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Linda, I am so sorry for your brother. You loved him a lot! After reading your post, it is difficult for me to speak about my own brother... But I have to. He is a real son of a beach. I can't get used to people being such sons of beaches, and when your brother is, it is difficult to say: "I don't care, I have friends and several good cousins".
I will try to be short because I could write hours on the subject. Today he was here for his monthly visit. I decided to shake him a little bit and told him some truths.
1) That I'm tired as hell, that I do not have a free day since 2008, that I am working (my translation work) and doing double shifts as caregiver, and in one week I will be completely alone with my mother because the 2nd helper goes on vacation too. 2) That I am exhausted to discuss with my mother every single thing, she does not want to get up, to wash, to go to bed, to drink. I told him: Please, when you take her out for lunch, make her drink at least 2 glasses of water. Spare me the stress, at least once a month (I pointed out the fact that he comes only once a month) 3) I had to ask him to lend me some money for survival, because for reasons which is too long to explain, the retirement allowance of my mother will be reduced for the next 3 months, so we are going to take 600 euros less. (for 3 months, total 1800). I told him he was the only person I could ask, because the people (cousin, friend) who usually lend me money when I am short of money are very far, one is in the States, the other one in Thailand, so I can't possibly ask them. I asked him 400 euros and I told him I would give him back as soon as possible.
Do you know what was the reaction to points 1, 2, 3? 1) " You do not go on vacation? Me neither. Last year I took just 5 days off, this year I am taking just 7 days off. You are not the only one working". As he had admitted he would go on vacation for 7 days, I hoped he would say: "I have decided to give you "one" free day. I am going to stay with mother "today" all day long, you can go and do whatever you want. Go, little sister! Go enjoy yourself!". No, he did not say so. He stayed only 3 hours and he went away, as usual. 2) water. Coming back from lunch he said "Mamma wanted to drink only one glass of water. She did not want to drink two of them". (with absolute indifference. As if he wanted to say: "It is not my job to force her to drink".) 3) Money. And this is the apotheosis! When I asked him for money he became stiff and nervous, and he said "If you can't survive with the money you have, it means you are not organised.". I insisted: "I have never asked you any money for one and a half year. It's the first time, it depends on the fact that we are going to have 600 euros less than usual, it's not my fault". And he insisted: "I am not as rich as I was before, I can't give you money, the retirement allowance is more than enough. Maybe you should cut the expenses for the helpers". I mean, I said one thing and he answered another. I asked him 400 euros to survive, I mean, to buy food. I know, because I saw with my eyes, that last Christmas he gave his older son a digital camera which costs 3000 euros, and to the younger one an APPLE laptop and few months before, a motorbike. So it does not seem to me that they are starving, in that family. He can give his sons whatever he wants, no discussion about that. But he should not tell me that he has no money at all, so he cannot help me and OUR mother in ONE very difficult month, with a relatively small amount of money. I wanted to tell him that he has already inherited half of our parents' house when my mother is still alive, (he should have had 1/3, instead the sharing was: half for him, half for me + my mother) so he should not complain so much, but my blood pressure had already reached the ceiling, and I was afraid that the situation would become too tough, and we are Italians and there are knifes in the kitchen. So I decided to shut up and in the end he gave me the money making me feel like a beggar.
When I ask my cousin Franca, I have to say her name because she is an angel, to lend me some money, she asks me "how much do you need?" And she does not ask me why I need it, when I am going to give it back to her, and always insists to give me more. And she is sorry and worried that I am so tired and so hard up. My brother does not give a damn. "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn".
Sorry for the long vent. I am feeling better now.
My brother has the right to be a son of a beach, we were born in a village 10 miles from the sea. He has the right to have the pity/compassion/charity of a white shark, he was born near the sea.
I am having pain in my right arm. Pretty much my whole arm down to my hand and fingers. I'm concerned it could be my heart. Anyone know anything about this? Thanks.
Jsome, You may be having anxiety attacks (might feel like a stroke). LORD knows you get plenty of anxiety & it could be waring on you. Please try to get a more "clinical" perspective on this & care for yourself. Please don't allow them to harm you. GOD tells us not to "harden our hearts" but in this situation you need to distance yourself emotionally. We care for you.
