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It is all out of my control. Mom has a court-appointed, public Guardian, and she recognizes mom's deficiencies, but wants to keep peace with mom, to retain her power. She allows mom the freedom to do stupid things, like giving away thousands of dollars worth of antiques and silver to a 21 year old grandson. These affect their estate, over which I am Conservative to only dad's half. Mom's decisions are not in the best interest of the estate, but mom told the court I'm "abusing her," (by placing restrictions on her). The court is not protecting the estate from dissipation, and dad's on Medicaid. So what can I do? It's an ugly mess, and humongous heartache! I don't have thousands of dollars to fight it, and the judge hates family caregivers. Even a psychiatrist said mom "can make some decisions." He ignored her years of psychiatric treatments for Personality Disorders. And her Physician will not talk to me, as I'm not her legal Guardian. I watch in horror as mom makes one incredible idiotic blunder after another, sends out slanderous, injurious letters about me, and is a vindictive fool. Dementia is the least of her worries. Dad escaped through Alzheimer's. My sister is playing mom to garner the rest of the estate, but does NOTHING for mom. They could care less about me or dad (whom they rarely visit). My family is evil.
SS: I'm praying so you can get some relief from this horror.
You honor her by telling the TRUTH. It's for her own good. You say: She has dementia, (you don't have to get all up on the BPD), and folks should know that she's 'not all there' so anything can come out of her mouth and most of it is bs, misinformation and has the potential to legally harm people.
Are you going to force the court to see the truth? May the Good Lord give you the strength you need.
If she is on Alz/Dementia meds the doctor who wrote that should be able to supplement your argument with a letter. I cannot believe that the courts haven't seen this 'act' before. Pray that they have and you can unwind it and get back the control.
I went through a similar situation in the beginning that I have discussed earlier on this thread and the reality was that when people saw what I was doing, what mom was doing and whe her 'friends' (the ones who were too busy to come to the service) were doing, the truth became evident.
I was lucky: no sibs and I actually loved my mom so much but she didn't realize it. thank God she finally knew it, but it took 18 months to 2 years of being yelled at and talked bad about but I stayed fast. There was no one else to step up and do the job. Those were the worst times because I felt so alone.
I feel so bad for you because I know the unjust feeling that comes with this territory and it is horrible.
Love to you SS, tell the truth and the bible wants you to honor her by taking care of her, intervening if you have to in a hardcore way and not letting her destroy you. That's no where to be found and I bet Godhelpus can back me up on that one!
Other that that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
It was difficult seeing some of dad's brothers and sisters at the funeral home today, as they are declining. I am glad to be home, and look forward to seeing my dad tomorrow. I didn't tell him about his brother-in-law's passing. Don't know if I will, or if he would understand if I did. The simplest things seem to escape him, even, "How are you today?" He just doesn't seem to understand what I'm saying some of the time. And I cannot understand him. Ugh! :(
Can't sleep, thinking about all the evil my mom has perpetrated and is perpetuating. An uncle said she called him again, thinking he called her, when he hadn't. She is delusional, paranoid, and to be avoided. How can I Biblically honor her, when she's so messed up? (Flee evil.) I sidestepped questions about her today. How's your mom? OK, I said. NOT! I want to scream the truth, but the truth will scream itself, soon enough. As her disease progresses, her condition will be undeniable to everyone. Right now, she's got people looking at me sideways. Lord, give me strength.
Glad you're home safe and sound SS and did an exit: stage left. Thank you so much for your prayers. Back at 'cha kid and to all of us too.
Linda, good for you only 2 hours without juice. those storms are brutal. Congrats again on your pa's 'deposit' whatta relief.
I know Miz, I'm so gross but after reading the prior posts it just popped into my mind. spewed out, if you will..... How are you doing? I know it's tough right now for you.
ya! Where's Rep? Yo Pirate whassup. Pamela..... congrats incidentally for the imbibing break. gotcha.
New person last page, my bad I can't remember your name except it starts with a B. Anyhoo, welcome to the Grossed Out thread and we hope you come back often!
I tried labels with mom and they only work for a little while as the disease progresses and then mom just didn't read anymore. It didn't mean anything to her. I usually let mom play with whatever she wanted to, my make up, combs, toothbrush; she loved to fold napkins.... just got to keep an eye out so you don't get yourself in the jackpot! (Napkin with an oyster in it......)
It's an amazing experience to take a parent(s) through this disease and thanks again for posting and we hope to see you again. This is an excellent site with awesome caregivers.
dear ss , glad u had a good visit with ur family , a good roadtrip , yes funeral is a sad place to be at . hate going there too . you see ur long lost friends and long lost familes , im thinkin wow theyre old now ! it just keeps going , now kids growed up and they look at me and think wow shes aged ! eeek !!! like my gray hair ? i have tons of em , afrid to dye my hair again cuz i lost alotta hair when i did that . im lettin go but i ll dye it when i get on that boat ! :-) thanks for ur prayers . bobbie u made me grin and giggled when u talk about gma s boggers . and when i read it again i giggled a bit louder . i shall print that out and put it in a frame . so when im down i ll go read it and cheer up . pa s doing ok , enjoyin watchin the candles burning when the power was out for 2 hrs . storm was awful but didnt hurt us so thats a good thing . oh i better go flush the toilet lol . have a good evening you all . xoxo
Hello everyone, just got home from 420 mile trip to see aunt and cousins, and other relatives for the funeral. We opted to go down for the viewing, and leave early, avoiding my mom, and her drama. Aunt was glad to see us, and we escaped intact. It makes me cry to have to live life like this due to a sick mama. Very sad. But the trip was uneventful, and we had a nice evening meal out, drove in some farm country, having nice family time. It was great to see relatives we haven't seen for some time. I am tired of attending funerals, though. And I don't like embalmed bodies. Talk about gross. I told hubby that ashes would be fine for me. He can fertilize my flowers. I want to skip the casket part.
Hugs and prayers for Miz in all you're going through.
Bob321, my thoughts are with you right now, and prayers, always.
Pamela, you and your mom are in my prayers.
lhardebeck, same for you and your dad.
KelleyBean, hope you're doing well.
Don't mean to miss anyone. Rep, Piratess, hope all is well in your corners.
S.S have a good safe trip . to the funeral again . pls go in with a smile and come back out with smile if all possible , prayers to u during the whole thing today . remmy youre lord s speical girl . xoxo
there once was a booger from Grandma That found itself on the plate of Grandpa Grandpa ate it, we all turned green and came to this site to vent our spleen.
It's early and I've only had 1 cup of coffee.
SS have a good time and enjoy the drive even though you're going to a funeral. Hey! who put the 'fun' in funeral??
Linda congrats on your pa's timely delivery.
Deef! good to see you and eeww for what you've had to put up with since.
OOhhhh.... got to cal the cu#! lady a selfish bi!ch and it made me feel better, so there.
I understand teristeve, we have to overlook a lot of things, too. Blowing his nose on the linen table cloth during a meal is hard to ignore, so mealtimes with dad aren't pleasant. Ewwwww. Picking something off the floor, putting it on his plate, and continuing the meal is equally disgusting. He seems to mind none of this.
We'll be traveling 450 miles round trip today for a family funeral. Ugh. Another one. Would rather be attending a wedding.
Yes, the hygiene thing is really an issue at our house. MIL washed off the placemats and counters with her tissue (used). She blows her nose into the clean dishtowels and puts them back in the drawers. Both inj-laws eat from the peanut butter jar and pickle jar and applesauce. Every meal I put things in a bowl on the table, but they want the jar. They started eating from the serving bowl and licking on the serving spoon and meat knife and I just did not know how to handle this diplomatically. they don't remember so no I serve my husbands and mine on our plates and then let them go at it. It keeps us from having seconds. We sit facing each other now so we don't have to watch them directly unless we want to. I guess there is a solution and "whatever works" has become my motto.
hey u guys !! good news , pickle juice did solve pa s pblm ! no fleets ! whew i got lucky on that and pa smiled like a lit boy , oh pa u filled up the toilet ! he looked and smiled and said no fleet now ugh , i said nope , whew we got lucky !
ohh deefer i am so glad u enjoyed urself out , happy for u and hubby lost alotta lbs ! horray for u guys , keep up with the good work ! yes ur mommy s jealouse , oh well she had her fun so now its ur turn , ill have mine this comin weekend , CAMPING !! i talked to my sis in texas she said to give dad an fleet . am going to do that after the storm passes , got tornado warnings out and its on its way here . so i do not want to do that while the mother nature hammers us all . power may go out then what ! cant flush poopy toilet ewww . think i ought to wait after storm passes haha . take care u all ! im gonna shut down my comptur , this thing is my baby ! if it blows up then i would lose u all waaaaa . welcome home deefer ! make sure u take more vacations so merry will stay around ! xoxo
Deefer, welcome home, and hope those memories tide you over the rough spots. Nice to see your post!
godhelpus, thanks for the caution. Calm sounds like the way...and distance. No Valium for me, as I don't even take aspirin. I will take your advice about being prayed up, though. Thanks.
lharde, hope your dad's doc can help him.
I am going to relish being home one more day, as I am not looking forward to another funeral. Hate them, but love to be around certain family members. Perhaps I can just pretend I don't see the others? Smile, and say very little... And definitely not take bait!
deefer12, Welcome back! Sounds like mom gave you a different kind of welcome. Probably jealous of your week off. They can be spiteful. Mine says "Have a good time" and then I come back to hell week afterwards. Glad you & hubby enjoyed yourselves. Hope the scopes were OK.
SS, Try not to tip your hand at the funeral regarding your plans. This would be oh so difficult for me. Make sure you're all prayed up before you go in. The valium sounds good too. PEACE be with you. Stay in those Psalms for the duration of this battle. #3, #9, #18 & #93 are especially dear to me in a battle. Your mother is dieceived as so many are these days. I'll pray for her enlightenment.
B321, Tooth & toilet brushes. Aahhh the memories. My mom's being appreciative this week. Wondering what she has up her sleeve (hope it's nothing more than a dirty tissue).
Lharde, Lord I hope the doc can do something for your pa. Must be terrible for both of you.
Just catching up on everyone after a week of vacation. Can you believe it? I actually had time away from Mom. The aide took care of her for most of the week. Now you didn't think the sibs showed up to help, did you?!!!!! Anyway, after 2 years of 24/7, I finally got a break, and a taste of what it should be like at my age. I have to tell you, it's not fun coming back. #1 gross-out, Mom washing the plastic table clothe with the tissue she wiped her drool with. When I told her to stop and why, she told me to shut up and go away!!. #2 gross-out was just that! #2 in the shower and all over the drain!!@#@!!! I put her in the shower after she wouldn't calm down before bedtime. She was all sweaty from her constant motion, and bit!#ing about being hot. So I figured a quick cool shower would help her sleep better. that was a big mistake! She called me the meanest person in the world and paid me back big time!!! Merry was with her all day, and has a lot more patience than I do. I spent the better half of the day mowing the lawn, weed whacking, and planting my tomatoes, jalapenos and more purple basil. Then there was laundry and all the usual stuff. By 1:30, I felt like I hit a brick wall. It was the first day with Merry full time, and I wanted to get things done that I haven't been able to touch for months. Guess I got a little carried away. That can be a good thing!! Anyway, the beach was beautiful and we did a lot of walking. Good thing!! After the way we ate, we thought Weight Watchers went out the window!!. Turns out we both maintained our weight loss, even with the goodies, I'm down 12 lbs and husband is down 16lbs. It sure feels good getting rid of the weight I put on from not being able to eat like a normal person. I now have time to fix nutritious meals, and even get in a walk every day. I sure hope Merry doesn't go out and find another job. That would really suck!!! Bobbie, sounds like you are doing okay. Keep the faith! Linda, I know what a hassle the not pooping can cause. Hope the doc can get Dad some relief, which will mean peace for you! SS, Hang in there. Families can be our worst nightmare! I hope everyone else is doing well. Please remember to try and take care of yourself too. Got to go make dinner. Tomorrow will be a fun day. Have an appointment for consultation with surgeon for overdue colonoscopy!! Can;t wait! I get the 2 for 1. I have severe acid reflux, so I get to swallow the scope both ends. My only request is mouth first!! Now that is gross!!! Have a good week everyone!
thank you linda and thank you mom and dad, you have lifted my heart.
We vent our brains out here and of course I would buy my mom a thousand toothbrushes to play with and I miss her so much but I am doing my best to try to be of some use to those who still have a long way to go. These caregivers have become my friends and we do have plans to meet one day!
M&D you certainly have your hands full with both your Mom and Dad and we all know that you are a very caring and loving person to be able to handle that. Angel.
good morning folks . gonna call the dr here in a bit . pa s still not poopin . he s not even trying !!! sat on the toilet waa wa wa . hey pa how about tryin to poop ? waa waa wa , he doesnt even try . so i said well ok we ll try again later . fed him his purne juice , coffeee , oatmeal cereal and yogurt . wa the whole time he s eating and drinkin . now he s quite cuz he s got that tv in front of him . i tol dhim lets go to the bathroom and then we ll lay u on bed and do those leg excersise , noooooooo i wanna sit in recliner , i would have just go ahead and make him go but with that whiney sirens going off in my head , nah i welcome to a lit bit of quite times . break time !
ss i hope the trip going downstate will be worth going , you;ll see ur aunts and uncles so that will be one good thing . as for ur mom and her ugly friends , act like u dont know who they are , :-) like bobbie said valuim or xannax . may do u some good . ask ur dr about it . it works wonderful and its well worth it . like bobbie said take em when u feel like ure gonna need it . mm i think i ll take one ! and then wait till meds kick in and i ll work dad so hard till he poops ! .
momndadcarer . u should start reading when bobbie started this tread and keep reading till u get to here , its way over thousand s . i know u will enjoy reading it , bobbie is a pleasure to hear from . i love her and others that we stick together . i sure cant wait to meet them all . god bless you all my friend ! xoxoo
So sorry, I certainly wasn't trying to be hurtful at all, only to say that it IS hard to deal with all the stuff we deal with daily and even now miss how we knew our parents used to be. That we can be the ones providing for our parents is awesome-- you can't pay anyone enough to have a vested interest in caring for your parents well-being the way you do!-- and I am in awe of any and all that make the sacrifices to do it. Again, sorry for your recent loss. No harsh words or hurt feelings intended on my part.
dadnmomscarer, you need to get up to speed. You are writing on Bobbie's thread, who recently lost her mom, and shouldn't post, unless you understand the dynamics of the thread, and who you are posting to.
Sorry, Bobbie, that you were hurt by this insensitivity. I feel for you in your grief. Most aspects of caring for our loved ones are difficult, at best, but losing a loved one is the hardest part. Praying for you, still.
I am trying to decide what to say to "mommy dearest" regarding her and dad's house downstate. We dismantled the beds she is planning on sleeping in, and the bedding has gone down the chute. Plumbing is disabled, and so is the electrical. She will have a tough go down there. I asked hubby if I should prewarn her, and suggest she stay at a hotel. He said we should tell her. Not looking forward to encounters of the nasty kind with her and her "friend," especially at this time. Tell her or not? ~That is the question... Or should I just let her discover these surprises on her own. We have no contact, and I like it that way. I can't stomach the vindictive, bitter, abusive woman, and wish it would all end. Seriously hoping for peace, but know better.
You know, it's all working backward for our parents. With kids pulling this kind of stuff, they are learning and growing. With our aging parents, the only way it stops is when it's done. Keep loving them through, and keep a sense of humor, even with the gross stuff. Buy a new toothbrush and put it AWAY so mom can't have access. You'll miss her soon enough-- and probably already do!
O, Bob, I am looking forward to our time in EJ! Till then, enjoying the fellowship.
We called my Aunt today, who I'm close to. She was just here to see her brother (my dad) a month ago. I called her this morning, and she asked, "When are you coming?" Of coarse we'll go. We'll drive down 210 miles Wed. morning, attend the funeral, see family, and drive back after lunch. I am looking forward to seeing my aunts, uncles, and cousins.
"Mommy dearest" is taking her "new family" (nasty friend) with her, and spending the night at her house. She has a rude awakening awaiting her, as we dismantled all the beds. (I'm sure I'll hear about it.) I have already decided to diffuse her by NOT discussing anything with her at the funeral. And I am planning on filing charges on her "friend" for financial elder abuse, and getting a restraining order. But that will happen later... As soon as my paperwork on dad is accepted. Drama for another day. I can walk away from mom and her ugly friend.
If he was a wonderful Uncle and you were tight, I would go to the funeral and about a half hour before you walk in take a Valium. I'm not kidding.
Sit on the other side of the room from mommy dearest out of your eyeline so you don't have to put up with the looks etc, believe me I know......
Later on in life when God has sorted all of this out for you, you will be pleased that you paid your respects to your uncle and that you were calm and collected.
