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I thought of you at daybreak this morning. There were 5 Hummingbirds poking their needle nose beaks into the Canna blooms & nectar feeders on my bedroom deck.
Then 4 young squirrels got into a big squabble, chirpping, bleeping & batting at each other! It was pretty cute. I wish I had a decent video camera for these events ...
My lazy cats observed from the bed. They have become accustomed to the morning ritual. I toss peanuts on the deck ~ great entertainment.
I wish I could find a part time caregiver for Dad. Someone clever to swap stories. I was told yesterday by hospital people that if he required medical care that visiting nurses could come. He is in good health despite his age, previous heart attacks, broken bones, etc. He just phoned downstairs requesting his evening beer & a cigarette. He'll be 91 in 20 days.
Duty calls ~
I hope to send more photos from the repaied computer! Hug the pets!
If she likes her caregiver, no, no, no, no, don't change her! When my mother lived by herself, she literally threw out of the door at least a dozen of them before we found someone whom she accepted. Of course, the one my mother liked most was a woman who stayed for a few weeks with her, she was amazingly kind, and when she left, she stole everything she could. I know that it may seem I invent a lot of stories, but unfortunately I don't! My brother and I have been fighting with my mother's illness for at least 5 years, in all its stages, until we understood she had worsened so much that she had to come live with me, there was no other solution. And from that moment on, my brother stopped taking care about her. So, many many many things happened in 5 years and I remember them when the subject comes out.
SecSis...yep you and me's goes a long way back with the personality disorders with our mommo's. SIGH..we have a lot in common.
Rip...no the NPD blog is not here..it's something I found last year while trying to learn more about NPD, because I could never understand my mother...now I do..once I read all about NPD and how she fit the bill. If you are interested I will get the link.
SecSis...yes that's what was in the last part of my statement to her as well last night...it's not my fault.
Pirate, I can sooooo relate. My mom's guardian is doing her bidding now. As if I have to answer to her! And I have to go to court next week for dad's annual account to be "accepted." I'll bet they will be doing something to take control of him, too. My mom is evil behind my back. Her guardian said, "Your mom feels like she lost her daughter." Waaaaaaaa Are they idiots? Mom wanted a new guardian because she told everyone I was abusing her (she lied). So, I stay far far far away. Mom's guardian takes care of all her "needs," and now gets to listen to her complain. I sure don't need mom's guardian calling me up saying mom misses her daughter. I hate Personality Disorders, and need to protect myself from them. What a nightmare. I know you know what I mean. They get their hooks in, play on our sympathies, and stab us in the back, turning the screw when it suits them, because that's the way they work. Don't know what to tell you. I just stay away. My mom is Probate Court's problem, (at her own request) and I don't need them trying to make her mine, again. They ARE getting paid to take care of her, and I know how difficult that is. And yes, they are in a prison. But it's not our fault.
Hey Diane ~ I hope your sis offers you a well deserved break! Do you get along OK? (Sometimes it's hard to keep up with all these personalities, names & conditions here. (Excetp Bobbie on her boat!) I didn't realize your mom has Parkinsons.
Where does your mom live? NH, AL, her own home? Where is this NPD blog? On this site?
Tell your sister she is missing the Blue Angels blasting over a cool, cloudy Seattle. My tomatoes may never ripen! Poor Dad ... Loves those fresh picked sweets.
...........oh about the caregiver...my mom really likes the caregiver and does not even know or understand the little things she does to irk me. My g/f says to just get over the little things and let it be and just be glad she is doing most of the dirty work with my mom during the week, in which she is absoultely right. I have just have to learn to not sweat the small stuff, and anything gross they both do to the house...well the whole place needs to have walls painted, remodeled, new carpet and tiles, a basic facelift on the entire property.
Hi Rosella Rosella..(going to write a song for Rosella..lol) Rosella I do that exactly what you say. I set it that I go over on Saturdays and Sundays because no caregiver on those days and I chose to go over there on Tuesday and Thursday nights to look over the house and bills and water lawns, a basic check up. She just lately got back into the habit of actually using the phone, after so many weeks "I don't know how to call anymore...waaahhhh baloney". She is a creature indeed. It's one thing or another with her, but she wants still some control. She is losing it however due to her slow decline. It's just that the irksome phone calls had gone away but have resurfaced. She's such a demon that she will not talk to her sister on the phone when I am there, because then I can't hear what she says about me or here that she can actually talk decently....see because that old witch with her game playing has figured out to talk like someone who is feeble and can't do anything for herself anymore when really she can talk a million miles a minute in german to her sister...yeah she is really a piece of work...one that I wish would go! For awhile I was really feeling sorry for her and had real feeling for her...but when the NPD resurfaced well that all goes back into the trashbasket with me and I hate her again.
I hear you Pirate. I've managed to get a little better agency to provide daytime caregivers, but it's still a challenge some days. Plus, it now boils down to the fact I work just to get my insurance coverage since everything goes to the caregivers.
Mom's usual guilt trip is when I try to ask her what hurts or feels bad she gets all teared up and yells "Don't you see I'm dying before your eyes?". Last time I got pissed off and told her she wasn't dying if she yell that loud at me. I always feel bad after she starts with the drama.
Secret Sis, mom has Parkinson's and it has it's own type of dementia. The doctor has me adjusting medications to see if that will help with the hallucinations. Luckily they aren't frightening ones, just people, birds or bunnies that aren't really there.
Well my sister arrived this morning from Seattle so she will have a week to see some of the changes in mom. I still arranged for a caregiver to be here 8a-1pm so she doesn't have to deal with the bathing, changing the bed and washingt clothes.
Have a great weekend everyone and hopefully it will be without poop soup!
Pirate, (it's just a suggestion), why don't YOU decide when you go to see your mother, instead of allowing her to bully you? You decide the day, the hour, where you want to go and see her. You do everything you have to do to help her, and you go away. And you live your life. I know that it's easy to say from the other part of the world, but have you ever tried? When you have done what you have to do, if she still complains, it's her problem... BTW what about looking for another caregiver? Perhaps the one you have now is not ok for your mother (and for you). I guess your mother needs one with a stronger personality...
Rossella, well I think I will write a book. I believe it will be useful for others to know that they are not alone and will experience the same problems, especially if your parent has some mental issues like Personality Disorder.
Last night when I got to my mom's house around 8:30. (had to deal with issues with the landlord and a credit card co first....no sooner I come in the door and the phone is ringing...she is back to her old self ringing the phone off the hook...'WHERE ARE YOU". She asked if I was coming over and was trying to blurt out my problems...when all I could finally yell IS YES I AM COMING OVER....and that's only because she has severe control issues over me. She didn't need anything she just wants to control you. I thought that shit was over with her....but like they said on the Narcissitic Personality Disorder Blog I once found and read every bit of infor I can find......The ones with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are like that till their DEAD! Well I opened the door and came in the house and I always go check her first...and I said Hi and she said some snotty comment about "Yeah here I lay in my Prison". I said oh yeah your self made prison, don't try to lay that guilt trip on me - cause I ain't going to take it. You can go to a NH with people surrounding you all day long, but you won't go (she would not even go to the Adult Day care..always some excuse...she's full of excuses...and never does wrong). I am so tired of her...all these 11 1/2 years of doing her bidding after my dad died..I am so burned out...I want freedom to go somewhere not have to wait by the phone for her fn phone calls and go travel somewhere which I have not been able to do these past 11 1/2 years cause every fn sunday I had to go take her shopping and other biz. So when she makes these little jabs..I just go ballistic....the NPD is one of the worser personalities you will encounter cause everything revolves around them. I just got off the phone with the silly arsed caregiver...I told her in a note last night to throw away the sweat pants my mom is wearing...she says which one...I say the one she's wearing this morning..the purple ones...all I get is idiocy back,..which one..I know no purple...it's gray...I said forget it I will find it..she's such a dolt. Last night while I was doing my laundry at my mom's house I noticed that one of my magazines I had on top of the dryer had some dried on muck of food...it was her putting some food down on my magazine...I swear this b#tch grosses me out just as much as mom does. I find all kinds of mucky things from the caregiver....I end up cleaning after both of them...geezus!
Jsomebody: if your mother and your grandfather stress you too much, please tell them: "Don't bother me, please!!" (this is the concept; use the words you like; I can't suggest you anything stronger., even if many colourful expressions come in my mind)
I agree Pirate, I know we don't want "government bureaucracy etc" as another poster said but for social services I'd rather have a bit of bureaucracy and know my money is going to help the most vulnerable member s of our society NOT to bail out corporate welfare who tell us every four years they will hep those who need it with out being asked, even though they fight tooth and nail to hang onto every dollar when tax time comes.
I have not heard from the woman dealing with the masseuse wonder if it is outa her hands?
Carol, They could improve this site by listing by State what actually is available, especially for first timers just entering into this. I don't know why we have to have such divisions in this country...isn't this a country one and for all. Silly the same elder in one state is having the same experiences in another state...GETTING OLD. Go figure...yes the gov't is us...their money is our money...so why not say what we want done with our money. I don't see how congress even figures out what low income - middle class folks needs SINCE THEY ARE ALL RICH BUTTS! Thank god some and I mean SOME Democrats still feel for the low/middle classes. It all boils down to $$$$ the almighty $$$$.
Not sure how my day is gonna go, though it is almost over, after baking cookies for grandpa to have with his coffee with lunch (it is 91 today I don't care!) I went and ran in the sprinkler for a while and washed my hair outside, cause I like too. I come in he is waiting apparently I missed a phone call, we have been waiting to hear from a new dr about his prostate appointment, so I call reg doc as nurse said too if we hadn't heard and asked if I missed it or they had not called yet, as instructed by my nervous mother who doesn't want her stupid pervert father to die (89) so if I missed that call, I will get crabbed at about it. she gets home in an hour...what ever.
Another long night worried about Dad's catheter plugging & a trip to the ER for a cath change. I'm OK with draining his bag several times a day but do not feel qualified to change out the inserted. We FINALLY have an appt. next week for a swap & elevated PSA hormone shot. Dad will be having his hot flashing again soon!
A nurse friend used to do all her father's cath needs. I understand many people change their own.
I've given IV fluids to ill animals & routinely give booster shots to friend's pets but I can't imagine trying to insert a tube you know where ...
All this new technology & phones systems ACK! The trauma of trying to make an appt or receive a call back is nonsense. I spoke with several medical employees yesterfday who are as frustratedwith the new "technology" as we are. One hospita; operatpr says she gets hundreds of angry call from people sick of listening to recordings of "Enter 1 for this, 2 for that" ... one office had 8 options! #6 was the one to make an appt.
Think of the seniors trying to do it themselves! No wonder I have many elderly friends ask me to help them. I used to help many residents at Dad's former place. Shopping, trips to the docs, pet care, etc. I miss them very much. Phones calls with them are all I can do with him at my home.
Once I was able to coordinate 3 of the ladies & Dad's appt. with an eye specialist. It was very cute, everybody riding in my van fighting over who got to hold which dog on their laps for the 30 minute drive!
That doc is super! Runs his own private practice effieciently. Never more than a 10 minute wait, delightful staff & he is an excellent surgeon. They had all 4 of our patients dialated & treated within 2 hours. I felt confident leaving them at the office while I spent the time shopping for them.
What a perfect day! I should have stopped for ice cream for the trip home but I had to fight rush hour traffic to make their dinner schedule back at the base.
Carol! Thanks for hopping on here today! I am always suggesting this site to friends & professionals. Many love it - I have no idea how many post. I was timid at first, but you all got me over that, huh?
How did it get started? How do people find it? It was a lucky deal to stumble across when I was frustrated with trying to find cath supplies. These forums are priceless!
The articles are great too. I've seen several senior oriented magazines in waiting rooms that are OK but so much is ads. How do you market the site? Wish I known about it years ago ~
I splurged today! Gave myself an early birthday gift. Had the windows professionaly washed by a client! Nothing like clean windows! His elderly inlaws & father are all ailing. I gave him a quick look & he was anxious to go home & share with his wife.
I hope everyone is doing better today after our weird stuff of yesterday! I look forward to more EN grossing stories!
Secret sis, I do not know if my mother has Lewy bodies dementia. I shall do some research. The neurologists here have advised me not to give her any drugs specific for Alzheimer because at her stage are completely useless. They make me treat her thyroid and she takes vitamines, and Seroquel to sleep... and other drugs related to her kidney problems. That's all. She has not real hallucinations right now, I think they will come with time. I can't wait!
Thank you to everyone who runs and works on and write into this site. I have found it very helpful. I did not expect anyone to come over and clean the messes for me or become a clearing house for programs I can use so I am not disappointed. I joined to get tips and support and humor and understanding from others in my situation in what ever different forms that takes we are all in the same boat, if not all traveling in the same section so to speak. So I am very grateful for this site. I t helps a lot to know others really understand what you are going through, doing, living with and care that you are able to do it well to the best of you ability and not kill yourself while doing it. So Thank You to everybody who helps run this site and all who have offered me support and concern for my part!
Carol I thank you for all your assistance and for the staff helping me when I was having problems getting in this site to express my thoughts and to get support you are the voice of experience haveing been a caregiver over and over again not only your family but others-it is a blessing to have this place to come to to cry and laught at times I stay here even though my husband has died because I fell I might as well use my experience that I never wanted in the first place to help other. I do urge people to go to their office of the aging in their county they will be the first place to help-ours has a very good attorny who devotes one day a week giving free time to help those who can not afford an attorny and I know he is excellent because he is my lawyer and he was very fair with me when I was trying to place my husband and he has an erderly Mom that he cares for so he knows what is what and I am sure other like offices do the same and they will be able to tell you about things like transportation and I encourage everyone to spread the word how hard it is to be a caregiver-some will not understand but you will be surprised who will help-I was able to report a caseworker that faultlessly accused me of abusing my husband by just explaining to a man running for office who stopped by it turned out he was in charge of social service in my county and another county so the seeds we plant can grow and give knowledge to the right people.
PirateGal, a trip to Italy sounds good. In fact, a trip to anywhere sounds good. I do hear the stress and burnout you're expressing, and understand how it's compounded by personality disorders, dementia, etc. Sounds like you have added troubles with that inept Caregiver adding to your stress. Where's the boat!?
Rossella and dtflex, have your moms been diagnosed with Lewy-Bodies Dementia? (Hallucinations...) Or do all Alzheimer's patients have those symptoms?
rip, a comedy about Caregiving? Jsomebody, that is truly GROSS!
I posted the above blog because it's something we all are touched with. Medicare and Medicaid, or any government-run health care are funded by us paying taxes. Do you like the laws and regulations being passed? (Charging for yogart is only one example.) The more money and control we give to the government to come up with solutions, the more they will regulate, and decide what they choose to give back to you. Local control is important. Do you like funding jet travel for elected officials? If you expect the federal government to fix things, you get people with power taking money from your taxes. Basic economics and politics. The government is not God, and aren't some rich employer, but are elected to protect us. Check the Constitution, which clearly outlines legitimate functions of government. We have perverted the function and are suffering the consequences. ~Just something for you to think about!
And who is providing the funds for this wonderful free site we enjoy?
Carol, I perfectly understand what you are saying. As well, I understand the frustrations of trying to care for an elder, while searching for solutions. There is no magic answer, and no central genie in the bottle to make everyone's problems go away. Aging and senility (as it used to be called), have always been around, and families have always had to deal with it. I'm grateful for this site for providing a sounding board, meeting place, and venue to vent and share ideas. Without it, I'd be stumbling aimlessly, wishing to find someone who understands. Here, I find camaraderie, encouragement and relief. I think AgingCare is providing a valuable service, and am thankful for it.
I'm also thankful for the wonderful people I've met here who share similiar struggles.
As for governmental help, I would rather they stay out of it. Oversight, bureaucracy, and regulations abound, with little personal help for individuals. And the hoops we have to jump through for "benefits" can be daunting. Remember, it is your money the government is using to help you, by taking YOUR taxes! They don't have what you don't give them; or you, and me, and our folks, and our neighbors. The government is us. Whether rich or poor, we all pay taxes.
Do you want a governmental official making decisions for you and your loved ones? That's what you're asking for every time you call an agency asking help. We are in effect hiring the government to tell us what we can and can't do. If we can't personally afford our parent's care, who do you think pays for it? Some rich guy? Is that fair to him to pay for our mom or dad's care?
Insurance? You pay in, and may get back what you pay in, or more. If more, then you're getting back someone else's money, and the insurance rep gets his cut, and the government takes their cut. There is no money but what we give them.
Any time a collective looks for benefits from someplace (other entity), it becomes socialism. Should poorer people demand rich people take care of them? Is it a millionaire's duty to rescue someone else? Should we decide how much of the money he legitimately earned belongs to him? These are fundamental and moral issues. Can we demand society compensate us for caring for our relatives? If you were the only one possessing money, should we demand you care for everyone else? Yes, it's difficult to care for a loved one, and deplete our own funds! But what "right" do we have to demand the government pay our way, and provide programs and services? We the people are the government, and we are paying them to give us those programs. Evert time you vote, is a vote of confidence for another to make decisions for you. The best lobbyist wins. And you get what they decide. Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets kicked.
I'm sorry that AgingCare can't get personally involved in each problem. What we try to do on the fourm is give people a chance to help each other. While we'd love nothing more than to give people one place they can go to see if they can get paid to help their elder, or find other help, the way the system is set up is that each state is different. AgingCare can't change that fact. Even the great organization Area Agencies on Aging isn't available everywhere, nor is Cash and Counseling (neither is available to me). The National Family Caregiver Support Program is available in every state - but each state can change it to fit their own views. We hope, by providing a forum for people to discuss their issues, they at least come away with the knowledge that they aren't alone. For specifics, people generally have to seek local help -through their state, county, social services etc. The state Web sites generally - and I say generally, as not all states do this well, either - provide the best contacts for each person to start. We'd like to "solve" problems, but we can't. We don't have that ability. What we can do is provide you with articles on how to help ease the stresses that you are going through and deal with specific topics related to your daily elder care tasks.
If you have any suggestions for articles that you would like to read, let us know. We do hope most of you find help chatting with each other on the forum, and if you feel there are ways we could improve the community please share your ideas with us!
Thank you for sharing your concerns. Take care, Carol
But is not a choice I never imagined. I thought my darling Mother would live forever. Her wisdom is 13 years gone now. Now dad, tho brilliant still, is forevering needing me. Dependent on his woman, me. Many disabilities.
Last night he appeared to be stuck in bed. 3 AM Mary check on him. His mouth was hanging open. Drool ... lots of drool ... I was terrified! I shook him awake & he was all right. How many of you deal with this horrifing scenario?
I rarely sleep b/c I am always listening..
I know it's not forever ... but it is a heavy load which is on my shoulders.
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APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Been wondering how today was for you?
I thought of you at daybreak this morning. There were 5 Hummingbirds poking their needle nose beaks into the Canna blooms & nectar feeders on my bedroom deck.
Then 4 young squirrels got into a big squabble, chirpping, bleeping & batting at each other! It was pretty cute. I wish I had a decent video camera for these events ...
My lazy cats observed from the bed. They have become accustomed to the morning ritual. I toss peanuts on the deck ~ great entertainment.
I wish I could find a part time caregiver for Dad. Someone clever to swap stories. I was told yesterday by hospital people that if he required medical care that visiting nurses could come. He is in good health despite his age, previous heart attacks, broken bones, etc.
He just phoned downstairs requesting his evening beer & a cigarette. He'll be 91 in 20 days.
Duty calls ~
I hope to send more photos from the repaied computer!
Hug the pets!
When my mother lived by herself, she literally threw out of the door at least a dozen of them before we found someone whom she accepted.
Of course, the one my mother liked most was a woman who stayed for a few weeks with her, she was amazingly kind, and when she left, she stole everything she could.
I know that it may seem I invent a lot of stories, but unfortunately I don't! My brother and I have been fighting with my mother's illness for at least 5 years, in all its stages, until we understood she had worsened so much that she had to come live with me, there was no other solution. And from that moment on, my brother stopped taking care about her. So, many many many things happened in 5 years and I remember them when the subject comes out.
Kidding ...
I think I know people who might.
Take it easy this weekend??? OK!!!!!
Rip...no the NPD blog is not here..it's something I found last year while trying to learn more about NPD, because I could never understand my mother...now I do..once I read all about NPD and how she fit the bill. If you are interested I will get the link.
SecSis...yes that's what was in the last part of my statement to her as well last night...it's not my fault.
I hope your sis offers you a well deserved break! Do you get along OK?
(Sometimes it's hard to keep up with all these personalities, names & conditions here. (Excetp Bobbie on her boat!) I didn't realize your mom has Parkinsons.
Where does your mom live? NH, AL, her own home?
Where is this NPD blog? On this site?
Tell your sister she is missing the Blue Angels blasting over a cool, cloudy Seattle. My tomatoes may never ripen! Poor Dad ... Loves those fresh picked sweets.
We all will be thinking of you!!!
Rip
Rosella I do that exactly what you say. I set it that I go over on Saturdays and Sundays because no caregiver on those days and I chose to go over there on Tuesday and Thursday nights to look over the house and bills and water lawns, a basic check up. She just lately got back into the habit of actually using the phone, after so many weeks "I don't know how to call anymore...waaahhhh baloney". She is a creature indeed. It's one thing or another with her, but she wants still some control. She is losing it however due to her slow decline. It's just that the irksome phone calls had gone away but have resurfaced. She's such a demon that she will not talk to her sister on the phone when I am there, because then I can't hear what she says about me or here that she can actually talk decently....see because that old witch with her game playing has figured out to talk like someone who is feeble and can't do anything for herself anymore when really she can talk a million miles a minute in german to her sister...yeah she is really a piece of work...one that I wish would go! For awhile I was really feeling sorry for her and had real feeling for her...but when the NPD resurfaced well that all goes back into the trashbasket with me and I hate her again.
Mom's usual guilt trip is when I try to ask her what hurts or feels bad she gets all teared up and yells "Don't you see I'm dying before your eyes?". Last time I got pissed off and told her she wasn't dying if she yell that loud at me. I always feel bad after she starts with the drama.
Secret Sis, mom has Parkinson's and it has it's own type of dementia. The doctor has me adjusting medications to see if that will help with the hallucinations. Luckily they aren't frightening ones, just people, birds or bunnies that aren't really there.
Well my sister arrived this morning from Seattle so she will have a week to see some of the changes in mom. I still arranged for a caregiver to be here 8a-1pm so she doesn't have to deal with the bathing, changing the bed and washingt clothes.
Have a great weekend everyone and hopefully it will be without poop soup!
Luv ya,
Diane
BTW what about looking for another caregiver? Perhaps the one you have now is not ok for your mother (and for you). I guess your mother needs one with a stronger personality...
Last night when I got to my mom's house around 8:30. (had to deal with issues with the landlord and a credit card co first....no sooner I come in the door and the phone is ringing...she is back to her old self ringing the phone off the hook...'WHERE ARE YOU". She asked if I was coming over and was trying to blurt out my problems...when all I could finally yell IS YES I AM COMING OVER....and that's only because she has severe control issues over me. She didn't need anything she just wants to control you. I thought that shit was over with her....but like they said on the Narcissitic Personality Disorder Blog I once found and read every bit of infor I can find......The ones with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are like that till their DEAD! Well I opened the door and came in the house and I always go check her first...and I said Hi and she said some snotty comment about "Yeah here I lay in my Prison". I said oh yeah your self made prison, don't try to lay that guilt trip on me - cause I ain't going to take it. You can go to a NH with people surrounding you all day long, but you won't go (she would not even go to the Adult Day care..always some excuse...she's full of excuses...and never does wrong). I am so tired of her...all these 11 1/2 years of doing her bidding after my dad died..I am so burned out...I want freedom to go somewhere not have to wait by the phone for her fn phone calls and go travel somewhere which I have not been able to do these past 11 1/2 years cause every fn sunday I had to go take her shopping and other biz. So when she makes these little jabs..I just go ballistic....the NPD is one of the worser personalities you will encounter cause everything revolves around them.
I just got off the phone with the silly arsed caregiver...I told her in a note last night to throw away the sweat pants my mom is wearing...she says which one...I say the one she's wearing this morning..the purple ones...all I get is idiocy back,..which one..I know no purple...it's gray...I said forget it I will find it..she's such a dolt. Last night while I was doing my laundry at my mom's house I noticed that one of my magazines I had on top of the dryer had some dried on muck of food...it was her putting some food down on my magazine...I swear this b#tch grosses me out just as much as mom does. I find all kinds of mucky things from the caregiver....I end up cleaning after both of them...geezus!
I have not heard from the woman dealing with the masseuse wonder if it is outa her hands?
They could improve this site by listing by State what actually is available, especially for first timers just entering into this. I don't know why we have to have such divisions in this country...isn't this a country one and for all. Silly the same elder in one state is having the same experiences in another state...GETTING OLD. Go figure...yes the gov't is us...their money is our money...so why not say what we want done with our money. I don't see how congress even figures out what low income - middle class folks needs SINCE THEY ARE ALL RICH BUTTS! Thank god some and I mean SOME Democrats still feel for the low/middle classes. It all boils down to $$$$ the almighty $$$$.
91 is too hot to bake. You are an angel!
Has anyone heard from the lady in Florida whose dad was engaged to the young massuer?
Another long night worried about Dad's catheter plugging & a trip to the ER for a cath change. I'm OK with draining his bag several times a day but do not feel qualified to change out the inserted.
We FINALLY have an appt. next week for a swap & elevated PSA hormone shot. Dad will be having his hot flashing again soon!
A nurse friend used to do all her father's cath needs. I understand many people change their own.
I've given IV fluids to ill animals & routinely give booster shots to friend's pets but I can't imagine trying to insert a tube you know where ...
All this new technology & phones systems ACK! The trauma of trying to make an appt or receive a call back is nonsense. I spoke with several medical employees yesterfday who are as frustratedwith the new "technology" as we are. One hospita; operatpr says she gets hundreds of angry call from people sick of listening to recordings of "Enter 1 for this, 2 for that" ... one office had 8 options! #6 was the one to make an appt.
Think of the seniors trying to do it themselves! No wonder I have many elderly friends ask me to help them. I used to help many residents at Dad's former place. Shopping, trips to the docs, pet care, etc. I miss them very much. Phones calls with them are all I can do with him at my home.
Once I was able to coordinate 3 of the ladies & Dad's appt. with an eye specialist. It was very cute, everybody riding in my van fighting over who got to hold which dog on their laps for the 30 minute drive!
That doc is super! Runs his own private practice effieciently. Never more than a 10 minute wait, delightful staff & he is an excellent surgeon. They had all 4 of our patients dialated & treated within 2 hours. I felt confident leaving them at the office while I spent the time shopping for them.
What a perfect day! I should have stopped for ice cream for the trip home but I had to fight rush hour traffic to make their dinner schedule back at the base.
Carol! Thanks for hopping on here today! I am always suggesting this site to friends & professionals. Many love it - I have no idea how many post. I was timid at first, but you all got me over that, huh?
How did it get started? How do people find it? It was a lucky deal to stumble across when I was frustrated with trying to find cath supplies. These forums are priceless!
The articles are great too. I've seen several senior oriented magazines in waiting rooms that are OK but so much is ads.
How do you market the site? Wish I known about it years ago ~
I splurged today! Gave myself an early birthday gift. Had the windows professionaly washed by a client! Nothing like clean windows!
His elderly inlaws & father are all ailing. I gave him a quick look & he was anxious to go home & share with his wife.
I hope everyone is doing better today after our weird stuff of yesterday! I look forward to more EN grossing stories!
~ Rip
So Thank You to everybody who helps run this site and all who have offered me support and concern for my part!
Carol
Rossella and dtflex, have your moms been diagnosed with Lewy-Bodies Dementia? (Hallucinations...) Or do all Alzheimer's patients have those symptoms?
rip, a comedy about Caregiving? Jsomebody, that is truly GROSS!
I posted the above blog because it's something we all are touched with. Medicare and Medicaid, or any government-run health care are funded by us paying taxes. Do you like the laws and regulations being passed? (Charging for yogart is only one example.) The more money and control we give to the government to come up with solutions, the more they will regulate, and decide what they choose to give back to you. Local control is important. Do you like funding jet travel for elected officials? If you expect the federal government to fix things, you get people with power taking money from your taxes. Basic economics and politics. The government is not God, and aren't some rich employer, but are elected to protect us. Check the Constitution, which clearly outlines legitimate functions of government. We have perverted the function and are suffering the consequences. ~Just something for you to think about!
And who is providing the funds for this wonderful free site we enjoy?
That's my input for today. Love you all!
I'm also thankful for the wonderful people I've met here who share similiar struggles.
As for governmental help, I would rather they stay out of it. Oversight, bureaucracy, and regulations abound, with little personal help for individuals. And the hoops we have to jump through for "benefits" can be daunting. Remember, it is your money the government is using to help you, by taking YOUR taxes! They don't have what you don't give them; or you, and me, and our folks, and our neighbors. The government is us. Whether rich or poor, we all pay taxes.
Do you want a governmental official making decisions for you and your loved ones? That's what you're asking for every time you call an agency asking help. We are in effect hiring the government to tell us what we can and can't do. If we can't personally afford our parent's care, who do you think pays for it? Some rich guy? Is that fair to him to pay for our mom or dad's care?
Insurance? You pay in, and may get back what you pay in, or more. If more, then you're getting back someone else's money, and the insurance rep gets his cut, and the government takes their cut. There is no money but what we give them.
Any time a collective looks for benefits from someplace (other entity), it becomes socialism. Should poorer people demand rich people take care of them? Is it a millionaire's duty to rescue someone else? Should we decide how much of the money he legitimately earned belongs to him? These are fundamental and moral issues. Can we demand society compensate us for caring for our relatives? If you were the only one possessing money, should we demand you care for everyone else? Yes, it's difficult to care for a loved one, and deplete our own funds! But what "right" do we have to demand the government pay our way, and provide programs and services? We the people are the government, and we are paying them to give us those programs. Evert time you vote, is a vote of confidence for another to make decisions for you. The best lobbyist wins. And you get what they decide. Sometimes the squeaky wheel gets kicked.
While we'd love nothing more than to give people one place they can go to see if they can get paid to help their elder, or find other help, the way the system is set up is that each state is different. AgingCare can't change that fact.
Even the great organization Area Agencies on Aging isn't available everywhere, nor is Cash and Counseling (neither is available to me). The National Family Caregiver Support Program is available in every state - but each state can change it to fit their own views.
We hope, by providing a forum for people to discuss their issues, they at least come away with the knowledge that they aren't alone. For specifics, people generally have to seek local help -through their state, county, social services etc. The state Web sites generally - and I say generally, as not all states do this well, either - provide the best contacts for each person to start.
We'd like to "solve" problems, but we can't. We don't have that ability. What we can do is provide you with articles on how to help ease the stresses that you are going through and deal with specific topics related to your daily elder care tasks.
If you have any suggestions for articles that you would like to read, let us know. We do hope most of you find help chatting with each other on the forum, and if you feel there are ways we could improve the community please share your ideas with us!
Thank you for sharing your concerns.
Take care,
Carol
How true your words are.
I didn't choose this, but I will never regret it.
But is not a choice I never imagined. I thought my darling Mother would live forever.
Her wisdom is 13 years gone now.
Now dad, tho brilliant still, is forevering needing me. Dependent on his woman, me. Many disabilities.
Last night he appeared to be stuck in bed. 3 AM Mary check on him.
His mouth was hanging open. Drool ... lots of drool ...
I was terrified!
I shook him awake & he was all right.
How many of you deal with this horrifing scenario?
I rarely sleep b/c I am always listening..
I know it's not forever ... but it is a heavy load which is on my shoulders.