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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Nothing new to report here. Miz, I so understand the constant guilt no matter how much I do for mom. Sunday mom informed me I don't care for her. This was all in response to my suggesting she sit down and sort through a storage box instead of stooping over it and falling head first. No matter how I try to help it is met with hurtful comments and it's always your fault no matter the issue.
Whenever I've had mom in the hospital I move in with her. I don't leave her, even at night since she had no idea what she should or shouldn't be taking and asking why if something new is added. This last time she got a bad case of "sundowners syndrome" and scared the crap out of me. I had never experienced this and I was sure she had had a stroke or something.
I may not acknowledge each and every one of you when I post, but you guys have been my lifesaver soooooooo many times. I would have lost it long ago if it weren't for y'all. Thank you for your big hearts!
Bobbie321 I can meet you in Charleston. Just let me know when and I will be there!
Have a good night everyone. Rest well so we can face another adventure tomorrow.
Miz if you need to spend the night at the hospital ask for a sleeper chair or use a sofa in the waiting room or even better find where the ICU waiting room it it is usually in a quiet place -just let the staff know where you are -I spent many a night sleeping at the hospital as a staff member and as a family member and you can usually find a linen cart with blanklets.
That's why I stayed at the hospital the entire time except for to go home and sleep. Felt like I had to watch them and Mom to make sure everything was okay. I thought about spending the night too but I would have been a zombie.
deefer, Happy 100th to your FIL!! That's awesome!! And, yep, you gotta watch the care, even at hospitals. I think it was twice when Mom was there for her fall that they did not remove her nitro patch at night. I hear ya...they need to do their jobs!!!!
Bobbie321, Good to hear you are getting the work done! Can't wait to hear boat stories. SS, They gave Mom ativan in the hospital after a fall, last year. But, they neglected to give her the Parkinson's, anti anxiety, and depression meds. No wonder they couldn't calm her down. By the time I realized that she hadn't gotten her regular meds, she was a blithering idiot. It took the nursing home 4 days to straighten her out! Mom definitely needs drugs to keep her down. Daycare called and left me a message today. Found it when I got home from shopping. Mom had managed to tip her special non-tip walker , over backwards. Of course they had to do an incident report etc. They were not happy, but they also were not watching her. They don't do 1 on 1, but if someone other than clients had been in the room, they should have noticed her pushing herself back on it. I already got the doctor to put her on Seroquel to calm her down while at daycare. The director said she doesn't know what the plan can be for Mom to keep her safe while there. I say they need to do what they are paid for, and keep a better eye on her. Of course I didn't say that to them, because I don't want them to kick her out of the program. That would STINK!!! By the way, did you know my mom had a baby the other night? And the fan that was blowing in the hospital room made it nice and cool! She's been home the whole time, and of course, did not have a baby. She keeps saying she needs to go to the hospital to see her new baby!!!! Other than the last 2 paragraphs, things are as usual. Oh! Does anyone have any good ideas on have to unclog a kitchen sink without calling the plumber? Used baking soda and vinegar last night. It was the only thing in the house. I put 2 1/2 bottles of Draino in this afternoon, and need to check the last dose. Got to go. My FIL turned 100 years old today, and we are going to his house for cake tonight. So I need to get dinner going. Take care everyone!
You just got to keep a good sense of Humor, every day as a care giver and just love them. They may be your parents but they are now children, dependent on your direction, as dementia progresses. My Mom scooped up a whole sheet cake, as it was cooling, to be used for strawberry short cake for our mother's Day dinner. When I found it missing on the my wire rack, I started searching in the kitchen. I found my cake, crushed up in the silver ware drawer. I could only laugh, and we got another cake. She was only trying to help, and we had a great Mother's Day. Demitia, changes the thinking process, They know they must comb hair, but, use the wrong tool to comb hair with, like using a toothbrush, in your case. If the ask, Pass the Shuvel, they may mean pass a spoon, or a pitch fork, could mean, pass a fork...... If I were you I would move my toothbrush to another location, it may have been used more than a comb. Just adapt, get organized, like you would with children. And have a good sense of Humor, that's the main thing.
I'm new, have noticed removed posts too. What isn't supposed to entered here other than helpful tips. Lord knows we need all the helpful tips & support we can get! Not like we are spies - or sptieful.
I'v enjoyed taking breaks, reading your journeys & adding my own. I'm on the west coast & everyone seems east. Hi from the chilly pacific NW. It's 63 outside. We haven't had summer. Easier on Dad & pets not having the blazing heat.
Bobbi - what a mess. Literally. Have you seen the Hoarding shows on cable TV? Nice to have the condition brought out. It's amazing what people pack in their homes!
Years ago a neighbor in a split level decided to move. They hauled out 4 30' dumpsters of trash! The whole neighborhood could smell it! The new owners ended up replacing all the drywall & flooring they didn'e even have leaky pets! Very ablebodied family. I hope your experience goes better.
Dad needs a channel change & a catheter drain. Fun stuff. Hang in there everyone!
i saw a post said want a private line so i click on it uhh they removed it , said its no longer a post , must been somebody givin out email addy or ph number . mmm . dang it i missed it lol . miz ure a sweetheart too . xoxo
Why do I feel guilty all the time even though I am here with Mom and taking care of her. Like I'm not doing enough I guess. This damned depression is awful. Anxiety too. Do any of you wrestle with guilt a lot??
yea i started reading from the start and i kept reading and reading i thought where in the world am i ?? i thought i joined in shortly afterwards . but geeze its like few weeks later there i am . and someone made remarks about how rude we were , its gone too unless i miss it somewhere . hope they dont wipe this thread away snifff .
maxine . i hear you , about someone not helping out when they see me pushin pa around in wheelchair , some would hold the door open some would just let it close behind em . thats when i said #@!$%$#@ . ah there i feel better , they;ll get thier worst crap when they climb in our shoes one day . i took my bath and am perked up a lit bit . soon my husband will be home . mmm supper , how about meatloaf ? i still want some of bobbie s coffee tho . xoxoxo
Ihard -you take care of yourself if you get sick your Dad would be so upset not just for him but for you you are so patient and kind you are the kind of lady we all need for our elders of all the aides we had there were very few that were caring maybe it is just where I live I wish I had a penney everytime someone closed the door in my face even when I was pushing a w/c with my very large husband in it. Can someone else take over for a while so you can rest.
Bobbi, you vent all you want!! That's what we're here for. Lord knows I do it a lot. You are in a very tough position. I'm sorry you're going through this. And, don't short change yourself. If a third of that house is yours then they need to move out after your mother passes. Either that or buy you out. We're here for you. :)
mine says 2000. is that what youre talkin about ? i hope they dont remove it ! this is the longest one ever posted on this , :-) its all good . never could take a nap . my mind is running but my body aint , ugh i dont feel good . sinus prob gettin ready to attack me . been cold too , think i shall turn off the ac . and go lay back down , mmm
Did anyone else notice they removed the post numbers? Guess that's so they could also remove our posts without us "noticing." Kinda like the Feds, huh?
bobbi i was just kidding . yes i agree i would not not not let my brothers live with me hahaha . u live in a diffrent state and its no wonder ure worried about whats going on in the other state , lord !! you moved away for a reason and prob be the best to keep it that way too . try not to worry too much , worry about ur own home and ur lit famliy and keep it that way . if something happens at ur moms home then ur brothers gonna have to speak about that . u have nothing to do with it ,. ya can only do one day at a time . one thing at a time too . its hard not to worry i know , i worried when pa was living in fla all i could do was pray for him and for his safety . coffee time , my 4 th one and still aint got nothing done around here ....
Thanks everyone. I feel much better now. No Austin, I live in VA, mom lives in MD. Trying to remind myself to take a deep breath and let it go. Charge bros rent? Yea, that's gonna work. They're not even going to be able to afford the property taxes. Both bros tend to think that if they don't think about making plans for the future they won't have to acknowledge what the future has in store...change and work. Middle bro hasn't worked since 2003 and is now really not hirable (another long story). They don't recognize that with house sold, each would have a nice chunk of change to live off of...just not in that house. I'm the only one that actually moved away and had own family. Sad, very sad. Don't even say it...bros are NOT I REPEAT NOT LIVING WITH ME..OVER MY DEAD COLD BODY!
Go ahead and pitch a fit sometimes it is called for after she passes charge them rent if they do not move and I would not do the cleaning up all can do it a or hire a service then they will get less money in the long run Bobbie my heart goes out to you may God give you an extra amount of strength-at least you have many friends here wish I could help you you do not live in NY state do you,
Forgot to add that last summer before she was discharged from rehab I went up there for three days and pitched and cleaned. I'm still hearing about the bowling ball of hers that I tossed along with a bunch of other stuff...was trying to make room so she could get around with her walker. Was afraid rehab wouldn't let her go home due to the condition of the house. We were told that social worker was going to check environment...that one really backfired. Of course when she went looking/asking about a particular item instead of bros saying that it must be backed in the living room somewhere (that is now used for storage) they said that I must have thrown it away..such nice brothers..not
Well she doesn't see part of the problem because it is occuring upstiars where she does not go. Downstairs where she is is not a whole lot different (still bad though) than when she was up and around. Being out of state is difficult. Been thinking about writing the family a letter discussing my concerns. Feedback anyone?
