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Hello Everyone. I'm proud of all of us. Standing up for ourselves like we did. Pirate, you're awesome!! We don't need that s@#$ on here. Hubby and I tried to go out and spend the day together today but it was so hot and he wasn't feeling well. He's still taking meds for his poison ivy and I think that may be making him tired and light headed. He's says he's old and out of shape. LOL, he's only 40. So...I went to the grocery store and then tanned and came home. I had the CNA stay until her usual time so I could at least get a break. Bobbie, I wanna come swim in your pool. And just lounge around. Going to bed now. Love and hugs to you all. Thanks for being here even when I'm not so much.
godhelpus, some of us can relate to a hard-hearted mumsy, and know how difficult that can be. Satan or disease process? I wonder. Either way, there is no pleasing when they get like that, except learn to duck and dodge the bullets. But it's more peaceful to do things for them, than with them at times. The problem was, no matter what I did was criticized (even the really nice, thoughtful, wonderful things). You know, "no good deed went unpunished."
When I had to take mom to an appointment, on the way home, she would go off for whatever reason. I used to literally stop my car, get out, and scream (things got that bad!). Once, I called a taxi, and was going to have mom pay for it, but it was $75 to go 10 miles, so I got back in and drove her home. I couldn't wait to get away from her, and didn't want to sit around for an hour waiting for the taxi to show up. Only someone who's experienced the horrors of a mother out-of-control can relate. Ask Pirategal.
I am relieved things have changed. We all breathe easier knowing we don't have to tolerate her abuse 3-5 times per week anymore. Sis moved away on purpose, and likes to keep it that way. Once a year is more than enough for her to visit. Mom doesn't know why sis moved, or why she is so "busy." I know full well. The golden child gets all the praise, though. Ugh! Don't know who is more wicked. Guess who gets the work? Well, many of you know how that works. Right, Miz?
So, godhelpus, why do you think she flip flops? Disease process, or what? How long has this cycle been going?
Don't you dare be sorry for expressing your feelings! You're the sweet heart! I thought you made a well written response to it all. And I thought you were nice about it! Walk a mile, blah blah in my flip flops.....hee hee
I hear you about making an errand really more difficult. Ya, I learned to just go out and handle stuff without any extra goofiness. Didn't have the energy.
Love to SS... can't tell you what I said to the mayor. Tell you in person some day. Have a blast Linda,
B321, I'm a saint in progress but not there yet. The hug I gave everythingchanges was more like a slap but figured what I had to tell her was better off not publicly posted. I was as diplomatic and compassionate as I can get under those circumstances but it wasn't pretty. Similar to what others wrote I'm afraid. I'm not perfect by a long shot. Just ill advised and really bad timing on her part set us all off. She didn't know and she won't understand until she has to go through it. So often we don't realize what we're doing/saying until we offend.
We can manage some wild contortions to save those beers can't we? A question of priorities!!! lol
SS, I'm at a loss dear. We wish so badly to help you. I'll keep praying for GOD's protection & deliverance for you in this battle.
lharde, Enjoy your trip. If you tip make sure you save the beer!!! lol
My mom, my mom, my mom is back to her hateful, vindictive and spiteful self again. I guess I should be grateful for the week she was nice since she came back from the NH. She had me jumping all week but it was OK as long as she was human. Apparently she got a visit from the devil last night and he reminded her how she's supposed to act. We went shopping for a motorized lift chair today. I should have gone alone but thought she should make the decision. My mistake. She needs the chair now as she is getting skin grafts on her feet & keeps falling asleep in her chair which makes her feet swell.....blah blah. Well her royal highness didn't like the nice microfiber material and had to special order a diff. material at an added cost of $100 and a 6-8 week wait. AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! That was just one of the multitude of surprises she had in store for me today. GOD bless her hard little heart! His grace is new every day but I'm having a beer to help end this one.
Bobbie321, you have the softest heart, and are so forgiving. Guess we have to be to survive. Good for your productivity! What in the world did you say to the mayor?
Linda, you have fun, fun, fun camping and canoeing. Make it a joy-filled adventure, cuz we need to hear stories like that.
Miz, you and hubby are looking dandy in those pics I saw recently. Hope you're having a lovely summer. Hugs!
My litte shipmate is strumming his ukulele, having bought a cord book this morning. He's serenading the grandpas and residents at the nursing home, when he's not playing piano for them. ~My precious son! Just took him out to some yard sales with me. That's our favorite summer activity, cept for the beach, which he's begging to go to. Maybe later. It's a gorgeous summer day on the lakes today: Charlevoix, Round, Michigan, and Walloon. Bobbie, we're waiting at the dock! When are you coming? Well have to find some appropriate music to christen the Barbara B. Get on the boat!!!
