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I just want to cry. My mother will NEVER put on fresh clothes each day by her own choice. She "airs" them out every night - underwear included. So...every night I hold my breath and sneak in and put everything in the laundry bag so she has to take some fresh ones from her absolutely full closet/drawers. I had a week's worth of her laundry to do tomorrow. Not any more. She put them all away. Dirt, stink and all. I want to vomit.
I am ok, just tired and busted up from all of the moviing and physical labor.
Welcome to our new caregivers and vent your brains out because it can/will save your life.
Everybody hang in there, I am 'on final' to clear the building and show up for my new job this coming Wednesday!!! We are meaking good progress but it is physically very demanding and I am very sore.
I love you all, SS, Miz, Linda, where's Pirate?? Deef! mary in Seatlle and where's my Charleston buddy? We'll probably see you first! Maxine how's the garden going?
Tennessee and daughter, c'mon crew call check in because I know that I'm reading every night but am so pooped I can hardly crack a joke.
I was wondering how I missed this thread but I see it was started before I found this site.
The eating thing is difficult to watch. Mom will eat anything. A few months back we were visiting my SIL. Mom was in her kitchen and my SIL mentioned that she hadn't gone shopping and there wasn't much food. When we got into the car I leaned over to clip Mom in and saw all this crumbs on her face. I asked her what she'd eaten and she looked me straight in the eye and said...dog biscuits. DOG BISCUITS?! yes. I was not sure if I was more horrified that she'd eaten them or that she KNEW she'd eaten them and didn't care that she shouldn't have.
my land what happen to all of us ? did we just drop off the face of this earth ? i kept ckin to see if anybody said anything , nope . anyway my weekends boring one . soon my son and his lit family be comin over so that;ll make me happy . got supper going too , i hope they havent ate yet . . happy weekend you all xoxoox
I love my mother but am absolutely fed up!! I am caring for her and she will barely bathe and will urinate in her chair. She is skin and bones from avoiding food and just consuming alcohol, which I refuse to supply. Also, she is mean and feisty!! It is hard to cope and only have a few more weeks until returning to work. The doctors are little help too. They just say lucky she has you:) I am glad to be able to share and unload a little.
When he can no longer swallow, he'll slow, and won't feel the pain. It would be hardest on you. You have his word on this. Sad. Sweetheart, death is a natural part of existence. You know that. We can't hold them indefinitely. Only God knows what breath will be the last. He will be there to comfort you. Your dad knows what he wants, and sounds like he understands the implications. Just love the fire out of him the rest of his days (I know you do). You are his blessing, and his angel. God bless you for caring for your daddy.
One day, the boat will be a nice refuge. We alI know you won't leave your daddy right now. But a nice cup of coffee sounds wonderful. I'm having one with you as we read and write together. Can't wait to get on that boat some day. But I know that means my dad won't be coming with me. UGH! So the boat is bittersweet.
I had a "day off" yesterday. A new caregiver to help out is here. I did the finances and figures out how much money my mom will have, for how long to cover the cost of taking care of her. I feel good one day and the next, well depressed, blah whatever creeps back in! So, it is a crap shoot,,,,how long will the money last, well I do know that if we stick to a budget (she still has been able to go into the bank right next to where she lives and take out money, $1000.00 in the last two weeks, it is in her purse) how long will my mom last? Will the money hold out? This is depressing. I am trying to get away for a few days, regroup in my head and looking forward to it. I do have guilt for leaving, I have it all worked out to be in constant contact (is that a break?) We are so feeling the same feelings and I am glad I can vent, discuss here in this forum. I am so grateful for this as I have yet to find a "support group" Hi my name is Laurie and I have a demented mother....hi laurie............ Hang in there fellow depressed beings. We are doing this and take some time for yourselves, I know this is importatnt!
good morning sailors . hope everyone s doing good . im feeling down in the dumps thinkin maybe depressions is my pblm . i wake up in the morning and thinkin blah another long day . dont wanna do this dont wanna do that but creep my lazy hindend to go do it . i miss my hubbly hyperactive hindend . i need bobbies coffee . deefer , we sound alike . maybe its the weather ? maybe its same old sh## everyday . maybe its time we hop in the car and just keep on driving till we find bobbie s boat . i realy believe that once we get on bobbie s boat we sure will feel brand new person , of course that coffee ! lol ok what to do today ? take care of pa , he s still in bed , think i am ready to go wak ehim up and hear him waaa waaaaaa wa aaa . i tried to get him to walk but nah its waaaaa. if he wants to answer me he will say yes or no . i talked to him yesterday about the feeding tube . pa when ur muscles in back of ur throat quits working , do u want a feeding tube ? he said no no feeding tube . mmm thats another thing to be depress about . knowing im gonna be facin the horrible way to die . :-( l=hear him gurggling and gaspin . ohh lord nooooooooo. why do we good caregivers put everything on hold to care for our parents and yet having to face the worst ending ? xoxo
I am laughing at this mishap! I am frustrated at things my mom does and in my world it is just terrible. There are others out there going through the same stuff and it makes me feel like I am not alone with the issues. We do need to vent, get it out and let it go. Take the toothbrush, buy a new one(hide it) and hug our parent or loved one even if they do not like us much. Wow that all sounds so good written down. I will try my own advice and keep smiling at the adventures of Mom!
I'm with you on the eating habits! My siblings said I should at least sit at the table with Mom when she eats. I told them they could take turns if they were so worried about her eating alone. The things she does, make me gag! She constantly plays with the food on her plate, and uses both hands to feed herself. She needs a bath when she is done. Then there is the spitting out of food that is half chewed, or the stuff she will hold in her mouth forever! She is in a wheelchair most of the time, and will constantly push herself back, away from the food. We must push her back to the table at least a dozen times at each meal. It's very frustrating when you are dealing with it day after day! Linda, sorry about your dad. Mom has Parkinson's and will eventually not be able to swallow her food. Right now, she only has problems when having an anxiety attack. Jsomebody, Mom complains about everything I feed her. Too hot, too cold, not enough salt, or "not that crap again!" Got to love it!!! We all know they can't help the way they are, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Must be the heat, because I'm feeling depressed today. I don't usually let things get to me, but I'm feeling it today. Guess I'll get to the housework, and endless paperwork that I have let go. Maybe getting something accomplished before Mom gets home from daycare will make me feel better. Take care everyone!
lhardbeck, yes I have discovered great interest myself in dishes while he is eating...wiping the counter down...putting away dish towels, I am there but not there you know...I think the throat muscles not working may be part of what we have going on here. He will cough and try to hold it in to the point of turning purple, never thinks to wash it down with water and then tries to blame the food, it is always.."something green in that salad, gravy, sauce" what ever it is, and it is things he could eat say a month ago so it is getting worse.
welcome jsomebody . you came to the right place . yes i do the same i try to sit with dad durin the meal time but then i got parniod that he will do something to my plate , i end up walkin away with my plate , poor guy sits alone and eat . sometimes i wait till after he s done eating , i be oding dishes or cleanin up stuff around him so i can watch him and make sure he doesnt choke . yesterday his throa t dr said that his muscles in the back of throat isnt workin right anymore . so i guess it is a blessing to watch him eat now than never again . i m not sure about the feeding tube . i am going to have a talk with dad after he s done eating . i need to know what he wants ....:-(
Grandfather Carer here, on grossed out venting: I have had to leave the table after coughing fits sent his dentures and bits of food flying at me, the food and spit landing on my plate and arms and face. The picking up of food spillage and re eating it has me almost gagging. He tries to give my dog chocolate cake if not watched, or when he thinks we are not watching. I will not eat anything he has touched and spray Lysol like it is going out of style on every surface he has contact with. We have been at the "doesn't wash, doesn't flush" stage for a while now and have had a few curious incidents of "stomach flu" in the past four years. No one expected this to go on this long...
lhardebeck, a feeding tube is an awful way to go! FIL had one, but we stopped it. He chokes on each bite, but it's better than liquid "nutrition" pouring into his belly. Ugh!
good morning ladies . tenn no matter where you go its always something going on. on the other side of the fence . am sorry to hear theyre building a sawmill . maybe u get free wood to burn wood all winter long . i wont go to court cuz its all about money and it just drags on and on for more money . then u lose ! , might just swell go to casino and put ur money in that machine . is ur daughter wanting to leave her friends behind if she had to go to a new school ? now days i be scared to even think about transfering to another school .
took dad to throat dr yesterday . :-( . dr said his muscles in back of his throat is not working right and its normal for people at his age . says thats when they get the feeding tube put in .when dad no longer can swallow. dr sat there and blah blah about it in front of dad . after that we went to china buffett and i wish i never took him there . he acts like he couldnt swallow , what he put in his mouth came back out slimey . awful mess . then try to put him in th evan to get him back home , oh my gosh it took me and my daughter s strength to get him inside the van . he whine and whine all day long . didnt wanna talk just whine . i had to leave the house , it got to me real bad . i tried to lay down for a nap it didnt work . daughter told me to go somewhere . so i did . went to my gfriend s house and had a cookout and a bonire . it was nice then on the way home i stop at my old job and see some coworkers , all of em was begging me to come back , i told them i could never come back , that place wears my body out . then i got to thinking , never say never . they needed people real bad , cant keep epople . oh well no wonder they cant keep people . anyway it was nice getting away . too bad time just flew ! got to thinkin last night i need to sit down and have a herat talk to pa . does he wants the feeding tube ? or he realy has no choice ? its makin me sick . s.s when time comes we could meet half way and go find bobbie !!! i live past indy indiana . ridng in bobbie s boat will make my dreams come true ! i never been to michgian but that gps will take us to bobbie !! :-) xoxoox
Tennessee-your reward will be when you meet the real Judge-he wii say come on in and you will be in his presence forever-I am so sorry for what you are going through, There are good schools-my grand-daughter went to an excellent one when she went to live with her Dad and got in with a great group of kids.
Are there any good affordable school systems.More or likely,they would be where the cost of living is the highest.Wondering if we should move since there is going to be so much change around here.Where are best schools.
i'M going to be shell shocked about this for a while.The 400 arces is right across the road from me and they have already got a new saw mill going.Are there any happy legal stories
Well said, Miz! Ditto from Rip. I hope we can all be here to support you. I don't imagine posts on this site, the agony & cries for help, might be admitted in court?
tennessee, I'm so very sorry. That makes me mad as hell. When are caregivers going to be given the credit and respect we deserve? Your daughter knows that you did the right thing no matter what and that sometimes life isn't fair. The truth is always best, no matter what. I'm so sorry for what you went through and are going through.
I'm very,very sad. I had to give up today in court for no reason other than not havin the money to tell the truth.Just as O.J. AND Mary Winkler got by with murder,my brothers were not even questioned.The lack of respect the court system has for the word caregiver is mind bogglin.It did not matter at all that my brothers were not around,it did not matter how many times,I came to the rescue,it did not matter that he did not come to the funeral.Well, so much for the truth and trying to do the right thing,I was hoping I could explain to my daughter that stickin to the truth rewards you,but she has gotten to see the ones with the bestest lie comes out on top.
Well I found the energy to clean the bathroom and shower/tub today. It may not sound like much but it's a p.i.t.a. I think I'd rather have a root canal. ;)
Austin,. thanks so much for the suggestions about staying with Mom at the hospital. dtflex, if it happens again I am definitely going to stay with her. I think they would haven given me a bed in her room. The only problem is I take a medication at night and if I don't get at least 8 hours of good sleep I am worthless the next day. Last time, they had her near the nurses station but we still had to wait quite a bit when we would call them. That's so frustrating. They had an alarm set on her bed so they would know if she got up. I think at least once it was turned off. :( Ah well, I'll cross that bridge if and when I get to it.
You are all such angels. What would I ever do without all of you? I'd hate to think of it. I don't know where we would all get such support. Thank you so very much.
Bobbie321, you're a hoot, and a great lady! I just love your encouragement for everyone (Miz), and your sense of humor. I also love your work ethics, zest for life, and sense of adventure and fun. What a blessing you are! I love hearing about your boat plans.
In fact, each in your own way, all of you ladies are a blessing!
Miz, you hang in there. Somewhere down the road, with a bit different perspective, you'll look back, and see what a blessing you've been to your mom, and to your husband. Let me tell you right now, you have been a great friend, and wonderful blessing in my life. Love you! So glad you're here. Thanks for your compassion and love!
lhardebeck, if you're only 4 hours from Michigan, we're probably the closest in proximity. Meeting half way is only 2. Just a thought...
