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Aloha Im sorry I havent come on board yet but take me away I need a good vacation away from all the nastiness and grossnes.
Oh and by the way my gross story My mom was in the bathroom and I went in to check on her she had wet toilet paper in her hands and asked her what that was she she ingnored me I knew exactly what is was I told her to wash her hand throw out the paper and she did and then went back in the garbage to dry her hands with the piss toilet paper. I made her wash her hands which she did again and then she asked me if I needed help in the kitchen which I screamed NOOOOO.
As far as showers and hair washing is concerned, I let her scream and I do it anyway. I don't actually take a shower with her, but when she really does not want to do it and she struggles, when I have finished I am dripping water! There are days where we have to be two people to wash her. I am very tough in these cases, because if she does not wash, besides the fact that is not pleasant to stay close to her, she gets infections and our life becomes even more complicated. I give her tablets to go to sleep, otherwise she would not sleep at all. When she left the hospital 2 years ago (she had broken both legs) and she came live with me, I did not know she needed tablets to sleep, so we spent 4 whole nights and days awake. She was awake for 100 hours! I hope I will manage to keep her home till the end, because the facilities for Alzheimer people are not very good in Italy for one reason or another. I know that when she will die it will be terrible for me and I will suffer a lot, but in the worst days I think it would be better for her to reach my father and her parents whom she loved a lot, and be herself again. I share the same feelings that you have so I think it's normal. I am resentful toward my brother (for his absence) but I tolerate that she prefers him to me, because when he comes he is kinder to her, he always says "yes", he does not force her to wash and so on. When he comes to see her, she is always happy afterwards, so, speaking selfishly, it is better for me, too!
The same thing here with my brother he cannot cope with her so its left all up to us four girls and mainly me since I have the most patience with her. We call my brother jesus since he is God to her after all we do for her all she says is that he is the only one who comes to visit here (not) and it makes me so angry that one day i lost it and told her that he only goes to pick her up sometimes to to bring her here or to one of my other sisters house but she doesnt remember any of that and it hurts so much since I do almost everything and my sisters appreciate it but and they call and come to visit all the time when she is here but all she does it talk about my brother maybe its because he looks so much like my father I was at a point where I was resenting him because we all try to chip in and help but he cannot take her or know how to deal with her. I have my good days and bad days and I hope I am able to keep her with me because as you know us italian family we cannot bring ourselves to put her in a home but everyone is telling me that there comes a point where it is going to get too much for me. Has anyone felt that way. I hate to admit this but I rather God take her aso she can be with my father whom she loved more than life itself then to see her deterioate into nothing.
Has anyone else felt like this. Sometimes I look at her and it breaks my heart to see a once vibrant woman who took great pleasure into dressing her self like A Signora and now I have to fight withher to take a shower or change her clothes what a rough time I have with that she refuses to wash her self I had to literally go and take a shower with her naked both of us (My husband was laughing his ass off) but she refuses to wash her hair she totally freaked out, Any suggestions anyone on how to get her to wash her hair its been two weeks she keeps telling me she washed it yesterday.
For everyone else my husband is a godsend but yesterday we thought she was sleeping and he went to take a shower and I heard him screaming for me since I was in the basement doing the laundry and he was asking me for a towel I opened the door and guess who was sitting on the bowl doing her thing MY MOTHER he was getting ready to get out and there she was and she told him hi and she finished doing her thing while he was waiting for me. I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants he didnt think it was funny then but now he laughs about it.
Well it is 9:20 P.M. and I am waiting for 9:30 to put her to sleep since I have to stay in bed with her until she falls asleep her zanax in setting in (I hate giving her medication but she totaly freaks out at night if we dont)
Have a good nite everyone and thanks again for letting me share
Dearest Jojo, your mother is the photocopy of mine. My mother also likes to go to the Mass and she remembers every single word. I have always lived in Italy but I have very good American friends, one of them is like a sister to me and she lives in CA, in the central part. I stay in touch with her every day, thanks to Internet (what a good invention!) ( I remember the times we wrote each other letters so we had news of each other every month!)
I work as a translator (from English to Italian) so I understand English better than I write it! Anyway my written English allows me to communicate, so it's Ok with me! I have the same feelings toward my mother than you have toward yours. I feel sorry for her, I feel sorry for myself, I am so happy to see every now and then a glimpse of what she was before. The nastiest thing in this kind of illness is that with a part of the brain they know what is happening to them and they suffer a lot about it. My mother says all the time whe wants to go back home (she means her childhood home) and when she realizes she is no more independent and needs help to go to the bathroom, to eat, her look becomes very sad. I would like to beat the wall with my fists, but I know I would hurt myself and it would not be useful. If we bought a punching ball, to vent, do you thing it would help us? I saw my (deadbeat) brother today, I put him in a corner (not literally!) and I told him everything is happening here with my mother, in details, so he cannot deny the truth anymore. He was very troubled and I hope he thinks it over and comes more often, because when my mother sees him she is so happy... Hope God continues to give us the strength to go on! Big kiss
Whew!!! Bobbie is SAFE! Do I dare tag her as our God Mother?
Thank You Girlfriend, for starting this post which brings all of us hapless (?) friends together! Sir John, Dad, says HI Bobbie! We converse over many of the posts, laughing, crying & compassionate.
Thanks for the support everone. Rosella I cant believe you live in italy were you born there you speak very good englis or have you gone there to care for your mom?. I also play songs from the computer she loves segio bruni and mario abbate all the naples songs and I dont know why but she remembers all the words just like she remembers the whole Mass on Sundays but forgets who we are. Her sister and brother call her from Italy and she hangs up on them after a couple of minutes because I guess they ask her questions and she doesnt know who they are or cannot focus on what they are saying so she hangs up on them. I called and told them that if they want to see their sister before she doesnt recognize them anymore they should come to America now before its too late. We come from Torre Del Grecco which I am sure you know where that is and the last time we were there is when my dad died five years ago since all our relatives are still there and we said a special mass for him so that my dads brothers and sisters would be able to attend and I think that my dads death is what put her over the edge when looking back now there were signs but we werent picking up on it then. sometimes I feel so helpless that I cant do enough to help her but then I say to myself that nothing is never enough for her because its not my mom anymore every once in a while I see a glimpse of her and I enjoy that time with her. Ok have to go she is calling me she is in my bedroom thinking its her house and wants to know if she can come down and keep me company
I am alive and almost finished with cleaning out that monstrosity of a building. It's down to tomorrow. We couldn't work for a few days because the heat index was over 105.
I've been trying to keep up with the posts and you guys are the best. Wecome to the new mates and vent vent vent. It will save your life.
I'm adopted and was told that my bio dad was Italian. It would explain a lot for me because I feel comfortable with Italians and especially the type of food agrees with me and not all food does. you know how that is.
I leave for FL FOR SURE this Wednesday and will write to you guys from the boat Wed night.
Hey Stitch! thanks for checking in on me. SS,Pamela, where are you guys? Linda... yup, been sweating like a farm worker and am sore and bruised ... and yes, the pool has worked!!
Tennessee, I love you and you have gone through the trials of Hercules. Screw those people that are being mean. A family member with a lawyer attacking is a sickening thing indeed.
Hey I am Italian too, forth generation if that counts (Napoli). And NEW YORK, My Goodness I envy you. I sooo want to see New York! Just once before I die. I imagine I will be scared to death, being from a town like Spokane, but i don't care some day I am gonna stand in Times Square, hail a cab not get mugged and ride the Subway! Or maybe get mugged, that wouldn't be awful if I had like a five around some ones and handed it to em and kept the rest of my cash in my shoe right? This is a very good site for support and valuable information on tips and services for elder care for family members, and no one seems to mind it, if you grouse for half a page either...
