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Mom has been ornery since last night. I made the mistatke of trying to figure out her mixed up statements and give her the correct information. Before you know it she is yelling at me and crying. She bitched about having to eat dinner and I got mad and told her she better eat dinner because I wasn't in the mood for her to have one of her bad spells and spend the night at the hosital.
Well she called me to her room this morning to tell me she had been sick all night. I asked "why didn't you call me? You told me not to call". I am so frustrated I could go in the woods and scream untilI have no voice left!!!!!!!!!!!
We had had a really nice day until mom got in her bad mood. I had gone to the shop and bought her favorite chicken salad sandwich and then we went to the plant sale and she got to spend time with her grandson. She returns home for an hour and she becomes this irrational child.
Do you all have any advice on how to handle things? When I talk with my sister and brother all they can say is just go along with whatever she is saying and be patient. I am really tired of this answer.
I was at the boat but no one was at the dock! Anyway, have a great night and hopefully I will catch up with the wacky crew over the weekend. Tomorrow I'll go to work for a few hours then off to the plant sale at the farmers market. Ahhhhh....plant therapy!
I am looking forward to a day at the Renaissance Faire...getting into my Pirate Garb and forgetting about Mommo for a partial day. Probably get a care-sitter for that day, so I don't have to think about what she may do at home by herself.
Flex, yeah they don't have to go through it, it's always fine for the family that does not have to tend to mental issues that have a big mouth. I am surprised my cuz and his big mouth g/f has not entered the picture since the blow out last spring! But I am glad for it, I don't need any interference that causes more havoc than what I have got. Yeah good actor's indeed, and I kick myself in the arse EVERYTIME that wicked thing fools me as well. Yesterday when she was all whiney....the caregiver even said on the phone that both bathrooms had BM in the toiety but naw on goes the drama about constipation. It's like she wants the drama to go to the doctors but then in a way doesnt want to go,,,,it's nutz. She's supposed to have a lab test (same place she always goes) and now she does'nt want to go due to her fall on Sunday. I can understand being sore and not wanting to go, so let's see how that drama picks up next week. Thank god for the caregiving services....it's money makers for the owners but to the women who come and have to deal with these old toads on a day to day basis, gotta hand it to them, even though in my case the philipino lady that comes Tues-Fri 3 to 4 hours a day, is a godsend! She gives my mom baths which I am grateful for even though she wants no bath she gets her to take either a quickie bath or quickie bath/shower. So I take each day by each day, and hope that that day is not a mamma drama day...I hate those...it's hard to concentrate on your own life when you got that ticking timebomb in the back of your own mind.
Yes about the phone, I have it set so you do not hear it ring. There are days when she just rings one after another, it's like she miracously thinks that I will show up to answer it. I told her that I have morning meetings and many times I am not there...at home she does the same thing. I have to sometimes turn the ringers off the phones. The police tell you that burglars look for phones that ring and ring and ring cause it tells them no one is home. So I tell her that...but it goes on deaf ears. She does it to her sister as well, but since her sister is a little wierd as well whenever I call over there, the ringing stops after a while and it goes dead, so I don't know what's up with her phone either. I don't even know how my mom gets in touch with her. Her sister does however calls on her own accord to check up as well, but I don't think stays on the phone long, cause she has no time for her sister either. And her other sister she does not talk to hardly at all. So I have no family support or help. Nice! It's tough coming from a totally dysfunctional nuclear family. But I have a brave face going forward...cause as others have stated and even myself have rapped this off to others....THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
Went to momz yesterday. Great day indeed. Everytime I helped her to get up she would say how "gentle" I am, and this hasn't been said in a long time. She even started calling me "sweetheart". I was blown away. My mom hasn't called me that in a long long time. She must be real sick of the care-giver and sis. Oh well that's a different story.
We stayed in, only to go out in the garden for a short time and do a little watering. Everything is coming along.
She's sleeping a lot more these days though, I'm a little worried about that. Her lauguage is getting harder and harder to understand and she doesnt' like to talk as much. That's OK though.
