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OCD? Is that what you call it? I thought my mom was just nuts! Seriously, YES, I know & understand. Living it as I write. Jumping through hoops is what I call it. Just trying to keep up can be a nightmare. The paper towels, kleenex, baggies, plastic fruit containers & micro-meal trays she keeps in the frig along with the paper plates. The list goes on and on; and yes it is maddening. On top of all that mine is also a hoarder. Big fun. Trying to keep her studio apt. in some semblance of order and cleanliness is a real challenge. I'm still shredding documents from the 1940s!!! All that crap is at my house now & crowding my husband and I. Mom also fabricates illnesses to get attention instead of counting her blessings of health at 90 yrs. That REALLY tweeks me to see others truely suffering and her "playing" at illness. They used to call it excentric or senile.LOL It could be and may get worse as this forum is evidence of (especially lately). I consider myself fortunate to have mom only maddening and not have to deal with things like poop soup! That I could not do and I am enamoured of those who can. From what I have learned here, you will miss the OCD when he becomes unresponsive and incapacitated. You will wish everything was as it was when he was driving you crazy. I DO understand that right now we think it's impossible, as I regularly "blow a gasket" on my way home from mom's apt. and it's hard to imagine it any worse. We must buckle our seat belts.....it's going to be a rough ride. Not doom and gloom, just the way things are. Try to keep it in perspective and blow off the steam when and where you can. This is a wonderful forum full of compassionate folks that have been through it too. This too will pass. Still praying for us.
Any one her dealing with OCD in a parent. He is driving me crazy with all the things he has to have like twnety papertowels all over the house and TWO rolls of papertowles on the counter at all times. He cant eat unless the sink is clean washed and DRIED. He also has dementa and is constantl;y wanting us to go to the store to buy stuff he already has. Its a battle to keep him from buying three gallons of milk at a time.
Lots of posts to read!! My sister is going home to Virginia on Saturday. It has been a hectic but productive 3 weeks for us. She will set the other 5 siblings straight about how much I do, even with Merry coming 35 hours a week, and 3- 6 hour days at daycare. She bought 2 closed circuit cameras for Mom's apartment last year, and just added an infra-red camera in Mom's bedroom today. All are accessible on my laptop which I bought last year. What a Godsend!! Now I can see Mom clearly when she is sleeping, and no longer have to run to her room to check in her in the middle of the night. Sis also paid for all the food and bought 2 cases of pull-ups and other supplies for Mom's care. That's way more than the other sibs. Rip, doesn't matter how many sibs we have, one of us always gets the shaft!!! Miz, So glad you got the job! At least you will get out some. I don't smoke and Mom takes enough antidepressants and anxiety meds for 3 people! I do have restless leg syndrome and have to take Requip for that, to keep my jumpy legs quiet so I can sleep a bit at night. My escape is crafting and my 2 kitties. Couldn't live without them! Tennessee, So sorry for what you are going through. "F" them all!!!! Bobbie, Here's to smooth sailing! If you ever dock in Mass., let me know! SS, So glad you all got away for a while. Rossella, Don't you ever grow up!!! Flirt every chance you get! We installed double locking deadbolts on Mom's doors after she went missing a couple times when my back was turned. You need a key to unlock them from both sides. As for things going missing: Mom's TV remote was missing for 2 weeks, and Merry found it in her purse this week. She had been carrying it around with her the whole time. Mom tries to empty her bag all the time. She puts things under the chair cushions, etc. You never know what you will find! Jojo, Mom is always looking for her young kids, the youngest of 7 is 43! She tells me all the time that she is pregnant or had a baby at the hospital last night. She even tells me how nice the doctor was, and describes the room she was in. Pirate, Mom dropped poop on my foot the other night! I've cleaned her 6 to 7 times a day and sometimes that soup is toxic waste!! I wonder if we will ever get the smell of piss and poop out of our brains!!! As for vacations, we are the only family members that don't seem to get one. Such is life. Does anybody know a good voodoo priestess to put a curse on all of the deadbeat family members we are stuck with? Rip, I'm up for any artistic ideas you have. May we all have a poop free night tonight!!! Goodnight everyone.
Rossella ~ Have you been to the US? I visited Carmel & Monterey which were my favorite areas of California. Napa Valley wass disappointing to me (my brother lives nearby) in camparison to the beautiful wine regions in Washington State.
I am feeling accomplished today. A window washer is coming Friday, the one luxury I hire out once a year, so I cleaned my stinking office of cat fur, dirt & other things that don't pertain to business.
I have a solitary office kitty (rescued & feral) who lives atop a high shelf in here. She is very timid & the other cats come down & bully poor Sami. Part of their nastiness is 'leaving their mark'. I am so tired of piss. *what was that acronym? I have age old reports that need to be shredded & lots of organizing to do but having a good start helps my attitude. I've been too involved caring for others to care for my business.
Dad needs his Foley changed so I have been waiting for phone calls from the docs to schedule. The Medical Center, which was once called a hospital but now encompasses several satelite clinics, has a new phone system with many buttons to push. The poor humans who finally answer the phones are going crazy from people trying to reach their destinations.
If you artistic people are willing, I have some ideas ...Dad needs me ...\
Miz, Pirate, I feel like to go to CA so much. Nancy, my friend, has invited me for years but I never manage to do it. She sends me beautiful photos of the beach and those little villages. 4 cousins of mine are in US now and they will end up in California, so I hope that they can see that area. Bobbie, thank you for your words. I am very happy if my posts can be useful, even if sometimes they are not very optimistic. I have one great luck, (or misfortune, according to someone). I must not search my inner child. It's always there. It is my inner adult that is more difficult to find! (this can be embarassing, as I am 53) The child is more capable of handling difficult situations. You all know that children can play among rubbles, during a war! I remember that Peter Pan could fly if he had a happy thought. This is the secret, more or less... Kiss to everyone
Pirate & Rossella, I visited Carmel at least once when I lived in So. Cal. What a beautiful town it is. I went to the restaurant that Clint Eastwood owned. :)
Tennessee, my heart goes out to you. Courts and lawyers don't believe in justice or fairness. People's lives are nothing but a game to be played to the advantage of the highest bidder. Sick!
Mom's guardian called me today saying she was going to file a petition so mom could be included in dad's care conferences. I told her no one said she couldn't. What's with all these sue-happy people? I'm so sick of my mother's evil! Her guardian told me she understands why my dad paid the bills (when he could). Mom's a total numb brain! I asked if she though mom understood the finances. She said she did, ~at the moment, but not 1/2 hour later. I said, "Then she doesn't understand, does she?" What's the matter with these idiots? It's all about power and control. And this guardian lied and cheated when she was DON of a NH. Sure gives me great confidence having her as mom's guardian, and controlling my family's estate (like I was till mom's "friends" tried to convince her she should have more money...) So, basically, outsiders are controlling my mom, and $$profiting from it. Mom's too stupid to realize it, and I'm just Chicken Little.
Rosella, is the diareahea because of the extreme heat over there. My b/f told me when he was there last month in Rome the heat was pretty bad. When we have bad heat days here I get the same problem. Carmel is quite a bit north of me...I am on one end of the state in the south and Carmel is in the North..and have always heard it was beautiful...Clint Eastwood used to be the mayor I think.
Bobbie, we're enjoying a beautiful day on Lake Charlevoix today, with no storms. We're watching the water skiers and sailboats. Nice breeze...
The NH took three bus loads of people to an outdoor BBQ picnic. They bought a birthday cake for my 10 year old today, and gave him cards and a bag of candy. Dad had fun being outside with the group. We took some nice photos. Pictures today; memories tomorrow.
I'm still reeling from the election results. Hubby ran as a write-in for Precinct Delegate. None of the other candidates we campaigned for made it. What a strange world is politics!
We do need an advacate when I support local people running for office I get on my saopbox and talk about the poor and lack of home care in my county I was asked to go to the local office of an Asemblyman but could not due to caregiving duties if they want my money they are getting my thoughts also-I wish Dr. Phil would get involved with the state of homecare in this nation.
Tennessee, Your story is bocoming more and more common and it is just plain wrong. We need an advocate. Maybe if Oprah or Dr.Phil did a segment or show on the plight of the caregiver and how family screws over the caregiver. Try and make it right.
Miz: congratulations on your new job. Well done Miz Demi!
rossella: you are a born writer and I know that we all are loving your posts.
SS: thanks for being here. You are a comfort to us all.
Pirate: I hear you girl. the behaviors are tough to handle.
Rip the Stitch: enjoying the stuffing out of your posts. You're a sweetheart.
Flex! I think I mentioned that we will be going into the charleston area on the way back from NJ, since I need to move the boat north for the moment.
I know I missed out on some of us. How's Pamela? Maxine? sure still miss kelleybean,
summation: we need a high profile advocate for caregivers and to begin the changes in the laws that should be protecting us instead of harming us. During my 5.5+ years of caregiving, i was attacked by everybody and everything including APS. What Tennessee is going through is unacceptable.
