Elderspeak is driving me nuts!!
I did a search of the forum and came up with only one article but it has got to be more prevalent than that. The article by Anne-Marie Botek gave examples of calling out elders pet names like sweetie or honey but it is so much more than that, I'm going to cite some examples from an excellent article at verywell health (https://www.verywellhealth.com/elderspeak-and-older-adults-97972)
"Elderspeak involved speaking slowly, using a high-pitched voice, using terms of endearment such as "honey" or "sweetheart," and speaking to the adult as if he was an infant or young child."
"Oh Honey Bun, you want to go to bed, don't you?"
"Sweetie, you're just so cute!"
"Is our tummy hungry for some foodie?"
The article also identifies key problems with elderspeak
"*It's Irritating, Degrading, and Patronizing
*It Contributes to Depersonalization
*It Implies Power
*It Conveys the Presumed Incompetence of the Elder
*It Increases Challenging Behaviors"
It seems to be the common practice at the nursing home, goes hand in hand with the cheerful and stupid attitude when asked a question, and the friendlier aides are the most culpable. Anyone else?
18 Comments
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- Is it my right to request a new GNA for my father if I highly dislike the way one of them cares for and interacts with my dad?
- I work in a nursing home, and see residents not being fed, not being changed, basically ignored. The DON won't do anything! What can I do?
- Any suggestions for getting needed supplies to seniors in skilled nursing facilities?
- My brother is a quadriplegic and I’m his POA. He had a stage 4 bed sore that required an air mattress. How can I find out who paid for it?
Also, I hate being addressed as "young lady." I know I'm old, and I feel as if the speaker is making fun of me.
My favorite moment was when one of the nurses referred to her being incontinent in front of her. My mom said "I'm incontinent by choice!" So heartbreaking and clearly about her wanting to "own" her situation instead of having to listen to others talk about her like she was an idiot. I also had to tell the hospice people not to say the word "hospice" in front of her, because that totally freaked her out.
Another thing that infuriated me was when one of her aides refused to let her get back into bed until she cleaned her plate. She was tired and had very little appetite. I realize the aide thought she was doing the right thing, but it upset me so much to see my mother treated like this.
Same with my uncle. At 95, he was in an SNF and the aides would say "Hi, Handsome." So yucky. It always made me cringe. I suppose it's hard to know what to say, but the infantilizing is awful.
There needs to be some education/sensitivity training about this. People mean well, but it's so humiliating for our loved ones, who are already dealing with losing control of their lives and bodily functions. Thanks for bringing this up, cwillie.
I took my mother to the hospital a few years ago, and her nurse kept calling her sweety. I told the nurse you will address her as Mrs. Blank or by her first name. Than I thanked the nurse! I wasn't mean, but I sure was firm!
Call me old fashion, but my dad taught me that you address people with respect.
Like with many things in life, use common sense. If the elders appreciate the baby talk and pet names, there's no harm in using them, and may make them feel comforted.
If they or their family feel it's demeaning, or it increases confusion, then communicate in a way that is direct and professional.
but all the people there (workers) called them, Mother and Father.
since they all called them that, im assuming the family asked for it to be that way.
and the husband and wife, called each other mother and father.
I had trouble posting here
the box to post *inside* didn't enlarge when I started typing.
and I had to go OUT and come back in to the thread 4 times.
it wanted to make just one long line. wouldn't let me 'enter' to skip a line
One of the women who does this is very friendly and well liked and she doesn't talk down to the residents, but I think calling someone who isn't sure who their real family is mom or grandma would only add even more confusion.
Even though my mom has dementia, don’t think she can be talked down to! She’s also mercilessly astute to those who need correction. Me too.
Said in the E.R. as incompetent nurse removing IV, pulling his hairs out.
She was hurting him, she is not only lucky He was not someone that pinches or hits, but very lucky I don't either as I was standing behind her. Lol.
And, I am so "old fashioned", I want them to address the patient respectfully, fifty years your senior, it is Mr. Patient to you!
two ladies are always huddled together - "Aw, aren't they cute"
during meals - "come on, try another bite for me" and "Oh, you ate up all your dinner, good girl!"
when someone is obviously in a bad mood "I think someone needs to have a nap!"
And I very much expect the nurses who bring medication to tell people, "I have your medicine" instead of "here's a bite of pudding/applesauce" unless there is a known problem with compliance.
And then there is the way aides will sail by someone who is repeatedly making a reasonable request as though they can't see or hear them at all.
But I can understand how annoying that can sound. It's like people who baby-talk to their pets.
such as honey, sweetheart etc. I have to say the staff at my mom’s NH speak normally to their residents no baby talk. I don’t like it when people call me hun..
There are a few aides at mom's nursing home whose every word sets my teeth on edge, they've gotten so used to talking in a sing song patronizing tone they even do it to me when I try to converse with them.