I was in a canoe one time with a fat lady. I was no delicate flower myself so with physics being what it is and the planets lining up (wind, current & speedboat wake) we took a roll. The amazing thing to me is that I didn't let go of my beer.
Linda, Thank you my baby girl for the love. You have as much fun as you all can stand and your pa is a sweetheart and give him a kiss for me. He's gonna be ok so you can have some fun!!
SS, love you much EJ! Miz: you animal you. well said all of it. Pirate: sgt at arms. Deef: diplomat Godhelps: and you gave her a hug because you are a good person and as we all do, we try to reach out. I did look up her profile and this is the only thread EC has posted on. It makes me worried that she (it is a she is it not?) is in a terrible amount of pain to lash out like that. Or something else because she's not posted anywhere else to get help. When mom was dying I told the mayor of the town where she had her bookstore..... Well, i can't print it here, but it was awful and I felt bad afterwards. She had just got up on my bad nerve.
OK: moving forward. We have a good crew and we grow together.
I'm off to tackle the BASEMENT.....not the BASEMENT!!! noooooohhhhh...! Have to wait for the pool guys to come out and install a new light and then I can fill it the rest of the way. Meanwhile since I can't run the filter (water level too low) every leaf, seed and everything else is fallin in the pool. Tear my a$$ in half and people tell me to join a gym. ya right.
Have to treat the hinges for the kitchen cabinets so we can put the doors up. All hardware is solid copper (original when i dismantled the cabinets) and I'm going to give it the chemical bath to turn it verdigris and then seal it with a lacquer (sp?). Then kitchen is Finished!!
In other words I am keeping myself as busy as I can and I miss mom like crazy but I am becoming less selfish because I realize that she is not suffering anymore. And I know she's here with me because of that Dolphin!! nutz crying again.
i'll check in later, love you guys,
lovbob
p.s. everythingchanges.... you can give us another try if you want to. At least now you know what NOT to say lol.....
everythig changes , sounds like u didnt go thru what we all went thru . sounds like u stayed hiding away like our siblings did and came around when u hear gma is in her last stage and find it sad . yep everything is sad gross and funny . we need our bobbie to cheer us up , shes one hellva lady i ever met and she is soooo speical to us all . we lean on to eachother everyday so dont come on this thread and say that we are horible . cuz we are not !! u sound like one of our siblings so u have no clue or no idea what we al go thru . leave this post and go find another one to say waa waaa . am sorry for ur gma . sounds like shes on her way out . but hope she bounces back . watch what u say girl cuz we sailors aint putting up with people like u .
my sailors !! im leavin tmr horray , camping time yippy ! i askpa if he s going tomiss me he said ohyes i already missing you . my sis in law said what ya think about her going ? he said oh she needs to go and have a good time . aww bless his heart . i love my pa !!!! i gonna miss him ! justonly 3 days . then when i get home it will be like i never left ! grrr hate that . am hoping and prayin pa be all good and ok while im gone . i fear for a ph call while im half way there or just got there ?? think ill shut my ph off . prayin i get to have a good time and no worries and pray like hell my daddy s gonna be happy poo man . xoxo u all ! ill be canoing and thinkin bobbies boat , :-)
Piratess, so glad your mumsy is calmer, which must make life a little more peaceful for you. I commend your tolerance, patience and love for her. Hope she realizes what a gem you are.
As for our party pooper, hope you feel better getting things off your chest. Her rude comments inflamed me, also, but I was restrained from saying how I really felt. Why fight? It's hard to reason with unreasonable people, who's perspective is colored only by their world view, without considering another's. At least, that's what I'm learning from my mumsy. Not a fun lesson, to be sure.
I could possible contact my mom, and try to connect at some level, but why? I still have anxiety just thinking about her. I just wish she and my sister would be fair when dividing up the family assets. They want to cast me as a villian to justify excluding me. It's another "inside job," just like our government, who take from us, to spread to their cronies. I'm sick of the whole mess! Decent people don't act that way, and consider others. That's why I love all you shipmates! Hugs to all.
Sorry gals had to get that off my chest. If that snot nosed idiot read this entire blog they would be crying not bitchin!
Bobbie how are you doing? Welcome Alei! Secret Sis, I remember when I went to go see the Estate attorney who had skills for Conservator etc. I remember the stuff about the judge rulling about competency etc. I thought I was going to have to go through that route due to mom was so unrully at that point in time. So glad that all finally went away. Mom is pretty docile these days. No more ranting and raving. No more constipation stories and a few other made up 'Cry Wolf' medical issues. She's pretty quiet now. She sleeps alot. Watches only the Food Channel (she's been doing that for some time). When I come over there I put on CNN and talk to her about the latest news. I try to tell her about horrible Oil Spill and that the World Cup is on. She surprised me a couple of weeks ago she was relating that some new show was going to be on the Food Channel and she was right about that. All in all, she is slowing down considerably. I try to keep it easy and simple with her. She has her caregiver that comes during the week, and then I pop over there after work on Tues/Thurs nights and then Sat/Sun pretty much a good chunk of the day. The funny thing is when I or the caregiver is around her she speaks like an old person, all slow and simple...but then when her sister calls and I am not directly around she's rapping to her like she's fifty again. Go figure...just wonder how much is still show? She did say something kinda cold recently ( I think I mentioned it in my last post) about her sister. Her sister had to go for an ultrasound due to she had something removed from her breast at one time. I guess it is okay due to I asked mom the other day and she said that her sister had to come back in another 6 months for another checkup. I was relieved that it is okay. Well at least I hope so! All in all so glad the nutzy stuff is over...crossing fingers........hope it stays away...lol :-)
Arrrrrrr I'd say it's time for someone to walk the plank....aye Bobbi some needs tossin off the boat...!
Ms KnowitallChanges....well if you did not like what you read here, why did you stay, you could have moved on. Being 38 perhaps you have not gone through what we have gone through. Perhaps your family situation is a lot easier. You say there is hospice..hmmm did you ever take care of grandma by yourself? I'd like to know how much CAREGIVING you have done. No you can't compare this to a child being cared for by a parent. It's completely the opposite. Oh sure there are some similiarities by them being helpless and they make a mess, but a child's mind is completely different from an adult that has gone through a lifetime, has still power to determine and say things and do things that a child is completely void of. So yeah there's a big difference. If you have read enough insight stories here you would have figured it out, but NO our conversation MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE...not that SHITTY comment you made to a previous poster ABOUT TRUTH HURTS. The fact is we know the truth..and I think it made you uncomfortable with the ugliness that life does have. So unless you have walked in our shoes then SHUT THE F UP! If we did not have feelings and want to take care of our parents would we be even here bothering to TYPE? I think not, so in your oh so clean world..of caregivers and hospice taken care of grandma I just wonder how much hell you actually had to deal with. Would really like to know that miss little big mouth know nothing changes! So your little idle piece of your mind did not make me FEEL bad at all, just pissed of at some snot nosed bitch that really did not do anything but is at the side lines boohooing while grandma is slowing doing what life is all about reaching the end. Would like to know if you EVER had to take care of anyone with mental illness BY YOURSELF?
aleigha, that was an interesting poem, and timely. Thank you. Ditto Bobbie321's welcome!
Concerning our admonishment: Some think theirs doesn't stink, if you catch my drift.
May I say, the rest of you ladies are tremendous support and encouragement. I will ponder what you're saying, and consider it. Strange. I did spend down many-an-asset, but it is more complicated than that. I never accounted for the home's contents until recently. I hired an appraiser, and was literally shocked at the value of things. They are beyond the acceptable levels, so I did nothing. But mom's guardian included them as mom's assets. But they were 1/2 dad's, and there is still debt. Then mom started giving everything away. Believe me, I have consulted with about 14 different attorneys. It is still complicated. But...it's late, so I won't belabor it right now. Night fellow shipmates! May your dreams be pleasant, and your sleep be sweet and restful. I'm hoping for a red sky tonight, and delightful sailing tomorrow.
It is evident you have nothing in common with our situations. I suggest you look at other threads available on Aging Care. This is only one out of hundreds. If it does not relate to you, move on. You are very arrogant to hold yourself so high and mighty over us. Life isn't pretty, nor are the diseases and their distruction of the people we love. If you took the time to read the thread before you told us off, you would see the tremendous love that each of us show for our mothers, fathers, grand parents and spouses. You don't have the compassion needed to be on this thread.
SS, I fully agree with B321 & lhardebeck. If your dad is on medicaid, the estate should already have been divided to accomodate his medicaid (spend down) and her living on in the house. Each state is different but I would speak to an attorney soon and get this nailed down. I'm sorry you are stuck in this nightmare. I pray the LORD intervine on your behalf in all aspects of this mess. His divine protection to you and your dad. There is free speech and there is slander. Slander is a crime. Please, for your own well being; wash your hands of these people asap. Personal property (antiques, collectibles, etc.) may not be considered in the medicare spend down but are they worth it? They probably mean nothing to your dad at this point. Real estate is another matter and may well be considered for the medicare spend down. Please see an attorney to clarify htis for your own peace. Alternativesfor seniors.com may have a booklet available in your area. Many elder law attorneys offer booklets for free themselves or the first initial consult. You being your dad's conservator gives you the right to know. Be strong sweet sister. You'll make it through this battle. Youv'e got all of us praying for you.