I did mention earlier on this thread that I used valium when we went through a devastating house fire in 95. I would take one about a half hour before the Farmer's insurance agent would show up to try and argue me into substandard repairs (to save his company $) and try as he might, I never rose to the bait. I just calmly told him how this was going to work and at the end of the day that house was repaired to MY specifications and it is a beautiful and HEALTHY house. I could go into details but so what....one thing: he wanted us to keep the same furnace and duct work after said equipment reached 1500 degrees and the heat exchanger on the furnace cracked. Cracked heat exchanger releases Carbon monoxide........ I had a Valium in me and got my new furnace, duct work and that was the end of that. Insurance reps are thieves.
Bottom line: for me Valium saved the day. the doc gave me 30 of the 10mg.. and i think I used maybe half and the rest got thrown away because they expired.
I got some again when I knew mom was 'actively dying' and they have been very helpful. I, however, am not interested in taking pills every day so as i heal (this am was the first time I did not wake up crying and all upset) I will not need them anymore.
Another way would be to take a flask of Jack Daniels mixed with ginger Ale and the first time she says someting sideways to you, smack her with it. NOW I'm kidding.
And the last suggestion is if you're going to be too upset and because you have so much on your plate, send flowers and call it a day. You can pay your respects to your uncle in your prayers.
I love you SS and don't give up because I am coming to get you!! next summer should be our time for me to move the boat into your area. EJ!
My uncle (dad's sister's hubby) lost his battle to Leukemia on Saturday. The funeral is downstate, and we are struggling whether to go or not, because I have already gotten a nasty call from my mom. We do NOT want to be around her, and she's planning on going with a friend. I was really hoping she would not go. UGH!
Bob You did it all right and God knows all that you did and loves you-the stone is not that inprotannt and she is in a great place to be with God it does not get better than that she has no pain or suffering she is free of her body and all it's problems and will get a new body someday -no tears or pain -sound good to me God bless
Linda, thanks for the love. hope your dad gives the WaWa a break so you don't go ballistic.
Miz that is tooo funny. Mom would do that too.
One time I gave mom a pill and it was in the beginning of the trouble swallowing phase and a minute later she said something and i could see the pill on her tongue. I said swallow that pill! and she said well, you didn't tell me I had to do that!
That actually was the stuff that almost killed me. Mom was trying so hard to get things right but you had to tell her every step of a problem as in: We're going to stand up and now we're going to walk, that's right, watch my feet, one then the other ok.....now we're going to go to this chair and sit. "This chair?" Yes (the one she's been sitting in for years) OK...now back up a little, ok now sit down. Bend your knees and hold on to the sides of the chair....
You guys get it. non stop.
I can tell you a story like that but I miss her so much. A friend and I just returned from seeing her grave and of course the flowers are still on it and there's no stone yet because the ground has to settle.... but boy did I howl. Oh man this sux.
I know that she's in that Better Place and maybe some of you remember the Dolphin story (few pages back) but man, it's still real hard.
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I'm praying so you can get some relief from this horror.
You honor her by telling the TRUTH. It's for her own good. You say: She has dementia, (you don't have to get all up on the BPD), and folks should know that she's 'not all there' so anything can come out of her mouth and most of it is bs, misinformation and has the potential to legally harm people.
Are you going to force the court to see the truth? May the Good Lord give you the strength you need.
If she is on Alz/Dementia meds the doctor who wrote that should be able to supplement your argument with a letter.
I cannot believe that the courts haven't seen this 'act' before. Pray that they have and you can unwind it and get back the control.
I went through a similar situation in the beginning that I have discussed earlier on this thread and the reality was that when people saw what I was doing, what mom was doing and whe her 'friends' (the ones who were too busy to come to the service) were doing, the truth became evident.
I was lucky: no sibs and I actually loved my mom so much but she didn't realize it. thank God she finally knew it, but it took 18 months to 2 years of being yelled at and talked bad about but I stayed fast. There was no one else to step up and do the job. Those were the worst times because I felt so alone.
I feel so bad for you because I know the unjust feeling that comes with this territory and it is horrible.
Love to you SS, tell the truth and the bible wants you to honor her by taking care of her, intervening if you have to in a hardcore way and not letting her destroy you. That's no where to be found and I bet Godhelpus can back me up on that one!
Other that that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?
lovbob
Can't sleep, thinking about all the evil my mom has perpetrated and is perpetuating. An uncle said she called him again, thinking he called her, when he hadn't. She is delusional, paranoid, and to be avoided. How can I Biblically honor her, when she's so messed up? (Flee evil.) I sidestepped questions about her today. How's your mom? OK, I said. NOT! I want to scream the truth, but the truth will scream itself, soon enough. As her disease progresses, her condition will be undeniable to everyone. Right now, she's got people looking at me sideways. Lord, give me strength.