I suppose you get to a point where the times you start to spend are really special, maybe not all the time, but the ones that are make it so much better to disreguard the bad times.
Mom said she had 2 falls the day before no bruises though. She had a couple visitors, one she didn't want to see, the other she really didn't want to see but she caught us going down the ramp. Oh well.
Just wanted to check in and say hello and give a report on mom.
Too funny. You win! It'll be alright. I'm thinking my mom's quite the actor, too. But God cast out that scorner, so let her PG take care of it... I just got back from visiting my dad. He was mixing his nice casserole in his orange juice. But he did go for a walk with me, hand in hand, outside on a beautiful day. I left, and said, "I love you." He actually said, "I love you," too! God is good. Alzheimer's is not. Dad's doing OK, though, despite it. And the ladies take good care of him. I'm so thankful for them, and the wonderful way they treat us.
Now that's what I'm talking about SS! have a good one.
I just made an ass out of myself with the nice lady PT in mom's room at the place. Mom was acting like it was really hurting her and I spoke up and the lady told me the score and said that mom had already done this last time and I said, omg, it's me, I'm so sorry let me get out of here so I don't interfere and split. Mom was acting out for me and I fell for it again!! she is good!
Hey!! we should have awards for the best act out. We know it's part of the disease but jeez, I am amazed how it really pushes the buttons on us and we act out back and then there I am, embarrassed and hoping I didn't hurt the relationship between mom and the PT.
Award name: Going to need help here.....
There's the Oscars....
OOhhh... The Crazies. As in: Mom could have won a Crazy for that performance! Crazy Buzz!!
Thanks for reminding us to keep sane! :) LOL Still working on that one myself. Planning a 200 mile trip downstate again today, to see what the other sis drove away with. Got the folk's taxes done today, and just waiting for mom's PG to call me to sign for her half. Ahhhh. Getting closer to sanity every day. Only one more document to do, then rest for a year. (Now who's dreaming?) LOL I'm voting for the beach, but if you ever showed up here, I'm in. Today, a drive from 75 degrees to 80 with sunshine all the way! Check in with ya'll later. Hope you are all having a great day!
You know what we haven't talked about in a minute?
THE BOAT
anybody still down for a boat ride?
SS I didn't post the pics of this particular boat because mom and I are actually trying to buy this one and I didn't want to jinx it!!
If you guys remember the boats that I showed you, just trust me when I say that this one has all of the stuff we need. She's a nice size with 4 staterooms, with one converted into a workshop but we can still sleep a slew of caregivers! (I'll sleep in the wheelhouse and someone else can have my bed)
She is too big to take through part of the Great Loop trip (too long, too wide and draft too deep and she has masts that need a 43' bridge clearance so we won't be going through downtown Chicago!) She is an offshore cruiser meant for the Bahamas and the Canal!
the schedule: June in Fla working on boat. (If we can get it!!)After a few weeks, Move the boat north up the east coast while I learn from my Navy Captain buddy. I'm going to try for classes in Annapolis so I can work on getting my ceritfication. There are plenty of places that teach that kind of stuff for certification so wherever we wind up is ok with me.
When Hurricane season has wound down and the weather begins to get cold we will move the boat back down the east coast to Ft. Lauderdale. Hang out for a bit and provision the boat and then cross to the Bahamas for the winter. That's the plan. doesn't mean it will happen because we all know what can go on with plans.... but hey! if you don't plan your work and work your plan you wind up wondering WTF and why am I not doing what I want?
OK who's in?? The boat will be near airports all the time! This is going to be FUN and mom and I are looking forward to having a good time after all of this craziness.
You know, I was just thinking about using the head while underway. It's hard enough for mom to hit that thing when it's not moving....... that's it! We'll ALL wear Depends. that's right! One box of Depends for each case of beer....
I told mom that cleanup on the boat is no problem. She laughed so hard she farted when I told her that I had an inner tube all ready and all she had to do was sit in it with her butt pokin through the hole and let me tow her for 10 minutes. I also told her that if she catches a fish she gets a prize.
Remember that we're on the Gross Out thread where nothing is sacred (except OUR sanity) and it is up to us to find the funny so we can get through the freaking day!
I hear you, Bobbie. We have made similar choices, to preserve our parent's lives, and our own. It's a tough road. Each has to decide what works best for them and their loved ones. Thank God your mom has you still looking out for her best interests, even while looking after your own. I support you in that. We are doing the same. O, I think of doing things differently, but with three very needy elders, I am not physically or emotionally capable of meeting their extreme needs, and providing for my and my family's too. Sad reality for many of us.
My empathy and respect to those of you who choose differently, and make it work. We all get how hard it is, from reading your posts, and support you in them.
Hey everyone. Sounds like it was a long day all around for everyone today. Must be something in the water! Just wanted to thank everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Grandma's transfusion went well today. She was pretty lucid this morning so that I could explain and she could understand what was gonna go on. She slept though the first part and then peed through the second half, once the lasix kicked in. They'll test her again in about a week to see if the blood stayed or if she's low again and will need more. Here's hoping!
I think we all deal with the repetition to some degree or another. When grandma asks me the same questions over and over....I always give her the same answer over and over. Now she stills asks me the same questions but when I give her "the look"...she says, "I know, I know....." and then repeats what my answer to her always is for that question. She knows the answer but can't fight the compulsion. She has to ask. She just can't help it. OCD. Gotta love it.
Bobbie, I got a good laugh out of your post. You are too amusing! And at the end of the day.....a good laugh is exactly what I need. You're latest posts have highlighted one of my biggest fears of the past week. I really did need a break and grandma going into rehab is giving me that break but I'm REALLY liking the freedom that I've had all week. Still running ragged but at my own pace. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to readapt and readjust all over again when she comes home. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to learn the patience all over again. What if I'm bitter or resentful for having to give my freedom away again. It's freakin' me out. I know that I'll suck it up and do whatever needs to be done.....but what if I'm even more miserable than before?! Ugh!
Gonna TRY not to dwell on it now. Hope everyone has a better day tomorrow.
I was thinking about you again tonight, PirateGal. You don't take her calls to make yourself feel better, but to massage her, so she doesn't go off the deep end. Seems like you're her touchstone, of sorts. Didn't you say she'd go bonkers to a neighbors if not satisfied?
you guys have my absolute empathy with all of the behavior. Spent just about the entire day working to get mom back in the place and she was really upset and crying and it sux and that's why I have to FORCE myself to laugh at it or I am dead. I am so sick of mental illness 'issues' and how it sucks everybody down its vortex that I guess I just don't have much give a s*** left. sorry if I upset anybody.
Mom finally spoke in front of the owner and now hopefully they get it that she's 'in there'. They were treating her like a lower functioning individual and it was making her sad.
The owner is a sweetheart and the 3 of us sat in her room and she talked directly to him. He was amazed. Of course she has dementia, but she also has moments of lucidity and can communicate if you know what to look for. poor mama. She wants to control something because everything is out of control for her so she makes it tough on everybody when she has to take her pills or use the bathroom. Dementia Drama. It's all part of the disease and we know it but like you guys well know it sucks the very marrow from your bones. I just did 4 days after a few weeks off and I don't have any earthly idea how I was even standing after 5.5 years. I'm toast.
Hang in there Pirate and SS and Flex and Everybody. Pirate, SS is right. don't answer the phone. Flex: I feel you buddy. I hope you get someone to get that load off your back. I haven't filed yet either because I've been taking care of mom and tonight is tax nite. WooHoo
Pirategal I certainly understand how the repetiveness gets on your nerves. It drives me crazy too. All my brother and sister that don't live nearby can say is "laugh at it". I wonder how long they would laugh if they listened to it all the time and they no longer had a life? I've been at this two years and they only spend a few days with her each year.
