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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Bobbie, we are always with her in the bathroom, and wash her stem to stern many times a day. Parkinson's has robbed her of the ability to know when her bladder is full. Even when she feels she has to go, she doesn't finish emptying her bladder. I have been told that this will also cause reoccurring UTIs. It's such a hassle to get the doctor to give her the antibiotic without test results, and those take days. By then she is such a mess and so hard to handle! Now he will usually give me a refill on it and I start her before the results come back. If it's negative, I just stop the antibiotic, but it's always positive! You are sounding a little bit better. Take care of yourself!
Thank you for all your loving and supporting comments. I am fairly new at this (just for the past 2 years) but there are times I can handle it and times I want to hang it up! When I am able to be with my grandkids, I can then return to the "folks" a better person!! Thanks again!
Bobbie, What a sweet selfless blessing you are. A help to others in your time of need. God sees you and your beautiful heart. His love flowing thru you to others. All His grace, favor, comfort and blessings to you.
Bobbie, you are absolutely right. It's just darned depressing. But, if I didn't get out sometimes I would be needing taken care of too. I'm sure that's the case for all of us. I pity those that never get away. How do they do it?
teristeve, every weekend away would be heaven. However, you have to have the right people give you that respite. A friend of mine took care of her dying mother for 6 months. She quit her job and stayed with her and took care of her Monday - Friday. Then, the family took turns on the weekends. She said she always came back to a mess!!
bobbie, my heart's with you. Hang in there, girl.
All the rest of you, hang in there too and thanks for listening to me. You're the best!!
I think the reason we feel so bad when we come back after being away is because we were/are walking back into the life of an old dying person, which make US feel like old dying people. Our love for them is so deep, many times deeper than we would like to admit and that's the cue for the guilt.
Well, screw guilt.
Just realize that our little times away are the main reason we are not institutionalized!
UTIs come when the 'area' is not kept clean and shiny. My mom used to get UTIs all the time until I realized that she couldn't do the 'front to back' any more.
After a little wrestling, I convinced mom to let me wash her stem to stern and she never got another UTI. I helped in the bathroom area also because in the long run it's easier to just put them on the pot and clean up afterwards.
When she went in for respite care (for me) she got an UTI right away so I took her home agan and cured her up.
The little connections in the brain that hook up how to wipe yourself or how ot tie your shoelaces just stop firing and there you go. Suddenly for them they are in unknown territory and freaking out.
In my mom's case it was so evident that she was trying so hard to get it right but it just would get away from her. That's the real sad part. Mom and I used humor as much as we could to help cope with it all but boy oh boy.
Drive you nuts? Oh you bet'cha.
I miss my mom so much, but I actually miss my mom of long ago when we would have adventures together.
My poor mom who was layin up in her bed, having to get turned and turned and her skin was so sensitive and she was suffering. She was so brave because she kinew what was up but didn't have the ability to speak. She stared into my eyes for so long and then she was gone.
Diane, I know exactly how you feel. Myu husband and I got a reprieve this past weekend and we were gone for 2 days and 2 nights. However, we were taking care of 2 of our grandchildren which I would much rather do. we had a wonderful time with them ( I am still watching them until Sat),. i know I wll be totally exhausted by then. But tomorrow is another day!! Freedom is so taken for granted! I was guilty of that because I had no idea what it meant not to be able to even go outside "alone"!! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we just cannot see a glimpse of it yet! Hang in there!!
Mike, I know what you mean! Mom has to be watched constantly. Even when she is tied to her wheelchair or rocker, she manages to get into trouble! It's hard to get anything done, or even find the energy to do something. I find that if I have a few hours to myself, I pi!! them away doing nothing. I guess it's good to just go DUH!! for a while, but nothing gets done. Miz and Dtflex, It sure does suck to come back once you get away! Yes it's awful to feel that way, but we're entitled to our feelings whatever they may be. Mom is off today, so I asked the daycare to dip her urine. She just got done with antibiotics for a UTI, but I think It's back. She can barely walk, and couldn't take directions at all this morning. I wish she didn't get UTIs every other month. They really do a number on her. Does anyone else have this problem?
I sure understand when you say you feel worse after getting away. After feeling a few hours of freedom it is hard to go back to your "prison". I often feel guilty for feeling this way, but I do miss my freedom terribly.