I will try and work on the advocate part since I am no longer wiping anybody's hind end but my own. I still miss my mom like crazy. That's the last thing I did for her. Right after she died, the hospice nurses cleaned her up for her trip to the funeral home and brought the sheets down. I took the sheets into the laundry room and began to wash the poop out of the sheets. i was crying so hard and it still gets me. I didn't like cleaning up her poop and this was the last time, but i would wash out more sheets if i could see those blue blue eyes again. It is what it is and I know that she was suffering and had to go but I still miss her.
ok...onward and upward.
BOAT! We are holed up in St Augustine for some repairs and to wait out some weather, if it's coming, it's not coming...whatever.
Once we get a few things done and we have the weather window, we will leave here and steam offshore to the Chesapeake.
the storms can travel at 25mph and we do 8 mph. Can't outrun them, have to be wiley and hide.
I love you guys. You are fighting the good fight and remember that the boat is coming for you all. We just, um, slow.
Pirate: yes the story of the poop is a tragedy, but you write it in a way that makes me laugh! "we" have diarrhoea in this period of the year, I do not know which is worse, the little balls or the soup? Seems we are talking about food. I have seen the movies you told me, "My big fat greek wedding" is one of the movies I love more in the world and I see it when I need to relax (the other ones are Bridget Jones and "Green Card" with Andy McDowell and Depardieu). I don't take pills (at least, by now) but a good glass of wine every now and then, makes my evenings happier... And make me sleep as a baby. Did I tell you I have a very good friend who lives in CA? (Carmel). I hope to be able to come and see you all! That would be nice! When you come to Italy, you are welcome!
Tennessee: I can't believe that you are not protected by the Law, the Law with capital "L" . Are there associations of lawyers that are more socially-oriented and can give you an advice about all the ordeal you are going through? (btw they should ask you little money). Big hug
I think my siblings think this is some tropical vacation we're having here or some easy party. Man oh man, whenever I clean up messes that really pisses me right off.
Talk about poop. I had Mom all ready and nice and clean for her doctor appt. today. Went to get her to go get her and she was in the bathroom and what a mess. On her hands too. So...cleaned her up and off we went. She's had the runs today. God that smells. :P
This is crazy Tenn ..! I am exhausted now from caring for the father, my pets, my neighbor kid ... everybody but me. I want to come there & ring some necks ... make people understand ... But I am stuck. My father needs me.
Hit the press? You will have me & I suspect, many friends behind you. I want justice for you & your father. I realise it is much deeper than what you have shared here ... reach out to the press? If you are strong enough. I'd love to see you on TV fighting for your cause.
In my messed up situation my dad deeded me things that I took part in businesswise because he thought it safer to be in my name, brother came in and had a will drawn up in direct conflict with the deeds. I guess you could say it got given twice.Drawn up by lawyer ,notorized and registered.Lawyer did not stand behind his document.Big costly mess.
Ack...it's too hard to read 3 days worth of posts...ack!
POOP I am SICK OF POOP. I find little balls of poop, because she can't wipe her ass good and it just clings and balls up in the Depends and then when the pants come down here come the little poop balls in the bathroom. Just a few and teensy so you have to look. Argggh....cannot walk around that house with bare feet anymore. My mom who would wash the f'king carpet on her hands and knees is now soiled from her traffic and caregiver traffic. Well when I get the house everything is going anyway all floors and carpets need to be replaced/remodeled. Freaking poopballs - GROSS I tell ya.
Lately I am getting fed up - fed up with her languishing...really fed up! She's like a slug, doesn't want to move around too much and doesn't eat too much anymore. The mouth can still work. Today I had to meet her and the caregiver at the doctor's office. The Phys. Asst is the one who really sees her now..her original doctor is an old coot and should be gone himself..he is useless, so I rather have the young Phys. Asst. she goes to the nth degree with my mother's health - lucky her. She wants my mom to get some echo something or another done cause she always hears a heart murmer...geezes christ sakes..she's 861/2 she's healthy as a friggen horse...my mom want's none of it..no friggin tests no nothing...I am with her...it's kinda lame at this stage. Nothing is buggin my mom cept she can't get her ass around the house like she used to. Oh and then she's worried about her sugar...geezus let them fricken eat what they want at this stage. Neither I nor her cares anymore...it's this freaking waiting it all out is maddening. For 12 years I have been at her beck and call...I am so fn tired.
MIZ - I am by LAX - I am into Ren Faires too....Pirate here!
