Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

Had a visitation tonight. Funeral tomorrow morning. I wasn't gonna go to the funeral but I think my friend needs me. So...setting my alarm.

SS, it's okay to complain about what your dad is going through and how sad you are about it and grieving about it. I miss my dad so much but I know for him to be in a nursing home like that would have been terrible for him and for me. So, in a way it's worse for you. I never had to see my dad like that.

bobbie, like Linda said, I so wish I could help you with all that stuff. So much hell, heartache, anger and s#$% to go through. Just try to remember the boat. Things WILL get better. It just takes time. I don't remember how many days I cried for my dad. Cried and cried.

Linda, I'm glad you're home safe and sound. Be careful of those steroids if you get them. I think that may be what's messed up hubby. (I just scratched my arm.) The power of suggestion!! LOL

Don't have the new patio furniture yet. I'm looking forward to it though. Not sure how we'll pay for it but... Hubby says we should open a bar and call it "Cougar Lounge". Hahahahahaha!!!! REALLY, just kidding.

Gotta get to bed. For those of you I missed tonight, I love yas. So glad you're here. Major comfort. :)

love,
miz

195 austin . happy birthday to u in a few days , wink .
yes by all means if ur husband was so mean to u all these years i would taken my rings off . heck go buy u a new pretty rings that catches ur eyes for ur birthday ! that shall bring ya a smile and your hands will feel more prettier .
maybe the guys at the senior center will fall in love with your pretty hands and cant stop kissin it , yummie.
enjoy the yard , we have all winter to dust inside the house , very little time to pull weeds and all outside , maybe get a lit bit of tan . then lit bit ofcancer grrr . lit scared of the sun cuz pa had several cancer on his face .
sunscrean plz .
have a good evening folks xoxo

I guys Maxine here I have been so tired lately I had blood work for Lyms today but it is probably the fibro and has been so hot here -have to getside tomarrow and attack more weeds-I am ignoring the dust in the house would rather pull weeds-my new sunflowers are up I just love those plants they are such happy plants I will be 70 in a few days told one of my friends it about time I grew up and she said why do that. I just laughed at the MIL's poison notes I wonder why he saved them well I got even took off my engagement ring and wedding band maybe I will meet the man of my dreams at the senior center.

Thank you fellow Cgivers,
I know hub's heart is in the right place, but seems he's as big a sucker as I am. Hope it doesn't backfire on us but we keep trying. I was fully prepared to throw in the towel, but he cares too much about what folks think of us. I only care what GOD thinks of us.
I read today that honor your mother and father could mean to honor their decisions and allow them to reap the consequences. Hub and I have been suffering their consequences for them. CHRIST died for our sins. That means I shouldn't have to die for their's, right?

COUNT IT ALL JOY? LORD THAT IS A TALL ORDER!

Harde,
I've used the NH argument before, but nothing sinks into that thick vain skull of hers. Devil's got a big hook in her.

195A,
How crazy is the poison pen stuff???? I wish I were alone in that boat.

Actually I wish I was alone in all these boats. I could justify taking on the pain for godly folks. It's taking the pain for the wicked I have a problem with.

Thanks for the prayers & GOD abundantly bless you all.
Tomorrow is a new day!!!!

Pam -glad you talk to your Dad. At church sit on a memorial bench and talk to the ones from church who have passed on even to the husband but now am upset with him for the way he treated me at the end I was the only one he did not reconize give me a break-am only remembering it now almost 1 yr, later got so pissed I decided to stop wearing my rings-I do not care what others think either deefer I am glad you put that person in their place this site is for support not for critazing others hopefully that person will realize what they said and ask for forgiveness it is good that does not happen very often. Godhelus I found poisen pen notes my MIL wrote about me when cleaning while my husband was in rehab the sad thing is that he saved them he was as sick as his sainted Mother was -I guess he agreed with her sickness-I wish I could talk to him in person I would give him a peace of my mind for sure.

godhlepus . i sure hope ur mom lays off and be nicer . gotta get up in her face and yell real loud BE NICE MOMMY OR U RE GOING TO NURSING HOME , maybe she ll think about that and realizes she has it good at home ?
sure hope the lord mellows her out some .
bobbie , glad ure havin lunch with ur friend . hope it was a good enjoyable lunch with lots of laughters and smiles !
i took a nap and woke up itchin , my friends said theyre not itchin at all ! ugh guess i taste better than they do . boy i itch everywhere , chiggers seems to like me better , why ?? waaaaaaa
pa s lazy today layin in bed with his head prop up watching tv , he s spoiled rotten . he deserve it . heard him yellin i went to ck on him he said wheres alisha ?? ohh he didnt want me he wanted my granddaughter , mm i shall take off more often lol .
shs even fixing supper wow , busy suzie homemaker . wink .