Well, for me is simpler because we actually live in Italy! She loves to listen to songs from Naples (she is from Salerno) and she remembers all the words (and forgets all the rest after 20 seconds... I don't need to tell you!). I had the "syndrome of refusal" (of my mother's decline) until a few months ago, and I still have sometimes. I understand very well why people do not have the courage to accept. My mother's brother and sister, who are aged but very lucid, have this kind of refusal, that's why they never come to visit my mother. I can understand them. When I feel particularly bad, I take deep breaths.. I go for a walk... Anything that makes me feel better. The only way you can handle this situation is live day by day, minute by minute... Ti abbraccio forte
Rosella, I am Italian too from Naples Italy has your mother reverted to speaking Italian only, All my mom does now is speak to my children and husband in ititalian it is soo funny since they dont speak the language and I have to translate to them but when they are alone I just tell them to nod yes to everything and if I am not around if she freaks out just find me.
Your letter really moved me. Read this forum, you will find a lot of answers. I wish you good luck with all my heart. Rossella, an Italian mom-caretaker (who is in the same situation as you are...) p.s. enjoy yourself this summer, as much as you can!
Hi Im new to this stie I started reading for a while but it would take me days too read all of it but it sounds like a good site to talk to people who are going through the same thing. I care for my mom four out of the seven days When it its my turn (we alternate weekends) and the other days we have 24 hour care for her at her home. We are five of us three sisters and a brother and we all took her for a weekend but as she starting getting worse and with her moods swings My sisters cannot take her for more then two days and it looks like she cannot stay in her home anymore even though we have care for her We keep getting calls from her saying she is not at her home and ranting that we need to pick her up and it is getting too tiring traveling from New Jersey to Brooklyn three nights a week and taking her to my home just to bring her back there the next day since then her mind caomes back alittle and she wants to go home again I decided she needed to come live in NJ with one of us and since they do not know how to cope with her mood swings and they argue with her all the time which I try to tell them that it doesnt do any good since she is not going to remember anything ten minutes later I think they are trying to get our mother back and they refuse to accept that her mind is going and there is nothing we can do to change it so I suggested that in September she comes to live with me full time until such time that she doesnt remember us any more which doesnt seem to be too far from now (its getting worse every day) I am attemping to slowly increase the days she stays here until she doesnt remember her house anymore and to tell you the truth I didnt want to ruin my summer (I feel guilty but I know my life is going to change when she is here full time) I am married with three grown children and four grandchildren and I know it is going to interupt their lives also since my mother has become vey nasty and child like (I ask God every days where has my mom gone) so I have to treat her as I treat my two year old granddaughter. I am sorry I am going on like this but any suggestions in caring for her full time would be greatly appreciated.
Yes, my dark hallway looks like an airport landing strip with the rope lights, but it really helps. They had spent 3 years on my outdoor deck so they seem to last. Easy to install woth duct tape or staple gun tacks.
Another trick I've done b/c he passes a stairway enroute to the hall: I tooks a cabinet hinge & light wiegh piece of 2" x 2' wood. Square PVC works if you can find it. It folds up against the wall & stays in place with velcro.
When Dad is up & walking I drop it over onto the stair rail, again, light weight enough to secure with velcro but I may eventually use heavier hinges & brackets so he can grasp it..
At this tim he doesn't need to lean on it since he uses his cane, but it idicates where the stairway is. Split Level house.
Inexpensive safety things can help.
I had planned to put stair rails along the hallway to encourage him walking, but his Highness nixed that idea. Thinks he is more stable than I do. Says the cane is enough ... for now ... plus he enjoys the *threat of smacking me with it!
*He's a senior Wit Stitch, Bobbie! (I sure like that tag!)
Don't be nervous about doing these things in you home. I was married to a builder / carpenter. He kind of liked the idea of being a strong, Manly guy & some of his trade secrets were intimidating,
However, I discovered that I could do most of these indoor things myself. with a few "girl tools" from Home Depot Like laying over 1000 sq ft of laminate flooring. He was long gone by then.
Next pratical idea for Pet Owners.
Rather than fresah toilet water I looked at the water fountains for animals. $35 frickin bucks for an ugly plastic thing.
I purchased several Serenity fountains at garage sales, in clearence aisles & thrift shops.
One is a 3' ceramic tower with an elegant fairy holding scallop shells, the water flows down into 3 shells, then & into a giant scallop shape pool. Has 2 tulip lights for ambience when the timer flicks on at night.
All is low voltage. I have a triple level fake stone one on the deck that the birds bathe in. All are real bargains! Especially for the animals! A pain to clean but denture tablets start the process.
Mom's not feeling well today. She had the same complaint last night. She can never describe how she's feeling other than she just needs to lay down. It's like she's either manic or totally down these days. I'm hoping the antibiotics are working for her. It's just so hard to tell what's what. I keep trying to call one of her really good friends to come over and see her but I can't get an answer. No answer machine either. No cell phone either. :) Everyone have a good day. Thanks for being here. bobbie and SS, how are you?
hi sailors !! thought id drop a few line or 2 , going to my old hometown today , my gfriend lives there and there is a party going on for the old hometown gangs . gonna be fun and it ll be good to see alot of long lost friends . deefer,, my toe is slowly healing , doesnt hurt too much but it feels like it needs to be pulled back in place , wanna pull it ?? lol i can see a ball joint there ewew . ah well one day it will go back in place when i hit it again lol . ive seen pamela s post just yesterday i think , guess shes doing ok , hope so .. dad s ok , had to give him xannax last night , he kept stracthin his head and cant stop , sundowners . whiney cryin wa wa so gave him xannie , he is still sleeping , wonder what time he finaly went to sleep ? granddaughter stayed the nite with me lastnight , shes a blessing to be around . 4 yrs old . hope bobbie s ok ! hope she jumps in that pool after sweatin all day , its horrible out there ! hot hot and muggy ! you all have a good weekend . xoox
My dad has vision loss & I've found stringing rope lighting on the hallway floor & into his bedroom helps to guide him. Doesn't budge if his cane lands on it. Inexpensive at Target & like stores.
I haven't caught Mother doing any of those things-YET but what grosses me out is when she wipes her nose an anything she can get her hands on. She is cold natured and with the AC she covers her legs with a fuzzy throw and she uses that most of the time even tho she had tissues right next to her chair. I caught her one day using the kitchen dish towel. Needless to say I no longer keep a towel out where she can find it. Mother doesn't see very well and I never thought I would be glad she can't see but maybe I am now. I have now put my toothbrush where I know Mother can't find it, that makes my tummy roll just thinking about it.
THere are times when my daughter and I laugh about some of the things that Mother does or says because if we didn't we would sit down and cry. I can't wait to tell her about your Mother & the toothbrush-she will flip out, she is funny about anybody even touching her toothbrush.
I think your mother needs home care assistance all day long. You can go and visit her when you have time. I don't think she can live by herself, now...
doody, I don't get that post either. I see you are new to Aging Care. This thread has been going on a long time and there are some great caregivers here. Take the time to read the thread and you'll see what I mean.
Yes, private care is a fortune. I have someone stay with mom during the day while I am at work. It cost $16 per hour x 10 hours a day x 5 days a week. Luckily mom had the forsight to buy some long term care insurance in the late 90's and it has been a life saver. It doesn't pay it all, but it covers $100 per day.
Mom has her good days and bads days, but sometimes she plays helpless when she doesn't feel I have paid enough attention to her. It;s the juvenile thinking that seems to come back to play in their old age.
Miz, at least you have a reason for your mom's recent behavior. If she doesn't improve in the next day or two, ask the doctor to change her antibiotic. Some of these UTI's are hard to fight.
Have a good weekend all and I hope you all find a little time to care for yourselves.
Oh man Deef..you better Fex Ex some of them golumpki to me...lol. Sounds good. I don't know if my mom ever made stuffed cabbage but I remember something one time as a kid, and would love to try the real deal!