Rosella - Did you ever see "Moonstruck" with Cher? An italian familia and her hubby to be has an old italian mother that won't die as well....lol. Or "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", the father has an old biddie as a mother that does whack things. Yeah my mom's hands are all gooked up after eating so I have to wipe them down like a toddler....grosss...shoot me if I get like that PULLEEEASE! Me the person that has to have a million napkins when eating hamburgers or barbeque...lol Yeah I get jealous at folks having vacation...I don't think I ever had a real vacation...well especially for that last 12 years NOT...cause my mom would INSIST EVERY SUNDAY I had to come over and take her to the store and grocery shopping and drive my dad's two cars around to get the battery going....still following the ritual...can't wait for this PERGATORY to END! Rossella...I may have to visit you in Italy or you come to visit me in CA.
Blue- poop...poop and more poop.....seems they are based on poop these old farts!
RIP - Poop and Dad...again POOP
JSOME - LORAZAPAM is my friend...I could use a daily dose at night right now...! But saving what I have for the worst nights.
I've been out all day and I am reading your posts now. Tennessee, your story is UNBELIEVABLE! Is it possibile that when money is involved, people lose their heads this way? We all had problems of this kind, I think, at one level or another. I agree that when parents are well and healthy they should write their wills, so there is not this kind of crap when they die or fall seriously ill. Our parents think that their children, their sweet children who loved each other so much when they were little, will go on loving and respecting each other for the rest of their life. But, there is no brotherly love or respect in these stories. I am starting to believe that our deadbeat brothers think we are stupid (because we do what we do), so it is good to take advantage of us and of the situation! The law of jungle between siblings!!!!! Nice! About Alzheimer, I see once again that our parents do more or less the same things... Secret Sister, the story of your father mixing meds is beautiful. A big hug to all of you. Let's keep a goin'! Bad days will end.
thanks everybody,If theres one thing that I have learned through this is no body wants to be involved in legal troubles,I heard over and over I'M sorry about this, but if your brother would do this to you and their niece,what will they do to me.Nobody seemed to think it would happened..I believe now there were things my dad didn't tell me about my brothers,I also believe after reading so many of these posts he may have tried to manipulate the situation by getting mad when I did take a break.HE wanted me to do it all,he did not want hired help,said he had no need for it.He wanted me or my brother there,he couldn't guilt my brother into any thing,so I'M thinking he might have purposely tried to stirr the pot some,then when he saw it wasn't working,started sucking up to me again.Its the only thing that makes sense,but still does't excuss my brothers from their actions or lack of care..Maybe once I get the legal wind fall boxed up I can put those bad memories aside.
Tenn, So sorry to hear of your horrid brother. I often think we won't get justice until JESUS comes back, but I'll keep praying for GOD's divine protection for all caregivers. HE knows we need it. My brother is supposed to be visiting soon for the first time in ten years. I hope all he wants is to introduce us to his new love and not bilk mom for her savings. If she needs medicaid...they look back five years on gifts. I don't even want to breach that subject but I may have to. Loneliness can do strange things to people and I hope he's made a wise choice. We shall see. GOD bless & keep you all
tenn . i am so sorry to hear youre havin so much pblms with all whats going on around you . bless your heart , hopefuly one day everything will be back to normal and things be slap across ur bro s face , sucks to be caregiver for ur siblings and we get shit on . my bro s been pretty good about what i need and what dad needs , we are close bonded so thats one good thing . dad had papers all drawned up , that nothing can be sold till he s dead and buried and then this one and only lawyer is to sell the home and split the money . its best to have it all done the right way so nobody can mess everything up while he is still livin . i am so thankful ! . my heart aches for u tenn . xoxo
My dad didn't know my brother that did the sueing anymore either he didn't call for 6 months at a time and came down 4 hours on Xmas and thanksgiving.As long as my dad was independent it didn't seem to matter,but once he got in wheelchair and got needy,their lack of concern was startling.If there was one relationship I had in my life I felt good was my dad and me.Our great relationship is now written upby the lawyers as [secretive and confidential.]That is how the lawyers described our close father-daughter relationship.I know my situation is extreme,but it bothers me how textbook it is to the lawyers.I've lost his farm now and forsale signs are everywhere and I'm boxing up more paperbook than you can imagine,reading back through it,thinking what a waste of life and money.My brother did not even go to the ICU this last go around,but my number for emergency contact kept vanishing from the hospital records and my brother who never came or called pops up.I thought this was strange at the time,but now my brother says he can prove he was there through records.I literally camped out there and the nurses were even pissed about my brothers absence,but yet he kept appearing and my number kept disappearing.The point is when there is alone caregiver,with no backup,there is no proof,you are leaving yourself open to a lot of finger pointing. Women take care of men alot more than men take care of woman.I'm now arguing in trying to retreive a kids box of toys.You would think any self respecting judge would not let them bully a little girl,but what better way to hurt a mother than hurting her child-grown highly paid men,they are such a sad excuse of a human being.I guess corruption is from the smallest town to WashingtonD.C. The legal system diffently protects there own. I went through 4 lawyers and never could get them to question my brother.I told them my dad had momements of strangeness,forgettfulness.The hospital used the word dementia in there papers,but yet it was never broughtup-just like it never happened.The lawyers said it was to costly to get hospital records.Next I'll get to try to catch up on taxes with penalties.Lawyer told me to hold off on paying them,so I did,now I have more than ever to pay.I only have a WILL for daughter, I do not feel like that is good enough now.I feel like I need more witnesses and video tape.I still say whatever family member is doing the work,they should automatically get legal power. I know of ALOT of men with POA and the woman who are caretaking have to justify expenses to someone who don't have a clue to whats happening medically.
