Sue has been my responsibility since March 2016. She passed away January 27 at 1135 pm at UPMC Williamsport due to multiple falls and being on coumadin at the same time. She was a known fall risk but had a clot close enough to her heart for Dr. to want to try to get rid of it with therapy and live a longer life. She has since done well on the coumadin and hydroxuera therapy but again a constant fall risk (the older the more falls; dementia). So Friday she fell overnight. I picked her up looked her over, put a pad down on her wet bed and went back to my own and in the AM she was unresponsive. I feel bad my husband, MIL, everyone I feel like I let them down.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
I can imagine how badly you feel but please don’t- it was her time to go & you did above and beyond good for her in the 3 years you provided care for her.

She passed peacefully, in her own bed. That was a privilege you provided for her.

It is very early in your grief so give yourself a break as well. Noone should be blaming you and you didn’t let anyone down.

I hope your guilt abates each day. Sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for what you went through. '

Very often, the last days of someone's life tend to be "dramatic". This had probably happened umpteen times before, right? This time was no different, you did what you usually did and this time, gram got to go "home".

You have NOTHING to feel guilty about and less to feel "sorry" for.

You did 3 years of CG, bless your heart. Give Gram the respect and love she would want, not guilt and sadness over what "might have happened". Many of us hope for such a peaceful passing.

So sorry for your loss but please don't blame yourself. ALZ/Dementia is such a horrid desease. There is no reasoning with a person who suffers from it. Would you have really wanted her to continue to suffer. Coumadin causes internal bleeding. My Dad had to go off of it because of this hoping where ever the bleeding was coming from would clot. It helped, but he still passed in his sleep. Best way to go. He was 79.

The woman had a lot of health problems. Your family is grieving but don't feel this was your fault. Its what it is. Her time to go.

I’m sorry for your loss. You’ve done a wonderful job for years taking care of your grandmother, I’m sure she knew she was loved. There’s no letting anyone down, you’ve done your best, it was just time for her to go. Blessings to you in the days ahead

What about the three years' successful care you gave to this frail, sick, old lady? When you think about what you contributed to your grandmother's later life, doesn't that count?

I think one of the problems of being a caregiver to somebody so vulnerable for such a long time is that you begin to believe that if you try hard enough you can keep her going forever. Then, when the inevitable does happen, you start with the "if only"s - if I'd done this, if we'd decided that, if we'd thought about doing the other...

It's the middle of the night. Grandma falls. You get up and you check that she is okay, and you do 'running repairs' to get her through to morning. Hadn't this happened before, and been fine? Suppose you'd taken her to the ER. Suppose you'd kept her up while you (already knackered and half asleep) stripped the bed and remade it. Suppose suppose suppose...

If not this time, then next time the outcome would have been just the same. Please think about all of the loving things you did do, and not about those impossible If Onlys.

It's very early days, and feeling better will take time. I wish you and your family comfort. Hugs.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter