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Miz, I meant you were taking care of 2, as in your mom and hubby. Or is he better? No, I'm not being sued. Mom wrote an 8 page letter saying she was being abused...full of lies, and with wacked-out-in-the-brain-cell-stuff. She said I told her she was going to hell, blah, blah, blah...weird. Everything she wanted and I refused...she wrote that... For instance, it was July, and she said I wouldn't bring her winter clothes... I did, but not till October. (Made sense to me.) Said I tapped her phone (how boring would that be?). Stuff like that...I can't even remember it all without reading it. So stupid. And her Psychiatrist said she's OK (he only saw her twice for less than 50 minutes total (I was there). She's NOT fine, and neither is he. The Geriatric Assessment Clinic I took her to, said she rang every bell. They originally alerted me to her Personality Disorder. My sis and I always said she was "crazy." Ha! We were right. But I thought it was the alcohol. It was that, and prescription narcotics, and NPD, OCD, BPD, DPD, GAD, etc.
Calling the boat NoMorePoo would just remind us of poo. In my case, we could name it: No Mo Stuff Hittin the Fan (Please!)
Bobbie, nice find for your mom. Sorry for the tears. So, you'll be traveling for 2 months? Sea & Soul, I like that. How about: Sun, Sea & Soul?
KelleyBean, I think we can relate to the mom thing, kind of.
Awww bobbie. That is so sweet. Makes me wanna cry. I'm sending you some chocolate right now. Enjoy!! I bet that 2 months goes really fast. Gotta get to bed now. Good Night everyone!! Love yas!!
Aw KelleyBean, that sux. Tell your mom that it's not ok for her to talk to you like that. Please don't take it and maybe she will stop being abusive.
I'm so sorry you have to hear that stuff. I had to hear it for the first couple years and a shrink told me to use the above line and after a few times it started to sink in.
You know you're not rotten or we wouldn't hang out with ya!!! Tell your mom that the crew has decided that she can come on the boat ride as long as she rides in the 'trailer' (inner tube on line behind boat) At least her butt would be clean as a whistle!!
Words can really hurt and we have to have thicker skins and when that fails us we have to have thick friends! Wha?
Today I told the owners of the facility that by putting my mother in their care I was going to get my mom back and I was going to be able to be a daughter again and not a nurse and my mom was going to be able to be a mom and not a patient. They said they had never thought of it that way and the dude got the goosebumps. He showed me! I was amazed that they had never seen it like that before.
KelleyBean think of what you will be doing with your new clients and how much you will be helping those familes be families again. You are an angel on earth and a good good daughter.
You guys let me know what boat name you like. i like Poco Loco and if we wind up with that 61' Davis Pilothouse, that's her name.
One 47' trawler I looked at in NJ was named Patience because she could only cruise at 7 kts. I thought that if I got that boat I would have to name it Out of patience.
probably to fill up all that energy you spent during the day, miz.. i get really hungry at night too after shes laid down.. i keep extra things of ramen laying around
ive been chatting all night basically to a few friends i dont talk to alot anymore..
tomorrow i start with 2 of my 3 new clients =D the 3rd is on tuesday..
my mom basically raised my brother and i by herself.. i think she was a good mother.. i think there were times that she really hurt my feelings.. but over the course of the past few years she has been more and more mentally abusive towards me.. shes actually told me as im cleaning up her mess in the carpet that i was her maid and thats all i was there for.. she called me stupid the other night(not the first time) which is HER mantra.. ughh..
i always wanted to ask her, what DOES she like about me? because it seems there is nothing good i can do... she cant even believe i have actual friends because im so rotten..
my point is.. you know the saying " we hurt the people closest to us?" i think its true in a lot of our cases.. they know that we wont leave them alone.. that we keep on keeping on.. so they take all their frustration out on us.. i just wish they understood that, yeah, we wont leave, but if we throw our own temper tantrum.. its because we really have reached our limit!!
and i so HATE to treat my mom like a kid " now, mom, thats not how we talk to people!" i just cant do it myself..
bobbie, it sounds like you have everything under control and you have done a great job finding a good place for your mom and she is taking it well. I am so glad. I know it can't be easy for you.
Maxine (195austin) was here earlier and KelleyBean too. Pamela has been dealing with a lot of drama and I don't think we've heard from nutz today on this thread.
PirateGal posted earlier today.
