I need some advice! My mom has lived with my husband and myself for the last 2 1/2 years. We both agreed to have her come live with us since she was so unhappy in the nursing home. How to I tell her I don't want her to live with us anymore? It would mean a nursing home for her and that would probably just about kill her. She DID NOT adjust well the last time she was in a nursing home. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
I have been so busy the last week that I have not been able to get on the computer. I just read all the recent entries, and I agree with the advice you have been given. Get an attorney
I have given her myt all and i still get crap from her about how i don
My message was cut off again. Look for an attorney who specializes in elder law. Most lawyers don"t know the ins and outs of elder law and can really make more trouble for you in the end. We put mom"s money in a trust
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with a business ID. Also put passwords on all your accounts. This way no family members can interfere. She will fight, but don't back down. Take her checkbook. Did you know that there is now a 5 year wait for medicaid to not be able to take money you have hidden? That is why you need to get money out of her Social Security #. After 5 years , they can't touch it. This is a big help to you for what you need to give her that medicaid won't supply. Good luck
lovingdaughter
The higher road is that we do care for our parents. As a matter of fact with love, but some people that have a dysfunctional history do the caregiving out of a tough love while remembering the past. Sometimes we have bad days, sometimes we have good days, but we don't go to a low road.... we've decided to care for them because we understand it is about much more than that. Despite hurtful pasts, we still continue to provide. Sharing experiences with someone who can relate is a huge relief and helping to continue the caregiving.
The selfishness depends on what view you are taking. I myself have found nothing wrong with setting boundaries for my own life while providing for my parents. If boundaries make me selfish well then by God... so be it. But I refuse to let someone trample my right to choose a boundary.
Thank you for the prayers. All the caregivers need that grace and mercy. It is not a career path that I would choose, but love on those tremendously that do it daily. Including you notavictim.
I love my mother enough to make sure she has the best of everything. Some people don't get over that and it is wrong to blatantly tell someone to get over it and take the higher road. If they could the healing would have occurred a long time ago.
Opinions are great, but harsh comments can cut to the core. Freedom of choice to ignore or respond is the beauty of life. You can find some great information, stories and life experiences through this site that have helped many of us. Please do not negate that fact by saying we are not in reality.
Thanks you to all my sisters in the same boat. Thank you for all your support. You have been so wonderful. notavictim, you need to take a step back. You have to look at your own situation and not judge us!
lovingdaughter
lovingdaughter
Glad to hear positive news from you too. I know from my mom that the grand kids are such a source of joy! Get the help you need and don't feel guilty. That is one the the main points that I have learned from all of you on the site. Good luck!
nauseated, thanks for the good thoughts. Hope this is a good week for us all.
lovingdaughter
Okay - I vented I feel better lol. People look down on you if you say anything negative on a parent or grandparent.
Please stay in touch and let us know how things are going,
Carol
lovingdaughter
I have been trying to write this for days. My mom passed a few weeks ago so I am really having some trouble when I think about it, which is most of the time. Not everybody knows how much this site helps us caregivers. If you don't like what we say, then you should go elsewhere!! I took care of my mom for the last 5 years 24/7. I vented and complained and cried and laughed and every other emotion I can think of on here and you all excepted it and even gave me support and love and hugs!! I could not have made it thru it if it weren't for you all. I was not able to even leave the house for the last 8 months of so. I also have a mentally challenged child who didn't understand what happen to her grandma. She didn't know her anymore and was cruel to her. You all listen to me and didn't critsize. I have cried with you all. I have laughed with you all. You have been my support when family was no where to be found!! You gave me ideas about handleing different things that you all had been thru. For someone to come on here and critisize ..........it infuriates me. I don't even remember who the person was but they know!!! Just go elsewhere. It is really simple to log off. OK, I've nhad my say........keep smilin..........If you all haven't already read the "The Wooden Bowl",mdo so. It really makes you see why we do what we do even tho we complain. We love our loved ones and will do anythjing for them but ya gotta vent!!!
So sorry to hear about your mom. It is never easy, but you will have no regrets. You did what needed to be done, took care of her, loved her and put your life on hold. Now it is your turn to grieve, and then take the next step in your life. We will continue to be here for you.
linda