Of what, I do not know.

Welllll, of late I've taken to humming Moon River whenever mom starts her sundowners. Then I had to look up lyrics on google so I could sing out loud. One afternoon while I was singing, mom told my husband to turn down the noise so she could hear the Dodger game. Yep I'm a 63 yo brat.

I'm always using humor as a way to relieve stress. If I didn't have a sense of humor I think I probably would have been institutionalized long ago.

Usually when I'm under a ton of stress I eventually break into gales of laughter over nothing. For instance just the other day when we took my kitty into the vet. The vet had to express my cats anal glands. Yes, apparently anal glands need to express themselves. Anyway, after the vet took my kitty to the back to do this I had a laugh attack.

Send, good topic. A little humor goes a long way towards easing what ails us.

Humor is a big help. My late ex-mother-in-law used humor all through her life even when she was in her 90's. She could laugh about her own aging, and I have adopted that mind set.

Both my partner and I have mild tremors that come and go, it's age related. Sometimes he tries to carry dishes and silverware to the sink. And sometimes the rattling of the silverware on the dishes can be loud. The first time I heard this I said "oh no, an earthquake" and that got him laughing :)

Hmm, trying to think of an example here. 🤔 How about you, SendHelp?