Yeah they are a trial to you. Funny thing last week on one of the PBS channels there was a show that was talking the biggest percentage of cargegivers is an average woman 53 years old who works and has to provide caregiving service. I made my b/f who is figidity on the subject watch it....and said see they are talking about me. I could not find the name of the show...but found this snippet on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS7CxojZIBM
Yes the decline...wow...I noticed she is not doing stuff since this weird fall. The friday before the fall she could still call me on the phone...but now she acts like she can't handle a phone at all, not even picking up the receiver. So I don't know if it would be a waste of time to get the med alert or not. She said when she was pinned under the mattress that she was yelling for the neighbor...but she was calling for Lisa and the girl is Lyndsey...plus my mom's bedroom window is right next to their garage, so yelling the old fashioned way is not going to cut it. I tried to tell her a nursing home she would not have to worry at all, someone would always be there. (I was thinking of her room sharing with someone that is a bit more cohesive). Well when I say all this I get dead looks or no reaction. So it's frustrating because you want to respect them as if they still have wits about them but on the other hand that is slowly going. I think her deal is she wants to die at home,,,and yet in the same bed my dad died in. Needless to say every bed in that house will be disposed off after this ordeal is over. My old bed I checked out has a trace of mildewing on the mattress so that is out of the question for anyone to use, and I don't want either of their two twin beds either.
I will have to watch and see in the next coming days and weeks how she progresses or digresses, if she digresses to where someone has to do something for her all the time, like eating or bathrooming, then I think it's time to take a trip up the street to the nursing home, cause it will be cheaper to have a Nursing home paid for instead of a live in caregiver. Cause that agency quoted me 250.00 a day...that would be 7,500 a month....crazy..compared to a nice nursing home that is right next to the hospital and across the street from her doc for 3,000 to 4,000. Well she may get her wish if she dies before I can get her to a nursing home, but she seems overall healthy ... no cancer, no heart trouble, no nothing except small stuff.
Miz, Make sure the doctor always puts a refill on your mom's antibiotics. Whenever I suspect Mom has a UTI, I call the doctor for a new prescription and immediately call in the refill and start her on it. Next time your mom is that mentally altered, it's almost always a UTI. The sooner you get her on the meds, the faster she'll get back to her old self. I promise you she will be a different person by tomorrow. It's too bad you all had to suffer through the waiting for labs etc. Get yourself some rest while you can. Linda, I agree with you on the med alert devises. Unless they are of sound mind, these things are more of a toy to them.As for the car, by morning, it'll just be something else popping into his head! How's the toes? Pirate, I got a bed rail for my mom too. I had trouble like you, so I e-mail the company and told them my problem. I was doing something wrong, and a simple answer back from them had me putting it together the right way in no time. By the way, Mom badmouths me all the time. I got used to it. Even though I tell myself she can't help the way she is, I still get stressed to the max and end up yelling at her. I no longer feel the guilt that I used to, because have been the only one caring for her 24/7 for the last 2 years. It's worse than being married!! Hah! I now have a CNA 35 hours a week, and three 6 hour days at daycare. the stress is less, but it still hangs over my head 24/7. It sounds like your mom is getting deeper into dementia. Mine is not capable of walking alone anymore. Nor can she use the phone or go to the bathroom on her own. I don't get much of any help from my 6 siblings, and that adds to the resentment for my situation. My oldest sister is here right now from Virginia for 3 weeks. She lives the furthest away and actually does more for me in the 3 weeks she is here, than the rest of them do all year. Hang in there! Made MANY golumpki (stuffed cabbage) today. Won't have to cook for a week! YES!!!! Take care everyone.
miz i hope ur mom gets to feel better once the meds kick in . its so sad to watch them so sick with uti . i hate them things ! dad seems to be ok now after he got treated . am keeping my nose open to catch that smell again . he was upset at me last night cuz i wouldnt take him to fla to go pick up his 1955 chevolete car , i tol dhim i amnot driving all the way down there to get that car for ya . made him so mad , oh well he got ver it after i put him to bed . whew !! i hear pa yellin i best go ck on him , keep cool !! xoxo
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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Oh and by the way my gross story My mom was in the bathroom and I went in to check on her she had wet toilet paper in her hands and asked her what that was she she ingnored me I knew exactly what is was I told her to wash her hand throw out the paper and she did and then went back in the garbage to dry her hands with the piss toilet paper. I made her wash her hands which she did again and then she asked me if I needed help in the kitchen which I screamed NOOOOO.