Yeah for the coffee! I'm in. (I need to do some cleaning, lol.)
Bobbie, you mean your adult brothers are neglecting your mom? Ummmm, let's see...not only are they not responsible, their behavior is inexcusable. She can't be mentally sharp if she doesn't see how bad the situation is.
yes bobbi this is a place to vent . bless your heart . i dont know what i would have done if i was in ur shoes . just do the best you can and maybe ur brother needs some education from you , like say this is how u do it . scrub with bleach plz . take trash out everyday blah blah . it prob go in one ear out to another ugh . men men men ! as for the house . if ur brothers wants to stay in it they';ll have to give u the 3rd of it . even tho u said they cant afford it then they may just move in with you . :-) kidding !!! sell it and split it in 3 ways and maybe ur bro can afford to stay somewhere ? maybe they need to find a sugar momma . just sit back my friend and let the courses take its place . we could go to bobbies , she makes one killer coffee . heck we prob could go to ur moms and zoom clean after we have couple coffee s . :-)
I know. Situation is a little more complicated than that. She is partial to brothers. They can do no wrong. I don't believe they're trying to be malicious, just don't get it. She doesn't want my help. Her mind is sharp as a tack. She wants no changes. If I was to call ss and report the situation would only be worse. She'd end up in nursing home and that would certainly kill her. I keep having to remind myself (taking own advice) that people have choices....things are only going to get worse when she does pass as house is going to all three of us. Brothers are going to want to stay (although they can't afford it), I'm going to want to sell and split proceeds. Hate to say it but it would be better if I was taken out of will altogether and not have to worry about helping to clean up the mess....Hate to be like that. This is the venting place right???
Bobbie, sounds like she needs you. Neglect will lead to greater problems for her. Like a frog in boiling water, they just seem comfortable. That is sad.
Ok., my turn to vent. Just came back from visiting mom in MD. Having a hard time adjusting to the decline I saw. Brothers that live with her are worthless pieces of dirt when it comes to making sure house is kept up for her. Her bathroom downstairs smelled so bad it would take your breath (one would think someone would notice that and do something). Both brothers are hoarders worse than mom ever was. Couldn't find a bathroom clean enough to shower in while there (and I'm not that much of a clean freak). She seems happy though with the way things are. Guess I need to keep my mouth shut and vent where appropriate, like here. I want so bad to pitch a fit. Can't figure out how two grown men can either be that lazy or blind. How mom is cleaning up I have no clue. Disgusing. If I ever have to live like that I want someone to just shoot me!
Bobbie, I pray your journey is a wonderful blessing! Wish I could connect with you at some point. Looking forward to next summer, but one never knows...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Nothing new to report here. Miz, I so understand the constant guilt no matter how much I do for mom. Sunday mom informed me I don't care for her. This was all in response to my suggesting she sit down and sort through a storage box instead of stooping over it and falling head first. No matter how I try to help it is met with hurtful comments and it's always your fault no matter the issue.
Whenever I've had mom in the hospital I move in with her. I don't leave her, even at night since she had no idea what she should or shouldn't be taking and asking why if something new is added. This last time she got a bad case of "sundowners syndrome" and scared the crap out of me. I had never experienced this and I was sure she had had a stroke or something.
I may not acknowledge each and every one of you when I post, but you guys have been my lifesaver soooooooo many times. I would have lost it long ago if it weren't for y'all. Thank you for your big hearts!
Bobbie321 I can meet you in Charleston. Just let me know when and I will be there!
Have a good night everyone. Rest well so we can face another adventure tomorrow.
Diane
SS, They gave Mom ativan in the hospital after a fall, last year. But, they neglected to give her the Parkinson's, anti anxiety, and depression meds. No wonder they couldn't calm her down. By the time I realized that she hadn't gotten her regular meds, she was a blithering idiot. It took the nursing home 4 days to straighten her out! Mom definitely needs drugs to keep her down.
Daycare called and left me a message today. Found it when I got home from shopping. Mom had managed to tip her special non-tip walker , over backwards. Of course they had to do an incident report etc. They were not happy, but they also were not watching her. They don't do 1 on 1, but if someone other than clients had been in the room, they should have noticed her pushing herself back on it. I already got the doctor to put her on Seroquel to calm her down while at daycare. The director said she doesn't know what the plan can be for Mom to keep her safe while there. I say they need to do what they are paid for, and keep a better eye on her. Of course I didn't say that to them, because I don't want them to kick her out of the program. That would STINK!!!