JUDGE NOT I was shocked, confused, bewildered As I entered Heaven's door, Not by the beauty of it all, Nor the lights or its decor. But it was the folks in Heaven Who made me sputter and gasp— The thieves, the liars, the sinners, The alcoholics and the trash. There stood the kid from seventh grade Who swiped my lunch money twice. Next to him was my old neighbor Who never said anything nice. Herb, who I always thought Was rotting away in hell, Was sitting pretty on cloud nine, Looking incredibly well. I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal? I would love to hear Your take. How'd all these sinners get up here? God must've made a mistake. 'And why's everyone so quiet, So somber - give me a clue.' 'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock. No one thought they'd be seeing you.' JUDGE NOT. Remember...Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car ... Every saint has a PAST.... Every sinner has a FUTURE! Author unknown
"I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13
Just reading.... going along in this life, just watching it all. The judgers, how they stand to their victory in thinking 'their way' is the 'right way' ... but do they see things, (or even try to) the way Jesus sees them for He is the One with the true Unconditional Love? Why can't people be the way Jesus is? Where there is fault, there is room for resolve. I do not see this site as being one who has demeaned anyone in any way at all. I know from a physical and mental standpoint that a caregiver who 'does it all' and is lead into a life of being confined 24/7, with no help and no love from family can wind up with health problems as well as many other problems. People think. Yes... sometimes they may think things that may not be appropriate to others but those others are not the ones walking in their shoes, now are they? They are not the ones bound in between three family members, who wants nothing but the best for their loved ones but yet are left in the cold dark wilderness for the snakes of satan to crawl over and the wolves to take the rest. And so many times, I believe they are not the ones who are in the 24/7 caregiving slot of life. It is rough. To vent is one thing; yes, it helps. But God will be the ultimate balm to apply to the wounds of the heart to heal. Hearing or even reading the words of spite can bring a heart pain and confusion, setting the mind into thinking they are terribly wrong and have done it all wrong, while all at the same time after they've re-thought these things, they still see no other way, no other route they could have taken but to truly defend their own in the highest dignity ..... This is a deep subject which I hope to see end soon. It has brought 'ire' to the postings as I can see and sure others have also from what I've read. You all have my hugs. You are in my prayers, even those who judge. Jesus loves all. In His kingdom there are no sides. God bless.
The policwoman has visited and think she must monitor the behavior, and free speech rights of others. That is communistic. We don't need your oppression.
Thank you deefer. It's complicated. Can't step back, as I'm guardian/conservator for 1/2 of a married couple, and have to report to "interested parties" (mom and sis) of what I do. That is a legal requirement. And as mom's interested party, her guardian/conservator must report to me and sis. Mom thinks she can do as she pleases, but she can't, as I have a vested interest, as an advocate and protector of dad's 1/2 of the estate. I must protect him, because he cannot. And no one is looking after mom's best interests, either. I hate our judicial system.
This site if I am not mistaken is a place for caregivers to vent. Venting isn't always pretty. It is much better for these caregivers to rant to people who have "been there,done that" than to keep it bottled up, not tell anyone their frustrations, fears, etc and then go take it out on mom...most of these people (i think) don't know each other. They are not going to judge. We all handle stress differently. If someone is disgusted or grossed out by what they see their loved one doing...it is how they feel. Period end of subject. It's neither right or wrong, just what is being felt. It in no way diminished their love.!
evrythngchanges, you certainly are naieve to think everybody has or had a sweet grandma like you have. Some of us here were not as fortunate to have good parents,grandparents or spouses. There are people who should never parent, who make their kid's life a living nightmare. Parental abuse from my childhood put some major dings in my psyche. While I admire you for loving your grandma so much, I think you are wrong to judge others. This site is not a fairytale world. If you are looking for stories of sweetness and light, you probably came to the wrong place. Some of these situations are intense, the caregiver or relative is hurting and they are in need of a place to vent, learn and share. . . like in the real world.
evrythngchanges, I'm not ashamed of myself at all. We ARE loving and supporting each other. Can't you see that? Sometimes a person just has to vent. Especially when we don't have other support in our lives. Maybe you should go to those other more acceptable to you threads on this site.
I am NOT ashamed of myself, because I would never UTTER any words about my parents being gross or being a burden after all the crap I and many other children gave them growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's surreal the behavior that is accepted now as opposed to many years ago! Maybe you guys should move your threads to a more appropriate board, what i have read is dissrepectful and dignity stripping. This site is supposed to be about love and support. I can find no other threads like this on this particular site.