I hope I will manage to keep her home till the end, because the facilities for Alzheimer people are not very good in Italy for one reason or another. I know that when she will die it will be terrible for me and I will suffer a lot, but in the worst days I think it would be better for her to reach my father and her parents whom she loved a lot, and be herself again. I share the same feelings that you have so I think it's normal. I am resentful toward my brother (for his absence) but I tolerate that she prefers him to me, because when he comes he is kinder to her, he always says "yes", he does not force her to wash and so on. When he comes to see her, she is always happy afterwards, so, speaking selfishly, it is better for me, too!
Has anyone else felt like this. Sometimes I look at her and it breaks my heart to see a once vibrant woman who took great pleasure into dressing her self like A Signora and now I have to fight withher to take a shower or change her clothes what a rough time I have with that she refuses to wash her self I had to literally go and take a shower with her naked both of us (My husband was laughing his ass off) but she refuses to wash her hair she totally freaked out, Any suggestions anyone on how to get her to wash her hair its been two weeks she keeps telling me she washed it yesterday.
For everyone else my husband is a godsend but yesterday we thought she was sleeping and he went to take a shower and I heard him screaming for me since I was in the basement doing the laundry and he was asking me for a towel I opened the door and guess who was sitting on the bowl doing her thing MY MOTHER he was getting ready to get out and there she was and she told him hi and she finished doing her thing while he was waiting for me. I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants he didnt think it was funny then but now he laughs about it.
Well it is 9:20 P.M. and I am waiting for 9:30 to put her to sleep since I have to stay in bed with her until she falls asleep her zanax in setting in (I hate giving her medication but she totaly freaks out at night if we dont)
Have a good nite everyone and thanks again for letting me share
I work as a translator (from English to Italian) so I understand English better than I write it! Anyway my written English allows me to communicate, so it's Ok with me!
I have the same feelings toward my mother than you have toward yours. I feel sorry for her, I feel sorry for myself, I am so happy to see every now and then a glimpse of what she was before. The nastiest thing in this kind of illness is that with a part of the brain they know what is happening to them and they suffer a lot about it. My mother says all the time whe wants to go back home (she means her childhood home) and when she realizes she is no more independent and needs help to go to the bathroom, to eat, her look becomes very sad. I would like to beat the wall with my fists, but I know I would hurt myself and it would not be useful. If we bought a punching ball, to vent, do you thing it would help us? I saw my (deadbeat) brother today, I put him in a corner (not literally!) and I told him everything is happening here with my mother, in details, so he cannot deny the truth anymore. He was very troubled and I hope he thinks it over and comes more often, because when my mother sees him she is so happy... Hope God continues to give us the strength to go on! Big kiss
Bobbie is SAFE!
Do I dare tag her as our God Mother?
Thank You Girlfriend, for starting this post which brings all of us hapless (?) friends together!
Sir John, Dad, says HI Bobbie! We converse over many of the posts, laughing, crying & compassionate.
I am alive and almost finished with cleaning out that monstrosity of a building.
It's down to tomorrow. We couldn't work for a few days because the heat index was over 105.
I've been trying to keep up with the posts and you guys are the best. Wecome to the new mates and vent vent vent. It will save your life.
I'm adopted and was told that my bio dad was Italian. It would explain a lot for me because I feel comfortable with Italians and especially the type of food agrees with me and not all food does. you know how that is.
I leave for FL FOR SURE this Wednesday and will write to you guys from the boat Wed night.
Hey Stitch! thanks for checking in on me. SS,Pamela, where are you guys? Linda... yup, been sweating like a farm worker and am sore and bruised ... and yes, the pool has worked!!
Tennessee, I love you and you have gone through the trials of Hercules. Screw those people that are being mean. A family member with a lawyer attacking is a sickening thing indeed.
Deef! Flex! Getting closer to Charleston!!
you guys be safe and MIZ!! Whassup?
lovbob
This is a very good site for support and valuable information on tips and services for elder care for family members, and no one seems to mind it, if you grouse for half a page either...