Most were attorney's & tech engineers. People you wouldn't imagine doing illegal drugs.
The story of the curtain rods came via internet. It may be an urban ledgend ... I don't care. I love the scenario ...
An interior designer lost her home to her greedy attorney husband during a messy divorce. Wife looked around her home for the last time as she was moving her belongings out, spied the hollow curtain rods & sent her companion to the grocery for raw shrimp.
They stuffed the rods full in every room possible, the shrimp rotted & the source of the 'aroma' was a mystery for months.
I hope she drilled a few holes in the rods to allow the fragrance to blossom throughout the house as the darling, rancid shrimp fermented ....
Absent siblings? Dad wonders if he has sons ... we know of three somewhere ... unable to call or write. We, I can't say that b/c my bro in Alaska emails often & is very nice. Very busy & out at sea often.
The one 40 minutes away refuses to use a cell phone! I bought him a phone & put him on our family share plan ... Dad had asked him to please use the cell phone! No Dice! Always an excuse
.He & OCD recently got voice mail but it set on 10 rings. I don't know anyone who has patience to wait out 10 rings. He says if I need to reach him he has VM at work. What about weekends? Oh, they are out at festivals or theatre or relaxing on a picnic.
The Cailfornia lawyer is always in crisis or on vacation. Just as well since he has disappointed us for years.
Tennessee ...I often think of you prediciment. I quietly rage inside thinking of the crap you've been dealt. I hope someday it bites everyone involved in the ass. Chances are they have their own secret habits.
I was stunned when installing signage for an upscale professional office complex the number of "professionals" out smoking dope on their lunch hour.
Several liked my work & cheerful attitude. The fact I'd make personal little signs for their kids really touched them! Several offered me little plastic packages of white powder as a tip. Creepy! I'd quietly remind them of my law enforcement background ...
So you wonder how many dirty little secrets those guys are hiding while they rap you upside the head in court for common prescription drugs to help you cope.
Makes you want to puke, & if possible, put catfish guts inside their curtains rods & watch them try to find the source of the stench several days later.
I am glad you are on this site. Same to all of you! Dad is calling me from HIS cell phone ~ our reliable form of communication.
Write On my friends ... & please let the Bed Bugs bite all those shyster lawyers.
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Seriously, YES, I know & understand. Living it as I write.
Jumping through hoops is what I call it. Just trying to keep up can be a nightmare. The paper towels, kleenex, baggies, plastic fruit containers & micro-meal trays she keeps in the frig along with the paper plates. The list goes on and on; and yes it is maddening. On top of all that mine is also a hoarder. Big fun. Trying to keep her studio apt. in some semblance of order and cleanliness is a real challenge. I'm still shredding documents from the 1940s!!! All that crap is at my house now & crowding my husband and I. Mom also fabricates illnesses to get attention instead of counting her blessings of health at 90 yrs. That REALLY tweeks me to see others truely suffering and her "playing" at illness.
They used to call it excentric or senile.LOL
It could be and may get worse as this forum is evidence of (especially lately). I consider myself fortunate to have mom only maddening and not have to deal with things like poop soup! That I could not do and I am enamoured of those who can.
From what I have learned here, you will miss the OCD when he becomes unresponsive and incapacitated. You will wish everything was as it was when he was driving you crazy.
