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Seconded, FF, very valuable directory to have if you can get your parents to do it.

Oh 'eck - I'm not sure I know half of my own passwords, let alone mother's..!
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freqflyer, excellent idea. My father kept a looseleaf notebook that he called his "Doomsday Book." It is even the title that he wrote on the cover. The book had everything in it that I needed to handle the changeover of his pension, IRA, stocks, life insurance, credit cards, bank accounts, and other things. It made handling his estate so much easier. My mother was the executrix, but she wasn't able to do it. That book probably saved me a month of work. I keep my mother's information in the book now so it will be there when it comes time to settle her accounts. It will save a lot of time.

My mother, OTOH, is a disorganized mess. She has several CD's that I don't have records for. I'm glad they are all with the same bank. I hope we don't miss any of them when it comes time to settle the estate. She probably has around $200K in the CD's. I thought about what a nightmare it will be if she has to go into a NH. It may be wise to see if we can get them all incorporated into an annuity during this next year. That way she could be drawing some income and the money would be consolidated, so easier to track.
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Oh, I forgot to add to my list above.... what is the password to get into their computer, and ID's and passwords for emails and other registered items on the Internet so I can shut down and/or cancel?
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I finally finished a large red notebook that I will give to my parents for Dad to fill out. My parents are in their 90's and I have no clue about their 5 year plan. I am hoping this notebook will jar their memory to start planning.

The notebook is broken down into sections, such as where are all their legal papers? Where is their will? How current is the will? Who's their attorney? Where's the deed to their house? Do they have a power of attorney? Where is the car title? Who's their stockbroker? All stocks under one umbrella? Do they have savings bonds?....

List all their checking accounts? List all their credit cards? What expenses are automatically taken out of their checking or credit cards? Do they have a bank safe deposit box, if so where, who has a key? Do they have a fireproof safe box at home? What is in both boxes? Do they have an old coin/stamp collection?....

Do they want to move into a retirement village? If not, will they allow caregivers to come into the house 24 hr a day? Do they have long term health policy? Where is the final resting place? Deed to the cemetery plots? Name of funeral home? In lieu of flowers, what charity? What items to you want to give to relatives? Yada, yada, yada. And in the back of the book plastic sleeve to put originals or copies of documents.

Whew, what a job that was putting it together. I also made a large red notebook for myself and for my significant other to fill out.... better do it now while we can still remember where everything is located :]
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i only worked 5 hrs this morning but im not a spring chicken any more . 5 hours of digging , leveling the base and sawing the ends of stone bars is about enough for me .. between stone projects this cuctomer is going to pay me to cut firewood for him , on his place. that means i can keep turning down brick houses -- dont like brick --
edna wants to sell her shack and 2 acres cheap . my youngest son wants it but hes burned me too many times. im not going to help him buy it . id get burned and have noone to blame but myself.. he should have been looking ahead when he was burning blunts to the tune of 200 .. 00 a week while i worked alone and paid off a 4 k loan for him with shark interest rates.. not bitter , just wiser..
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Sorry, CountryMouse! I move about 90mph most of the time because of my work schedule, and it spills over. LOL It sounds like you had a good day, overall, though! Everyone could use some of that “staring into the distance” time.

Judda – hope you feel better soon!

Veronica – thanks for the tip – but you wouldn’t believe how I solved it. LOL I’m feeling like an inventive genius and definitely my father’s daughter in terms of innovation. Dad, in his later years, wanted something to do with his hands, so he started doing plastic canvas crafts – door hangers, wall hangers, blocks for the kids, calendar holders, door stops – DOOR STOPS! I remembered we had 2 doorstops he’d made here at the house, and they are exactly the size and shape of a large brick – which is just about the size I needed for the bed project. I located them and put one between the bed and the wall at each end of the bed and – voila! – problem solved! I put some rug-stop (that rubber stuff you put under a rug to stop it slipping on the floor) under the mattress and slid the mattress against the wall – problem solved! Mom has been using the bed all last night and today with no problems at all.

I have to say, the bed was a *great* investment. It’s firmer than the old spring frame she had, which was really saggy. She sleeps sounder (and for longer periods of time) on this bed, and says it’s very comfortable. Score!