I had the "syndrome of refusal" (of my mother's decline) until a few months ago, and I still have sometimes. I understand very well why people do not have the courage to accept. My mother's brother and sister, who are aged but very lucid, have this kind of refusal, that's why they never come to visit my mother. I can understand them. When I feel particularly bad, I take deep breaths.. I go for a walk... Anything that makes me feel better. The only way you can handle this situation is live day by day, minute by minute... Ti abbraccio forte
Rossella, an Italian mom-caretaker (who is in the same situation as you are...)
p.s. enjoy yourself this summer, as much as you can!
Yes, my dark hallway looks like an airport landing strip with the rope lights, but it really helps.
They had spent 3 years on my outdoor deck so they seem to last.
Easy to install woth duct tape or staple gun tacks.
Another trick I've done b/c he passes a stairway enroute to the hall:
I tooks a cabinet hinge & light wiegh piece of 2" x 2' wood. Square PVC works if you can find it.
It folds up against the wall & stays in place with velcro.
When Dad is up & walking I drop it over onto the stair rail, again, light weight enough to secure with velcro but I may eventually use heavier hinges & brackets so he can grasp it..
At this tim he doesn't need to lean on it since he uses his cane, but it idicates where the stairway is.
Split Level house.
Inexpensive safety things can help.
I had planned to put stair rails along the hallway to encourage him walking, but his Highness nixed that idea. Thinks he is more stable than I do. Says the cane is enough ... for now ... plus he enjoys the *threat of smacking me with it!
*He's a senior Wit Stitch, Bobbie! (I sure like that tag!)
Don't be nervous about doing these things in you home.
I was married to a builder / carpenter. He kind of liked the idea of being a strong, Manly guy & some of his trade secrets were intimidating,
However, I discovered that I could do most of these indoor things myself. with a few "girl tools" from Home Depot
Like laying over 1000 sq ft of laminate flooring. He was long gone by then.
Next pratical idea for Pet Owners.
Rather than fresah toilet water I looked at the water fountains for animals. $35 frickin bucks for an ugly plastic thing.
I purchased several Serenity fountains at garage sales, in clearence aisles & thrift shops.
One is a 3' ceramic tower with an elegant fairy holding scallop shells, the water flows down into 3 shells, then & into a giant scallop shape pool. Has 2 tulip lights for ambience when the timer flicks on at night.
All is low voltage. I have a triple level fake stone one on the deck that the birds bathe in.
All are real bargains! Especially for the animals! A pain to clean but denture tablets start the process.
Good Saturday everyone!
love,
miz
love,
miz
going to my old hometown today , my gfriend lives there and there is a party going on for the old hometown gangs . gonna be fun and it ll be good to see alot of long lost friends .
deefer,, my toe is slowly healing , doesnt hurt too much but it feels like it needs to be pulled back in place , wanna pull it ?? lol i can see a ball joint there ewew . ah well one day it will go back in place when i hit it again lol .
ive seen pamela s post just yesterday i think , guess shes doing ok , hope so ..
dad s ok , had to give him xannax last night , he kept stracthin his head and cant stop , sundowners . whiney cryin wa wa so gave him xannie , he is still sleeping , wonder what time he finaly went to sleep ?
granddaughter stayed the nite with me lastnight , shes a blessing to be around . 4 yrs old .
hope bobbie s ok ! hope she jumps in that pool after sweatin all day , its horrible out there ! hot hot and muggy !
you all have a good weekend . xoox
Yes, you have to laugh. Sometimes I feel bad for laughing, but if not I'd sit and cry all day.
My dad has vision loss & I've found stringing rope lighting on the hallway floor & into his bedroom helps to guide him. Doesn't budge if his cane lands on it.
Inexpensive at Target & like stores.
THere are times when my daughter and I laugh about some of the things that Mother does or says because if we didn't we would sit down and cry. I can't wait to tell her about your Mother & the toothbrush-she will flip out, she is funny about anybody even touching her toothbrush.
I hope you haven't worked yourself to utter exhaustion. Check in when you have time.
Diane
Yes, private care is a fortune. I have someone stay with mom during the day while I am at work. It cost $16 per hour x 10 hours a day x 5 days a week. Luckily mom had the forsight to buy some long term care insurance in the late 90's and it has been a life saver. It doesn't pay it all, but it covers $100 per day.
Mom has her good days and bads days, but sometimes she plays helpless when she doesn't feel I have paid enough attention to her. It;s the juvenile thinking that seems to come back to play in their old age.
Miz, at least you have a reason for your mom's recent behavior. If she doesn't improve in the next day or two, ask the doctor to change her antibiotic. Some of these UTI's are hard to fight.
Have a good weekend all and I hope you all find a little time to care for yourselves.
Love to my fellow "sailors",
Diane
Yeah they are a trial to you. Funny thing last week on one of the PBS channels there was a show that was talking the biggest percentage of cargegivers is an average woman 53 years old who works and has to provide caregiving service. I made my b/f who is figidity on the subject watch it....and said see they are talking about me. I could not find the name of the show...but found this snippet on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS7CxojZIBM
Yes the decline...wow...I noticed she is not doing stuff since this weird fall. The friday before the fall she could still call me on the phone...but now she acts like she can't handle a phone at all, not even picking up the receiver. So I don't know if it would be a waste of time to get the med alert or not. She said when she was pinned under the mattress that she was yelling for the neighbor...but she was calling for Lisa and the girl is Lyndsey...plus my mom's bedroom window is right next to their garage, so yelling the old fashioned way is not going to cut it. I tried to tell her a nursing home she would not have to worry at all, someone would always be there. (I was thinking of her room sharing with someone that is a bit more cohesive). Well when I say all this I get dead looks or no reaction. So it's frustrating because you want to respect them as if they still have wits about them but on the other hand that is slowly going. I think her deal is she wants to die at home,,,and yet in the same bed my dad died in. Needless to say every bed in that house will be disposed off after this ordeal is over. My old bed I checked out has a trace of mildewing on the mattress so that is out of the question for anyone to use, and I don't want either of their two twin beds either.
I will have to watch and see in the next coming days and weeks how she progresses or digresses, if she digresses to where someone has to do something for her all the time, like eating or bathrooming, then I think it's time to take a trip up the street to the nursing home, cause it will be cheaper to have a Nursing home paid for instead of a live in caregiver. Cause that agency quoted me 250.00 a day...that would be 7,500 a month....crazy..compared to a nice nursing home that is right next to the hospital and across the street from her doc for 3,000 to 4,000. Well she may get her wish if she dies before I can get her to a nursing home, but she seems overall healthy ... no cancer, no heart trouble, no nothing except small stuff.
Linda, I agree with you on the med alert devises. Unless they are of sound mind, these things are more of a toy to them.As for the car, by morning, it'll just be something else popping into his head! How's the toes?
Pirate, I got a bed rail for my mom too. I had trouble like you, so I e-mail the company and told them my problem. I was doing something wrong, and a simple answer back from them had me putting it together the right way in no time. By the way, Mom badmouths me all the time. I got used to it. Even though I tell myself she can't help the way she is, I still get stressed to the max and end up yelling at her. I no longer feel the guilt that I used to, because have been the only one caring for her 24/7 for the last 2 years. It's worse than being married!! Hah! I now have a CNA 35 hours a week, and three 6 hour days at daycare. the stress is less, but it still hangs over my head 24/7. It sounds like your mom is getting deeper into dementia. Mine is not capable of walking alone anymore. Nor can she use the phone or go to the bathroom on her own. I don't get much of any help from my 6 siblings, and that adds to the resentment for my situation. My oldest sister is here right now from Virginia for 3 weeks. She lives the furthest away and actually does more for me in the 3 weeks she is here, than the rest of them do all year. Hang in there!
Made MANY golumpki (stuffed cabbage) today. Won't have to cook for a week! YES!!!! Take care everyone.
dad seems to be ok now after he got treated . am keeping my nose open to catch that smell again .
he was upset at me last night cuz i wouldnt take him to fla to go pick up his 1955 chevolete car , i tol dhim i amnot driving all the way down there to get that car for ya . made him so mad , oh well he got ver it after i put him to bed . whew !!
i hear pa yellin i best go ck on him ,
keep cool !! xoxo