Glad you're home safe and sound SS and did an exit: stage left. Thank you so much for your prayers. Back at 'cha kid and to all of us too.
Linda, good for you only 2 hours without juice. those storms are brutal. Congrats again on your pa's 'deposit' whatta relief.
I know Miz, I'm so gross but after reading the prior posts it just popped into my mind. spewed out, if you will..... How are you doing? I know it's tough right now for you.
ya! Where's Rep? Yo Pirate whassup. Pamela..... congrats incidentally for the imbibing break. gotcha.
New person last page, my bad I can't remember your name except it starts with a B. Anyhoo, welcome to the Grossed Out thread and we hope you come back often!
I tried labels with mom and they only work for a little while as the disease progresses and then mom just didn't read anymore. It didn't mean anything to her. I usually let mom play with whatever she wanted to, my make up, combs, toothbrush; she loved to fold napkins.... just got to keep an eye out so you don't get yourself in the jackpot! (Napkin with an oyster in it......)
It's an amazing experience to take a parent(s) through this disease and thanks again for posting and we hope to see you again. This is an excellent site with awesome caregivers.
lovbob
yes funeral is a sad place to be at . hate going there too . you see ur long lost friends and long lost familes ,
im thinkin wow theyre old now ! it just keeps going , now kids growed up and they look at me and think wow shes aged ! eeek !!! like my gray hair ?
i have tons of em , afrid to dye my hair again cuz i lost alotta hair when i did that . im lettin go but i ll dye it when i get on that boat ! :-)
thanks for ur prayers .
bobbie u made me grin and giggled when u talk about gma s boggers .
and when i read it again i giggled a bit louder . i shall print that out and put it in a frame . so when im down i ll go read it and cheer up .
pa s doing ok , enjoyin watchin the candles burning when the power was out for 2 hrs . storm was awful but didnt hurt us so thats a good thing .
oh i better go flush the toilet lol .
have a good evening you all . xoxo
Hugs and prayers for Miz in all you're going through.
Bob321, my thoughts are with you right now, and prayers, always.
Pamela, you and your mom are in my prayers.
lhardebeck, same for you and your dad.
KelleyBean, hope you're doing well.
Don't mean to miss anyone. Rep, Piratess, hope all is well in your corners.
Think of the boat.
love,
miz
pls go in with a smile and come back out with smile if all possible , prayers to u during the whole thing today .
remmy youre lord s speical girl .
xoxo
Hope you all have a blessed day!
That found itself on the plate of Grandpa
Grandpa ate it, we all turned green
and came to this site to vent our spleen.
It's early and I've only had 1 cup of coffee.
SS have a good time and enjoy the drive even though you're going to a funeral. Hey! who put the 'fun' in funeral??
Linda congrats on your pa's timely delivery.
Deef! good to see you and eeww for what you've had to put up with since.
OOhhhh.... got to cal the cu#! lady a selfish bi!ch and it made me feel better, so there.
lovbob
We'll be traveling 450 miles round trip today for a family funeral. Ugh. Another one. Would rather be attending a wedding.
She blows her nose into the clean dishtowels and puts them back in the drawers. Both inj-laws eat from the peanut butter jar and pickle jar and applesauce. Every meal I put things in a bowl on the table, but they want the jar. They started eating from the serving bowl and licking on the serving spoon and meat knife and I just did not know how to handle this diplomatically. they don't remember so no I serve my husbands and mine on our plates and then let them go at it. It keeps us from having seconds. We sit facing each other now so we don't have to watch them directly unless we want to. I guess there is a solution and "whatever works" has become my motto.
HaNG IN THERE!!
whew we got lucky !
i talked to my sis in texas she said to give dad an fleet . am going to do that after the storm passes , got tornado warnings out and its on its way here . so i do not want to do that while the mother nature hammers us all . power may go out then what ! cant flush poopy toilet ewww . think i ought to wait after storm passes haha .
take care u all ! im gonna shut down my comptur , this thing is my baby ! if it blows up then i would lose u all waaaaa .
welcome home deefer ! make sure u take more vacations so merry will stay around ! xoxo
godhelpus, thanks for the caution. Calm sounds like the way...and distance. No Valium for me, as I don't even take aspirin. I will take your advice about being prayed up, though. Thanks.
lharde, hope your dad's doc can help him.