Yes Gals, it's pretty funny when I stop and think about it, but in the heat of the moment the repetiveness is driving me nutz and not her..go figure. What I hate is the people around me in cubicles think I am evil, cause I talk to her in a forcefull tone sometimes. I have my ringer all the way down so I don't even hear it ring. I have a gazillion lame-mo messages from her...many are hang ups or a gazillion hello's. Funny thing she manage's to get all these calls marked 'urgent' (ya know if you press 2)...go figure. Today she was crying like a child cause I was too aburpt with her and the caregiver kept calling and asking me to call home to make her stop, once I did the pitty party stopped, just like a child. But in other cases she's right on the ball with go figure again. I hate this picking and choosing when she wants to be kosher and when not.
Another busy and stressful day. Trying to make sure mom has a decent sitter while trying to keep my job. I get distracted and I make stupid mistakes.
I finally filed my taxes last night. I never file them this late but I am wiped out by the time I get home and then have to deal with mom. This evening she informs me her heart monitor was playing music. I should laugh but I'm too tired to see the humor.
At least it is beautiful weather and everything is blooming and looking pretty.
funny? Hmmmm. PirateGal, I'm thinking you were searching for some adult conversation. Why do you have to take that call? I mean, tell her to call a nurse. Doesn't your local hospital have "Ask a Nurse"? Tell your mom you can't help her, and that she CANNOT call you at work, unless its an emergency. Or let your answering machine take it. Somehow, you have to get some control. OCD is fun, isn't it? My dad wants to play with coffee cups. Not just one, but multiples. This too, shall pass. Although, probably not fast enough for you, PirateGal? How about the gang plank for her? Just kidding. Wonder drugs. Hmmmm. Mental illness is not fun.
Hey Pirate, tell your mom that you have to hang up and call CNN about her bowel movements. They're interested because nothing else is going on in the world. Tell her to turn on CNN and call you when she sees the story.
I once watched in amazement as my mom informed a dinner gathering as to the what and why of a massive pooper she'd had that am. it was an am bm. Everybody handled it pretty well considering we were having meat loaf.
As far as the same stuff over and over, It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating. It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating. It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating. It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating.
I am getting so fed up with mine, every day the same old whining on the phone or face to face about constipation...on and on and on, and I just hung up from her calling me at work with some whining...the same old statements...What do I gotta do....I tell her I don't know and I am tired of the same old statements. How long does this have to last? This is just like hell or pergatory....I really wish they had some drug breakthrough for these folks that swill in their minds going numb.
Perfectly acceptable, Bobbie. You indulge ours! And I can empathize. Good for you for recognizing your limitations, and caring for both you and your mom so well and responsibly! She's got a great daughter! And Nik, a great wife. Take care, and rest up!
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Mom has been ornery since last night. I made the mistatke of trying to figure out her mixed up statements and give her the correct information. Before you know it she is yelling at me and crying. She bitched about having to eat dinner and I got mad and told her she better eat dinner because I wasn't in the mood for her to have one of her bad spells and spend the night at the hosital.
Well she called me to her room this morning to tell me she had been sick all night. I asked "why didn't you call me? You told me not to call". I am so frustrated I could go in the woods and scream untilI have no voice left!!!!!!!!!!!
We had had a really nice day until mom got in her bad mood. I had gone to the shop and bought her favorite chicken salad sandwich and then we went to the plant sale and she got to spend time with her grandson. She returns home for an hour and she becomes this irrational child.
Do you all have any advice on how to handle things? When I talk with my sister and brother all they can say is just go along with whatever she is saying and be patient. I am really tired of this answer.
I need your help shipmates!
I am looking forward to a day at the Renaissance Faire...getting into my Pirate Garb and forgetting about Mommo for a partial day. Probably get a care-sitter for that day, so I don't have to think about what she may do at home by herself.
that's a good name: Calgon. Nice, Flex!
I took mom out for a pizza and a haircut and will try to get a mani pedi for her this weekend. Fire Engine Red.
