Grossed out and need to vent—I just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair!

What does the physician say? If he needs to get up and moving and you don't have the energy you might want to consider getting some help in the house.

good morning ladies ,
SS , wow i just gave ya a star , u realy said it all .
dad hasnt pooped yet , man i worry about that . he was put in hospital few yrs ago cuz he got so backed up bad . it was a nightmare for him . poor guy . think i shall give him castrol ?? get him up an dmovin , instead of sleeping . he be so fussy and ill end up using allmy strenth to get him up and moving . ahh forget it ,
both my arms are aching . i just ache all over .
damn if i do damn if i dont ...

oliviajr, good for you! What a blessing to your mom.

Amen secretsister . You are so right in what you are saying. Now with that said I am having to get ready to take my mom to the doctor. We are trying to see what we need to do to get her blood pressure up. She has gone from having high blood pressure to very dangerously low blood pressure. I am a very big advocate for my mother. When I take her to her appt. I make notes. She has so many doc so I write down what doc said what and what doc is doing what.

In our ever-increasing litigious society, it is imperative that we look after ourselves, and often our loved ones. We canNOT depend upon Physicians, our government, or our family (sometimes) to always have the answer. Everyone has an opinion, and they are not always correct, including Physicians. That's why our vulnerable need strong advocates. Do you trust your Physician 100%? Do you trust government meddling, sanctions, restrictions, regulations, etc., 100%? Sometimes it's the political machinery driving Pharmaceutical companies, and the medical profession of his practices, and we all know our government has failed us time after time. Many of us know that there are Physicians who don't always have the right answers. They are not God, and that's why they're called "Practicing" Physicians. When we trust lawyers, committees, and elected officials to make medical policy, even when they have background, basis, etc., many will admit they don't have all the answers, and they practice hope when administering treatment or medications. Since each individual is unique (by our Creator's design), there is no one-size-fits-all antidote for every symptom or condition. We need to educate ourselves, and quit deifying others. I'm not saying we can't follow the advice of Physicians or Surgeons, and healthcare specialists, or to stop trusting technology, and thank God for them. Without the good ones, this world would be a different place. But sometimes they (and we) arrive at solutions by much trial and error. And sometimes things get missed. And in certain cases, even the most educated, talented Physicians fail to help individuals. What may work for one patient, may not work for another.

Think about this: none of us will make it out of here alive. We will all die (of something). Mankind cannot change that, no matter what they claim, or how hard they try. We simply do the best we can with the information and technology we have to work with. That said, it's important we find a Physician or health care team who will work with us as Caregivers, listen to our observations, etc., and actually take the time to help us help our loved ones. As humans, even Physicians can become overwhelmed, get distracted, and miss some things. I know I do, and sometimes make errors and mistakes along the way. Well, so do Physicians. I would not want to be one, and have to carry their liability and insurance, and responsibility, but...I am every bit as responsible to care for my loved ones, if not more so, than they are. I need to educate myself into how to best do so, and am thankful for this forum to learn, grow, and bounce ideas back and forth. No one ever arrives at perfection, but I am thankful for the advice, compassion, and support found at this site, and many others. I am especially thankful for the camaraderie of those, who like me are caring for loved ones, take the time to help one another. ~Thought I'd share my appreciation and thoughts with you today. And thank you wonderful Caregivers for being here, and sharing your experience, strength, and hope. God bless you, and your loved ones!

oliviajr,
Sorry you got the dense doc. I guess we're all a little slow on the uptake sometimes. Too much for them to cover I guess and things get overlooked.
Thank God the parents have us to keep all in check and looking out for them.
ihardebeck,
Hope your sweet dad's intestines stablize for him (and You). Maybe some of that wonderful sausage gravy on some veggies. I love biscuits too, but sometimes they don't like me!!!