Accomplishment for today: Got mom out of the house and had her take a test drive on the new scooter. She loves it. We took the dog for a walk around the block, and Mom rolled along beside us.

Gotta dash for now…have a huge amount of work left yet tonight. Have a great night everyone!
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Susan The 4x4 blocks on their own won't work, you also need a 6 ft X 6"X2" board to rest on top of the 4 X4s. Screw the board down if possible so you end up with a kind of shelf that will support the wall side of the matressI if you can get a couple of heavy duty metal brackets and fix the 4 X 4s to the wall for stability that will help. I expect you have solved this problem by now.
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Sometimes you need a day to not have a plan and coast. It's called relaxation.
My day started slowly and with swollen eyes, sinus, and feeling groggy from allergies. Took some herbs, put cold compresses on my face, and slowly got to things I never have time for. Finally, now, I am very happily working on my job at home: making videos for others. Today it is a mother and daughter dynamo of auctioneers. The task is to look at hours of footage and put them into a promotional on their website. Emotionally, they are inspiriting and their closeness reminds me of good times (albeit in smaller amounts, but does that matter?) with my own mother. I hold in my heart the good times. But, Ha, it's a lot easier when she isn't with me!
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Today I was able to get my nearly 2 year old grandson up to see my mom, who is in a great snf 90 minutes from us. Clark ( the baby) showed off all his physical and verbal tricks for his great grandma and gave her a lovely hug goodbye. I couldn't ask for anything more.!
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Susan, how could you?!! "I've been productive all day long…" I know, as Captain said at the outset, it ain't bragging if ya done it, but have a heart! I was productive between 7:30 and 7:35. Then there was a bit of a lag while I drank too much coffee and stared into the distance. Between 9:00 and midday I was a blur :) - three laundry loads all pegged out in the sunshine, printed party invitations, emailed more invitations, and remembered to tell the Book Group I've got the books. Further lag. Lackadaisical stab at the ironing. Planted pelargoniums to replace the clove-scented pinks (delicious, apparently, if you ask the chickens). Drifted aimlessly from room to room trying to remember what I was meant to be doing first and failing. In between times lobbed mother endless cups of tea, sandwiches, jelly (as in jello - it's a life saver, one of the few ways I can get any fruit into her because if you mix it in she'll still eat it).

And that is actually quite a good day for me. Or so I thought… Humph.
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my apologies to dusty if i sounded like an all knowing jerk . you just list your difficulties so often but hardly ever list your plans for resolving them. these are horrible economic times and nearly everyone is having to struggle to get by .
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Well, one of today's accomplishments has turned into something of a failure, but it's a work in progress.

Mom's new bed is essentially a roll-away heavy duty bed, and has very thick foam foundation attached right to the bed, which we put her mattress on top of. Unfortunately, her mattress is an odd size - it's not a true twin size and it's not a full size - it's something in between. It hangs off the bed at the front by about 2-3" (the other side is against the wall).

Mom tried to get into the bed and nearly fell out when the mattress tried to slide off as she was kneeling on it. So I suggested she put her knee further into the center of the bed when she lays down - which she tried, but then didn't have the "oomph" to push with her other leg to actually get into the bed, so she was stuck with one leg on the bed and one on the floor, necessitating a firm shove on her hip from me to get her rolled into the bed. Getting up is another matter - the mattress slides with her as she tries to get out and she almost ends up on the floor.

Talk about a comedy of errors. The old bed is gone, since I hauled it to the curb and someone picked it up for metal scrap, so bringing it back in, even temporarily, is not an option. So I am off to Wally World tonight to find Velcro strips and a large rubber rug mat (the kind you put under rugs to keep them from slipping) and possibly some alcohol to knock myself out (kidding). I'll try the rug mat first, and if that doesn't work, I'll use the velcro strips. I'm also going to venture out to Dad's spider-and-squirrel-infested garage tomorrow to get a couple of 4x4 blocks of wood to put behind the bed by the wall to allow us to push the mattress further back from the front side of the bed (if that makes sense).

So much for that accomplishment! I guess I'll chalk it up as an accomplishment for tomorrow if I get the darn thing modified enough to actually work for mom.
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Every time I come to this thread, I sit here trying to find what I've failed / accomplished. I keep getting blank thoughts. I can write numerous failures but I could not come up with an accomplishment. I know what you all think of me. But, how you all view me is not the way I view me. I'm so full of negatives. I just could not post here without a ying to go with the yang.