Flex and SS you know what's up ...' the sun , gentle waves and ocean breezes.' yasss baby That's the vision.
checking in later....
lovbob
I'll drive over to Charleston, SC and you can pick me up with the boat. Make sure the boat has a blender for the margaritas!
Sun, gentle waves and ocean breezes.....Calgon take me away!
lovbob
Yes about the phone, I have it set so you do not hear it ring. There are days when she just rings one after another, it's like she miracously thinks that I will show up to answer it. I told her that I have morning meetings and many times I am not there...at home she does the same thing. I have to sometimes turn the ringers off the phones. The police tell you that burglars look for phones that ring and ring and ring cause it tells them no one is home. So I tell her that...but it goes on deaf ears. She does it to her sister as well, but since her sister is a little wierd as well whenever I call over there, the ringing stops after a while and it goes dead, so I don't know what's up with her phone either. I don't even know how my mom gets in touch with her. Her sister does however calls on her own accord to check up as well, but I don't think stays on the phone long, cause she has no time for her sister either. And her other sister she does not talk to hardly at all. So I have no family support or help. Nice! It's tough coming from a totally dysfunctional nuclear family. But I have a brave face going forward...cause as others have stated and even myself have rapped this off to others....THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
We stayed in, only to go out in the garden for a short time and do a little watering. Everything is coming along.
She's sleeping a lot more these days though, I'm a little worried about that. Her lauguage is getting harder and harder to understand and she doesnt' like to talk as much. That's OK though.
I suppose you get to a point where the times you start to spend are really special, maybe not all the time, but the ones that are make it so much better to disreguard the bad times.
Mom said she had 2 falls the day before no bruises though. She had a couple visitors, one she didn't want to see, the other she really didn't want to see but she caught us going down the ramp. Oh well.
Just wanted to check in and say hello and give a report on mom.
Take care everyone and have a great day.
I just made an ass out of myself with the nice lady PT in mom's room at the place. Mom was acting like it was really hurting her and I spoke up and the lady told me the score and said that mom had already done this last time and I said, omg, it's me, I'm so sorry let me get out of here so I don't interfere and split.
Mom was acting out for me and I fell for it again!! she is good!
Hey!! we should have awards for the best act out. We know it's part of the disease but jeez, I am amazed how it really pushes the buttons on us and we act out back and then there I am, embarrassed and hoping I didn't hurt the relationship between mom and the PT.
Award name: Going to need help here.....
There's the Oscars....
OOhhh... The Crazies. As in: Mom could have won a Crazy for that performance! Crazy Buzz!!
checking in later.
BOAT!
lovbob
You know what we haven't talked about in a minute?
THE BOAT
anybody still down for a boat ride?
SS I didn't post the pics of this particular boat because mom and I are actually trying to buy this one and I didn't want to jinx it!!
If you guys remember the boats that I showed you, just trust me when I say that this one has all of the stuff we need. She's a nice size with 4 staterooms, with one converted into a workshop but we can still sleep a slew of caregivers! (I'll sleep in the wheelhouse and someone else can have my bed)
She is too big to take through part of the Great Loop trip (too long, too wide and draft too deep and she has masts that need a 43' bridge clearance so we won't be going through downtown Chicago!)
She is an offshore cruiser meant for the Bahamas and the Canal!
the schedule: June in Fla working on boat. (If we can get it!!)After a few weeks, Move the boat north up the east coast while I learn from my Navy Captain buddy. I'm going to try for classes in Annapolis so I can work on getting my ceritfication. There are plenty of places that teach that kind of stuff for certification so wherever we wind up is ok with me.
When Hurricane season has wound down and the weather begins to get cold we will move the boat back down the east coast to Ft. Lauderdale. Hang out for a bit and provision the boat and then cross to the Bahamas for the winter. That's the plan. doesn't mean it will happen because we all know what can go on with plans.... but hey! if you don't plan your work and work your plan you wind up wondering WTF and why am I not doing what I want?
OK who's in?? The boat will be near airports all the time! This is going to be FUN and mom and I are looking forward to having a good time after all of this craziness.