I DO understand that right now we think it's impossible, as I regularly "blow a gasket" on my way home from mom's apt. and it's hard to imagine it any worse. We must buckle our seat belts.....it's going to be a rough ride.
Not doom and gloom, just the way things are. Try to keep it in perspective and blow off the steam when and where you can. This is a wonderful forum full of compassionate folks that have been through it too.
This too will pass.
Still praying for us.
Miz, So glad you got the job! At least you will get out some. I don't smoke and Mom takes enough antidepressants and anxiety meds for 3 people! I do have restless leg syndrome and have to take Requip for that, to keep my jumpy legs quiet so I can sleep a bit at night. My escape is crafting and my 2 kitties. Couldn't live without them!
Tennessee, So sorry for what you are going through. "F" them all!!!!
Bobbie, Here's to smooth sailing! If you ever dock in Mass., let me know!
SS, So glad you all got away for a while.
Rossella, Don't you ever grow up!!! Flirt every chance you get! We installed double locking deadbolts on Mom's doors after she went missing a couple times when my back was turned. You need a key to unlock them from both sides. As for things going missing: Mom's TV remote was missing for 2 weeks, and Merry found it in her purse this week. She had been carrying it around with her the whole time. Mom tries to empty her bag all the time. She puts things under the chair cushions, etc. You never know what you will find!
Jojo, Mom is always looking for her young kids, the youngest of 7 is 43! She tells me all the time that she is pregnant or had a baby at the hospital last night. She even tells me how nice the doctor was, and describes the room she was in.
Pirate, Mom dropped poop on my foot the other night! I've cleaned her 6 to 7 times a day and sometimes that soup is toxic waste!! I wonder if we will ever get the smell of piss and poop out of our brains!!!
As for vacations, we are the only family members that don't seem to get one. Such is life. Does anybody know a good voodoo priestess to put a curse on all of the deadbeat family members we are stuck with?
Rip, I'm up for any artistic ideas you have.
May we all have a poop free night tonight!!! Goodnight everyone.
Have you been to the US?
I visited Carmel & Monterey which were my favorite areas of California. Napa Valley wass disappointing to me (my brother lives nearby) in camparison to the beautiful wine regions in Washington State.
I am feeling accomplished today. A window washer is coming Friday, the one luxury I hire out once a year, so I cleaned my stinking office of cat fur, dirt & other things that don't pertain to business.
I have a solitary office kitty (rescued & feral) who lives atop a high shelf in here. She is very timid & the other cats come down & bully poor Sami.
Part of their nastiness is 'leaving their mark'. I am so tired of piss.
*what was that acronym?
I have age old reports that need to be shredded & lots of organizing to do but having a good start helps my attitude. I've been too involved caring for others to care for my business.
Dad needs his Foley changed so I have been waiting for phone calls from the docs to schedule. The Medical Center, which was once called a hospital but now encompasses several satelite clinics, has a new phone system with many buttons to push. The poor humans who finally answer the phones are going crazy from people trying to reach their destinations.
If you artistic people are willing, I have some ideas ...Dad needs me ...\
Cheers all ~
Rip
Bobbie, thank you for your words. I am very happy if my posts can be useful, even if sometimes they are not very optimistic. I have one great luck, (or misfortune, according to someone). I must not search my inner child. It's always there. It is my inner adult that is more difficult to find! (this can be embarassing, as I am 53)
The child is more capable of handling difficult situations. You all know that children can play among rubbles, during a war! I remember that Peter Pan could fly if he had a happy thought. This is the secret, more or less...
Kiss to everyone
Mom's guardian called me today saying she was going to file a petition so mom could be included in dad's care conferences. I told her no one said she couldn't. What's with all these sue-happy people? I'm so sick of my mother's evil! Her guardian told me she understands why my dad paid the bills (when he could). Mom's a total numb brain! I asked if she though mom understood the finances. She said she did, ~at the moment, but not 1/2 hour later. I said, "Then she doesn't understand, does she?" What's the matter with these idiots? It's all about power and control. And this guardian lied and cheated when she was DON of a NH. Sure gives me great confidence having her as mom's guardian, and controlling my family's estate (like I was till mom's "friends" tried to convince her she should have more money...) So, basically, outsiders are controlling my mom, and $$profiting from it. Mom's too stupid to realize it, and I'm just Chicken Little.
The NH took three bus loads of people to an outdoor BBQ picnic. They bought a birthday cake for my 10 year old today, and gave him cards and a bag of candy. Dad had fun being outside with the group. We took some nice photos. Pictures today; memories tomorrow.