OK, you're right (who said it?): Where is PirateGal? And I wonder how Pamela is doing with her mom? ~ Has anyone heard?
Welcome to the newbies! I'll check back as able. Lots to do today.
good morning . woke up hearin pa yellin screamin . he s hungry ! today he will be going to throat dr and prob go pig out somewhere for lunch . hope he doesnt get too loud while we go pig out . sometimes when he said i wanna go pig out i thought yeah u would sound like a pig eating like its never ate before . am kinda scared to take him out to pig out , lol man i wish i live along the ocean and hollar for ya to come swing by an pick me up . michigan is prob about 4 hrs drive for me . cant go anywhere yet , i have feelin pa s gonna live to be over 100 yrs old . he s a hellva fighter ,
remmy ladies we re so damn good and do our best for our parents , an everyday job is a blessing . xoox
Hey Bobbie, you might want to check out Mathews, Va. We have a beautiful town here. We're right off the Chesapeake Bay. Quaint little town, don't even have a stop light yet. If you come on a weekend there are lots of neat little shops and vendors selling fresh veggies and seafood and such.
I KNEW there was someone in Charleston! Cool. should be a little over a month from next week. I'll keep everyone posted on the progress of the Barbara B as we go through some refit and repair in N. Fla and then up the East Coast. I've heard that Charleston Harbor is absolutely beautiful.
Miz: guilt. the gift the keeps on giving. In your conscious mind you know that you have nothing to be guilty for. You have done more than most any one would. Most of us have done more than anyone would given these sickening circumstances we find ourselves in. Could it be that the guilt you feel is really helplessness? We also know in our conscious minds that we are helpless as we watch the disease progress and no matter what we do it will win. Period. Heartbreaking yes and a torment for us and a torment for our parents/spouses.
Miz, the depression and guilt you feel are a natural part of this type of caregiving, but that doesn't mean that these feelings are right. They are REAL, but they are not TRUE.
I talk out loud to myself (probably not a big surprise to you guys) and when I feel the guilt because I didn't do this little thing or because I couldn't convince a stupid municipality to get with it so mom could see her new bookstore before she died, I just throw (literally) my hands up in the air and say out loud: I did my best. She lived 2 years longer than the experts prognosed. God knows the truth, end of story.
Miz, you are doing wonders with your mom. Flex knows how hard it is when the disease makes them say all kinds of bs and Miz has a sweet mama, but guilt is part of it and I'm no saint. I get hit with it and I do what I just said I do. Just say NO. and then have a strong cup of coffee and a Prozac!
Miz we're here for you and you just tell us if you're feeling guilty and we'll tell you to knock it off, you're doing great. You're a great daughter to your mom and at the end of it all, after the grief begins to subside and you understand that you mom is whole and happy again with God you will feel the burden begin to lift.
Now you just have to shove it off of you and tell guilt to go pee up a rope. the depression should be treated because it's 2010 and we don't have to suffer like that.
Go do something goofy, like vaseline some doorknobs in the house and sit back and watch the fun.
I love you Miz. And everybody. Please let me take this opportunity to thank you all again for saving my hide so many times.
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I am ok, just tired and busted up from all of the moviing and physical labor.
Welcome to our new caregivers and vent your brains out because it can/will save your life.
Everybody hang in there, I am 'on final' to clear the building and show up for my new job this coming Wednesday!!!
We are meaking good progress but it is physically very demanding and I am very sore.
I love you all, SS, Miz, Linda, where's Pirate?? Deef! mary in Seatlle and where's my Charleston buddy? We'll probably see you first! Maxine how's the garden going?
Tennessee and daughter, c'mon crew call check in because I know that I'm reading every night but am so pooped I can hardly crack a joke.
that and I've had chafing issues. Humid here.
lovbob
The eating thing is difficult to watch. Mom will eat anything. A few months back we were visiting my SIL. Mom was in her kitchen and my SIL mentioned that she hadn't gone shopping and there wasn't much food. When we got into the car I leaned over to clip Mom in and saw all this crumbs on her face. I asked her what she'd eaten and she looked me straight in the eye and said...dog biscuits. DOG BISCUITS?! yes. I was not sure if I was more horrified that she'd eaten them or that she KNEW she'd eaten them and didn't care that she shouldn't have.
anyway my weekends boring one . soon my son and his lit family be comin over so that;ll make me happy . got supper going too , i hope they havent ate yet . . happy weekend you all xoxoox
Welcome! My folks are severely demented too. Keep coming back. LOL Don't mean to make fun. God bless you, sis. So glad you're here. Do you like boats?