You know, I was just thinking about using the head while underway. It's hard enough for mom to hit that thing when it's not moving....... that's it! We'll ALL wear Depends. that's right! One box of Depends for each case of beer....
I told mom that cleanup on the boat is no problem. She laughed so hard she farted when I told her that I had an inner tube all ready and all she had to do was sit in it with her butt pokin through the hole and let me tow her for 10 minutes. I also told her that if she catches a fish she gets a prize.
Remember that we're on the Gross Out thread where nothing is sacred (except OUR sanity) and it is up to us to find the funny so we can get through the freaking day!
Love you guys,
lovbob
My empathy and respect to those of you who choose differently, and make it work. We all get how hard it is, from reading your posts, and support you in them.
I think we all deal with the repetition to some degree or another. When grandma asks me the same questions over and over....I always give her the same answer over and over. Now she stills asks me the same questions but when I give her "the look"...she says, "I know, I know....." and then repeats what my answer to her always is for that question. She knows the answer but can't fight the compulsion. She has to ask. She just can't help it. OCD. Gotta love it.
Bobbie, I got a good laugh out of your post. You are too amusing! And at the end of the day.....a good laugh is exactly what I need. You're latest posts have highlighted one of my biggest fears of the past week. I really did need a break and grandma going into rehab is giving me that break but I'm REALLY liking the freedom that I've had all week. Still running ragged but at my own pace. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to readapt and readjust all over again when she comes home. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to learn the patience all over again. What if I'm bitter or resentful for having to give my freedom away again. It's freakin' me out. I know that I'll suck it up and do whatever needs to be done.....but what if I'm even more miserable than before?! Ugh!
Gonna TRY not to dwell on it now. Hope everyone has a better day tomorrow.
No adults here, just broken a** caregivers!!
you guys have my absolute empathy with all of the behavior. Spent just about the entire day working to get mom back in the place and she was really upset and crying and it sux and that's why I have to FORCE myself to laugh at it or I am dead. I am so sick of mental illness 'issues' and how it sucks everybody down its vortex that I guess I just don't have much give a s*** left. sorry if I upset anybody.
Mom finally spoke in front of the owner and now hopefully they get it that she's 'in there'. They were treating her like a lower functioning individual and it was making her sad.
The owner is a sweetheart and the 3 of us sat in her room and she talked directly to him. He was amazed.
Of course she has dementia, but she also has moments of lucidity and can communicate if you know what to look for.
poor mama.
She wants to control something because everything is out of control for her so she makes it tough on everybody when she has to take her pills or use the bathroom.
Dementia Drama. It's all part of the disease and we know it but like you guys well know it sucks the very marrow from your bones.
I just did 4 days after a few weeks off and I don't have any earthly idea how I was even standing after 5.5 years. I'm toast.
Hang in there Pirate and SS and Flex and Everybody.
Pirate, SS is right. don't answer the phone.
Flex: I feel you buddy. I hope you get someone to get that load off your back. I haven't filed yet either because I've been taking care of mom and tonight is tax nite. WooHoo
love you ladies,
lovbob
Another busy and stressful day. Trying to make sure mom has a decent sitter while trying to keep my job. I get distracted and I make stupid mistakes.
I finally filed my taxes last night. I never file them this late but I am wiped out by the time I get home and then have to deal with mom. This evening she informs me her heart monitor was playing music. I should laugh but I'm too tired to see the humor.
At least it is beautiful weather and everything is blooming and looking pretty.
Have a good night ladies!
tell your mom that you have to hang up and call CNN about her bowel movements. They're interested because nothing else is going on in the world. Tell her to turn on CNN and call you when she sees the story.
I once watched in amazement as my mom informed a dinner gathering as to the what and why of a massive pooper she'd had that am. it was an am bm. Everybody handled it pretty well considering we were having meat loaf.
As far as the same stuff over and over,
It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating.
It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating.
It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating.
It's crazy making I know but she's going to keep repeating.
HEY! Is this S*** contagious!?!?!?
lovbob
Hello, all!