By the way, did you know my mom had a baby the other night? And the fan that was blowing in the hospital room made it nice and cool! She's been home the whole time, and of course, did not have a baby. She keeps saying she needs to go to the hospital to see her new baby!!!! Other than the last 2 paragraphs, things are as usual.
Oh! Does anyone have any good ideas on have to unclog a kitchen sink without calling the plumber? Used baking soda and vinegar last night. It was the only thing in the house. I put 2 1/2 bottles of Draino in this afternoon, and need to check the last dose.
Got to go. My FIL turned 100 years old today, and we are going to his house for cake tonight. So I need to get dinner going.
Take care everyone!
My Mom scooped up a whole sheet cake, as it was cooling, to be used for strawberry short cake for our mother's Day dinner.
When I found it missing on the my wire rack, I started searching in the kitchen. I found my cake, crushed up in the silver ware drawer.
I could only laugh, and we got another cake. She was only trying to help, and we had a great Mother's Day.
Demitia, changes the thinking process, They know they must comb hair, but, use the wrong tool to comb hair with, like using a toothbrush, in your case. If the ask, Pass the Shuvel, they may mean pass a spoon, or a pitch fork, could mean, pass a fork......
If I were you I would move my toothbrush to another location, it may have been used more than a comb. Just adapt, get organized, like you would with children.
And have a good sense of Humor, that's the main thing.
I'm new, have noticed removed posts too. What isn't supposed to entered here other than helpful tips. Lord knows we need all the helpful tips & support we can get!
Not like we are spies - or sptieful.
I'v enjoyed taking breaks, reading your journeys & adding my own. I'm on the west coast & everyone seems east. Hi from the chilly pacific NW. It's 63 outside. We haven't had summer. Easier on Dad & pets not having the blazing heat.
Bobbi - what a mess. Literally. Have you seen the Hoarding shows on cable TV? Nice to have the condition brought out. It's amazing what people pack in their homes!
Years ago a neighbor in a split level decided to move. They hauled out 4 30' dumpsters of trash! The whole neighborhood could smell it! The new owners ended up replacing all the drywall & flooring they didn'e even have leaky pets! Very ablebodied family.
I hope your experience goes better.
Dad needs a channel change & a catheter drain. Fun stuff.
Hang in there everyone!
must been somebody givin out email addy or ph number . mmm . dang it i missed it lol .
miz ure a sweetheart too . xoxo
and someone made remarks about how rude we were , its gone too unless i miss it somewhere .
hope they dont wipe this thread away snifff .
maxine . i hear you , about someone not helping out when they see me pushin pa around in wheelchair , some would hold the door open some would just let it close behind em . thats when i said #@!$%$#@ . ah there i feel better , they;ll get thier worst crap when they climb in our shoes one day .
i took my bath and am perked up a lit bit . soon my husband will be home . mmm supper , how about meatloaf ? i still want some of bobbie s coffee tho . xoxoxo
love,
miz
love,
miz :)
i hope they dont remove it ! this is the longest one ever posted on this ,
:-) its all good .
never could take a nap . my mind is running but my body aint ,
ugh i dont feel good . sinus prob gettin ready to attack me . been cold too , think i shall turn off the ac . and go lay back down , mmm
u live in a diffrent state and its no wonder ure worried about whats going on in the other state , lord !! you moved away for a reason and prob be the best to keep it that way too . try not to worry too much , worry about ur own home and ur lit famliy and keep it that way .
if something happens at ur moms home then ur brothers gonna have to speak about that . u have nothing to do with it ,.
ya can only do one day at a time . one thing at a time too . its hard not to worry i know , i worried when pa was living in fla all i could do was pray for him and for his safety .
coffee time , my 4 th one and still aint got nothing done around here ....
Bobbie, you mean your adult brothers are neglecting your mom? Ummmm, let's see...not only are they not responsible, their behavior is inexcusable. She can't be mentally sharp if she doesn't see how bad the situation is.
just do the best you can and maybe ur brother needs some education from you , like say this is how u do it . scrub with bleach plz . take trash out everyday blah blah . it prob go in one ear out to another ugh . men men men !
as for the house . if ur brothers wants to stay in it they';ll have to give u the 3rd of it . even tho u said they cant afford it then they may just move in with you . :-) kidding !!! sell it and split it in 3 ways and maybe ur bro can afford to stay somewhere ? maybe they need to find a sugar momma .
just sit back my friend and let the courses take its place . we could go to bobbies , she makes one killer coffee . heck we prob could go to ur moms and zoom clean after we have couple coffee s . :-)