J still here, took a trip to ER thinking I was having a stroke...Probably will when the bill comes, but no worries found on Cat Scan $$$ Cha ching, oh whatever, when you ain't got nothing what is one more... Thank you all for your support and keeping me in your thoughts. dtflex is right it is abusive, and it is up to me when and how I get out of it... rip I have been looking up at the meteor shower every night, seriously cool. Somehow I knew you would be too. Did you see that big one that went eats to west and left a trail for like four seconds. must a been about eleven Pm AND what is with all the satellites?! Good Grief does every body have space junk up there now. I saw about 22 shooting starts so far and 14 satellites, oh and Sky Lab once or twice. but been a good show, interrupted by the neighbor guy hawking loogies like he is trying out for an Olympic Looggie competition and Grandpa's frequent coughing.
Any how neither can ruin a good meteor shower! Hope every one is well an d finds some peace...
Sorry this is a bad day for some of us. Here for each other. Praying later or tomorrow for a better day. We scream into a pillow when we have to. Rip, You can tell your dad you put "zebart rust preventative" in his water. His humor may kick in for a minute. Hope all improves. Use cranberry juice to keep things clean flowing urinary wise??? Works great for me & mine. They also have cranberry pills now. I've heard vinegar works also. Natures antiseptic, but sometimes hard to take. GOD bless & keep.
Thanks for asking. Dads doing OK this morning. Piss still dark but I'm flushing water down his pipes. He keeps telling me I'm gonna make them rust;. "Probably GD RUST rather than blood in my GD piss!" I am more anxious about things like than he ... until the real pain kicks in. Then watch out ears!!!
Linda, Linda ... how can we help? I sometimes shake from frustration. I'll be lucky if i have teeth left from the grinding. I too keep everything inside. I continue telling myself it won't be forever ... he will be 91 Thursday .... then I panic & wonder how I'll start over once he's gone .... I know I'll be fine ...
Don't get grossed out. It's just your mom, and a good thing you found it before you put it in your mouth. Don't get mad at your mom, just throw it away and go buy yourself a new one and keep it in your room so you know now one can get to it. And show your mom where you keep the brushes for her hair.
lharde, I am so sorry about your brother!!! Maybe your other brother will contact you soon. I TOTALLY understand about the depression!!! I feel the same way!!! Are you on any anti-depressants? Do you ever get any time off just for you? Wish I could do or say something that would help you! Please know that you're not alone & that we're here for you!
ive been feeling down lately , bro be gone 3 yrs this 19th and been thinkin about him alot lately . when i watch a bonfire i see him burning up in that fire , trying to get out of a camper fire . tearing me up big time ! i cant have a bonfire anymore without seeing my bro trying to get out of it . its killin me . i been texting my other bro but he s not texting me back , i think he s feeling what im feeling . life sucks !! feeliing sucks here lately . dont have any enegery , cant go anywhere , pa s whiney as ever with uti . dont wanna do anything but only smile at my pa and help him out but on the inside of me im crying so hard . i hurt all over inside and outside . am sorry if im not bubbley good mood and gettin on this thread ,
as for harley davision funeral , i ve been to one many years ago . a good dear friend of mine ( my ex sweetheart when we were in elementary school ) died in a car wreck . it tore me up big time . we all wore harley clothes , black jeans . many motorcycles out and about . all i could do is cry , i miss his terribley , he was a good person with a very big heart ! just like my bro , he sure was a wonderful bro . sad day today heart a crackin and breakin . holdin in my tears and smile at my pa and my husband . ive been feelin so down for a long while now . am tired of takin care of pa . same shit everyday , waa waa bfast waa waa lunch waa waa supper . its a;; waaa waa . ecept when he s sleeping . i tried to carry on confersration with him but its all waaa waa cant understand him . :-( sounds like a damn firetruck going off in my ear drums non stop . piecering my brains . i go outside and chill off in the hot sun . sweat along with those cornflies buzzin around me . so wtfe .. same shit everyday . tmr its same as it was yesterday , it doesnt get any better . think ill try to go take me a nap . if i dont hear pa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... have a good day ..