SS you have my respect for dealing the court insanity. That stuff makes me absolutely insane. Here's a 'Please God make it work out well' so hopefully you will be finished soon and not have to look back.
Mom goes in on Tuesday. I will do all of the paperwork tomorrow and make sure she has her clothes all ready to go, etc.
She said that she didn't like it over there and I figured out why. We had lunch with 2 of the residents and they wear bibs and one was a little sloppy, and one lady (only 50!) has MS and is very cheery.
Mom got a bib too because I had her in brand new clothes so she would feel good. She doesn't really understand (of course) that she is bib worthy too.
I told her that I had looked all over and this was a very good choice. The place is fresh and clean and the bathrooms are genius with shower floor same level as the bathroom floor so you can roll in a wheeled shower chair without a bump. Mom used the bathroom while we were there and she was able to do it without help but didn't complain when the caregiver helped and gave her a wipe.
the caregivers are all Asian and because of their culture of respect and dignity for their elderly ancestors, the level of caring is amazing.
I had to tell mom that this was going to happen and I think I mentioned earlier that I read SS's post of the elderly blind man and his NH. I told mom that she could make a choice and be happy or miserable and whatever choice she made was what she was going to get back.
She will be able to go in Tuesday and I will have 3 days to make sure the kinks are worked out before I leave for NJ.
Mom is a good one and they treated all of us like family right off the bat and complimented mom and said that they wished everybody was that good. Hopefully all will be well and I can get this crap finished and secure the boat.
I'm thinking that the crew is just the right size!
I'm with you SS I don't want ot clean any cages either and neither does miz. maxine said she would but I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Not after what we've all been through.
Maybe our mascot should be a rubber chicken!
you guys have been a GodSend and I thank you all once again.
Hello everyone. Bobbie, I'm curious, too. When does the transfer happen for your mom. And miz, are you caring for one or two? OK, rep, thanks for asking. I just have to transfer some money to mom's guardian and maybe some bills. She'll take over everything of mom's. The tricky part is the 1/2 interest in the house with my dad, etc. She'll have to maintain it and mom's apartment, b/c dad is in the NH. He just pays for that. There is a hearing on the 31st, only if my accounting is contested by anyone. If not, I'm done. But they can call me up and ask to see receipts...at my convenience. I've already told hubby it will NOT be happening at my mom's atty's office, and NOT to answer the phone if they call. They can leave a message. I don't want to talk to anyone till I'm prepared. They will work through me on my terms, unless ordered by the court differently. I've already been falsely accused of stupid stuff my snake atty. saying he was going to "file a motion" if I didn't comply. Actually, mom's PG was supposed to handle what he was accusing me of not doing, when I didn't even know about it. Creep. I want to call the bar association about that as soon as my account is accepted, and I'm free and clear. I actually fear the next letter or phone call, because there have been too many already. Tomorrow I may drive 200 mi. down to grab some antiques, before the stuff hits the fan after tomorrow's mail...if you get my meaning. May need the life preserver or rescue boat then. I am paranoid, and imagine them picking stuff apart, and even taking my dad's guardianship away...as I've heard they can do. This judge does NOT like family guardians, only "professional" ones. If someone complains, I'm sunk. Fortunately, I'm a good swimmer, and a rich uncle (dad's brother) may bail me out. Still, I'm praying...
As for birds, I don't really care about it, as long as I don't have to clean cages.
Haven't read anything from Pirate Gal in awhile. Come to think of it, the crew seems to be shrinking... Hmmmmmmm.
Wow. I can't imagine how hard it would be to take care of my mom if she was hateful/mean etc. Or, it she had been hateful/mean to me as a child. I would be going even crazier than I already am. Granted, she wasn't perfect but what mother is? I am so proud of all of you who take care of loved ones who are difficult. I know eventually this could happen to my mom but I haven't seen any signs, thank God. You are ALL angels in my book.
sorry you have the nightmare situation going on over there and I see that you're using the same prescription I am: thinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboatthinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboatthinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboatthinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboat
geez-o-whiz, I miss a day and a half and everything goes crazy. heya everyone :) I know I'm gonna miss something, but I'll just start running my mouth and see what comes out.
bobbie-I'm sorry the other NH crapped out on you, but the new one sounds great. Is it closer to where you live now? When does she check in?
