I am sure I am not alone on this one. My mom lives in a suite on the main floor of our home. I also have an autistic adult son living with my husband and me. Mom worries about me if I do pretty much anything (I am 57, but feel like a teenager)...like if I drive after dark or in the rain or if an errand takes longer than expected. She worries about me if I am stressed or busy or sad. So, as far as she knows I pretty much as never stressed or busy or sad (which of course, I sometimes am). She is insatiably curious and askds detailed questions about all my activities so I feel like I am accountable for every minute of my time (whenever I return from an errand she asks if I was successful in accomplishing what I set out to do; sometimes I just want to be away from the house and not report on what I did, much less what I accomplished; sometimes I just want to have a phone conversation where I am not worried about her overhearing me or maybe just sit in the car and eat lunch at the end of the street). Mainly, I am feeling like I have to always be upbeat. I am so grateful we are healthy and have kept our jobs, and I know so many have so much more challenging situations, but as an empathetic person, the pandemic alone challenges my sense of well-being. One whole side of the family is like "we don't know anyone sick" and "we are not afraid" and I am trying to keep things together at home and be smart about keeping us well, but just need to hear someone say that it is okay that this is an anxious time and that what I am feeling is normal. Sorry for the ramble...And thanks in advance for listening! :-)
What a great idea. Park down the street and eat your lunch. Poor Mom is even more isolated than you, and you are isolated with her! Whatever her needs are, and if she is nosy or lonely, you must still take care of your own needs. Then Mom is next. And your son, a priority.
There is no one who has had to get thru this long isolation before-at least not all of us at once. Our constant thoughts are almost all about Covid concerns.
Good for you to not cave into your family's way of doing things. You and Mom will be safer in the end, and having not caught it, will not be dealing with any long-term symptoms.
We need to make extra efforts to make some fun, or a distraction. You can even have some fun with Mom, if you both watch a funny movie, or go outside for just 10 minutes. But it is very normal for you to need time apart. This is continuing, but the pandemic will subside, and we need to be persistent for the relatively short time, and not lose our sanity. You can do that. Even if you are feeling like a teenager. You may worry, however, if and when you decide to put your hair in pigtails while answering Mom.
For sure, none of us have been down this road before.
We are traveling with you. 💐
I ignored it most of the time. If she really worked on my nerves I would tell her an absurd answer.
She hated if I gave her a facetious answer but she wore me out.
It’s draining to deal with inquiries constantly.
She would say, “Why did you say that answer? It doesn’t make any sense.”
I would tell her that if she asked a stupid question then I was going to give her a stupid answer.
She loved jumping to dumb conclusions if I came home five minutes late from picking up her prescription from the drugstore due to traffic! It’s exhausting!
I feel your pain! They don’t change! Anxiety is a hobby for them!
You are not alone. When I first moved in with my mother every time my sig-other and I walked in the door we got "where did you go?" "What did you see?" If we went to the store she would asked, "any good sales?" "Did you see anybody?" And when we would leave the house she would asked, " are you guys leaving?" "Where are you going?" "Are you going to the store or just going out to pay bills?" "When will you be back?" On and on with the questions! And don't get me started about the calls!! I think that is the one thing I miss the most is privacy because you really don't have it. As the years passed on and as her health has faded she doesn't ask questions anymore.
I do remember that my sig-other and I would go to the park and get an ice cream and watch the ducks and people or go through a fast food drive through and eat it at a park. We would do any thing to not have to go home. It is sad when your home feels like a prison and your mother is the Warren. Least that is how I feel.
P.S. My mother is still very nosy as well just in other ways. Heavy sigh!!
I wish I could give you a good solution, but all I can do is give you support and let you know your not alone!
Hugs!!!
She constantly says she wants to die, so I have to listen to that carrying on........yet the moment a caregiver in her AL sneezes, she's absolutely petrified the girl has The Dreaded Virus, will give it to HER, and she will die.
My mother is also like yours in that she is VERY very nosy. Nosy is the word, too, for what they do; the constant interrogations, the endless questions, the feeling like you need to hide in the closet to have a phone conversation. You feel the need to always have a smiley face on and stay upbeat b/c otherwise, mother will interrogate you into the far reaches of hell and you just cannot have THAT. I know the feeling well. I can tell you stories myself that would turn your hair gray while we eat lunch without our mothers there to listen in & make lots of judgmental comments! Sounds nice, huh?:)
I cannot tell my mother ANYTHING about what's going in my life b/c she will 'worry' on it SO dramatically that she will blow up my phone for 12 hours at a pop. She will turn MY problem into HER problem to the point where I can get NO rest myself.
I also live in Colorado where yes, it snows. It HAS snowed for the entire 20 years I've lived here, and for the entire 10 years she has been living here after moving from Florida to be close to me. So, every time there's even a THREAT of snow, my phone is ringing furiously with the I Was SO Worried Are You Still Alive Or Did You Have A Car Accident? To hear her tell it, the worry is all 'love based' but to hear ME tell it, the worry is all mental illness based, which I've known since I was old enough to understand language.
So I can empathize with you 100%. As for wanting to run away from it all, I can empathize with that as well. How are you doing it? Working and taking care of a very nosy mother who worries for a living, a husband and an autistic son? I could never manage it myself, and that's the honest truth.
If I were you, I WOULD either run away from it all or move mother out of my house and into a senior living apartment where she can do her own thing, with others her own age. And where you can live your OWN life, free from the burdens of chronic worrying, nosiness and nonsense. But that's me and the decisions I've made with regard to my mother, and that NO elders would EVER be living with me. I've stuck to my guns on that, thank God, and at least I don't have to deal with histrionics 24/7.
Wishing you the best of luck in realizing you're not alone with any of what you're going through.