Good morning,
I am new to the group and have been shoved into a journey of dealing with my mom. She has early onset frontal lobe dementia. She got remarried in 2007/2008 or so to her current husband. She currently lives with him and doesn't work and primarily watches game shows daily.
I have 2 older sisters and we received a message this morning that my mom's husband may be having to move to work, out of state. He asked her if she wanted to move with him, and she said she didn't want to move and wanted to live with my oldest sister. He sent a message to her letting her know the information above.
So I need some guidance... I don't know where to start.... what to do? We (my sisters and I) cannot accommodate her to come live with any of us. And a facility is way too expensive for any of us to afford. I don't know what I don't even know.... so anyone who can help or provide me resources or where to start with this would be so greatly appreciated.
I should also add, that she has no financial means, she is on SS but doesn't receive much.
TIA.
Also, if the marriage didn't happen until 2013, and they divorce now, FishyMom's mother will not be eligible to collect on her spouse's Social Security earnings when he reaches full Social Security age. That could be helpful in four or five years.
We became part of the statistic for elderly care. Mom has beginning dementia/ end stage kidney disease- can not walk along with other ailments
Dad can no longer take care of her
Yes married- limited income and a lot of other financial problems
But with a lot of hard
We got her Medi Cal.
Denied two or 3 times.
Went down to social worker instead of mail / email
And finally received benefits for long term.
I hope this helps
We were denied vetrerns benefits from aid and attendance because dad unfortunately didn’t serve in a war period of active duty
Dont give up
The call was ended and we have consulted an attorney and basically everyone said we don’t have a ton of options at this moment. But divorce is the probably the best option at this point and that it is critical that we all work together so this goes smoothly. We have all sent pleading messages to him to call us and work out a plan with absolutely no response.
Now we have NO IDEA what to do now... we have called out mom and she is ok. So we at minimum know that.
To answer your question....Yes, the 401k is a hypothetical asset.
When a husband is bailing, they cash out or hide their assets first.
It is a red flag that he is not responding to calls, texts, or e-mails.
Repeating: Someone needs to advocate for Mom. And yes, for both of them.
Can anyone go and visit them any time soon?
I have to say, the poor man must be tearing his hair out. Of course she's your mother, and you naturally want the best for her, but don't let that prevent you from assessing their situation objectively. If it isn't going to end up in a terrible mess you will need his co-operation.
The situation also brings to my mind a comparable one I know of where the wife is showing clear signs of dementia and her husband has simply upped sticks and left the country. I think very badly of him for it, I think he's an irresponsible cad, but it does shed a different light on how your stepfather is behaving. At least he has demonstrated an interest in protecting your mother and looking for workable options for her. I should get on board with that, if I were you.
Here is an elder attorney with all the right credentials. Look for one in stepdads area. He needs someone that knows the ropes that can handle it all for him.
He has been dealing with this awhile now and trying to work. It must feel overwhelming to need to move with her in her current condition.
Does he have children living near by that may have been helping him with her?
Texas is a community property state. While you aren’t willing to take her in, and I’m not saying you should, it’s good you are trying to help him find solutions. Let us know how you handle this.
Perhaps you could research Elder Law attorneys in their area and suggest that he make an appointment to see about getting her qualified for Medicaid. He need not lose his home and income for her care, and a good elder law attorney can accomplish that.
You might also want to research and visit care facilities to see what might be suitable for her.
"Section 2.401 of the Texas Family Code holds that a common law marriage is one in which no formal marriage ceremony was held, no marriage license was obtained and the parties had: ... live together in Texas as husband and wife. hold themselves out to others in Texas as husband and wife.Jul 5, 2017".
AND THEN THEY WERE MARRIED!
Your statement, I think, is reflecting a defeatist attitude when you say:
"My best guess is that he doesn’t want to give up a lot of money to do this. Which limits us".
The divorce laws are the laws.....oops, he just cashed in his 401 K.
If he moves he will sell, I have checked and it doesn’t appear that it’s currently for sale. They sold her car a couple of years ago because she would drive off and get lost (very scary).
In some states, after 11 years of marriage, she would get support. Unless there was a pre-nuptial signed, she has 1/2 of the marital assets, including furniture.
You think she has no assets, but the truth of that may be more likely that she will not be able to receive government supports because of the assets in divorce. Even though he owned the home prior to marriage, she would be entitled to 1/2 of the increase in equity from the value at time of marriage to the present time: 11 years.
There may be cars, other investments.
You don't know that he is selling the house or has already sold it. Or selling the furniture off, and other assets. She needs an attorney. There may be debts.
She needs help now, from family. Try googling homes for sale at their address.
Like I said, boots on the ground. Try a phone call, personal contact, and friends on FB.
Wishing this is a false alarm is not going to work out.
In some states, after 11 years of marriage, she would get support. Unless there was a pre-nuptial signed, she has 1/2 of the marital assets, including furniture.
You think she has no assets, but the truth of that may be more likely that she will not be able to receive government supports because of the assets in divorce. Even though he owned the home prior to marriage, she would be entitled to 1/2 of the increase in equity from the value at time of marriage to the present time: 11 years.
There may be cars, other investments.
You don't know that he is selling the house or has already sold it. Or selling the furniture off, and other assets. She needs an attorney. There may be debts.
She needs help now, from family. Try googling homes for sale at their address.
Like I said, boots on the ground. Try a phone call, personal contact, and friends on FB.