SS So sorry for all your problems. Seems like there is no one out there on our side. We can't depend on family or government for help. It's not easy to put everything aside, but it sounds like you have done what you can. Maybe stepping back and letting go for a little while will help you see things from a different angle. A break from all the craziness could help you clear your mind. No matter what you decide to do, we are here to back you up. It's so hard to watch family members be so dishonest, and even though your mom is not your favorite person, it's still hard for you to see others take advantage. Step back and take a deep breath, and take care of yourself. Good luck!
No, evrythngchanges, YOU should be ashamed of yourself. I am very sorry about your grandmother. But, you have no right to judge us and bitch us out the way you did. I LOVE my mom and have been taking care of her for almost 5 years. I tell her I love her everyday. Frankly, I (and others) don't need your nastiness right now. If you don't like what we have to say, then DON'T READ IT!!
I am simply shocked at the comments on this board! You all should be ashamed of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!! My family is in the midst of watching my grandmother die slowly and hospice is involved. I am 38 years old and can't think of anything when I watch her eat (can not eat, drink or chew unassisted) have diaper changed etc... but how so very precious she is to me and my family!!! She gave up her own wants, needs and desires to care for her family!!! While her eating is reminiscent of a small infant who is eating for the first time it does not gross me out, it makes me very sad! How do you all think your mother felt when you were eating and making a mess or when you used your pants for the first 2 or 3 years of your life and she had to wipe your behind. I suppose it was not the most pleasing of her duties! I am sure I can say with certainty what kept you happy and healthy as a child was her unconditional love! Shame on you all!!!!!! I can to this board looking for information on hospice and instead found these very cruel heartless comments!
It's easy to say, "don't worry about it," but their estate is being frittered away, when they owe money to a mortgage, and the new PG thinks my sister and I should pay the taxes. Not! Stuff should be sold to pay off debts, so I conserved (held possessions) to keep them from going to greedy family members, who are leaving the mess for me to clean up. Our legal system is not about justice or doing right. Only letting a tyrant wildly spend money that belongs to another. Your tax dollars are allowing this waste. It makes me so angry, and I fought a good fight to right wrongs. Silly me for caring. Those family heirlooms mean more to my family that the people in it. That's the saddest part of all. Wicked!
oh s.s . i would just wash my hands off from ur mother . u tried and got hurt and ur mom is too wild to be handled right now . shes going 100 miles per hour . nothing you can do , just focus on ur dad and do the best you can with ur dad and your lit family u have under ur roof . dont let your mom become ur night mare . u said u have a sister who doesnt do anything , i suppose she cant do anything either . wash ur hands and keep it clean , till someone comes knockin on ur door then u do something about it . cant handle a wild dog ya know . let the man upstairs take care of it . pray and ask him to watch over ur mom . as for the estate , i wouldnt worry about it . it is just a material things . not worth fightin for . my dad has a trailer in fla . i care less about that trailer . only if dad runs out of money he can sell it and have money backin his pocket goes toward his care . that house is there for a reason , when ur mom ends up in nursing home she may sell that house in order to keep her there in nursing home . let the court system handle her and stay out of it . its not worth fightin in court it cost too much money and the system likes to keep on draggin all b s in court so they can rake in more money . screw em all ! sit back and have a margariita , mm maybe long island ice tea , wink xoxo
SecretSister, I understand your delima. Legally speaking the courts are not concerned about the "estate". The estate is what is left behind after the owners have passed away. While they are living it is theirs to do with how they wish. Having a court appointed guardian does not take away the right to have, retain, or dispose of personal property as the owner sees fit. The guardian can give guidance (as they should) but cannot take control on this issue. It does take away the right to enter into contracts, make medical decisions, etc.
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love,
miz
When I had to take mom to an appointment, on the way home, she would go off for whatever reason. I used to literally stop my car, get out, and scream (things got that bad!). Once, I called a taxi, and was going to have mom pay for it, but it was $75 to go 10 miles, so I got back in and drove her home. I couldn't wait to get away from her, and didn't want to sit around for an hour waiting for the taxi to show up. Only someone who's experienced the horrors of a mother out-of-control can relate. Ask Pirategal.
I am relieved things have changed. We all breathe easier knowing we don't have to tolerate her abuse 3-5 times per week anymore. Sis moved away on purpose, and likes to keep it that way. Once a year is more than enough for her to visit. Mom doesn't know why sis moved, or why she is so "busy." I know full well. The golden child gets all the praise, though. Ugh! Don't know who is more wicked. Guess who gets the work? Well, many of you know how that works. Right, Miz?