Anne
One day, the boat will be a nice refuge. We alI know you won't leave your daddy right now. But a nice cup of coffee sounds wonderful. I'm having one with you as we read and write together. Can't wait to get on that boat some day. But I know that means my dad won't be coming with me. UGH! So the boat is bittersweet.
Hang in there fellow depressed beings. We are doing this and take some time for yourselves, I know this is importatnt!
hope everyone s doing good . im feeling down in the dumps thinkin maybe depressions is my pblm . i wake up in the morning and thinkin blah another long day . dont wanna do this dont wanna do that but creep my lazy hindend to go do it . i miss my hubbly hyperactive hindend .
i need bobbies coffee .
deefer , we sound alike . maybe its the weather ? maybe its same old sh## everyday . maybe its time we hop in the car and just keep on driving till we find bobbie s boat . i realy believe that once we get on bobbie s boat we sure will feel brand new person , of course that coffee ! lol
ok what to do today ? take care of pa , he s still in bed , think i am ready to go wak ehim up and hear him waaa waaaaaa wa aaa .
i tried to get him to walk but nah its waaaaa. if he wants to answer me he will say yes or no .
i talked to him yesterday about the feeding tube . pa when ur muscles in back of ur throat quits working , do u want a feeding tube ? he said no no feeding tube .
mmm thats another thing to be depress about . knowing im gonna be facin the horrible way to die . :-( l=hear him gurggling and gaspin . ohh lord nooooooooo.
why do we good caregivers put everything on hold to care for our parents and yet having to face the worst ending ?
xoxo
Linda, sorry about your dad. Mom has Parkinson's and will eventually not be able to swallow her food. Right now, she only has problems when having an anxiety attack.
Jsomebody, Mom complains about everything I feed her. Too hot, too cold, not enough salt, or "not that crap again!" Got to love it!!! We all know they can't help the way they are, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Must be the heat, because I'm feeling depressed today. I don't usually let things get to me, but I'm feeling it today. Guess I'll get to the housework, and endless paperwork that I have let go. Maybe getting something accomplished before Mom gets home from daycare will make me feel better.
Take care everyone!
yes i do the same i try to sit with dad durin the meal time but then i got parniod that he will do something to my plate , i end up walkin away with my plate , poor guy sits alone and eat . sometimes i wait till after he s done eating , i be oding dishes or cleanin up stuff around him so i can watch him and make sure he doesnt choke .
yesterday his throa t dr said that his muscles in the back of throat isnt workin right anymore . so i guess it is a blessing to watch him eat now than never again . i m not sure about the feeding tube .
i am going to have a talk with dad after he s done eating . i need to know what he wants ....:-(
tennessee, sorry for your troubles!
tenn no matter where you go its always something going on. on the other side of the fence . am sorry to hear theyre building a sawmill . maybe u get free wood to burn wood all winter long . i wont go to court cuz its all about money and it just drags on and on for more money . then u lose ! , might just swell go to casino and put ur money in that machine . is ur daughter wanting to leave her friends behind if she had to go to a new school ? now days i be scared to even think about transfering to another school .
took dad to throat dr yesterday . :-( . dr said his muscles in back of his throat is not working right and its normal for people at his age . says thats when they get the feeding tube put in .when dad no longer can swallow. dr sat there and blah blah about it in front of dad .
after that we went to china buffett and i wish i never took him there . he acts like he couldnt swallow , what he put in his mouth came back out slimey . awful mess . then try to put him in th evan to get him back home , oh my gosh it took me and my daughter s strength to get him inside the van . he whine and whine all day long . didnt wanna talk just whine .
i had to leave the house , it got to me real bad . i tried to lay down for a nap it didnt work . daughter told me to go somewhere . so i did .