Lol, Good luck tonite with the poop. Hope everything comes out ok and in the right place.

ohgosh ! what a doc . her pacemaker prob needs some tunin up ? hope she gets better , bad enuff havin to drag them out to doctors and end up havin to come back again .
wish dr would make housecalls , but nope ...
my mil would lose her balance , her ears would be full of wax and needs cleanin out 2 times a year .
pa s back to sleep again . sleepy guy he is . hope he sleeps tnite . maybe he;ll be up al night poopin cuz i just gave him lax and bowl of apple sauce , lol

Warmed up prune juice works good if you like prune juice. That is what they give my mom alot when she is in the hospital. lhardebeck glad your pa is having a good day and I hope everybody else is having a better day than me. We just got back from the er. Mom blood pressure is low and when she stands it goes even lower. They think that is what is making her fall. The doc at the er said if she did not have the pacemaker she would completely pass out and probably fall and break something. I just looked at him and said well you think we were just here friday because she fell and broke her left arm and then he looked and oh ok. So he made us an appt. with her heart doc for tomorrow to see what he says.

pa has his yogurt every morning with his bfast . since he had that uti , dr said he needs a good bacteria in him . every morning he has those .
i tried prune juice nah he dont like them .
has anybody heard from pamela ? i cant remmy if she said shes going on a vacation or not ?
hope she and her mom is ok .

My mom tells me she needs "prunes every day!". Partly because she likes prunes. Juice works also.
Cranberry and tomato juice keep the bladder clean & reduce UTIs because of the uric acids. They also have cranberry vitamin suppliments which works if you are concerned about sugar.
Yogurt also helps the digestive tract and they have great flavors that are more like desert than what we consider the yogurt flavor. You may be able to disguise it???

he was on mirilax for a while i stop givin it to him cuz it wasnt workin . usualy he goes and poop with no pblm , good idea about the fiber , i shall get him on that asap /
yes he s on narc meds , just as needed , here lately he hasnt been on it .
i gave him apple juice almost everyday and he has been out of it for few days an dno wonder he s plug up !
time to go grocrie shoppin .
thanks bobbi for ur helpful advice .

Try some apple juice for the poopin problem. Works wonders in my house. Is he on any narcotics? A lot of times they can cause constipation. Pushing fluids and believe it or not exercise helps keep things moving. Here we go for the gross stuff....beware of the blow-out....Sometimes when things break loose, they break loose in a big way. Oh, almost forgot. Don't know if he's taking a fiber supplement, but you might want to ask his physician about adding something. I've seen people end up in the hospital with obstructed bowel from being constipated so it is an issue that needs to be addressed, plus is sucks to not be able to poop!

hello there . hope everybody has a good day today .
so far mine has been ok . pa looks better today than he did yesterday , thought he was on his way out . whew , it was good to see him this morning bright eye and said im hungry ! waaaaaaaa . ah bfast time pa , scramble eggs and sasuage gravy , his fav .
hes havin hard time poopin , poor guy , gotta give him his stool softner .
am thinkin about bobbie 321 . hope to hear from her soon .
SS. hope ur pa s feelin better today . its a great feeling to walk in there and see him smile ugh . brightens up ur day . bless his heart .
whats gross out today ? mmm none as far as i know other than CANT POOP .
have a great day my friends ...

I agree. A boat ride does sound good. Sailing away sounds real good.

Morning Ladies, I hope all your mommies and daddies are doing well this day. Bobbie our love reaches out to you beyond the Internet and I hope you feel our warm glow we extend to you my dear! Hope to see you soon friend!
Yeah the messy parts..oh the messy parts...that's what keeps us going each day. Yeah mom is not on the Constipation soapbox, she seems so much more coherent these days..go figure I LOVE IT! I can sometimes talk about real subjects with her. I hope she keeps it up. The only thing with the poopies is she never flushes,..why? She flushes pee pee...but not poo poo? It's like she's holding a museum collection piece or something. I am constantly flushing a big bowl full of muck. I mention this because the consistancy is probably due to the Metamucil and Miralax that is positioned in front of where she sits at the kitchen table. There is a ring of stuff in front of her. First there is a napkin holder box, then a coffee cup full of silverware, then a cup with magnifying glass, can opener, and an ocasional pen, then the bottle of Miralax and Metamucil, and then a bottle of honey, a stack of ready to eat soup, bowl of twinkies, platter of vitamins and aspirin types, bowl ready for oatmeal (includes a packet of oatmeal and a spoon and a small vial for water to heat)....whew did I leave anything out. It's like a little arsenal that is set up. So I believe either she or her caregiver preps one of her drinks with one of these intestinal helpers so to speak. I do find food on the floor and on her arm when she eats. She used to get more food on her, but like I said she's doing so much better now than in the past. The funny thing is I remember my mom telling me when I was kid to eat over the table...now here I am constantly telling her to eat over the table. She sometimes sits kinda cockeyed to the table. So I am pulling her chair more to center and just give up on the food that hits her arm that she rests on the table when she eats. I hate the part where she takes her spoon and grabs what spilled on her arm and then eats it...arrrrrrgh! I guess I got over a lot of that and just clean up. I guess if i had kids I would have been used to it...but since never being a mommy, I guess I am learing this way...LAUGHING OUT LOUD,...what a hoot?!?!!!
Last night I took the truck at mom's house (which is really in my name now) and took it to Home Depot....I got home kinda late around 9:00. I knew she was not going to like that...she kept milling about. It's like she cfannot rest if I am up doing stuff in the yard and stuff. I guess she feels like I am taking over, but she has no capability of doing any yard work anymore. So all in all she is pretty healthy if she is still running around after me! She asks me...what are you getting at Home Depot what are you fixing. I had told her earlier I wanted more potting soil so I can finally plant the blackberry and raspberry bushes I bought. I hope I can pot them today. We never had them before, never knew they would grow in our area. My mom said they tried growing them and would not survive...hmmm well I am giving it a shot.

Rock a bye baby in a Toy Boat......a boat ride sounds so good. Actually a little 3 day cruise sounds good...love how they make your bed and feed ya!

Hope it is a good day for all today!

I know what you mean about having your relative's food all over her clothes and eats off of her clothes. My MIL did that, when she lived with us. She is now in a nursing home, thanks to a decision made by my 4 SIL. My husband voted against the nursing home and they wouldn't even
think of asking me, even though I was Primary Caregiver. But as my older sister, who worked in a nursing home said--When it was time for a decision like that to be made, PC's stepped back. I did. The only thing I hate is the fact that she had to go into the hospital and probably got better. I've called to see how she's doing in the NH. We could've handled her better at home 4 on 1 care with the occasional 5 or 6 on 1 care rather than 1 on 16-20 patients care. ...but she also would have started her decline again and some just couldn't handle it. Plus, I found out from talking to COA (Council on Aging) that Medicare will pay for a NH if directly admitted from a hospital but NOT if directly admitted from a private home.
It s*cks, but that's the system. Medicare needs changing, BIG TIME. I mean, why do we pay into it, if that's how it is set up? My brother, who thinks he's a know-it-all, was even surprised when I told him that. Imagine, Miss Pollyanna taught him something.

I'm sorry, I got away from the subject--what we would do for my MIL, when eating, is we got a couple of hand towels and sewed a piece of flat thick material tape on two (2) corners and tied it around her neck (so that the towel covered her chest and pants). One of my Ss-i-l got an apron that covers her chest and pants for over at her place. Solution so you don't have to do so much wash and pretreating of clothes.

Thanks, deefer! Sorry to hear about the struggles with your mom. After a while, it takes such a physical and emotional toll.

Bobbie, know you're in our thoughts and prayers. God be with you, dear Sister!

Teri, Definitely have him checked out at the doctor's. It may be nothing at all, but you never know. Mom gets like that and I think she has had a stroke or otherwise, then find out she was just having a bad day. If he's not feeling quite right, he may be just more confused than usual. It's awful what thoughts we can conjure up when we don't know what we are dealing with. I know what you mean about being woken up to that kind of scene.
Friday I checked on Mom at 6AM and her knees were up under the covers. I knew what this meant. She was soaked and took off her diaper during the night, and peed the bed for hours! I was not very nice when I saw this. She had pulled all the pads from under herself and every piece of bedding was wet, including her pillow. I had to get her in the shower and start laundry at that hour. I did not sleep well during the night and took an extra pill for my Restless Leg problem, so I was a walking zombie!
I got her cleaned up and dried her hair, and put her back in bed. Luckily she fell asleep and I was able to get a couple naps in between laundry batches. The aide showed up a 1/2 hour late, I missed the call I had been waiting for from the plumber, and the washer overflowed because of Mom's pillow. By noon time, I would have sold Mom to the gypsies for a penny!!!
Don't ever feel guilty about losing it. Think of it as a safety valve that goes off to help relieve the pressures of care giving. My husband is on vacation this week and we had a good start. My baby brother (he's 42!) took Mom to his house for the afternoon, so that we could relax. Of course I didn't. I washed Mom's floors, did laundry, trash, and a whole bunch of other stuff, but I didn't have to deal with Mom for hours!
Pirate, So glad your Mom is off the pooping issue. My Mom is not obsessing about it as much either. I make sure she gets Benefiber in her juice or tea every morning. Due to the Parkinson's and all her meds, she has a hard time going, and will sit for hours on the toilet! She dries us crazy until she goes. She almost gets catatonic over it! And making sure your mom gets all of her meds on time did make the difference. Once they start taking them, they can't just stop. Glad things are better for you.
SS, Glad to see your dad is better. It's so hard when they shut down and you can't get them to respond.
Take care everyone. Here's hoping I get to enjoy vacation with my husband!!!