So, godhelpus, why do you think she flip flops? Disease process, or what? How long has this cycle been going?
Don't you dare be sorry for expressing your feelings!
You're the sweet heart!
I thought you made a well written response to it all. And I thought you were nice about it!
Walk a mile, blah blah in my flip flops.....hee hee
I hear you about making an errand really more difficult.
Ya, I learned to just go out and handle stuff without any extra goofiness.
Didn't have the energy.
Love to SS... can't tell you what I said to the mayor. Tell you in person some day.
Have a blast Linda,
nite nite
lovbob
I'm a saint in progress but not there yet. The hug I gave everythingchanges was more like a slap but figured what I had to tell her was better off not publicly posted. I was as diplomatic and compassionate as I can get under those circumstances but it wasn't pretty. Similar to what others wrote I'm afraid. I'm not perfect by a long shot. Just ill advised and really bad timing on her part set us all off. She didn't know and she won't understand until she has to go through it. So often we don't realize what we're doing/saying until we offend.
We can manage some wild contortions to save those beers can't we? A question of priorities!!! lol
SS,
I'm at a loss dear. We wish so badly to help you. I'll keep praying for GOD's protection & deliverance for you in this battle.
lharde,
Enjoy your trip. If you tip make sure you save the beer!!! lol
My mom, my mom, my mom is back to her hateful, vindictive and spiteful self again. I guess I should be grateful for the week she was nice since she came back from the NH. She had me jumping all week but it was OK as long as she was human. Apparently she got a visit from the devil last night and he reminded her how she's supposed to act.
We went shopping for a motorized lift chair today. I should have gone alone but thought she should make the decision. My mistake. She needs the chair now as she is getting skin grafts on her feet & keeps falling asleep in her chair which makes her feet swell.....blah blah. Well her royal highness didn't like the nice microfiber material and had to special order a diff. material at an added cost of $100 and a 6-8 week wait. AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!! That was just one of the multitude of surprises she had in store for me today. GOD bless her hard little heart!
His grace is new every day but I'm having a beer to help end this one.
Linda, you have fun, fun, fun camping and canoeing. Make it a joy-filled adventure, cuz we need to hear stories like that.
Miz, you and hubby are looking dandy in those pics I saw recently. Hope you're having a lovely summer. Hugs!
My litte shipmate is strumming his ukulele, having bought a cord book this morning. He's serenading the grandpas and residents at the nursing home, when he's not playing piano for them. ~My precious son! Just took him out to some yard sales with me. That's our favorite summer activity, cept for the beach, which he's begging to go to. Maybe later. It's a gorgeous summer day on the lakes today: Charlevoix, Round, Michigan, and Walloon. Bobbie, we're waiting at the dock! When are you coming? Well have to find some appropriate music to christen the Barbara B. Get on the boat!!!
I was in a canoe one time with a fat lady. I was no delicate flower myself so with physics being what it is and the planets lining up (wind, current & speedboat wake) we took a roll. The amazing thing to me is that I didn't let go of my beer.
Linda, Thank you my baby girl for the love. You have as much fun as you all can stand and your pa is a sweetheart and give him a kiss for me. He's gonna be ok so you can have some fun!!
SS, love you much EJ!
Miz: you animal you. well said all of it.
Pirate: sgt at arms.
Deef: diplomat
Godhelps: and you gave her a hug because you are a good person and as we all do, we try to reach out.
I did look up her profile and this is the only thread EC has posted on. It makes me worried that she (it is a she is it not?) is in a terrible amount of pain to lash out like that. Or something else because she's not posted anywhere else to get help.
When mom was dying I told the mayor of the town where she had her bookstore..... Well, i can't print it here, but it was awful and I felt bad afterwards. She had just got up on my bad nerve.
OK: moving forward. We have a good crew and we grow together.
I'm off to tackle the BASEMENT.....not the BASEMENT!!! noooooohhhhh...!
Have to wait for the pool guys to come out and install a new light and then I can fill it the rest of the way. Meanwhile since I can't run the filter (water level too low) every leaf, seed and everything else is fallin in the pool. Tear my a$$ in half and people tell me to join a gym. ya right.
Have to treat the hinges for the kitchen cabinets so we can put the doors up. All hardware is solid copper (original when i dismantled the cabinets) and I'm going to give it the chemical bath to turn it verdigris and then seal it with a lacquer (sp?). Then kitchen is Finished!!
