Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Pleasant dreams, Miz. How's the new Caregiving articles going with the newspaper? Are you Vice President yet?
Bobbie, that's great they are safe. Can't wait to hear about the boat adventure with Tenn and her daughter. I'm practically jealous, except my reservations are for during Northern Michigan's snowstorms, LOL.
It's a raining and blowing here today. Good. We needed rain. And I hope it passes for the Bridge Walk events. Going to be an exciting weekend!
Did you ladies hear about the couple that wanted to spend their retirement living at the Holiday Inn?
I've only read a few pages but have to thank you all for a much needed laugh!
As for me, one day I saw a green plastic tumbler in the bathroom, the kind you use in the summer outdoors at bbq's...my father's makeshift urinal. He was quite proud he didn't make a mess for me to mop up
bobbie, i'm so glad you heard from them and know that they are safe. I hope you have a wonderful time with them. Wish it was me too. I'm thinkin' about the boat so much. Need that break so bad. Give them hugs for me. And them give you hugs for me. So tired now. Work was stressful and so was home. Goodnight my friends.
oh whew thank u lord ! i kinda figured it was alanta man i hate driving thru there , people are horrible there . yes hard to see in the dark . bet bobbies wantin to run over to that hotel now hahaha . tmr willbe a better day wooohooo . tell tenn to enjoy !!! whos watching ur mom ? gotta give the person a big ole hug for letting tenn and daughter go and get away . oh how i wish i were there . one day i ll be there . you guys have a very very happy good weekend ! slurp some good coffee in the morning and plz dont paint ur boat . lol . love ya all !! xoxoox
she caught labor day traffic s of atlanta. 16 hours!!!!
Her butt really hurts. She just told me that it's flat!
they're both bushed and couldn't find the marina in the dark so she and her daughter got a hotel room and are kicking it finally. She is very funny. We're all going to get together tomorrow and they';; move onto the boat.
Whatta relief!!! Poor Tennessee and her poor flat butt!!
uhh i thought they got there this morning ! damn ! i sure hope theyre ok , oh my gosh ! maybe her ph needs charging . or theygot a late start and stayin at a hotel ? i hope shes not lost . shit i should have went with her , id guide her there in a heart beat . with gps . :-) yes let us know . it sucks to wait on and start to worry then ya panic ! then all sudden ya praying so hard . awww i sorry bobbie . i sure hope she gets there in a min ! lord get tenn and her daughter in that boat with bobbie real soon amen ... xoxo
I'm freaking out. it's late and I know Tenn said she'd be here after dark , but omg.
I've called twice and not even voicemail. It just rings and then the Verizon voice says try again later. I was able to catch up on some of the posts and this is like all of our first time and I just hope they're both ok and get here soon,
Deefer ... the Flowers? Have I missed anything? Are they still a mystery?
that store is a gold mine for what I need to assemble Dad's leg straps. I had to drag myself out of there before I bought too much!
The employees were so nice! One noticed I was gathering the 6 heavy glass steins she told me she would have an appropriate cardboard box waiting at the check stand.
Sure enough ... the box was there! They are a special group!
I had a personal shopper at Nordstroms years ago when I had a wardrobe & the need to look professional. Yeah ... me & my many hats!
Today's ladies we just as kind & proficient , without earning a commission. Refreshing! Dad loves the new glass steins!
Pirate, I planted jalapeno peppers this year. My daughter made something with one the other day. She likes spicy, but these were on fire! Have you ever grown any? Your recipe sounds yummy! Rip, I have a Dollar Tree less than 5 minutes from home. I'm there every week. I buy treats for mom, foil, gift bags, drain cleaner and anything else I can find. Great place to buy body wash and powder for the peepee body smells. Most of what we use on Mom, lotions etc. come from there. And everything is $1. That's the best part. Haven't found a dollar store that compares. I took off too! Yesterday must have been escape day. Ended picking up lunch at Panera Bread on the way home. That was a treat. All you animal lovers will have a good laugh from this. I started a sweater vest last night, And put the yarn in a bag in my craft - TV room. When I came back from bringing Mom to her doctor's appt. I found a trail of yarn into the kitchen and my vest half off the needle. Good thing I had only knitted 6 rows! Got to love those pets.
Man ... I'm hogging the site. Sorry ... For anyone wondering about Bobbie's boat - Google:- 1978 Monk Roughwater Trawler Should come up Paradise Yachts & show photos. You'll see what we're missing. Hope it's OK with you Bobbie ... if not ... tough Bunnies!
rip...you may not want to add the Ortega Black beans with Jalepeno's and just get the plain black beans.....the men in my group liked it (engineer's)...so they liked it spicey
PS ~ I posted a comment earlier about Geraniums in window boxes preventing a fly invasion. Straight from Ciscoe Morris, Seattle's plant know-it-all. Check his web site. Usually right. I must have got them too late or not enough. We have a brief moment of warm weather & they are hatching inside & out! Add that to my small list of dislikes.
There are lots of birds & Dragonflies after them. Nature has it's methods
Today Dad was feeling good so I ventured far from home! I was inspired by the crafty talk so went in search of Dragon strap materials.
All the way to the next town that has a Dollar Tree store.
Stocked up on therapeutic elastic leg & wrist bands ... & a bunch of silly stuff. They had 18 0z. glass beer steins for a buck! i used to buy them wholesale for more. Perfect for sandblasting. Also for Dad's water & coffee. Saves me many trips having the larger size.
They didn't have the old fashion neoprene can holders but I found some others that will work.
Bonus buy! They had Boric Acid Roach killer! Thank You Cc2 Again (you know you) for posting the confirmation an my wall. I scanned 7 days looking back thru our threads looking for the person to acknowledge. Then realized you had posted on my wall. I will try it on the poor pups & kitties. I found it was used as a douche, as an eye wash & other things. Smart father dusting the dogs! I think it's safe. A little at a time.
If I hate anything, it's something that pesters my friends. Like fleas. Bye Bye you little buggers! Bobbie, it says it kills ants too! Good for the boat.
Get this ... I even went to another town where there is a Hancock Farbric store! Scored some Velcro & elastic on sale!
For a lady who spent years driving 8 hrs a day in a patrol car, then drove a bus over 155 miles a day - Not to mention the years of transporting step kids everywhere which accumulated to over 500 miles a week.
Today was a major event! Logged 43 miles on the Honda car! High milage since Dad's health has declined. I feel like a shut in
Eldercare. I laughed with my friend at the insurance office today. She couldn't believe I haven't needed to fill my gas tanks since June! I consolidate every trip so I can be available for Dad.
She joked about my itty bitty carbon foot print. I fill buckets of water in the shower waiting for the 3 gallons it takes to warm for bathing temperature. That water goes on the deck & house plants.
43 messages! It is like reading "War and Peace" every night! I have to work tonight so I just wanted to say to: Sharon: I make part of this forum since end of July and I start to know all the ladies, but sometimes I make confusion and so I look at their walls to have some hints. It's normal that at the beginning you find it difficult to follow all the stories. Anyway, Bobbie and Lhardebeck have already answered to you- I hope you stay, because I like your approach very much. Austin: I'm sorry that you did not have a great relationship with your parents. Me neither! I loved my father but we fought constantly. He was very tough outside (and tender inside: but I discovered it only the last years of his life). My mother, when she was herself, had her faults and her qualities. We never understood each other well, we were too different. Now, she completely depends on me and I have forgotten all the problems we had in the past, because her disease has transformed her into a completely different person. It's sad to say that I understood my father better after his death! (and that I probably love my mother now more than when she was herself!) But if you try to understand them with the wisdom of your age and experience... If you try to remember the good things and forget the bad ones... You shall recover a good relationship with your parents. Please try! They are/were human beings and they probably made many mistakes but they had good intentions. Bobbie: I am very glad that Tennessee and daughter come to you. You will certainly find the right words to tell them. I am very fond of Tenn! Please give her a big hug from Rossella. It's me that feels bad because I did not give my father his last coffee. But if I had given him the coffee despite the doctors advice, I would feel even more guilty now. So, it's alright. 'Nite everybody!
One day my dad was witing for me in the IL ... (old people apt) can't remember the acronym ... foyer of the high-class institution, among the fake flowers & generic artwork.
He was the one guy among 8 little old ladies patiently sitting on the couches. In his quiet, gentlemanly way, he scanned the group & asked; "Are you all waiting for your daughters?". Smiles, nods & "Yeps'.
Then he said "If we were waiting for our sons we'd be here for days.". Laughter erupted. All the little old ladies agreed! Conversation followed!
I had lots of smiles & waves from the LOL (little old ladies) when I drove up & helped him in the car. As we left he said it was like leaving a chicken coop. Cluck, cluck, cluck ... touchy subject! Sure is the truth!
Thanks, Pirate! Dad wants me to cook your formula adding Rotinni pasta!
they need to realize this part...cause this captures my scenario...
"In the future, the findings can be used to guide programs that help caregivers, Bastawrous said. There could be more focus on poor parent-child relationships, she said, and how they can take a heavy toll on adult children.
"They maybe need more counseling that meets those needs," she said.
I posted this as well as a main post on its own. Funny I found the article on a website Seabridgebathing.com due to I called them for a brochure for those walk in bathtubs...drooling I want one of them.....like a jacuzi in the house...and I found this article on their website..in fact they have a blog. TUESDAY, June 8 (HealthDay News) -- A new Canadian review finds that adult daughters suffer more than adult sons from poor relationships with ailing and aging parents who need their care.
"Adult daughters place greater emphasis on their relationships with their parents, and when those relationships go awry, it takes a worse toll on the adult daughters than the adult sons," said review author Marina Bastawrous, a graduate student at the University of Toronto.
An estimated 44 million adults in the United States provide unpaid care to another adult. A 2004 study commissioned by the AARP and other organizations estimated that caregiving is more stressful on women, who make up more than six in 10 caregivers: 40 percent said caregiving stressed them at high levels, compared to just 26 percent of men.
In the new review, Bastawrous examined 42 studies that looked at the effects of caregiving on adult children who take care of their parents. More than half of the studies looked at daughters who served as caregivers.
The studies didn't allow her to draw conclusions based on numbers, Bastawrous said, so she wasn't able to provide a statistic about how much worse things are for female caregivers.
But, she said, it's clear that "things tend to be different for females."
Overall, the studies suggest that daughters suffer more than sons when they don't get along with their ailing and elderly parents. The relationships rupture, she said, when there is less cooperation, less communication and more conflict.
"The quality of the caregiving relationship often is dependent on what the relationship was earlier in life," said Barry Jacobs, a psychologist in Springfield, Pa., and a spokesman for the American Heart Association. "If you've had a bad relationship with them and felt victimized, then suddenly you're asked to step up, that caregiving role may seem like a revictimization."
Why do women get hit harder by strained relationships? "In terms of society's norms, the responsibility to care for parents tends to fall on the women," Bastawrous said. "It almost becomes ingrained as their responsibility. When they can't meet those expectations, the toll is worse on them than on sons who aren't expected to take on that role."
Men, in contrast, may not see caring for parents as their primary concern, she said.
Jacobs said there's another factor: Men who become caregivers hold on to their jobs longer than women, who are more likely to quit to take care of their parents. "Often the sons get off scot-free, and the daughters are resentful about how little their brothers are doing," Jacobs said.
In the future, the findings can be used to guide programs that help caregivers, Bastawrous said. There could be more focus on poor parent-child relationships, she said, and how they can take a heavy toll on adult children.
"They maybe need more counseling that meets those needs," she said.
Meanwhile, the U.S. population continues to get older, meaning that more children will be taking care of their parents.
The results were released Monday at the Canadian Stroke Congress in Quebec City.
pirategal .. woow . what a meal that is . man sounds good , shall try to make that one day . thanks ! bobbie .. oh am so glad u have company for the weekend with tenn and her daughter ! bet you all are tickled to death . let me know every detials ya guys did . i wish i wish i could be there too . waaaaaaaaaa
windy day it is here , feeling cooler too , suppose be high 71 tmr , mmm think i ll get that bonfire a going and fix me some of pirate s beans soup . sounds good . mmm , now i need to go to the store and buy all that yummies . you guys have a great weekend ! i wont be doing anything but stay home like always ... i always enjoy my husband , he makes sure im havin fun . while i stare at the bonfire i ll be picturin me onbobbie s boat . alot of u guys dont have any pictures on ur profile , igh no fair u guys know what i look like and my dad too . sniffff . i just try to think what you all look like , mmmm have a great day xoxoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Bobbie, that's great they are safe. Can't wait to hear about the boat adventure with Tenn and her daughter. I'm practically jealous, except my reservations are for during Northern Michigan's snowstorms, LOL.
It's a raining and blowing here today. Good. We needed rain. And I hope it passes for the Bridge Walk events. Going to be an exciting weekend!
Did you ladies hear about the couple that wanted to spend their retirement living at the Holiday Inn?
As for me, one day I saw a green plastic tumbler in the bathroom, the kind you use in the summer outdoors at bbq's...my father's makeshift urinal. He was quite proud he didn't make a mess for me to mop up
I used glasses ever since.
love,
miz
yes hard to see in the dark . bet bobbies wantin to run over to that hotel now hahaha .
tmr willbe a better day wooohooo .
tell tenn to enjoy !!! whos watching ur mom ? gotta give the person a big ole hug for letting tenn and daughter go and get away .
oh how i wish i were there . one day i ll be there .
you guys have a very very happy good weekend ! slurp some good coffee in the morning and plz dont paint ur boat . lol .
love ya all !! xoxoox
Yes, they had traffic and yes they got lost! They are safe and sound. whew.
lovbob
Her butt really hurts. She just told me that it's flat!
they're both bushed and couldn't find the marina in the dark so she and her daughter got a hotel room and are kicking it finally. She is very funny.
We're all going to get together tomorrow and they';; move onto the boat.
Whatta relief!!! Poor Tennessee and her poor flat butt!!
Oh, I can breathe now.
You ladies rock!!!
lovbob
shit i should have went with her , id guide her there in a heart beat . with gps . :-)
yes let us know . it sucks to wait on and start to worry then ya panic ! then all sudden ya praying so hard .
awww i sorry bobbie . i sure hope she gets there in a min ! lord get tenn and her daughter in that boat with bobbie real soon amen ... xoxo
Post when they arrive ...
Please keep us posted???
Worrying with you~
Rip
I'm freaking out. it's late and I know Tenn said she'd be here after dark , but omg.
I've called twice and not even voicemail. It just rings and then the Verizon voice says try again later.
I was able to catch up on some of the posts and this is like all of our first time and I just hope they're both ok and get here soon,
I'll post when they're on the boat!!
lovbob
Have I missed anything? Are they still a mystery?
that store is a gold mine for what I need to assemble Dad's leg straps. I had to drag myself out of there before I bought too much!
The employees were so nice! One noticed I was gathering the 6 heavy glass steins she told me she would have an appropriate cardboard box waiting at the check stand.
Sure enough ... the box was there!
They are a special group!
I had a personal shopper at Nordstroms years ago when I had a wardrobe & the need to look professional.
Yeah ... me & my many hats!
Today's ladies we just as kind & proficient , without earning a commission.
Refreshing!
Dad loves the new glass steins!
Rip, I have a Dollar Tree less than 5 minutes from home. I'm there every week. I buy treats for mom, foil, gift bags, drain cleaner and anything else I can find. Great place to buy body wash and powder for the peepee body smells. Most of what we use on Mom, lotions etc. come from there. And everything is $1. That's the best part. Haven't found a dollar store that compares.
I took off too! Yesterday must have been escape day. Ended picking up lunch at Panera Bread on the way home. That was a treat.
All you animal lovers will have a good laugh from this. I started a sweater vest last night, And put the yarn in a bag in my craft - TV room. When I came back from bringing Mom to her doctor's appt. I found a trail of yarn into the kitchen and my vest half off the needle. Good thing I had only knitted 6 rows! Got to love those pets.
Sorry ...
For anyone wondering about Bobbie's boat -
Google:-
1978 Monk Roughwater Trawler
Should come up Paradise Yachts & show photos.
You'll see what we're missing.
Hope it's OK with you Bobbie ...
if not ... tough Bunnies!
What a life you must have with engineers! My ex was almost one, better than an architect, a great builder!
Straight from Ciscoe Morris, Seattle's plant know-it-all. Check his web site. Usually right.
I must have got them too late or not enough. We have a brief moment of warm weather & they are hatching inside & out! Add that to my small list of dislikes.
There are lots of birds & Dragonflies after them. Nature has it's methods
Today Dad was feeling good so I ventured far from home! I was inspired by the crafty talk so went in search of Dragon strap materials.
All the way to the next town that has a Dollar Tree store.
Stocked up on therapeutic elastic leg & wrist bands ... & a bunch of silly stuff. They had 18 0z. glass beer steins for a buck! i used to buy them wholesale for more. Perfect for sandblasting. Also for Dad's water & coffee. Saves me many trips having the larger size.
They didn't have the old fashion neoprene can holders but I found some others that will work.
Bonus buy! They had Boric Acid Roach killer! Thank You Cc2 Again (you know you) for posting the confirmation an my wall. I scanned 7 days looking back thru our threads looking for the person to acknowledge. Then realized you had posted on my wall. I will try it on the poor pups & kitties. I found it was used as a douche, as an eye wash & other things. Smart father dusting the dogs!
I think it's safe. A little at a time.
If I hate anything, it's something that pesters my friends. Like fleas. Bye Bye you little buggers!
Bobbie, it says it kills ants too! Good for the boat.
Get this ... I even went to another town where there is a Hancock Farbric store! Scored some Velcro & elastic on sale!
For a lady who spent years driving 8 hrs a day in a patrol car, then drove a bus over 155 miles a day - Not to mention the years of transporting step kids everywhere which accumulated to over 500 miles a week.
Today was a major event! Logged 43 miles on the Honda car! High milage since Dad's health has declined.
I feel like a shut in
Eldercare.
I laughed with my friend at the insurance office today. She couldn't believe I haven't needed to fill my gas tanks since June! I consolidate every trip so I can be available for Dad.
She joked about my itty bitty carbon foot print. I fill buckets of water in the shower waiting for the 3 gallons it takes to warm for bathing temperature. That water goes on the deck & house plants.
Poverty builds character. Whoo Hooo!
I have to work tonight so I just wanted to say to:
Sharon: I make part of this forum since end of July and I start to know all the ladies, but sometimes I make confusion and so I look at their walls to have some hints. It's normal that at the beginning you find it difficult to follow all the stories. Anyway, Bobbie and Lhardebeck have already answered to you- I hope you stay, because I like your approach very much.
Austin: I'm sorry that you did not have a great relationship with your parents. Me neither!
I loved my father but we fought constantly. He was very tough outside (and tender inside: but I discovered it only the last years of his life). My mother, when she was herself, had her faults and her qualities. We never understood each other well, we were too different. Now, she completely depends on me and I have forgotten all the problems we had in the past, because her disease has transformed her into a completely different person.
It's sad to say that I understood my father better after his death! (and that I probably love my mother now more than when she was herself!)
But if you try to understand them with the wisdom of your age and experience... If you try to remember the good things and forget the bad ones... You shall recover a good relationship with your parents. Please try!
They are/were human beings and they probably made many mistakes but they had good intentions.
Bobbie: I am very glad that Tennessee and daughter come to you. You will certainly find the right words to tell them. I am very fond of Tenn! Please give her a big hug from Rossella.
It's me that feels bad because I did not give my father his last coffee. But if I had given him the coffee despite the doctors advice, I would feel even more guilty now. So, it's alright.
'Nite everybody!
One day my dad was witing for me in the IL ... (old people apt) can't remember the acronym ... foyer of the high-class institution, among the fake flowers & generic artwork.
He was the one guy among 8 little old ladies patiently sitting on the couches.
In his quiet, gentlemanly way, he scanned the group & asked;
"Are you all waiting for your daughters?".
Smiles, nods & "Yeps'.
Then he said "If we were waiting for our sons we'd be here for days.".
Laughter erupted. All the little old ladies agreed! Conversation followed!
I had lots of smiles & waves from the LOL (little old ladies) when I drove up & helped him in the car.
As we left he said it was like leaving a chicken coop. Cluck, cluck, cluck ...
touchy subject! Sure is the truth!
Thanks, Pirate! Dad wants me to cook your formula adding Rotinni pasta!
I just saved that in my recipes as Pirates Spicy Beans & Sausage. Sounds good.
Thanks,
Diane
"In the future, the findings can be used to guide programs that help caregivers, Bastawrous said. There could be more focus on poor parent-child relationships, she said, and how they can take a heavy toll on adult children.
"They maybe need more counseling that meets those needs," she said.
."
TUESDAY, June 8 (HealthDay News) -- A new Canadian review finds that adult daughters suffer more than adult sons from poor relationships with ailing and aging parents who need their care.
"Adult daughters place greater emphasis on their relationships with their parents, and when those relationships go awry, it takes a worse toll on the adult daughters than the adult sons," said review author Marina Bastawrous, a graduate student at the University of Toronto.
An estimated 44 million adults in the United States provide unpaid care to another adult. A 2004 study commissioned by the AARP and other organizations estimated that caregiving is more stressful on women, who make up more than six in 10 caregivers: 40 percent said caregiving stressed them at high levels, compared to just 26 percent of men.
In the new review, Bastawrous examined 42 studies that looked at the effects of caregiving on adult children who take care of their parents. More than half of the studies looked at daughters who served as caregivers.
The studies didn't allow her to draw conclusions based on numbers, Bastawrous said, so she wasn't able to provide a statistic about how much worse things are for female caregivers.
But, she said, it's clear that "things tend to be different for females."
Overall, the studies suggest that daughters suffer more than sons when they don't get along with their ailing and elderly parents. The relationships rupture, she said, when there is less cooperation, less communication and more conflict.
"The quality of the caregiving relationship often is dependent on what the relationship was earlier in life," said Barry Jacobs, a psychologist in Springfield, Pa., and a spokesman for the American Heart Association. "If you've had a bad relationship with them and felt victimized, then suddenly you're asked to step up, that caregiving role may seem like a revictimization."
Why do women get hit harder by strained relationships? "In terms of society's norms, the responsibility to care for parents tends to fall on the women," Bastawrous said. "It almost becomes ingrained as their responsibility. When they can't meet those expectations, the toll is worse on them than on sons who aren't expected to take on that role."
Men, in contrast, may not see caring for parents as their primary concern, she said.
Jacobs said there's another factor: Men who become caregivers hold on to their jobs longer than women, who are more likely to quit to take care of their parents. "Often the sons get off scot-free, and the daughters are resentful about how little their brothers are doing," Jacobs said.
In the future, the findings can be used to guide programs that help caregivers, Bastawrous said. There could be more focus on poor parent-child relationships, she said, and how they can take a heavy toll on adult children.
"They maybe need more counseling that meets those needs," she said.
Meanwhile, the U.S. population continues to get older, meaning that more children will be taking care of their parents.
The results were released Monday at the Canadian Stroke Congress in Quebec City.
bobbie ..
oh am so glad u have company for the weekend with tenn and her daughter ! bet you all are tickled to death . let me know every detials ya guys did . i wish i wish i could be there too . waaaaaaaaaa
windy day it is here , feeling cooler too , suppose be high 71 tmr , mmm think i ll get that bonfire a going and fix me some of pirate s beans soup . sounds good . mmm , now i need to go to the store and buy all that yummies .
you guys have a great weekend ! i wont be doing anything but stay home like always ... i always enjoy my husband , he makes sure im havin fun .
while i stare at the bonfire i ll be picturin me onbobbie s boat .
alot of u guys dont have any pictures on ur profile , igh no fair u guys know what i look like and my dad too . sniffff . i just try to think what you all look like , mmmm
have a great day xoxoxo