I am going to relish being home one more day, as I am not looking forward to another funeral. Hate them, but love to be around certain family members. Perhaps I can just pretend I don't see the others? Smile, and say very little... And definitely not take bait!
SS, Try not to tip your hand at the funeral regarding your plans. This would be oh so difficult for me. Make sure you're all prayed up before you go in. The valium sounds good too. PEACE be with you. Stay in those Psalms for the duration of this battle. #3, #9, #18 & #93 are especially dear to me in a battle. Your mother is dieceived as so many are these days. I'll pray for her enlightenment.
B321, Tooth & toilet brushes. Aahhh the memories. My mom's being appreciative this week. Wondering what she has up her sleeve (hope it's nothing more than a dirty tissue).
Lharde, Lord I hope the doc can do something for your pa. Must be terrible for both of you.
Praying for us all.
Anyway, after 2 years of 24/7, I finally got a break, and a taste of what it should be like at my age. I have to tell you, it's not fun coming back. #1 gross-out, Mom washing the plastic table clothe with the tissue she wiped her drool with. When I told her to stop and why, she told me to shut up and go away!!. #2 gross-out was just that! #2 in the shower and all over the drain!!@#@!!! I put her in the shower after she wouldn't calm down before bedtime. She was all sweaty from her constant motion, and bit!#ing about being hot. So I figured a quick cool shower would help her sleep better. that was a big mistake! She called me the meanest person in the world and paid me back big time!!!
Merry was with her all day, and has a lot more patience than I do. I spent the better half of the day mowing the lawn, weed whacking, and planting my tomatoes, jalapenos and more purple basil. Then there was laundry and all the usual stuff. By 1:30, I felt like I hit a brick wall. It was the first day with Merry full time, and I wanted to get things done that I haven't been able to touch for months. Guess I got a little carried away. That can be a good thing!!
Anyway, the beach was beautiful and we did a lot of walking. Good thing!! After the way we ate, we thought Weight Watchers went out the window!!. Turns out we both maintained our weight loss, even with the goodies, I'm down 12 lbs and husband is down 16lbs. It sure feels good getting rid of the weight I put on from not being able to eat like a normal person. I now have time to fix nutritious meals, and even get in a walk every day.
I sure hope Merry doesn't go out and find another job. That would really suck!!!
Bobbie, sounds like you are doing okay. Keep the faith!
Linda, I know what a hassle the not pooping can cause. Hope the doc can get Dad some relief, which will mean peace for you!
SS, Hang in there. Families can be our worst nightmare!
I hope everyone else is doing well. Please remember to try and take care of yourself too.
Got to go make dinner. Tomorrow will be a fun day. Have an appointment for consultation with surgeon for overdue colonoscopy!! Can;t wait! I get the 2 for 1. I have severe acid reflux, so I get to swallow the scope both ends. My only request is mouth first!! Now that is gross!!!
Have a good week everyone!
We vent our brains out here and of course I would buy my mom a thousand toothbrushes to play with and I miss her so much but I am doing my best to try to be of some use to those who still have a long way to go. These caregivers have become my friends and we do have plans to meet one day!
M&D you certainly have your hands full with both your Mom and Dad and we all know that you are a very caring and loving person to be able to handle that. Angel.
Do you like boats?
lovbob
ss i hope the trip going downstate will be worth going , you;ll see ur aunts and uncles so that will be one good thing . as for ur mom and her ugly friends , act like u dont know who they are , :-) like bobbie said valuim or xannax . may do u some good . ask ur dr about it . it works wonderful and its well worth it . like bobbie said take em when u feel like ure gonna need it . mm i think i ll take one ! and then wait till meds kick in and i ll work dad so hard till he poops ! .
momndadcarer . u should start reading when bobbie started this tread and keep reading till u get to here , its way over thousand s . i know u will enjoy reading it , bobbie is a pleasure to hear from . i love her and others that we stick together . i sure cant wait to meet them all .
god bless you all my friend ! xoxoo
Sorry, Bobbie, that you were hurt by this insensitivity. I feel for you in your grief. Most aspects of caring for our loved ones are difficult, at best, but losing a loved one is the hardest part. Praying for you, still.