Oh godhelps, this is so awful. I am so sorry that you are enduring this crap.

finding her written words in a plan to humiliate you? I can't even imagine. how hateful.

Prayers coming your way and I hope it works!!!

lovbob

Satan wants to steal, kill, and destroy. He places distraction, stumbling blocks, dissension, and division on our paths, waiting to take us down, and laugh when we fall. I'm dealing with this in our family, too. Except we stay far away from the crazy one, now.

Whatever game this is.....mom has once again taken the lead. Not content with wanting to take me out with her, my hub has now taken the bait also.
After words with mom this weekend my hub and I also had words. He said he was tired of having anger in the house because of mom. So OK; I had talked with an attorney earlier this month. He said all I had to do is take my name off of everything, return whatever we are storing for mom and make arrangements for someone to take over my duties. I can then tender my resignation as daughter and be done with it forever. So that is what I set out to do starting today. Well now hub has changed his mind and said we shouldn't do that and he would get involved and be the mediator between mom and I. He is now willing to "help" share my burden but he forgets the last 11 yrs. of baggage so the demon can put another notch in her belt.
The social worker was at mom's apt. when my hub went over there and wanted to know where mom's new 3way motor recliner chair was because she "needs it now". Hub explained to her that mom had to "special order the fabric" she wanted and that it would be 6-8 wks before delivery. Oh! So mom is obviously bad mouthing us to the s-worker and telling her that we didn't have it delivered because hub said she "shrunk" in her chair when he told the s-worker of the special order.
(I have an elaborate plan to humilliate me which she wrote years ago for her amusement. It was carried out with perfect timing and I was unaware until years later when I stumbled across it in her papers.)
So hub doesn't really understand that we are dealing with a demon. He says she won't be playing him the way she has played me all these years. lol. Got news for you dear.....she just did!!!!! He said: "We won't let her come between us". She already has!!!!!
We went through this with my dad 11 yrs ago. Hub said it would never happen again. Guess what? It's happening again!
The docs say there is no dementia. The mental problem is that her deception is a little more transparent. I asked our LORD for discernment. I din't know it would hurt so much when I got it..
Looks like I need an exorcist before my marriage ends.
No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Not even my mom!!!!!!! In JESUS name, AMEN.

God bless your lunch with your friend, Bobbie! Hope it refreshes both of your spirits. You deserve some happiness, so sending hugs your way!

Deefer, good to hear from you. Sounds like you're doing well.

Take care, everyone.

Hello Sailors and love you all

Yo Deef,

pool has very little water in it., just enough to keep it from 'popping' because we have a high water table here. (Basement....need I say more...)

Waiting for them to locate the light fixture that needs to be replaced and i can't fill it up, therefore filter doesn't work and pool is becoming pond.

Soon as they fix the light (and caulk the niche just in case) I can have the pool ';party ready' in 4 days. I never really used it, just cleaned it. Made mom happy to sit out by her sparkling pool.

A friend is taking me to lunch!!!! yay!!! human contact of the face to face kind!

Everybody hang in there. We'll get this done.

lovbob

Happy Monday Cgivers,
We made it through another day!!!!! GOD HELP US!!!!!!
We have made it this far & GOD will see us through this battle too.
Growing in Christ pains today for me. Looks like another Psalms day.
Love you all & praying for us.

deefer welcome back ! glad to hear ur sister s comin and stay with you for a while . my bro suppose come from fla but is only going to stay a few days . oh well at least he s comin to say hi and hang out .
yes i agree bobbie needs to hop in the pool and chill out for a whole day !
begin alone for too long just aint fun at all . maybe get the pool guy to vol work to help u clear out the basement ? mmmm ya get to supervise them hahaha .
wishing you all the very good pleasant day today .
stormin here . got the van cleaned out just in time too .
called the dr and made an appt for dad , weds at 9 am . hope i can get him up early . his pee smells real strong . not likin it one bit . pale lookin face and his chest cough just isnt going away either .
hopefully a antibodi will make him feel better .