Teri, you don't sound insane at all, but I can relate to the feeling. Fatigue will make you think all sorts of things. You are burning two candles at both ends, so be gentle with yourself. Are you going for the double hero award? It definitely sounds like you and hubby have your hands full. You can r/o UTI, but check for stroke as well. Both whack a person out. What are their diagnoses? I'd say they are demented, but you sound perfectly sane to me. With all those symptoms, you have your hands FULL! Try to keep your perspective. And if possible, get some help, so you can sleep. Sleep deprivation causes problems, as well.

I know being around a mom with a Personality Disorder can really mess with our thinking, but I'm not suggesting you are dealing with that. I know my dad has dement, and it's late stage. He is not only incontinent, and goes in his chair, but finds corners to go in, and slippers...and fits in well with the gross out thread.

Reading all of your posts somehow makes me feel stronger and able to cope another day and night = then I know thatI can return to this site and get revitalized! Thanks to all of you for sharing.

In the middle of the night my FIL fell again. Peed the bed twice and then the chair. My husband is so sweet and patient with him and I can be such a beast when someone wakes me. I have been staying at my son's house during the week nights to care for my grandkids while they are on vacation. Work in the mornings and pick up GK and Fil and MIL at one then start all over again. Last night my kids returned and it was my first night to sleep, but I should have known better.

He seemed OK when he went to bed but I think it may have been a ministroke. Did not seem to respond to us or even understand us trying to help him. Refused to put on Depends and then peed in his chair. Is this the beginning of incontinence or should I be looking for somehting else like a UTI?

I take him to 2 doctors appts on Mon. I just feel so helpless and unknowledgeable when something new like this happens. I question my abilities and my qualifications to be caring for 2 elderly people. Then again I am probably just insane!!

My poor MIL just wanders around and acts like nothing is happening or she gets mad because we are not paying attention to her. Then she sulks and refuses to eat. Her attitude is terrible and she can be sweet or downright mean to my FIL. It depends entirely on ??? we don't know!

Thanks to all of you and try to get a little "me" time this weekend.
You are wonderful and caring and I am grateful for all your responses and hugs! Someday when we rejoin all folks in heaven we will be like old family again!!!

Teri

Yeah, the boat is sailing smooth today. My dad was sleeping...at the dining room table when I visited. I gently woke him, and he smiled real big. The smile is back today. All those tears yesterday were a catch up on the grief and pain I've been feeling for awhile. He smiled, and even laughed with me. They said he ate breakfast, then he ate his lunch, save a couple bites. What a difference a day makes. Is it the disease that does this to him, or what? Wish I could keep the overall perspective of his down, then up days, retain them, and not get so worked up. But when he's down, and looking so pitiful, it racks my emotions something fierce. My heart and compassions don't like to see dad down, barely able to move. Like Michigan weather, wait a minute, and it will change. (Well, maybe a day or two.) Now I feel like an overdramatic reactor for getting so upset. Ugh!

My thoughts have been with Bobbie quite a bit today. I'm kicking myself for not sending a card, or flowers or something. Just have a hard time following through with things these days, and missed a good opportunity to not only be a blessing, but SHOW I care. Sorry Bobbie. Will keep you in prayer this day, and in the days to follow. I hope you were showered with love, hugs, and sweet compassion. I pray your heart was touched with joy at the thought of seeing your mom again one day, and comforted in knowing she doesn't have to struggle any more. Sorry for your loss, sweet lady, and hope your pain is tolerable. God will never leave you nor forsake you, and will comfort you. Bless you, dear Bobbie. I'll bet the service was lovely. Hope all went well, despite how hard it must have been for you. With love and respect, SS

Pirate, I am so glad things are going better for you and that you're feeling better. I'd love to meet you on those docks!!