went to my gfriend s house and had a cookout and a bonire . it was nice then on the way home i stop at my old job and see some coworkers , all of em was begging me to come back , i told them i could never come back , that place wears my body out . then i got to thinking , never say never . they needed people real bad , cant keep epople . oh well no wonder they cant keep people .
anyway it was nice getting away . too bad time just flew !
got to thinkin last night i need to sit down and have a herat talk to pa . does he wants the feeding tube ? or he realy has no choice ? its makin me sick .
s.s when time comes we could meet half way and go find bobbie !!! i live past indy indiana . ridng in bobbie s boat will make my dreams come true ! i never been to michgian but that gps will take us to bobbie !! :-)
xoxoox
Ditto from Rip.
I hope we can all be here to support you.
I don't imagine posts on this site, the agony & cries for help, might be admitted in court?
Hearts go out to you!
love,
miz
You are all such angels. What would I ever do without all of you? I'd hate to think of it. I don't know where we would all get such support. Thank you so very much.
love,
miz
In fact, each in your own way, all of you ladies are a blessing!
Miz, you hang in there. Somewhere down the road, with a bit different perspective, you'll look back, and see what a blessing you've been to your mom, and to your husband. Let me tell you right now, you have been a great friend, and wonderful blessing in my life. Love you! So glad you're here. Thanks for your compassion and love!
lhardebeck, if you're only 4 hours from Michigan, we're probably the closest in proximity. Meeting half way is only 2. Just a thought...
OK, you're right (who said it?): Where is PirateGal? And I wonder how Pamela is doing with her mom? ~ Has anyone heard?
Welcome to the newbies! I'll check back as able. Lots to do today.
today he will be going to throat dr and prob go pig out somewhere for lunch . hope he doesnt get too loud while we go pig out . sometimes when he said i wanna go pig out i thought yeah u would sound like a pig eating like its never ate before . am kinda scared to take him out to pig out , lol
man i wish i live along the ocean and hollar for ya to come swing by an pick me up . michigan is prob about 4 hrs drive for me . cant go anywhere yet , i have feelin pa s gonna live to be over 100 yrs old . he s a hellva fighter ,
remmy ladies we re so damn good and do our best for our parents , an everyday job is a blessing . xoox
I KNEW there was someone in Charleston! Cool. should be a little over a month from next week. I'll keep everyone posted on the progress of the Barbara B as we go through some refit and repair in N. Fla and then up the East Coast. I've heard that Charleston Harbor is absolutely beautiful.
Miz: guilt. the gift the keeps on giving. In your conscious mind you know that you have nothing to be guilty for. You have done more than most any one would. Most of us have done more than anyone would given these sickening circumstances we find ourselves in.
Could it be that the guilt you feel is really helplessness? We also know in our conscious minds that we are helpless as we watch the disease progress and no matter what we do it will win. Period. Heartbreaking yes and a torment for us and a torment for our parents/spouses.
Miz, the depression and guilt you feel are a natural part of this type of caregiving, but that doesn't mean that these feelings are right. They are REAL, but they are not TRUE.
I talk out loud to myself (probably not a big surprise to you guys) and when I feel the guilt because I didn't do this little thing or because I couldn't convince a stupid municipality to get with it so mom could see her new bookstore before she died, I just throw (literally) my hands up in the air and say out loud: I did my best. She lived 2 years longer than the experts prognosed. God knows the truth, end of story.
Miz, you are doing wonders with your mom. Flex knows how hard it is when the disease makes them say all kinds of bs and Miz has a sweet mama, but guilt is part of it and I'm no saint. I get hit with it and I do what I just said I do. Just say NO.
and then have a strong cup of coffee and a Prozac!
Miz we're here for you and you just tell us if you're feeling guilty and we'll tell you to knock it off, you're doing great. You're a great daughter to your mom and at the end of it all, after the grief begins to subside and you understand that you mom is whole and happy again with God you will feel the burden begin to lift.
Now you just have to shove it off of you and tell guilt to go pee up a rope. the depression should be treated because it's 2010 and we don't have to suffer like that.
Go do something goofy, like vaseline some doorknobs in the house and sit back and watch the fun.
I love you Miz. And everybody. Please let me take this opportunity to thank you all again for saving my hide so many times.
lovbob