guess i ll take a nap while dad s sleeping , good sleeping weather ,
take care you all . xox

WOW!!!! I haven't checked in for about a week. When I got done catching up, I decided I needed breakfast and another cup of coffee to digest all that I had read.
Evrything, Sounds to me like you owe a lot of wonderful people some kind of apology! Maybe another 20 years of living can give you more insight towards other people's opinions and feelings. I can't even begin to imagine why you decided to lash out at these good ladies, some of who are barely hanging on by a "thread"!!! This place is all about support, not making others feel badly. If you choose to ever chime in again, I hope it's with a HUGE apology and words of kindness, not meanness and bitterness on a subject you appear to know very little about.
Bobbie, Hang in there! Wish we could all be there to pitch in with the cleanup. Even though I'm never physically alone, I sure feel that way a lot. I guess it comes with the territory. Get that pool filled and grab your float and a beer! A power nap in the pool can do wonders!! Good luck with all the legal sh!@#!
Pirate, Getting Mom back on all her meds, definitely did the trick. It's amazing how bad they can get when they miss certain meds. Sorry work is such a bad place right now, but at least things are a bit easier at home.
Miz, How's the new furniture? Hope you had a good time with your BFF. As for PMS, I finally went through menopause when I was 56!!! But the stress of taking care of Mom caused my hormones to get wacky, and I had 3 periods at the beginning of this Year! What a pain in the a!!. Things seem to have straightened out, I hope.
Austin, I gave up worrying about the weeds and the dust in my house, a long time ago. Now that Mom's insurance is paying for daily help, it's time for me to get myself motivated. I already have the yard in pretty good shape and I managed to get some windows and curtains done in my apartment last week.I have much to do and lots to get rid of, then I have to start on Mom's apartment! It's going to be good to get it all done. My sister is coming to Mass from Virginia, for 3 weeks at the end of July. I think I will let her help me do Mom's stuff while she is here. Last year, we couldn't get anyone to cover so that we could get away, even to a mall, or out to lunch. Mom was just home from rehab, and hadn't started daycare yet. My sister ended up being my 24/7 helper, and had to go back home without any vacation time. This year, I have Merry to stay with Mom, so I'm hoping we can get away for a couple days.
SS, Sorry for all your problems. Although my siblings are not there for me, they don't interfere with what I do for Mom. That doesn't mean to say that 1 or 2 of them might stick it to me when Mom is gone! I know I have 4 siblings that appreciate every sacrifice I have made, but there are still those 2 that would try to cause trouble in the end.
Linda, Hope Dad is feeling a little better. So glad you got away for a while. Sounds like you had a great time.
Godhelpus, You are a good person and dealing with a lot. Mom was always nice and never had a bad word for anyone, but things change! They say that an elderly person's true personality comes out when they lose their inhibitions. I find that to be very true. When I gave Mom her lunch the other day, she said," I'm not eating that sh!@"!!! That's just one incident. She comes out with some doozies every day!
Hope I didn't miss anyone. Times a wasting and I need to get to Walmart to buy more incontinence products, and the ever needed Benefiber!!! Also have to move some funds around to pay the plumber $1700 for the 2 new water heaters they installed last week. There is never enough $ to go around! On a good note, husband hit for $200 on the penny slots at Mohegan Sun Casino while we were on vacation last week. For once our bad luck didn't follow us!
Take care everyone, and have a good week!

good morning bobbie!
getting ready to bring my cup coffee and ciggy outside and smoke away and cough my head off . smoked wat too much over the weekend .
got pa up and moved him arund fed him his bfast and took him to bathroom . he was lookin so tired , dark circle eyes , hes been up all night while i znooze on the couch .
i thought i would shave his hair off make him feel better , and it did , perk him up some . he wanted go lay in his bed and listen to pasty cline . so i tucked him in and told him good morning..
ok dark clouds are rollin in i better go get the van cleaned out . hope chiggers and no see bugs , spiders daddy long legs come attackin me eeek.

Bobbie, keep dreaming of the boat. You need rest, dear one! Rest and peace. I do understand the demands, though. Legal entities don't understand our need for rest. Turn to God for comfort and help. He is our help in time of need, and will never forsake you. Praying for you, dear Bobbie.

I have to go to Probate today. 2nd annual accounting and guardian report on dad. O, joy, scratch that, ~NOT! I hate the legal part.

