Follow
Share

My father in law fell last year. His recovery has been miraculous, he can (mostly) walk, talk, feed himself. But at 80, his TBI resulted in severe dementia. The problem is he was showing symptoms prior to the fall. My partner and his mother (primary caretaker) refuse to acknowledge this and still believe it will get better with time. They are beyond stressed, unable to sleep, refuse to consider putting him in a home or going to therapy as a family. Family friends will occasionally come sit with him to give us a break, and he goes to a senior center once a week. How can I make this easier on my family?

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
You cannot directly make it easier on your family. They don't want to make it easier on themselves, for whatever reasons.

You can ask them what you could do to make it easier on them, however, don't ask if you are unwilling to do what they ask of you.

You can be a listening ear to them. Don't go into solution mode. Just echo what they said to you or ask additional questions, and empathize with their situation. If you are busting at the seams with what you think will be a helpful comment or solution, ask for permission first to air your comment, then when they say yes, then state your comment. If they say no, then hold your comment. People who freely give their opinion that no one requests, are a pain-in-the-***. There are lots of people that pass judgement or give out opinions when the best thing they could have done is keep their opinions to themselves.

So, my suggestion on how to help your family, is just be a good/great listener.
(3)
Report

You said he's had a miraculous recovery so far. Did the doctor say no more recovering or why do you think he won't get better when his wife and kid think he will?
(0)
Report

You cannot make this situation easier on your family. Unless they are willing to hire in home help or place FIL in managed care or daycare everyday, what can YOU do to ease the burden they've chosen to take on? They obviously need more help but aren't willing to acknowledge it, so until and unless they do, there's not much you can do to open their minds to the truth. Once a week attendance at a senior center and an occasional respite break from family and friends is nowhere NEAR enough time off to rejuvenate you from this enormous amount of work! Keep talking to them, is all you can do. Or withdraw your assistance to make their burden even greater, forcing them to FEEL the need to hire in more help.

Good luck to you.
(3)
Report

My Mom fell and hit her head. She was already showing signs of Dementia and the fall did make it worse. Her decline was constant. A UTI had her living with me and finally in an Assisted Living.

I agree though that if FIL has not had an evaluation by a neurologist, he needs one to determine at this point what is going on. At 82, he may not be able to bounce back.

I just lost a friend to a head injury and the doctors said his age was a factor in how he would heal. He was 73.
(3)
Report

I’m so sorry that you are dealing with this.

It’s incredibly frustrating and difficult to reason with people who are delusional.

How old is the wife? This is a lot of responsibility for her to look after him.

I suppose that you could suggest that they hire additional help. The best solution is to place him in a facility.
(0)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter