Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

My doc is my mom's doc too. He told me I have to stay well so I can take care of her. I think I was too scared to call him or go to the emergency room last night. And I hate to go for nothing. I don't know. It was a tough call.

love,
miz

Diane, I also have a mom that sleeps through the night! Comes from good sleep habits all her life, and most likely she was exhausted from raising 7 kids. By the way, haven't seen any of them since her birthday, July 25th. I am 2nd oldest and my sister was just here for her annual 3 weeks to help out.She actually spends more time helping me in those 3 weeks, than the rest do all year. She pays for everything while she is here, food, diapers etc. She bought 4 cases of pull-ups and an infrared camera for Mom's bedroom. It's the coolest thing! I can now see her perfectly at night while she is sleeping. No more sneaking over in the dark to make sure she is okay. Last year she bought 2 closed circuit cameras and they were a Godsend, but not helpful at night. My laptop is setup to receive all 2 cameras and I can see every part of her apartment.
What diet are you starting? Husband and I are on Weight Watchers for 3+ months now and doing great! Sorry for b/f break! Ouch!!! At least he was trying to help. Poor you, now you have 2 patients! Good luck
Rossella, Nothing against OCD. I have it too, but not in my cleaning habits! House is a mess! But I like to count and love anything to do with numbers. Even numbers that is. Mom just does the same annoying things over and over. the worst is when she eats. Stabs the sh!t out of her food. Bangs and scrapes the utensils until I want to choke her! Pulls her pant legs up and down like she is rolling on stockings for hours, and will only take 3 to 4 sheets of toilet paper to wipe her butt. I keep telling her this is not the Great Depression, wait, Maybe it is!!! Love the movies you were talking about! Watch Turner Classic Movies channel most of yesterday. Had a bunch of old Margaret O'Brian (child actress) movies running all day."Meet me in St. Louis" with Judy Garland, "the Secret Garden",( I had never seen this version) and many more I had not seen before. Love old movies!
As for brothers, I have 3 and one I never see. The youngest who was with Mom the longest, is the most help. Dad died at 54 when my baby brother was only 13, so he is real close to Mom. But he's is raising a 3 and 8 year old. Pretty much on his own, wife is a big shot lawyer in Hartford,Conn. and is gone most of the time. The oldest is 2 years younger than me and is on the next street, but is the VP of a big paving company and works most of the time. He has helped to pay Merry and visits when he can, although that is getting less and less. I don't think men can stand seeing their mom's like this. And of course we know that us women are much stronger! As for $, all my sibs have plenty, with me being the poor relation. Of course the reason they are all so well off, is from borrowing $ from Mom and not paying it back over the years. So I'm the one that had to leave my job to care for Mom. Of course my living in the family home that we were all raised in, also made me the natural choice! I'm in the apartment right next to Mom, and have been here my whole life except for the first 2 years I was married. That means, I have been in the middle of all the family drama over the years. No privacy, no getting away. Knives are a good thing to have around when the bad sibs show up!!!
Rip, The fifties were the good old days! Mom gets UTIs all the time too. It really makes her crazy! Got to love those pets. I'm thinking about ways to sell my art, need $ to pay taxes and water bill. Mom signed house over to me at the beginning of the year, so state couldn't take it when $ runs out. there is a law in this state that protects caregivers who live in the home of the person they are caring for. Have 2 sibs that might come looking for their share when Mom is gone, but the other 4 will put the lid on that! If they want it, I'll deduct all the $ I've had to shell out to keep it going. I'm trying to rent the empty apartment over Mom. She couldn't stand anyone over her head, but is now too far gone to notice. I sure could use the cash. The house is 3 stories tall, has 4 apartments, 24 rooms, 4 baths, a full cellar and close to 60 windows. It was built in 1883, as a boarding house for one of the local mill companies. There is always something needing a fix.
Jen, I watched "Little Women " too! Hope you are better today. There is a lot of depression in my family. Not from how we a were raised, though. We were all treated equally and fought over who was Dad's favorite after he died. Our parents never played favorites and were always there for us.
We never had any money, but knew we were loved. The depression is mostly genetic. I was one of the lucky ones that didn't get it. I have my moments, but get through them and move on. I find regular exercise helps. And I love to be outdoors, especially at night when the stars are out. Glad you got to see a few of the meteors! I agree about the junk in space. See them all the time when I walk at night. Keep your chin up, and do something nice for yourself!
SS, Sounds like the party was a huge success!
Miz, hope you are alright. You should call your doctor anyway!
Linda, Georgia, So Sorry you are feeling down.Wish we could be there to cheer you up.
Anxiety attacks! Wow! Every have two people having one at the same time? I was back and forth with my Mom one night, trying to get her to calm down and get to sleep. Next thing you know, my husband was having one to, and accusing me of not being there for him! I should have had one myself!!!
William, nice to meet you. You may want to look into cameras for your Mom's place. You could keep an eye on her from a distance without her knowing it. Definitely get her to the doctor and have her evaluated. If she has alcohol related dementia, you are going to have your hands full. How old is she? Isn't walking a wonderful way to clear your mind and keep your body in shape?
Have a good day everyone. Merry is here, and I need to get the trash onto the street and the wet laundry into the washer. May get a chance to go out later.

Miz glad to hear your news. We in general we have to take good care of ourselves. Let's not neglect our health!

Sisters and gentlemen: sorry you're dealing with difficult family members. We have a lot in common. Don't know what's worse: dementia, Personality Disorders, or terrible siblings. Probably PD. At least we can excuse some of the dementia symptoms. The rest, ~ ugh! That's the hard part. Glad we have each other for support. Welcome to the newbies!

Miz, so glad to hear you're feeling better. Keep good notes, so you can tell your Doc about symptoms, dates, etc., the next time you have a check up. Hope you remain well.

Bobbie, how goes the boating life? Praying she's smooth sailing!

Morning Diane! I'm sorry that you're brother is having a difficult time & was not in the best of moods! Hopefully he'll find a place soon! No pun intended, but what a tough break about your b/f!!! I hope he'll be ok soon. Remember to take care of yourself!!!

Hi Y'all,

Miz I am glad you are feeling better.

Rosella and Rip, sorry the brother are being such SOB's. Mine was quite cranky yesterday so I stayed out of his way. He is stressed about the new job and trying yo find a house.

Well yesterday it was pouring all day. My b/f goes outside to see if he could drain the pond a little so my fish don't swim out with the overflow. He ends up falling and breaking his ankle. I am waiting to get a call back from the orthopaedic doctor with an appointment.

It's just never ending! I hope you all have a good day and I'll check-in later if my "patients" don't keep me too busy.

Diane

hey miz! 'bout time you're getting back with us! we've all been really concerned about you & waiting to hear! glad that you're ok!!! hope you'll have a GREAT day! you're loved, too!

Hi Everyone. My arm feels almost normal this morning. I don't know what it was but it's better. Thanks so much for your concern. Love yas!!

yes Miz ..
We are waiting to hear back from you ...

Miz, hope you're doing OK. Please get it checked out. Wake your hubby up!!! Don't ignore those signals. Could be heart or stroke. It happens to young people, too.

I sure appreciate you ... everyone!
As do the pets. I am always calmer & more patient after reading & writing!
A family I never realized.
Ears that truely listen ... OK ... eyes that honestly read & comprehend.

Positive .. rather than: "Why don't you do this or that?"

Just try it yourself, dear brothers! oh yeah .. too busy with vacations ...
forget that parents put you thru college, paving the way for your important jobs & now your decent lifestyles.

Anyone else in this scenario?

Georgia: I agree. It's always, always a question of money.

How are you miz...what's going on??? We'd love to know how you're doing!!!

j, you're a better person than I am to care for someone who abused you like that!

rip, I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time with your brothers! Thank you for the message to the web-master. I'd though about it, but didn't know how to go about telling them. I'm glad that you've enjoyed the star show!

rosella, i'm sorry that you're having a problem with your brothers, too!

Family can be the worst at times! But I guarantee that they'll be there when the will is read for anything that they haven't already carried home with them! Speaking from experience!!!

William, how's it going for you, today? Any luck with the POA?

GODhelpus, thank you for all of the encouragement!

yes, Miz ...
Please keep us informed!

Suggestion to web master ~
place the tabs at top under original post?
We are near 2,800 on Grossed & love every post. Would like to have the newest first.
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I am sorry for our parents. My parents gave us a wonderful childhood! Not an induldged one, just safe ... allowing us to be curious about the world, endorsing our interests.

They made certain college was an option & all debts were paid.
The brothers made their own lives, which I respect, but their neglect of the sacrifices my parents made weigh heavy on me.
Dad is so disappointed that his sons are who they are now, altho somewhat successful.
That is wht=y he depends on me & is proud doing so.

Miz! How are you? What are you doing?

I'm working.
These brothers seem blind, deaf, they visit their father/mother because they have to appease their conscience, but they do not really care.
They do not even "see" their parents anymore. They do not see us.

oh, my Italian Sister ...
we share more in common every day. i had a similar event today.

My well meaning SIL phoned wanting to bring Dad lunch. She brings inappropriate food, things he can't chew, often spoiled. She is a hard headed Hungarian hoarder who often leaves groceries in the trunk of her car for hours.

Dad doesn't what her & my brother to visit b/c the exhaust him. They are the one's who took him to lunch while his piss bag was leaking, & ignored it. He had to sit in the restaurant with his shoe filling while they talked & talked.

Why they didn't smell it dumfounds me! They dropped him at the front entrance, he had to squish thru the lobby feeling embarassed & ride the elevator.
He phoned me really PISSED (That was before he moved in here) so of course I had to race down t his apt. & rig up a temp leg bag. Ever try to find a urinary collection bag on Sunday afternoon?

I managed to recylcle one & clean the damp trail tracks around the carpet ... but how could they ignore his pleas to look at the soaking shoe???

Dad was fed up - doesn't want to see them & has told them why. They mean well but ignore his needs & carry on their own conversation.

The Great White Shark ... great one! Thats my eldest brother! The world traveler with the luxury lifestyle! Somehow he can't repay Dad's huge loan, yet is able to buy new cars, vacation property & have catered birthday parties.
Scuba trips to the Great Barrier Reef & throughout Mexico.
He is constantly in crisis, financial & otherwise. His wife has a good job with benefits that should cover basic needs ...
while I have not had a one day break from Dad in years!

With the brother's behaviors Dad isn't apt to want to deal with them. He is not a child tho they treat him as such. The Great White hasn't called him in 2 years. Dad might mention the loan ... & his lavish lifestyle which I think may be in the toilet now.

Very sad ... he was a good brother years ago, until money strangled his ethics.
Dad & I are barely making it finacialy too. i've put my work on hold since I'm not able to depend on my equipment & time. Dad's needs are always first.
I've had to surrender several large jobs b/c I simply can not risk doing a job half way, then having a Dad emergency.

Blah ....
It's ear;y morning there & I hope you're sleeping in your bed. Not sweating the Bold & B.
Ratzo is parked on my lap ... I bought dad a squirt gun today! He's having fun with the cats!

Hugs to Rexy & gang!!!

Jen, I asked one day to my ex landlord why he abused the animals. He answered: "Because when I was I child I was abused, too". It was a good and rational response, to him. He had to take revenge... Well. you would not expect that a mother repeats the cycle upon her own daughter, but it seems it works this way... (Sometimes you do exactly the contrary of what your parents have done to you; which can be wrong, too)

The more Things change...the more they go back to just the way they were before the change almost over night. From being "concerned" about me (Most likely just worried she would lose free elder care for her father) to the next days BS...She told me about a rotten thing her mother did to her when she was a child and I grant you her mother was a rank bitch. A narcissist of the first water truly, we get right back to this: I go out start the BBQ...come in she is coming up the basement steps..."Jennifer do you have the water on...?" "Yes..." "Can you turn it off, I am trying to fill the washer..?" "I JUST have it on low on the tomatoes..." "oh" then she comes into the bed room and is po'd it is so dark so I pull the shade up so she can see.."IT is too hot in here!" She huffs...so I pull the window shut as she switches the window ac on. Now fart pants has been sitting watching TV from the hall way in his wheel chair, fine by me when he comes in the room I move to the other end of it or out of it. We had been watching Little Women the 1950's version. I preferred the Katharine Hepburn version myself but any how it is a movie and not Walker Texas Jack Ass and he wasn't there so...Still listening to him (and know they are coming) making that disgusting excited noise he makes when to people kiss or a father hugs a daughter in bed...F-ing pervert die already) But he is blocking her from his (my old) room and she says sweetly to him... "Daddy I need to get in there to change your sheets..." Yes save the polite for the one who least deserves it, and YOUR mother was a harpy right ma? What ever. Getting out of here IS MY RESPONSIBILITY! And GOAL.

Miz ... call the medics if it continues. They will come out & evaluate.
How long has it been like this? (Sorry, just sat down & scanned ...) .

You might also call the hospital ER. Usually they have nurses who can talk with you.
Please don't drive! Especially if it's hot!

Better to get checked out by MD to make sure you are alright. Better safe than sorry as they say. My prayers go out to you and your family. I am confident you will get a clean bill of health.

William

I'm not worried, just prudent...

it's 6:40 pm. thank you, rossella, for your concern. i really appreciate it.

Okay. Maybe we are just too stressed. When hubby wakes up, tell him and ask him what he thinks you should do... Isn't it afternoon there?

maybe i just slept on it wrong.

I can't leave my mom. I don't know what I should do. Hubby is asleep.

No, it's better if you go now! Don't want to scare you, but you are going to feel much calmer when the doctors say it's alright

I found Mom using mentholatum ointment rather than toothpaste. I try to be grateful she is at least still trying to brush her teeth. I wish I could get her in the shower.