This morning has been rough for me. Mom is being ornery and difficult. She started banging on her bed instead of calling me to wake me up. Once I got there she said she was feeling bad, so I checked to see how her blood sugar was. It was a little high but I started to get her breakfast to take her morning meds. Because I couldn't wiggle my nose like Bewitched she got mad that it wasn't there instantly. Once I got it to her she was trying to eat lying down which isn't good. We ended up arguing because I was tring to get her to sit up in bed. She understood it to mean get up out of bed. She managed to get herself sitting on the edge of the bed and then she couldn't decide what she was doing from there. Eventually she decided to get to the table and eat her breakfast and take her meds. To top of the morning, I am stuck at home because the woman from the agency can't come in today. Luckily my boss was pretty understanding about it.
I guess we will all have our challenges ahead of us today. I'll be thinking of y'all while I am ready to pull my own hair out. Take care of yourselves.
maybe the next time he;ll stick that electri razor in water ! do not leave him alone with it . always stand by him . ure his guide and helper . always stand by him , unless he s sittin watchin tv or going to bed . i got my dad a battery operate shaver and let him go at it but i always watch him with it anyway . time of get rid of that electrity one .
Yes I try to let my dad shave with an electric razor I walked out for a min when I went back in the bathroom he was shaving his arms!! I can leave him alone even a min.
Yes, it's nice to go to bed but not sure if inwill get sleep as my dad wakes me up all times of the night. Wish he would come back as he dies not even know what day it is or were h is at he can. It Finnish a sntancand makes no sence most the time. I feel I have to get it out all the time. Thanks for being there.
Wow, I'm having a hard time tonight. Hubby and I got out and went out to lunch and to a movie and to Wal-Mart to buy some flowers and other stuff. It seems like when I get away I feel worse after. Back to reality I guess. I know I need to cherish these days but it's so hard. Guess I'll go to bed soon. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Lord grant me patience.
Mike and Crystal, it's okay to get MAD and frustrated and have other kinds of feelings. We all have to let off steam or we wouldn't survive what we are doing. Sometimes I feel guilty about things I say to Mom when I can't take it anymore, then I remember she forgets things right after they happen, and I move on. It's hard not to feel guilty, but just remember, if it weren't for us, who knows where they would be! Crystal, I don't know how you have been able to stick it out for 9 years. It's been 4 for me, with the last 2 being 24/7. Now that Mom's long term care insurance benefits have started, I can have the aide here 30 hours a week and not have to worry about how I am going to pay her. I'm starting to feel some relief from the pressure. Now I can start cleaning Mom's apartment, curtains, windows, rugs,etc. She needs help with everything, so it's nearly impossible to do a good cleaning. Then I need to get my house in order, before my husband moves out! It's amazing how things start to pile up when your energy is sapped by care giving. Hang in there everyone! Bobbie, do whatever it takes to get you through this tough time. Your Mom is in a better place, and now it's your turn to live.Take care of yourself!
SecretSister, How refreshing to hear some places still have prayers in public (unlike where I live they sue over prayers at the football games), and praise and tributes to our fallen veterans. God bless your little town!
Bobbie I am so glad to hear from you be kind to yourself God said he has many mansions for us someday and I believe one is for caregivers after all his son did so much for the sick I love you dear friend,
Just went to a Memorial Day service in our little town. It was amazing that they led an open prayer, and lifted up the name of the Lord Jesus Christ in public, and thanked God, our eternal father for all our blessings. It made me cry. We thank the Veterans, and those who sacrificed for our freedom! Freedom isn't free, and someone had to pay the price. We should never take that for granted.
Bobbie, so glad you're still checking in. I have been thinking of you a lot. It's a process, and however you get through it is OK. Please be gentle with yourself, and I pray the Holy Spirit will comfort you. Love and hugs, SS
lhardebeck, that is so sweet that your dad acknowledged your sacrifice and thanked you. What a blessing!