In other words I am keeping myself as busy as I can and I miss mom like crazy but I am becoming less selfish because I realize that she is not suffering anymore. And I know she's here with me because of that Dolphin!! nutz crying again.
i'll check in later, love you guys,
lovbob
p.s. everythingchanges.... you can give us another try if you want to. At least now you know what NOT to say lol.....
and came around when u hear gma is in her last stage and find it sad .
yep everything is sad gross and funny . we need our bobbie to cheer us up , shes one hellva lady i ever met and she is soooo speical to us all . we lean on to eachother everyday
so dont come on this thread and say that we are horible . cuz we are not !!
u sound like one of our siblings so u have no clue or no idea what we al go thru . leave this post and go find another one to say waa waaa .
am sorry for ur gma . sounds like shes on her way out . but hope she bounces back .
watch what u say girl cuz we sailors aint putting up with people like u .
my sailors !! im leavin tmr horray , camping time yippy ! i askpa if he s going tomiss me he said ohyes i already missing you . my sis in law said what ya think about her going ? he said oh she needs to go and have a good time . aww bless his heart . i love my pa !!!! i gonna miss him ! justonly 3 days . then when i get home it will be like i never left ! grrr hate that .
am hoping and prayin pa be all good and ok while im gone . i fear for a ph call while im half way there or just got there ?? think ill shut my ph off . prayin i get to have a good time and no worries and pray like hell my daddy s gonna be happy poo man . xoxo u all !
ill be canoing and thinkin bobbies boat , :-)
And that's why I'm getting a BOAT!
I did visit said boat and there is no gangplank but there is a transom door and my size 8.
Love you ladies more than you know.
lovbob
As for our party pooper, hope you feel better getting things off your chest. Her rude comments inflamed me, also, but I was restrained from saying how I really felt. Why fight? It's hard to reason with unreasonable people, who's perspective is colored only by their world view, without considering another's. At least, that's what I'm learning from my mumsy. Not a fun lesson, to be sure.
I could possible contact my mom, and try to connect at some level, but why? I still have anxiety just thinking about her. I just wish she and my sister would be fair when dividing up the family assets. They want to cast me as a villian to justify excluding me. It's another "inside job," just like our government, who take from us, to spread to their cronies. I'm sick of the whole mess! Decent people don't act that way, and consider others. That's why I love all you shipmates! Hugs to all.
Bobbie how are you doing? Welcome Alei! Secret Sis, I remember when I went to go see the Estate attorney who had skills for Conservator etc. I remember the stuff about the judge rulling about competency etc. I thought I was going to have to go through that route due to mom was so unrully at that point in time. So glad that all finally went away. Mom is pretty docile these days. No more ranting and raving. No more constipation stories and a few other made up 'Cry Wolf' medical issues. She's pretty quiet now. She sleeps alot. Watches only the Food Channel (she's been doing that for some time). When I come over there I put on CNN and talk to her about the latest news. I try to tell her about horrible Oil Spill and that the World Cup is on. She surprised me a couple of weeks ago she was relating that some new show was going to be on the Food Channel and she was right about that. All in all, she is slowing down considerably. I try to keep it easy and simple with her. She has her caregiver that comes during the week, and then I pop over there after work on Tues/Thurs nights and then Sat/Sun pretty much a good chunk of the day. The funny thing is when I or the caregiver is around her she speaks like an old person, all slow and simple...but then when her sister calls and I am not directly around she's rapping to her like she's fifty again. Go figure...just wonder how much is still show? She did say something kinda cold recently ( I think I mentioned it in my last post) about her sister. Her sister had to go for an ultrasound due to she had something removed from her breast at one time. I guess it is okay due to I asked mom the other day and she said that her sister had to come back in another 6 months for another checkup. I was relieved that it is okay. Well at least I hope so! All in all so glad the nutzy stuff is over...crossing fingers........hope it stays away...lol :-)
Ms KnowitallChanges....well if you did not like what you read here, why did you stay, you could have moved on. Being 38 perhaps you have not gone through what we have gone through. Perhaps your family situation is a lot easier. You say there is hospice..hmmm did you ever take care of grandma by yourself? I'd like to know how much CAREGIVING you have done. No you can't compare this to a child being cared for by a parent. It's completely the opposite. Oh sure there are some similiarities by them being helpless and they make a mess, but a child's mind is completely different from an adult that has gone through a lifetime, has still power to determine and say things and do things that a child is completely void of. So yeah there's a big difference. If you have read enough insight stories here you would have figured it out, but NO our conversation MADE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE...not that SHITTY comment you made to a previous poster ABOUT TRUTH HURTS. The fact is we know the truth..and I think it made you uncomfortable with the ugliness that life does have. So unless you have walked in our shoes then SHUT THE F UP! If we did not have feelings and want to take care of our parents would we be even here bothering to TYPE? I think not, so in your oh so clean world..of caregivers and hospice taken care of grandma I just wonder how much hell you actually had to deal with. Would really like to know that miss little big mouth know nothing changes!