Maggie, your one-liner hit me hard. I realized that I only liked life (and me) when I first 'found' God when I was age 23. It was difficult to juggle a full time job and my religious obligations. When mom got diagnosed, I abandoned all spiritual stuff. I was drowning with work+religion. Unfortunately, I always equated religious organization = God. Only when I found this site about 2 years ago, I have read over and over that I don't have avoid God. It's the religious organization that's making it so burdensome for us on top of our caregiving.

Judda, as I read and re-read your words, I realized that I need to be proactive in learning not to let father's words anger or irritate me. I need to set boundaries. Or if that doesn't work, then at least turn to God for help. I'm so glad that you reached this critical stage. And I'm also envious. If you can do it, so can I. Thanks. {{Hugs}}

Failure - Didn't cook breakfast.

Accomplishments - I'm making headway with cleaning the shower's walls and floor just by using vinegar/Dawn mix. Got all the trash out (kitchen, pampers, recycles) without silently cursing oldest sis for not doing it.
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Judda, your comments are always a great read. Bless you.

Maggie – you poor sweet thing – I know for a fact that all of us go through that. I’ve found myself getting SO irritable with Mom and trying SO hard to hide it, so I don’t end up snapping at her when she doesn’t deserve it. I’m irritated at the situation, not at her, personally, so I have to keep reminding myself that she doesn’t deserve my wrath. It is not a failure to have a bad day – or even several bad days in a row. It’s just life. See if you can find something to do that will pull you out of the doldrums.

Hope22 – way to go! Getting that stuff done is a major help sometimes and really brightens the mood, doesn’t it?

Veronica – kudos to you on the dishwasher! What a great idea to fix it yourself! It’s funny how many things we can figure out how to do ourselves when it becomes necessary.

Failure for today? Not a thing so far! I’ve been productive all day long.

Accomplishments:
-Took Mom’s 1970s-era metal power bed frame out to the curb – holy cow, was that HEAVY. But I did it. I am woman, hear me ROAR!

-Assembled Mom’s new bedframe and put her bed back together (not a power bed, she doesn’t need one – the old one was just a hand-me-down someone gave her years ago). Her old bed was not rated to hold someone of her size, and 2 of the 4 casters had broken, leaving the bed lopsided and it scratches the floor when moved. Since we are in the process of having the floors refinished, it was a good time to replace the bed with something that wouldn’t scratch the floor and was rated for her weight.

-Got all my work done for one client today, moving to the others this evening. Looking forward to socking away an extra $100-$150 per week towards paying off bills, vacation, vehicle emergency fund, etc. Never had an emergency fund in my life, so it’s nice to start seeing that happen. It’s taken a lot of years and a lot of hard work to get to this point, and living in as Mom’s caregiver is partially responsible for my being able to do that now.