hi bobbie , thinking about you when i woke up and still am . glad to see u got on to say hello . lastnight i took pa to bathroom and get his jammies on and cleaned up , took out his teeth to get em soaked for the night . then tucked him to bed and ask him if he s comertable . he said yes and looked at me with his shiney blue eyes , said linda i want to thank u for helping me out and takin real good care of me , i said oh pa i enjoy takin care of you , if ure not here i worry about u so i keeep u here so i dont have to worry . he said yes and thank you for keeping me here , gave him a hug and a kiss and turned on his fav pasty cline music and told him we ll get up in morning and have a good ole bfast . and boy did we have a good ole bfast . :-) . then i thought wow he realy apprecatied me and it felt good . i amjust happy to know that i can and able to keep pa home . at first it was horrible but as later he decline downhill it got easier and sad too . you people complain about the water bill just tickles me to death . ihave well water so i often wonder if my well will dry up cuz of all time washin his wet clothes . but then thats ok . there is laundry mat . :-) bobbie , did ur husband make it to u safety ?. i hope so . keep in touch. my love to u and sara xoxoxo .
It took me years (hes had it for 9 now) to get over the resentment of this disease and what happened to him. He was smart, funny, immaculate, busy, jack of all trades, the BOSS of the house and suddenly (overnight literally) he turned into the exact opposite. I resented him so much because I knew if the situation were reversed he would not do for me what I did, and do, for him. He just wasn't wired that way. But then after prayer it dawned on me that God put me here for him. That is my job now and I am thankful that he has me. Guilt is the biggest problem I have now and the sudden burst of anger I get once in a while. I also worry because of my inability to work and what will I do in the future??? I have no health insurance so I pray every day that I remain healthy.
Hi Bobbie, I know this must be such a hard time for you, grieving the loss of your dear mother. Please don't expect too much of yourself and allow yourself to feel the way you do, whatever that may be. The death of our parent is FAR more powerful than I ever expected. When my mother died, I sobbed so deeply I could not believe it and could feel enormous pain in my heart. I am so so sorry for your loss. Know that you were good to your mother and she is now at peace, waiting for you to re-unite with her again some day. Take care....
You have no reason to feel quilty or what I mean you should not feel quilty-write down what you do in a 24 hr period and you will be surprised and will be tired just reading we all do more than is humunily possible and then get upset with not doing more. He is so lucky that you are taking care of him.
Fortunately we have a well and don't have to pay for our water but it is a real strain on the washer. I hang clothes out instead of using the dryer. I have finally reached a point with diapers and underpads where I am not washing all the bedding every single day. Thank heaven!! I feel so guilty complaining about my plight because it could be so much worse......imagine having a child that will in all likelihood outlive you with issues like these!! My biggest challenge is the guilt that I have about the complaining, the guilt I have when I tune him out, the guilt I have when I don't try to interact with him (it is useless) and the guilt when I finally get things done for the day, I fall into my bed and stay awake as long as I humanly can because it is quiet and it is my time. At the end of this I will know that I have kept him home where he gets personal, caring attention and that he has lived comfortably throughout this terrible disease.
i know this is back to the stone ages- but to cut down on water bill costs due to incontinence- we wash all the clothes in a washtub basin with a ringer and board. Financially, we couldn't spend over 150 a month just in water! Crazy, but I honestly find washing the clothes by hand an escape and relaxing. gross when there is bm involved but still do-able.
You Caregivers are warriors, and also heroes! So, happy Memorial Day to you, too. What a job! And to those of you who served our country, or had loved ones who did, thank you!
gross but man, you have to laugh at some of it. luckily i haven't had any of my personal items- other than clothes- tarnished. My grandmother smokes though, and ashes in her plate when she is finished eating. Totally grosses me out.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You are sounding a little bit better. Take care of yourself!
teristeve, every weekend away would be heaven. However, you have to have the right people give you that respite. A friend of mine took care of her dying mother for 6 months. She quit her job and stayed with her and took care of her Monday - Friday. Then, the family took turns on the weekends. She said she always came back to a mess!!
bobbie, my heart's with you. Hang in there, girl.
All the rest of you, hang in there too and thanks for listening to me. You're the best!!
miz
Well, screw guilt.
Just realize that our little times away are the main reason we are not institutionalized!
Just sayin
lovbob
I am about to write my mom's obit. sux.
Deef! Flex! Miz! SS! Yo Mike! Everybody!
UTIs come when the 'area' is not kept clean and shiny. My mom used to get UTIs all the time until I realized that she couldn't do the 'front to back' any more.