I'm still reeling from the election results. Hubby ran as a write-in for Precinct Delegate. None of the other candidates we campaigned for made it. What a strange world is politics!
I just read all the posts I missed and *whew*.
Tennessee, Your story is bocoming more and more common and it is just plain wrong. We need an advocate. Maybe if Oprah or Dr.Phil did a segment or show on the plight of the caregiver and how family screws over the caregiver. Try and make it right.
Miz: congratulations on your new job. Well done Miz Demi!
rossella: you are a born writer and I know that we all are loving your posts.
SS: thanks for being here. You are a comfort to us all.
Pirate: I hear you girl. the behaviors are tough to handle.
Rip the Stitch: enjoying the stuffing out of your posts. You're a sweetheart.
Flex! I think I mentioned that we will be going into the charleston area on the way back from NJ, since I need to move the boat north for the moment.
I know I missed out on some of us. How's Pamela? Maxine? sure still miss kelleybean,
summation: we need a high profile advocate for caregivers and to begin the changes in the laws that should be protecting us instead of harming us.
During my 5.5+ years of caregiving, i was attacked by everybody and everything including APS.
What Tennessee is going through is unacceptable.
I will try and work on the advocate part since I am no longer wiping anybody's hind end but my own. I still miss my mom like crazy. That's the last thing I did for her.
Right after she died, the hospice nurses cleaned her up for her trip to the funeral home and brought the sheets down.
I took the sheets into the laundry room and began to wash the poop out of the sheets. i was crying so hard and it still gets me. I didn't like cleaning up her poop and this was the last time, but i would wash out more sheets if i could see those blue blue eyes again. It is what it is and I know that she was suffering and had to go but I still miss her.
ok...onward and upward.
BOAT! We are holed up in St Augustine for some repairs and to wait out some weather, if it's coming, it's not coming...whatever.
Once we get a few things done and we have the weather window, we will leave here and steam offshore to the Chesapeake.
the storms can travel at 25mph and we do 8 mph. Can't outrun them, have to be wiley and hide.
I love you guys. You are fighting the good fight and remember that the boat is coming for you all. We just, um, slow.
lovbob
Tennessee: I can't believe that you are not protected by the Law, the Law with capital "L" . Are there associations of lawyers that are more socially-oriented and can give you an advice about all the ordeal you are going through? (btw they should ask you little money). Big hug
I am exhausted now from caring for the father, my pets, my neighbor kid ... everybody but me.
I want to come there & ring some necks ... make people understand ...
But I am stuck.
My father needs me.
Hit the press? You will have me & I suspect, many friends behind you.
I want justice for you & your father.
I realise it is much deeper than what you have shared here ...
reach out to the press? If you are strong enough.
I'd love to see you on TV fighting for your cause.
POOP I am SICK OF POOP. I find little balls of poop, because she can't wipe her ass good and it just clings and balls up in the Depends and then when the pants come down here come the little poop balls in the bathroom. Just a few and teensy so you have to look. Argggh....cannot walk around that house with bare feet anymore. My mom who would wash the f'king carpet on her hands and knees is now soiled from her traffic and caregiver traffic. Well when I get the house everything is going anyway all floors and carpets need to be replaced/remodeled. Freaking poopballs - GROSS I tell ya.
Lately I am getting fed up - fed up with her languishing...really fed up! She's like a slug, doesn't want to move around too much and doesn't eat too much anymore. The mouth can still work. Today I had to meet her and the caregiver at the doctor's office. The Phys. Asst is the one who really sees her now..her original doctor is an old coot and should be gone himself..he is useless, so I rather have the young Phys. Asst. she goes to the nth degree with my mother's health - lucky her. She wants my mom to get some echo something or another done cause she always hears a heart murmer...geezes christ sakes..she's 861/2 she's healthy as a friggen horse...my mom want's none of it..no friggin tests no nothing...I am with her...it's kinda lame at this stage. Nothing is buggin my mom cept she can't get her ass around the house like she used to. Oh and then she's worried about her sugar...geezus let them fricken eat what they want at this stage. Neither I nor her cares anymore...it's this freaking waiting it all out is maddening. For 12 years I have been at her beck and call...I am so fn tired.
MIZ - I am by LAX - I am into Ren Faires too....Pirate here!
Rosella - Did you ever see "Moonstruck" with Cher? An italian familia and her hubby to be has an old italian mother that won't die as well....lol. Or "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", the father has an old biddie as a mother that does whack things.