Kelley-I'm still jealous. Does that mean it's now you plus one for the boat? ;)
miz-how's hubby's back? it feels like your whole world is coming to and end when you've pulled a muscle, especially your back. Hope those muscle relaxers worked for him
Secretsis-is all that lawyer mess done now until the end of March? How is that going?
pirategal-I'm also taking care of someone who made me feel like less than nothing my entire life. I'm taking care of her because she is my father's mother, and that's it. You take care of family. And don't get me started on the eating-feeding her is a daily nightmare. She was underweight when I first moved in with her, and I soon found out why. She calls any amount of food over three bites "repulsive." If you manage to get past that, she has a list of self-imposed restrictions a mile long. One time her doc told her to eat more protein, so she ate less of everything for two days. Talk about a tantrum. Of course, she's perfect, so no one can ever tell her anything. And my mom hates the fact that she can't control me anymore, like she could when I was little. Doesn't seem to have registered with her that I'm doing her household chores and taking out her bags of waste from her portable toilet. So I have a prescription for you-getontheboatgetontheboatgetontheboat! And take me with you please? :)
As for the wall wars, I've noticed that there are some people who just want to show up and cause trouble. They enjoy making people feel as miserable as they do. In the end, though, they don't matter. They will come, make their comments and leave, and those of us who came here for the right reasons will still be around. Our little family will continue to trudge along, cleaning up all sorts of bodily fluids. All we can do is continue to support each other, and hang in there as long as we can. It's all anybody can do.
Now for the fun stuff. There are other kinds of birds out there that you can train to talk-it doesn't have to be a parrot. Or we could get a cockatoo, or what happened to the canary? Besides, do we really want a parrot who's going to bust us to the coast guard and point out where the booze is? Just a thought....
Love you guys! Everybody take care of yourselves, and keep thinking of the boat.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
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APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What's mahjong dimentions?
Calling the boat NoMorePoo would just remind us of poo. In my case, we could name it: No Mo Stuff Hittin the Fan (Please!)
Bobbie, nice find for your mom. Sorry for the tears. So, you'll be traveling for 2 months? Sea & Soul, I like that. How about: Sun, Sea & Soul?
KelleyBean, I think we can relate to the mom thing, kind of.
Where O where is Pamela?
after your mention of chocolate i actually ran out the house to 7-11 and got a Mr Goodbar
miz
That's right.... this is only for 2 months just 2 months.
oh mama.
ow
lovbob
I'm so sorry you have to hear that stuff. I had to hear it for the first couple years and a shrink told me to use the above line and after a few times it started to sink in.
You know you're not rotten or we wouldn't hang out with ya!!! Tell your mom that the crew has decided that she can come on the boat ride as long as she rides in the 'trailer' (inner tube on line behind boat) At least her butt would be clean as a whistle!!
Words can really hurt and we have to have thicker skins and when that fails us we have to have thick friends! Wha?
Today I told the owners of the facility that by putting my mother in their care I was going to get my mom back and I was going to be able to be a daughter again and not a nurse and my mom was going to be able to be a mom and not a patient. They said they had never thought of it that way and the dude got the goosebumps. He showed me! I was amazed that they had never seen it like that before.
KelleyBean think of what you will be doing with your new clients and how much you will be helping those familes be families again. You are an angel on earth and a good good daughter.
You guys let me know what boat name you like. i like Poco Loco and if we wind up with that 61' Davis Pilothouse, that's her name.
One 47' trawler I looked at in NJ was named Patience because she could only cruise at 7 kts. I thought that if I got that boat I would have to name it Out of patience.
Sea and Soul
lovbob
ive been chatting all night basically to a few friends i dont talk to alot anymore..
tomorrow i start with 2 of my 3 new clients =D the 3rd is on tuesday..
my mom basically raised my brother and i by herself.. i think she was a good mother.. i think there were times that she really hurt my feelings.. but over the course of the past few years she has been more and more mentally abusive towards me.. shes actually told me as im cleaning up her mess in the carpet that i was her maid and thats all i was there for.. she called me stupid the other night(not the first time) which is HER mantra.. ughh..
i always wanted to ask her, what DOES she like about me? because it seems there is nothing good i can do... she cant even believe i have actual friends because im so rotten..
my point is.. you know the saying " we hurt the people closest to us?" i think its true in a lot of our cases.. they know that we wont leave them alone.. that we keep on keeping on.. so they take all their frustration out on us.. i just wish they understood that, yeah, we wont leave, but if we throw our own temper tantrum.. its because we really have reached our limit!!
and i so HATE to treat my mom like a kid " now, mom, thats not how we talk to people!" i just cant do it myself..
love,
miz
Maxine (195austin) was here earlier and KelleyBean too.