It's taken me awhile to catch up on yesterday's posts. Rip & Rosella, do you ladies ever sleep? Thankfully once mom is out for the night I can get some good zee's in. She wakes up early some mornings but she is tired now with the visits from my brother and sister.
Georgia, I hope to get up to Hiawasee in October since mom would like to go to the GA Mountain Festival. If her health is good and I don't have any major expenses in the next month I will take her. I'll put her in her wheelchair and she can see the shows and crafts and maybe some fall colors.
Well my brother just called and asked if I would bake a cake for my sil birthday today. I have been the official family baker for years. When my nephews were growing up they had every cake imaginable. The most memorable one for them was the Optimus Prime (transformer) with sparklers.
William, welcome to the forum! This group of ladies is a livesaver to me.
J, I feel your pain. I don't know your whole story but without a doubt you are depressed and in a controling & abusive family. Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. You feel helpless and unable to make decisions for yourself. You need to try build your own confidence, little by little each day. I'm not just preaching, I've been in an abusive relationship before that nearly destroyed me. Everyday, am or pm, make a list of good things about yourself. Give yourself positive affirmations. Try get out the house even for 5 minutes a day and feel the sunshine, the breeze. Listen to the birds. Feel good and positive things a little each day.
Okay, I'm finished playing psychologist.
Rip, Janet Evanovich is great! I love her detective series. Some of the characters are histerical and far-out, but you love them even more. I used to read Nora Roberts alot. Barbara Delinsky is pretty good too. Nowadays I start reading and I zonk out.
I was going to start my diet tomorrow thinking bro and sis were back home and I could start my routine. Well bro is staying in town a little longer to look for a house. He will definitely make it much more challenging for me to start.
I had better get off of here and get moving for the day.
Good Morning Everybody! I hope that you've all had a very restful night!
Rip, how is your Dad, this morning? Did you have to go to the ER last night?
You guys have traveled so much! How wonderful! I've been to Alaska twice. That's about as far as I've been away from home. Still pretty far, I guess, when you're in Georgia.
Closing for now. Lots to do! Hope y'all will have a great morning!
Sorry again for the mix-up. I am exhausted. I am going to bed. I was looking at the meteor shower earlier. It is nice. I have a summer home but have not been able to enjoy it because I am fearful for my mom. I do not like to be too far away. It is draining, but glad for the support! Sweet dreams!
RossellaItaly is the one who translates. I'm the simple SignLady in Washington near Seattle.
You are no longer alone in your struggle! We will all survive this ordeal. Don't ever hold back.
A summer home ... oh I wish. Going to the grocery store is a challenge when I leave Dad alone at home. The fear of leaving him is overwhelming ... & your mother lives alone? Been there ... always on edge waiting for the dreaded phone call ... always at 3 AM after I've force sleep.
Now his calls come from my guest room, his room, & it's a short walk across the hall rather than a drive to his former apt. More later.
Go outside & look to the east for the shooting stars. Periseid's meteors are above us for a few days.
Sorry my message was mixed up. Meant for Rossella, Sorry. I meant to send you about Berryessa and Rosella about Italy. Sorry. I am tired and need to sleep!
I am an hour away from Lake Berryessa. I have a summer home up at Clearlake as well. I love the local food and wine in the area. Not as good as Italian wine, but getting close. I was on a house boat this summer at Lake ?Shasta. It was the best weekend! I hear you translate movies and TV that is great! I hope it brings you joy! I am comforted to know that I am not alone in this struggle. Thank you for the support and kind words.
Yep ... we are here with you! You're going to find fascinating comments browsing thru the 2,700 previous posts started by our hero, Bobbie321 in February. She did lose her mother but is living on her dream yacht moored in Florida for now. We are all sharing her dream!
You are near Lake Berryessa! I love that lake from years ago. Brother in Fairfield. We don't talk. Once flew in on a Dehaviland (sp?) Beaver aqua plane & spent the day on a house boat where we swam, ate local food & wine. Warm, clear water, amazing event. I wish the company would have flown ... flying day trips from Napa to Berryessa, drop on the lake & settle in with new friends for an afternoon on a flaoting oasis .... I loved water skiing there.
Oh well ... another life before Poop Soup & Urinary Tract Infections. Bear with us here, William. I think I speak for everyone saying we have had a tough go of it & are all struggling with little compensation. Glad your aboard!
And if you plan to come in february it's even worse... You would not enjoy things too much! March has become a tricky month, lately. The best thing is to come from April on. October and November are usually very pleasant months. Seasons have changed here, too!
I will try to schedule it in the fall or spring. I remember the cold, but have to work out a good time to come. I will have to juggle things around. Thanks for reminding me of the weather. When I was last there it was December and it was COLD!!!!!
It is very small! I was on an Aircraft Carrier that docked outside of Naples. I went to many wonderful restaurants as my friends went to McDonalds. I told them they were nuts! My best friend is from Italy and his family would cook all day to present the best meal I ever had. Including homemade Biscotti. His dad was a chef and I always walked away FULL!!! I love Italy and have many great memories and photos of my time there! You are so lucky to live there!
I live not far from Rome in the country. (I lived in Rome for 15 years). I come from Naples' area. So, I know very well the places you mentioned. I have a very dear friend who lives in your area (Carmel). So, the world is very small!
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I will try to be short because I could write hours on the subject. Today he was here for his monthly visit. I decided to shake him a little bit and told him some truths.
1) That I'm tired as hell, that I do not have a free day since 2008, that I am working (my translation work) and doing double shifts as caregiver, and in one week I will be completely alone with my mother because the 2nd helper goes on vacation too.
2) That I am exhausted to discuss with my mother every single thing, she does not want to get up, to wash, to go to bed, to drink. I told him: Please, when you take her out for lunch, make her drink at least 2 glasses of water. Spare me the stress, at least once a month (I pointed out the fact that he comes only once a month)
3) I had to ask him to lend me some money for survival, because for reasons which is too long to explain, the retirement allowance of my mother will be reduced for the next 3 months, so we are going to take 600 euros less. (for 3 months, total 1800). I told him he was the only person I could ask, because the people (cousin, friend) who usually lend me money when I am short of money are very far, one is in the States, the other one in Thailand, so I can't possibly ask them. I asked him 400 euros and I told him I would give him back as soon as possible.
Do you know what was the reaction to points 1, 2, 3?
1) " You do not go on vacation? Me neither. Last year I took just 5 days off, this year I am taking just 7 days off. You are not the only one working". As he had admitted he would go on vacation for 7 days, I hoped he would say: "I have decided to give you "one" free day. I am going to stay with mother "today" all day long, you can go and do whatever you want. Go, little sister! Go enjoy yourself!". No, he did not say so. He stayed only 3 hours and he went away, as usual.
2) water. Coming back from lunch he said "Mamma wanted to drink only one glass of water. She did not want to drink two of them". (with absolute indifference. As if he wanted to say: "It is not my job to force her to drink".)
3) Money. And this is the apotheosis! When I asked him for money he became stiff and nervous, and he said "If you can't survive with the money you have, it means you are not organised.". I insisted: "I have never asked you any money for one and a half year. It's the first time, it depends on the fact that we are going to have 600 euros less than usual, it's not my fault". And he insisted: "I am not as rich as I was before, I can't give you money, the retirement allowance is more than enough. Maybe you should cut the expenses for the helpers". I mean, I said one thing and he answered another.
I asked him 400 euros to survive, I mean, to buy food.
I know, because I saw with my eyes, that last Christmas he gave his older son a digital camera which costs 3000 euros, and to the younger one an APPLE laptop and few months before, a motorbike. So it does not seem to me that they are starving, in that family. He can give his sons whatever he wants, no discussion about that. But he should not tell me that he has no money at all, so he cannot help me and OUR mother in ONE very difficult month, with a relatively small amount of money.
I wanted to tell him that he has already inherited half of our parents' house when my mother is still alive, (he should have had 1/3, instead the sharing was: half for him, half for me + my mother) so he should not complain so much, but my blood pressure had already reached the ceiling, and I was afraid that the situation would become too tough, and we are Italians and there are knifes in the kitchen. So I decided to shut up and in the end he gave me the money making me feel like a beggar.
When I ask my cousin Franca, I have to say her name because she is an angel, to lend me some money, she asks me "how much do you need?" And she does not ask me why I need it, when I am going to give it back to her, and always insists to give me more. And she is sorry and worried that I am so tired and so hard up. My brother does not give a damn. "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn".
Sorry for the long vent. I am feeling better now.
My brother has the right to be a son of a beach, we were born in a village 10 miles from the sea. He has the right to have the pity/compassion/charity of a white shark, he was born near the sea.
love,
miz
You may be having anxiety attacks (might feel like a stroke).
LORD knows you get plenty of anxiety & it could be waring on you.
Please try to get a more "clinical" perspective on this & care for yourself.
Please don't allow them to harm you.
GOD tells us not to "harden our hearts" but in this situation you need to distance yourself emotionally.
We care for you.
Hey J ... aren
t those some awesome stars? Glad you're home safe (I think) was the ER another wake up call for your family?
Thank you all for your support and keeping me in your thoughts. dtflex is right it is abusive, and it is up to me when and how I get out of it...
rip I have been looking up at the meteor shower every night, seriously cool. Somehow I knew you would be too. Did you see that big one that went eats to west and left a trail for like four seconds. must a been about eleven Pm AND what is with all the satellites?! Good Grief does every body have space junk up there now. I saw about 22 shooting starts so far and 14 satellites, oh and Sky Lab once or twice. but been a good show, interrupted by the neighbor guy hawking loogies like he is trying out for an Olympic Looggie competition and Grandpa's frequent coughing.
Any how neither can ruin a good meteor shower! Hope every one is well an d finds some peace...
Praying later or tomorrow for a better day.
We scream into a pillow when we have to.
Rip, You can tell your dad you put "zebart rust preventative" in his water. His humor may kick in for a minute. Hope all improves.
Use cranberry juice to keep things clean flowing urinary wise??? Works great for me & mine. They also have cranberry pills now.
I've heard vinegar works also. Natures antiseptic, but sometimes hard to take.
GOD bless & keep.
Dads doing OK this morning. Piss still dark but I'm flushing water down his pipes. He keeps telling me I'm gonna make them rust;. "Probably GD RUST rather than blood in my GD piss!"
I am more anxious about things like than he ... until the real pain kicks in. Then watch out ears!!!
Linda, Linda ... how can we help? I sometimes shake from frustration. I'll be lucky if i have teeth left from the grinding. I too keep everything inside. I continue telling myself it won't be forever ... he will be 91 Thursday .... then I panic & wonder how I'll start over once he's gone .... I know I'll be fine ...
Take care my friends ...
Rip
I TOTALLY understand about the depression!!! I feel the same way!!! Are you on any anti-depressants? Do you ever get any time off just for you? Wish I could do or say something that would help you!
Please know that you're not alone & that we're here for you!
feeliing sucks here lately . dont have any enegery , cant go anywhere , pa s whiney as ever with uti . dont wanna do anything but only smile at my pa and help him out but on the inside of me im crying so hard . i hurt all over inside and outside .
am sorry if im not bubbley good mood and gettin on this thread ,
as for harley davision funeral , i ve been to one many years ago . a good dear friend of mine ( my ex sweetheart when we were in elementary school ) died in a car wreck . it tore me up big time . we all wore harley clothes , black jeans . many motorcycles out and about . all i could do is cry , i miss his terribley , he was a good person with a very big heart ! just like my bro , he sure was a wonderful bro .
sad day today heart a crackin and breakin . holdin in my tears and smile at my pa and my husband . ive been feelin so down for a long while now .
am tired of takin care of pa . same shit everyday , waa waa bfast waa waa lunch waa waa supper . its a;; waaa waa . ecept when he s sleeping . i tried to carry on confersration with him but its all waaa waa cant understand him . :-( sounds like a damn firetruck going off in my ear drums non stop . piecering my brains . i go outside and chill off in the hot sun . sweat along with those cornflies buzzin around me . so wtfe ..
same shit everyday . tmr its same as it was yesterday , it doesnt get any better .
think ill try to go take me a nap . if i dont hear pa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... have a good day ..