Yeah my mom's hands are all gooked up after eating so I have to wipe them down like a toddler....grosss...shoot me if I get like that PULLEEEASE! Me the person that has to have a million napkins when eating hamburgers or barbeque...lol
Yeah I get jealous at folks having vacation...I don't think I ever had a real vacation...well especially for that last 12 years NOT...cause my mom would INSIST EVERY SUNDAY I had to come over and take her to the store and grocery shopping and drive my dad's two cars around to get the battery going....still following the ritual...can't wait for this PERGATORY to END! Rossella...I may have to visit you in Italy or you come to visit me in CA.
Blue- poop...poop and more poop.....seems they are based on poop these old farts!
RIP - Poop and Dad...again POOP
JSOME - LORAZAPAM is my friend...I could use a daily dose at night right now...! But saving what I have for the worst nights.
About Alzheimer, I see once again that our parents do more or less the same things... Secret Sister, the story of your father mixing meds is beautiful.
A big hug to all of you. Let's keep a goin'! Bad days will end.
So sorry to hear of your horrid brother.
I often think we won't get justice until JESUS comes back, but I'll keep praying for GOD's divine protection for all caregivers. HE knows we need it.
My brother is supposed to be visiting soon for the first time in ten years. I hope all he wants is to introduce us to his new love and not bilk mom for her savings. If she needs medicaid...they look back five years on gifts. I don't even want to breach that subject but I may have to. Loneliness can do strange things to people and I hope he's made a wise choice. We shall see.
GOD bless & keep you all
sucks to be caregiver for ur siblings and we get shit on .
my bro s been pretty good about what i need and what dad needs , we are close bonded so thats one good thing . dad had papers all drawned up , that nothing can be sold till he s dead and buried and then this one and only lawyer is to sell the home and split the money .
its best to have it all done the right way so nobody can mess everything up while he is still livin . i am so thankful ! .
my heart aches for u tenn . xoxo
I am gagging!
I thought Poop Soup was bad (Dad is currently laughing at that description, thanks Jen)
I'd love to introduce it to your courtroom
I am so SORRY!!! I hope I have scared my big shot brother away ... I hope he has remnats of compassion ,,, I just don't know.
Long shot ... You have been thru much & must be totally drained ...
but is there a local news reporter who might be sympathetic?
I am a private, often shy, lady (except here) .
But would you have the strength to contact a local investigative reporter who might expose this fraud?
What else is left? Even 20/20 or Dateline?
Write to Dr. Phil?
My keyboard is freakiing out here. Must need another reboot.
Please, Lady ... don't give up yet.
The story of the curtain rods came via internet. It may be an urban ledgend ... I don't care.
I love the scenario ...
An interior designer lost her home to her greedy attorney husband during a messy divorce.
Wife looked around her home for the last time as she was moving her belongings out, spied the hollow curtain rods & sent her companion to the grocery for raw shrimp.
They stuffed the rods full in every room possible, the shrimp rotted & the source of the 'aroma' was a mystery for months.
I hope she drilled a few holes in the rods to allow the fragrance to blossom throughout the house as the darling, rancid shrimp fermented ....
The one 40 minutes away refuses to use a cell phone! I bought him a phone & put him on our family share plan ... Dad had asked him to please use the cell phone! No Dice! Always an excuse
.He & OCD recently got voice mail but it set on 10 rings. I don't know anyone who has patience to wait out 10 rings. He says if I need to reach him he has VM at work. What about weekends?
Oh, they are out at festivals or theatre or relaxing on a picnic.
The Cailfornia lawyer is always in crisis or on vacation.
Just as well since he has disappointed us for years.
Tennessee ...I often think of you prediciment. I quietly rage inside thinking of the crap you've been dealt. I hope someday it bites everyone involved in the ass. Chances are they have their own secret habits.
I was stunned when installing signage for an upscale professional office complex the number of "professionals" out smoking dope on their lunch hour.
Several liked my work & cheerful attitude. The fact I'd make personal little signs for their kids really touched them!
Several offered me little plastic packages of white powder as a tip. Creepy! I'd quietly remind them of my law enforcement background ...
So you wonder how many dirty little secrets those guys are hiding while they rap you upside the head in court for common prescription drugs to help you cope.
Makes you want to puke, & if possible, put catfish guts inside their curtains rods & watch them try to find the source of the stench several days later.
I am glad you are on this site. Same to all of you!
Dad is calling me from HIS cell phone ~ our reliable form of communication.
Write On my friends ...
& please let the Bed Bugs bite all those shyster lawyers.
Rip