Happy Summer, everyone. I pray you can find some joy, even in the midst of all your trials. Hugs!

Good Morning Sailors,

Welcome home Linda, chiggers and all. We have them here in NJ too. Those and 'no see 'ums' that get through some screens

Thanks for your words of comfort SS and yes, alz will take it all away. no getting around it.
Pamela good for you to sit in the sunshine and visit your dad.

Godhelps.... hope today and this week is better than what we've been experiencing.

Miz.. you get it my dear. ALONE. I wake up each morning starting out overwhelmed and now i'm moving into pissed off.

Linda, I have no children. No regrets either. Kids are great but I am retarded so probably wouldn't have made a good mom. Was too scared after what I went through.

All the rats are coming out of the woodwork to jump on me, I now have 2 attorneys and still have that HUGE building to empty out as well as house repair issues and I'm pooped.

The pissed part comes from me asking mom a long time ago: what are you going to do with all of this stuff? and she tore my head off like I was wanting it all or something. I actually said, what happens if something happens to you? I'll get stuck cleaning all this up and she said, so what? It won't matter to me. I'll be dead.
And there you go.

You all know how much I love my mom and dad but omg, I could have actually had a shot at living longer if I didn't have to go through all of this crap. Sickness, alcoholism, dementia and fear so now here you have one almost dead person (me).

I really don't feel good and there's really no where to go to get help. I can hire some guys and a truck, blah blah, but I have to have to energy to run that crew for 8 hours and right now I just don't have it. Got to just pull up my sox and make it go. So tired.

Oh yeah, coffee. lemme drink some coffee.

I used to wake up and stand in the shower when I was still caregiving mom and I would lightly tap my head against the wall and say over and over: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Now I say: embrace the Alone. embrace the Alone.

I've got to go back to I can do this I can do this I can do this.

I didn't go and visit my dad for fathers' day. I lose my mind and it hurts me physically. Just when I think I'm cried out, I cry some more.

Can't take it much longer. all the legal sh!!, all the grief, all the moving stuff, all the house repairs (house looks great, almost finished with it but so what?)

sorry guys. I've got no jokes.

Miz: the basement flooded and I've got it mostly dried out and now it's time to haul the crap up into the sunlight and see what's left.

Part of the drain system screwed up and water got in. Put it on the list.

lovbob

hi there folks ! am back home safe and sound . camping was alot of fun (chiggers) , chiggers is so bad ! ive been ate up with em . got it all over me ! bugs spray and all seems to draw them closer to me . maybe dad sent them at my way ?
didnt go canoeing , flood and its too deep , rumors has it a guy drowned so everybody didnt want to risk it . i was beating myself so bad for not going but who would go with me ? nobody wanted so i thought well ok i guess its meant to be . snifff. at least there was a good bonfire and plenty to eat and plenty to drink . yummie .
i am glad to be back home . theres no place like home !
my daughter cleaned up my house even rerange some stuff around . wow i told her suzie homemaker wow i shall leave more often . she does good and am proud of her .
pa looks pale in the face . still on the recliner , tried to get him up and go to bed , noo im watching tv ! ahh ok pa i ll lay on the couch and let me know when ure ready for bed , woke up at 4 heard hubby movin around so i got up and started itchin my thiegh and my legs , ankles now my arms geeze !! hubby said wow chiggers all over ya ! great . im hopin i dont end up with posion ivy ! be my luck i will cuz i realy dug and itch ! bet my nails are loaded with whatever . SPREAD EM PLZ itch itch itch.
mm wonder if steriod will take care of chigger bites ?

oh bobbie u re dealin with that whole house by urself ! geeze , i sure wish u live across street i be over there and helpin ya . am so sorry . maybe u could get ur daughter to stay with you , sometimes havin a lit ones makes things all better ? i think u have a daughter dont ya ? or that was someone eles ? maybe that was someone eles ? am thinkin u said somewhere that u have a 10 yrs old ? shit cant remmy now .
think i need that bonfire again .
dont think i ll go back again till next year . home is where i rather be at . i thought id live it up but nah didnt do that , chiggers did !! grrr
xoxoox

Miz, and Bobbie, you two amaze me. For all the pain, trouble and heartache you go through, and are feeling, you both have such a special way of lifting others. Bobbie (321), I understand the alone part. I sometimes purposely spend time alone, and cry and grieve. It can be heavy, but it passes. The emotions seem to come in waves, and go out that way, too. I have this sense that it won't last forever, and when that I'll survive. After all, people have been grieving since time began. We all have to go through it in some way. For all of you who have lost parents, I pray you find comfort, as well. Pamela, sometimes distance helps. And for all of you who find Father's Day to be bittersweet, I am sorry.