I am having a very difficult day, today...many tears...many emotions...will it ever get better???
j, i totally understand about the deperssion! Keep your head up & try to get some time for yourself!
thinkoftheboatthinkoftheboatthinkoftheboat...
Georgia, I hope to get up to Hiawasee in October since mom would like to go to the GA Mountain Festival. If her health is good and I don't have any major expenses in the next month I will take her. I'll put her in her wheelchair and she can see the shows and crafts and maybe some fall colors.
Well my brother just called and asked if I would bake a cake for my sil birthday today. I have been the official family baker for years. When my nephews were growing up they had every cake imaginable. The most memorable one for them was the Optimus Prime (transformer) with sparklers.
William, welcome to the forum! This group of ladies is a livesaver to me.
J, I feel your pain. I don't know your whole story but without a doubt you are depressed and in a controling & abusive family. Mental abuse is just as bad as physical. You feel helpless and unable to make decisions for yourself. You need to try build your own confidence, little by little each day. I'm not just preaching, I've been in an abusive relationship before that nearly destroyed me. Everyday, am or pm, make a list of good things about yourself. Give yourself positive affirmations. Try get out the house even for 5 minutes a day and feel the sunshine, the breeze. Listen to the birds. Feel good and positive things a little each day.
Okay, I'm finished playing psychologist.
Rip, Janet Evanovich is great! I love her detective series. Some of the characters are histerical and far-out, but you love them even more. I used to read Nora Roberts alot. Barbara Delinsky is pretty good too. Nowadays I start reading and I zonk out.
I was going to start my diet tomorrow thinking bro and sis were back home and I could start my routine. Well bro is staying in town a little longer to look for a house. He will definitely make it much more challenging for me to start.
I had better get off of here and get moving for the day.
Take care and have a good day!
Diane
Rip, how is your Dad, this morning? Did you have to go to the ER last night?
You guys have traveled so much! How wonderful! I've been to Alaska twice. That's about as far as I've been away from home. Still pretty far, I guess, when you're in Georgia.
Closing for now. Lots to do! Hope y'all will have a great morning!
William
I'm the simple SignLady in Washington near Seattle.
You are no longer alone in your struggle!
We will all survive this ordeal.
Don't ever hold back.
A summer home ... oh I wish. Going to the grocery store is a challenge when I leave Dad alone at home. The fear of leaving him is overwhelming ...
& your mother lives alone?
Been there ... always on edge waiting for the dreaded phone call ... always at 3 AM after I've force sleep.
Now his calls come from my guest room, his room, & it's a short walk across the hall rather than a drive to his former apt. More later.
Go outside & look to the east for the shooting stars. Periseid's meteors are above us for a few days.
Thanks for being here
I shall go on working a little bit more. it's sunrise here!
William
William
Yep ... we are here with you! You're going to find fascinating comments browsing thru the 2,700 previous posts started by our hero, Bobbie321 in February. She did lose her mother but is living on her dream yacht moored in Florida for now. We are all sharing her dream!
You are near Lake Berryessa! I love that lake from years ago. Brother in Fairfield. We don't talk.
Once flew in on a Dehaviland (sp?) Beaver aqua plane & spent the day on a house boat where we swam, ate local food & wine. Warm, clear water, amazing event. I wish the company would have flown ... flying day trips from Napa to Berryessa, drop on the lake & settle in with new friends for an afternoon on a flaoting oasis ....
I loved water skiing there.
Oh well ...
another life before Poop Soup & Urinary Tract Infections.
Bear with us here, William. I think I speak for everyone saying we have had a tough go of it & are all struggling with little compensation.
Glad your aboard!
Write on!
October and November are usually very pleasant months.
Seasons have changed here, too!
William
William
Yes, pasta. You can't beat pasta.
William
William