I am trying to decide what to say to "mommy dearest" regarding her and dad's house downstate. We dismantled the beds she is planning on sleeping in, and the bedding has gone down the chute. Plumbing is disabled, and so is the electrical. She will have a tough go down there. I asked hubby if I should prewarn her, and suggest she stay at a hotel. He said we should tell her. Not looking forward to encounters of the nasty kind with her and her "friend," especially at this time. Tell her or not? ~That is the question... Or should I just let her discover these surprises on her own. We have no contact, and I like it that way. I can't stomach the vindictive, bitter, abusive woman, and wish it would all end. Seriously hoping for peace, but know better.
I created this thread to help me and eventually a lot of other people cope with the goofy behaviors of dementia: Using a sense of humor.
read back a few pages on this thread and you'll see why your comment is especially hurtful.
Bobbie
We called my Aunt today, who I'm close to. She was just here to see her brother (my dad) a month ago. I called her this morning, and she asked, "When are you coming?" Of coarse we'll go. We'll drive down 210 miles Wed. morning, attend the funeral, see family, and drive back after lunch. I am looking forward to seeing my aunts, uncles, and cousins.
"Mommy dearest" is taking her "new family" (nasty friend) with her, and spending the night at her house. She has a rude awakening awaiting her, as we dismantled all the beds. (I'm sure I'll hear about it.) I have already decided to diffuse her by NOT discussing anything with her at the funeral. And I am planning on filing charges on her "friend" for financial elder abuse, and getting a restraining order. But that will happen later... As soon as my paperwork on dad is accepted. Drama for another day. I can walk away from mom and her ugly friend.
So sorry for the loss of your Uncle.
3 choices:
If he was a wonderful Uncle and you were tight, I would go to the funeral and about a half hour before you walk in take a Valium. I'm not kidding.
Sit on the other side of the room from mommy dearest out of your eyeline so you don't have to put up with the looks etc, believe me I know......
Later on in life when God has sorted all of this out for you, you will be pleased that you paid your respects to your uncle and that you were calm and collected.
I did mention earlier on this thread that I used valium when we went through a devastating house fire in 95. I would take one about a half hour before the Farmer's insurance agent would show up to try and argue me into substandard repairs (to save his company $) and try as he might, I never rose to the bait. I just calmly told him how this was going to work and at the end of the day that house was repaired to MY specifications and it is a beautiful and HEALTHY house. I could go into details but so what....one thing: he wanted us to keep the same furnace and duct work after said equipment reached 1500 degrees and the heat exchanger on the furnace cracked. Cracked heat exchanger releases Carbon monoxide........ I had a Valium in me and got my new furnace, duct work and that was the end of that. Insurance reps are thieves.
Bottom line: for me Valium saved the day. the doc gave me 30 of the 10mg.. and i think I used maybe half and the rest got thrown away because they expired.
I got some again when I knew mom was 'actively dying' and they have been very helpful. I, however, am not interested in taking pills every day so as i heal (this am was the first time I did not wake up crying and all upset) I will not need them anymore.
Another way would be to take a flask of Jack Daniels mixed with ginger Ale and the first time she says someting sideways to you, smack her with it. NOW I'm kidding.
And the last suggestion is if you're going to be too upset and because you have so much on your plate, send flowers and call it a day. You can pay your respects to your uncle in your prayers.
I love you SS and don't give up because I am coming to get you!! next summer should be our time for me to move the boat into your area. EJ!
lovbob
Maxine! gonna smell like a douc#e!!
Linda, thanks for the love. hope your dad gives the WaWa a break so you don't go ballistic.
Miz that is tooo funny. Mom would do that too.
One time I gave mom a pill and it was in the beginning of the trouble swallowing phase and a minute later she said something and i could see the pill on her tongue. I said swallow that pill! and she said well, you didn't tell me I had to do that!
That actually was the stuff that almost killed me. Mom was trying so hard to get things right but you had to tell her every step of a problem as in: We're going to stand up and now we're going to walk, that's right, watch my feet, one then the other ok.....now we're going to go to this chair and sit. "This chair?" Yes (the one she's been sitting in for years) OK...now back up a little, ok now sit down. Bend your knees and hold on to the sides of the chair....
You guys get it. non stop.
I can tell you a story like that but I miss her so much. A friend and I just returned from seeing her grave and of course the flowers are still on it and there's no stone yet because the ground has to settle.... but boy did I howl. Oh man this sux.
I know that she's in that Better Place and maybe some of you remember the Dolphin story (few pages back) but man, it's still real hard.
Check in later Sailors. Love you all,
lovbob