So your little idle piece of your mind did not make me FEEL bad at all, just pissed of at some snot nosed bitch that really did not do anything but is at the side lines boohooing while grandma is slowing doing what life is all about reaching the end. Would like to know if you EVER had to take care of anyone with mental illness BY YOURSELF?
Concerning our admonishment: Some think theirs doesn't stink, if you catch my drift.
May I say, the rest of you ladies are tremendous support and encouragement. I will ponder what you're saying, and consider it. Strange. I did spend down many-an-asset, but it is more complicated than that. I never accounted for the home's contents until recently. I hired an appraiser, and was literally shocked at the value of things. They are beyond the acceptable levels, so I did nothing. But mom's guardian included them as mom's assets. But they were 1/2 dad's, and there is still debt. Then mom started giving everything away. Believe me, I have consulted with about 14 different attorneys. It is still complicated. But...it's late, so I won't belabor it right now. Night fellow shipmates! May your dreams be pleasant, and your sleep be sweet and restful. I'm hoping for a red sky tonight, and delightful sailing tomorrow.
love,
miz
aleigha: Welcome.
everything changes, I'm sorry for your pain, but please get off the boat.
lovbob
It is evident you have nothing in common with our situations. I suggest you look at other threads available on Aging Care. This is only one out of hundreds. If it does not relate to you, move on. You are very arrogant to hold yourself so high and mighty over us. Life isn't pretty, nor are the diseases and their distruction of the people we love. If you took the time to read the thread before you told us off, you would see the tremendous love that each of us show for our mothers, fathers, grand parents and spouses.
You don't have the compassion needed to be on this thread.
I fully agree with B321 & lhardebeck. If your dad is on medicaid, the estate should already have been divided to accomodate his medicaid (spend down) and her living on in the house. Each state is different but I would speak to an attorney soon and get this nailed down. I'm sorry you are stuck in this nightmare. I pray the LORD intervine on your behalf in all aspects of this mess. His divine protection to you and your dad.
There is free speech and there is slander. Slander is a crime.
Please, for your own well being; wash your hands of these people asap.
Personal property (antiques, collectibles, etc.) may not be considered in the medicare spend down but are they worth it? They probably mean nothing to your dad at this point. Real estate is another matter and may well be considered for the medicare spend down. Please see an attorney to clarify htis for your own peace. Alternativesfor seniors.com may have a booklet available in your area. Many elder law attorneys offer booklets for free themselves or the first initial consult. You being your dad's conservator gives you the right to know. Be strong sweet sister. You'll make it through this battle. Youv'e got all of us praying for you.
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp—
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
'And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber - give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' He said, 'they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.'
JUDGE NOT.
Remember...Just going to church doesn't make
you a Christian any more than standing in your
garage makes you a car ...
Every saint has a PAST....
Every sinner has a FUTURE!
Author unknown
"I can do all things, through Christ, who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13
God bless.
Thank you deefer. It's complicated. Can't step back, as I'm guardian/conservator for 1/2 of a married couple, and have to report to "interested parties" (mom and sis) of what I do. That is a legal requirement. And as mom's interested party, her guardian/conservator must report to me and sis. Mom thinks she can do as she pleases, but she can't, as I have a vested interest, as an advocate and protector of dad's 1/2 of the estate. I must protect him, because he cannot. And no one is looking after mom's best interests, either. I hate our judicial system.
Step back and take a deep breath, and take care of yourself. Good luck!
i would just wash my hands off from ur mother . u tried and got hurt and ur mom is too wild to be handled right now . shes going 100 miles per hour . nothing you can do , just focus on ur dad and do the best you can with ur dad and your lit family u have under ur roof .
dont let your mom become ur night mare . u said u have a sister who doesnt do anything , i suppose she cant do anything either .
wash ur hands and keep it clean , till someone comes knockin on ur door then u do something about it .
cant handle a wild dog ya know . let the man upstairs take care of it . pray and ask him to watch over ur mom .
as for the estate , i wouldnt worry about it . it is just a material things . not worth fightin for .
my dad has a trailer in fla . i care less about that trailer . only if dad runs out of money he can sell it and have money backin his pocket goes toward his care .
that house is there for a reason , when ur mom ends up in nursing home she may sell that house in order to keep her there in nursing home .
let the court system handle her and stay out of it . its not worth fightin in court it cost too much money and the system likes to keep on draggin all b s in court so they can rake in more money . screw em all !
sit back and have a margariita , mm maybe long island ice tea , wink xoxo