-Oh, and I paid it forward today when I stopped at the store to pick some things up for dinner. Always makes me feel good, even when people react the way the recipient did today - by looking at me like I had two heads. LOL That's ok. Maybe down the road, she will remember this and help someone else.
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Update the dishwasher actually works too. Probably saved $100. Trouble is hubby breathes down my neck and tells me I actually don't know how to do things just think I do. Actally Capt I am pretty handy and renovated several houses on my own and resold them. O/A is slowing me down now, that, and age, which I refuse to acknowlege. Can't match you IQ I am sorry to say but I would challenge you to mend anything in the clothing line any day.
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Judda you are a wise woman. your mom is truly blessed.
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Took Mom for errands. Ignored her negative criticism of me: I don't think she even knows she does it. Noticing her memory going. She asked about 4 times where we were going. This is new. I am getting firmer and kinder as I sympathize with her fear of death and illness. Today after the errands, and enjoying coffee at a new cafe, I took her to a park. She did not walk, only sat in the sun on the nearest bench: also new behavior. She usually walks a little but has to depend on hanging on to someone. Use a cane? Never!! How dare you suggest such a thing!
I let her sit and I went for a half hour walk. I had a nice talk with God. I told him I am ready to give him that crumpled up, old anger of mine. I am ready to forgive my mother for all the pain she ever caused me and is causing me now. I don't NEED to feel that pain anymore. I am ready to let go of it and ask God to forgive her and to be released of this anger. I am ready to serve HIM and be loving when I can. It was a turning point for me. I feel so much lighter and freer.
I wish the same for anyone going through this.
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Failure. I have turned into someone I don't even like.
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Dusty, mercy friend, we do have days like that don't we. I think all of us can identify whether we admit them or not...saying a prayer for you and hope you get some rest and are able to enjoy the rest of your weekend.
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Yay!!! I finally tackled the job of moving all the furniture out of the den (where Mama was) and pulling all the carpet and scrub scrub scrubbing that floor and it is so clean and I am so happy. I sang the whole time I did it and kept Mama laughing so she wouldn't get concerned I was up to something else...got through just in time to feed her lunch and am now enjoying a nice hot cup of coffee and breathing fresh, clean air and admiring my hard work.....I know this is not a big deal to most but it has been something I needed to do for a spell, and I just finally got er done!!! wooo hoooo!!!!
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im sorry dusty but you sound like homer simpson sometimes . everything is a mess and its everybodys fault but yours. if you go thru life thinking you have the " real " answers and everyone else is a deluded , lost sinner its going to affect all your relationships to include business ones . this isnt at all about me but ill put my heathen personal morals up against your any day .. i like you , just trying to help .. the church is going to tell you anything you want to hear that will result in your continued mambership and contributions . i have no hidden agenda , nothing to gain or lose . ill tell you what i think . label me anything you want but fyi , i have a documented iq of 130 . that aint shabby ..
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Yay! Veronica91!!! Awesome! Isn't that the best feeling in the world!!! I repaired our kitchen sink recently and saved myself about 85 bucks...Did the repair for around 2.99!! It is such a wonderful feeling!!! You go girl!!!!
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veronica , with google and even moreso , youtubes help, youd be amazed at the home repairs you can do . ive fixed autos , furnaces , air conditioners , dryers , and saved enough money buying parts online to pay the internet bill every month and sometimes multiple times a month..
example ; electric fuel pump in town -- 300 bucks . american made fuel pump , motor only , online -- 20 bucks , free delivery ..
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dusty , im as cheap as they come but ive never slept without a night lite . the modern LED ones dont burn a penny a day.. not a tradition bulb -- light emitting diodes ..
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proud of ya , judda. i recieved a good adjustment recently while talking with my current customer. hes a very impressive and brilliant person. i wasnt gossiping because i was bitchin about this silly renter to someone who didnt know her and would never meet her . i saw
mike " grimmace slightly , start to comment , then aborted the comment with a wry grin. how cool . if he cant say something good he chose to not comment at all .. good policy , i learned from it ..
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Major accomplishment. The bottom arm fell off my dishwasher so I collected all the pieces and took them to the local repair shop. They ordered the part and had it there late yesterday morning.
I am going to pick up my $5 part and make the repair myself. I am so proud of myself.
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Hey all. This page is better than the news, tv, and more entertaining than radio!
Success: keeping my emotions, temper, and mouth under control while being with my annoying and insulting mother. I have found more victory in my own self restraint and using firm boundaries, plus a good dose of detachment, rather than in defensiveness and lashing back. After an afternoon having lunch out and getting some groceries, she wants to know if we can go back out for some more errands.
Ok, now that's some proof she's losing it. We had already planned on that tomorrow. Well at 93, she's still doing relatively well. Hasn't had a fall yet.
and now she's totally obsessed with moving to an elderly village.
Failure: Got to get some hours in video editing today! Not failed yet...have to use restraint to write and share more stories or to read yours.
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I got my lawn mowed today, in spite of my knew that is swollen and hurting...and ran out of gas. I can't put more gas in til the mower cools off, so time will tell if that little one by two foot patch gets finished or not....right now not is looking pretty good...but I had a great visit with my aunt and uncle and got the yard mowed...a double bonus day.
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Your right Sharyn and it's important for you to know that you are not alone. Find help as it is often too easy to fall back into old habits. Your worth it! ~Summer
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~Shaking, Speedy recovery! Try keeping a flashlight next to your bed..:)
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