Pamela has been dealing with a lot of drama and I don't think we've heard from nutz today on this thread.
PirateGal posted earlier today.
SS you have my respect for dealing the court insanity. That stuff makes me absolutely insane. Here's a 'Please God make it work out well' so hopefully you will be finished soon and not have to look back.
Mom goes in on Tuesday. I will do all of the paperwork tomorrow and make sure she has her clothes all ready to go, etc.
She said that she didn't like it over there and I figured out why. We had lunch with 2 of the residents and they wear bibs and one was a little sloppy, and one lady (only 50!) has MS and is very cheery.
Mom got a bib too because I had her in brand new clothes so she would feel good. She doesn't really understand (of course) that she is bib worthy too.
I told her that I had looked all over and this was a very good choice. The place is fresh and clean and the bathrooms are genius with shower floor same level as the bathroom floor so you can roll in a wheeled shower chair without a bump. Mom used the bathroom while we were there and she was able to do it without help but didn't complain when the caregiver helped and gave her a wipe.
the caregivers are all Asian and because of their culture of respect and dignity for their elderly ancestors, the level of caring is amazing.
I had to tell mom that this was going to happen and I think I mentioned earlier that I read SS's post of the elderly blind man and his NH. I told mom that she could make a choice and be happy or miserable and whatever choice she made was what she was going to get back.
She will be able to go in Tuesday and I will have 3 days to make sure the kinks are worked out before I leave for NJ.
Mom is a good one and they treated all of us like family right off the bat and complimented mom and said that they wished everybody was that good.
Hopefully all will be well and I can get this crap finished and secure the boat.
I'm thinking that the crew is just the right size!
I'm with you SS I don't want ot clean any cages either and neither does miz. maxine said she would but I wouldn't wish that on anybody. Not after what we've all been through.
Maybe our mascot should be a rubber chicken!
you guys have been a GodSend and I thank you all once again.
lovbob
As for birds, I don't really care about it, as long as I don't have to clean cages.
Haven't read anything from Pirate Gal in awhile. Come to think of it, the crew seems to be shrinking... Hmmmmmmm.
bobbie, LOL at your cake story.
love,
miz
sorry you have the nightmare situation going on over there and I see that you're using the same prescription I am:
thinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboatthinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboatthinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboatthinkaboutheboatthinkabouttheboat
A cockortwo would be a nice choice.......
lovbob
bobbie-I'm sorry the other NH crapped out on you, but the new one sounds great. Is it closer to where you live now? When does she check in?
Kelley-I'm still jealous. Does that mean it's now you plus one for the boat? ;)
miz-how's hubby's back? it feels like your whole world is coming to and end when you've pulled a muscle, especially your back. Hope those muscle relaxers worked for him
Secretsis-is all that lawyer mess done now until the end of March? How is that going?
pirategal-I'm also taking care of someone who made me feel like less than nothing my entire life. I'm taking care of her because she is my father's mother, and that's it. You take care of family. And don't get me started on the eating-feeding her is a daily nightmare. She was underweight when I first moved in with her, and I soon found out why. She calls any amount of food over three bites "repulsive." If you manage to get past that, she has a list of self-imposed restrictions a mile long. One time her doc told her to eat more protein, so she ate less of everything for two days. Talk about a tantrum. Of course, she's perfect, so no one can ever tell her anything. And my mom hates the fact that she can't control me anymore, like she could when I was little. Doesn't seem to have registered with her that I'm doing her household chores and taking out her bags of waste from her portable toilet. So I have a prescription for you-getontheboatgetontheboatgetontheboat! And take me with you please? :)
As for the wall wars, I've noticed that there are some people who just want to show up and cause trouble. They enjoy making people feel as miserable as they do. In the end, though, they don't matter. They will come, make their comments and leave, and those of us who came here for the right reasons will still be around. Our little family will continue to trudge along, cleaning up all sorts of bodily fluids. All we can do is continue to support each other, and hang in there as long as we can. It's all anybody can do.
Now for the fun stuff. There are other kinds of birds out there that you can train to talk-it doesn't have to be a parrot. Or we could get a cockatoo, or what happened to the canary? Besides, do we really want a parrot who's going to bust us to the coast guard and point out where the booze is? Just a thought....
Love you guys! Everybody take care of yourselves, and keep thinking of the boat.