My hubby and I both went to see our dads today, taking our son with us. They played a little catch outside with my FIL, and I spent time inside with mine. He was sleeping on a hallway sofa when I got there (does that a lot). They woke him, saying, "See, I told you your daughter would be here..." I'm glad they have come to expect my visits. I hate to see lonely people dumped in nursing homes. But dad kept closing his eyes. We did manage to get him up, but I couldn't convince him to go for a walk with me. I got a wheel chair, and he wouldn't let me take him for a spin outside. He did push me in it, though. But he was "off," today. I couldn't put my finger on it. He was sick yesterday, so maybe that's all it was. But...he just hasn't been "him" lately. I can tell he's slipping. I hate hate hate hate hate Alzheimer's. Dad is talking less and less. Ugh. I bought him slippers. He just doesn't need anything else. What does one do for someone who needs nothing? To me, visiting is a gift. I hope he enjoys our visits, though it is getting harder to tell. I know this, he seems to dislike it when I leave. I told him today, 'I wish I could take you with me.' I can't even get him to go for a walk with me. Happy Father's Day. Sniff, sniff. I shouldn't complain, though, should I? At least I still have my dad. Sorry for all of you who are missing yours. It hurts to miss someone you love. I pray your sweet memories sustain you, and that you look forward to a reunion in heaven one day.

pamela, I think I know what you mean. My dad passed almost 5 years ago. His tombstone is over an hour and a half away so I didn't get to visit it. Actually his ashes are here with Mom and I. His will be buried after Mom passes. My best friend says she feels his presence here. I'm glad you had a beautiful time at the cemetery. I'm sorry for your pain.

love,
miz

Today was a rough day for me too. I went to the cemetary this morning to visit my dad. It's the most beautiful place on Holidays. People really decorate their loved ones graves. Everyone is pleasant, as they sit near and just enjoy the day. It was also one most beautiful day with the sun shining all day long.

My mom told me to tell my dad that she loves him and so I did. I also went to my mom's best friends husband with flowers as well. No headstone yet but the attendant showed me where he was.

Father's Day is rather sad day so I've just been moping around. Didn't go to moms today there was a lot of celebrating over there and I just wasn't in the mood for all that.

I just sat at my dads grave and talked to him and the Lord for a long long time. So peaceful, so beautiful, and so enjoyable. Catholic Cemetarys are simply beautiful, they really are.

Sounds like it was bad day all around. Me too.
Praying today is better.
Happy dad's day to all.

Hang in there, bobbie. I hate that you're there alone. That's too much to handle for one person. The boat will be bliss. :)

I stayed up too late for me last night. Feel like a wet noodle today. Had a good time with my friends. I'm sure we were too loud too late but oh well. Sooooo tired.

Hubby still not feeling well. We think it might be that he went off the poison ivy meds to quick. I don't know. He says he's gonna go to the VA and get signed up for medical this coming week.

I gotta go to a visitation tomorrow for someone I know who died of cancer. She was only 67. She was very close to my matron-of-honor. :(

These days when I feel like s#$% are so hard. I know you can all relate.

K...I'm off to do something around here. Not sure what.

Love yas!!
miz

Hello Sailors,

I am also having a crappy day. I took mom's bed apart to clean it and lost my mind.

Bed all clean and mind somewhat reconnected but man. I've been alone all day and am sleeping in addition to studying the Chapman Piloting book.
Gotta remember the boat.

On the boat baby.

Lovbob

Thank you, SS. I shall try. :)) Love you!!

miz

PMS will really exaggerate any negative feelings you may be experiencing, as I recall. We are such emotional creatures! Fear magnifies things, as well. Trust in the Lord, knowing it will work out...somehow. With him, you're not alone. Renew your relationship with him, and the Holy Spirit will comfort you. Sending prayers your way. Hope your hubby feels better soon, as well. Extra hugs, Miz!

Oh and I forgot. I got PMS. :(

I feel really alone right now. If that makes any sense at all.

Thanks, Austin! :) SS, it's still. He says he feels weak, no strength, no energy.