Mom is about the same. Not as much energy as she used to have but not sick enough to go to the doc. He just said push the fluids and keep doing what I'm doing with her insulin. She'll be 92 this year. I worry every night that it will be her last. Also, i worry that she will not know me in the morning. One day at a time, the boat the boat the boat. :)

Hugs to Bobbie,
Hugs to all the Ladies and Gents here, we all need it once in a while. Thanks Harde and Sec Sis for your well wishes. Yes this nasty intestinal bacteria was horrible oh my gosh. The snoring..oh the snoring is still there. One problem was I had used the wrong ear plugs that night I went nuts. I need to get the highest decibel earplugs I can find and then it's better. I had like 31 in my ears and should have 33 or 34! Dang snoring bear! Yes mommy is not onto any new craziness, BUT, you never know. I am just SO THANKFUL, it's nothing nutsy right now. It is way less stressfull. I think it helped to have thrown in the depression med's with the rest of her meds, cause once that got taken, issues started going down. WHEW! Just shows that the psych meds are a godsend if taken properly...LOL!
Oli..that is truly shameful of your siblings to just CHECK IN...WHAT...they need to get their lazy butts over to see their mother...! I just don't get it. I just wonder the depth of some folks emotions sometimes. I cry my brains out at seeing all those oil soak bubbies down in the gulf coast. I just want them to bring them here so I can get the Dawn dishwashing liquid out and wash those bubbies down.

Nope have not been to CafeMom, seems no one is there when I pop in and that is usually late Pacific coast time. Heck you could post a picture of a dinghy and I would be slap happy. I'd say lets take it down to the docks and sit in it with a bottle of champagne and that would make me slap happy.

bobbie be strong and know we are there for you in your time of sorrow.

tenn. and girls that was a wonderful thing you did for bobbie god bless you.

my fell again yesterday had to take her to the er. She broke her left wrist in two places. They put a splint on it and that is some much fun. She has not had it on for 24hrs. yet and I have already had to put it back on twice. She does not remember anything about falling. Can't wait till monday when I take her to have a cast put on but she will find a way to take that one off also. Now she can't use her walker so she is trying to walk with out any support fun fun. Call sister to let her know what was going on she just said keep me posted let me know what the doc says. She would not even come up and sit with me. Text another brother he finally called this morning so he was no help and my oldest brother he is out of town some where so he was no help. I don't know why I even call them. My sister on phone will post later.

Caregivers extrordinaire. What a lovely, spirit filled group of Godly folks you are. The Lord is flowing through you so profoundly. I feel truly blessed to have found this group.
Laughter & tears in the mix. God bless you all with His grace & stregnth.

Hi Ladies. What a wonderful thing you did for bobbie. It shows that we are really here for each other. Makes me smile. :))

bobbie, thinking of you so much. I can only imagine how it will be when my mom goes. You are doing great. Love ya!!

Everyone, have a wonderful day. So glad you're all here. Love yas!!

miz

Piratess, glad to hear you're feeling better. And glad to hear your mom has passed that plateau...onto the next probably. Hope the snoring issue got resolved, too. How's everything else going? Been to Poco lately? Has anyone? I don't think so, as I check once in awhile. I posted a new boat there, for Bobbie and you all, on a thread called, "Hope you like it."

Bobbie, my heart and prayers are with you during this time. Having just gone through a funeral with my SIL, I know it can be numbing. Can only imagine losing a parent. I pray you have loving supportive comforters, as we try to do that here. Love and hugs, dear Bobbie. Praying you're surrounded by angels.

welcome back pirategal . glad ure feeling better now , i had the sniffles and hackin up all that yuck mucus , spit er out . glad to see ure back .
wheres pamlea ? did she go on a vacation or something ?
ss . hang in there my friend , hope shopping did u some good . clear ur mind out a bit . hopefuly tmr he be better than he was today . cross fingers ,. god bless u all .

SecSis, I know it is tremendously hard to see him decline. Try to keep it positive. I hope he feels much better tommorow . Love your daddy as best you can. You being there is the best you can do! Hugs to you and daddy!