After a little wrestling, I convinced mom to let me wash her stem to stern and she never got another UTI. I helped in the bathroom area also because in the long run it's easier to just put them on the pot and clean up afterwards.
When she went in for respite care (for me) she got an UTI right away so I took her home agan and cured her up.
The little connections in the brain that hook up how to wipe yourself or how ot tie your shoelaces just stop firing and there you go. Suddenly for them they are in unknown territory and freaking out.
In my mom's case it was so evident that she was trying so hard to get it right but it just would get away from her. That's the real sad part. Mom and I used humor as much as we could to help cope with it all but boy oh boy.
Drive you nuts? Oh you bet'cha.
I miss my mom so much, but I actually miss my mom of long ago when we would have adventures together.
My poor mom who was layin up in her bed, having to get turned and turned and her skin was so sensitive and she was suffering. She was so brave because she kinew what was up but didn't have the ability to speak. She stared into my eyes for so long and then she was gone.
Ow. omg this is so hard.
Thanks for listening.
lovbob
I know exactly how you feel. Myu husband and I got a reprieve this past weekend and we were gone for 2 days and 2 nights. However, we were taking care of 2 of our grandchildren which I would much rather do. we had a wonderful time with them ( I am still watching them until Sat),. i know I wll be totally exhausted by then. But tomorrow is another day!!
Freedom is so taken for granted! I was guilty of that because I had no idea what it meant not to be able to even go outside "alone"!!
There is a light at the end of the tunnel, we just cannot see a glimpse of it yet! Hang in there!!
Miz and Dtflex, It sure does suck to come back once you get away! Yes it's awful to feel that way, but we're entitled to our feelings whatever they may be.
Mom is off today, so I asked the daycare to dip her urine. She just got done with antibiotics for a UTI, but I think It's back. She can barely walk, and couldn't take directions at all this morning. I wish she didn't get UTIs every other month. They really do a number on her. Does anyone else have this problem?
I sure understand when you say you feel worse after getting away. After feeling a few hours of freedom it is hard to go back to your "prison". I often feel guilty for feeling this way, but I do miss my freedom terribly.
This morning has been rough for me. Mom is being ornery and difficult. She started banging on her bed instead of calling me to wake me up. Once I got there she said she was feeling bad, so I checked to see how her blood sugar was. It was a little high but I started to get her breakfast to take her morning meds. Because I couldn't wiggle my nose like Bewitched she got mad that it wasn't there instantly. Once I got it to her she was trying to eat lying down which isn't good. We ended up arguing because I was tring to get her to sit up in bed. She understood it to mean get up out of bed. She managed to get herself sitting on the edge of the bed and then she couldn't decide what she was doing from there. Eventually she decided to get to the table and eat her breakfast and take her meds. To top of the morning, I am stuck at home because the woman from the agency can't come in today. Luckily my boss was pretty understanding about it.
I guess we will all have our challenges ahead of us today. I'll be thinking of y'all while I am ready to pull my own hair out. Take care of yourselves.
Diane
i got my dad a battery operate shaver and let him go at it but i always watch him with it anyway . time of get rid of that electrity one .
Crystal, I don't know how you have been able to stick it out for 9 years. It's been 4 for me, with the last 2 being 24/7. Now that Mom's long term care insurance benefits have started, I can have the aide here 30 hours a week and not have to worry about how I am going to pay her. I'm starting to feel some relief from the pressure. Now I can start cleaning Mom's apartment, curtains, windows, rugs,etc. She needs help with everything, so it's nearly impossible to do a good cleaning. Then I need to get my house in order, before my husband moves out! It's amazing how things start to pile up when your energy is sapped by care giving. Hang in there everyone!
Bobbie, do whatever it takes to get you through this tough time. Your Mom is in a better place, and now it's your turn to live.Take care of yourself!
How refreshing to hear some places still have prayers in public (unlike where I live they sue over prayers at the football games), and praise and tributes to our fallen veterans. God bless your little town!
lhardebeck, that is so sweet that your dad acknowledged your sacrifice and thanked you. What a blessing!
lastnight i took pa to bathroom and get his jammies on and cleaned up , took out his teeth to get em soaked for the night . then tucked him to bed and ask him if he s comertable . he said yes and looked at me with his shiney blue eyes , said linda i want to thank u for helping me out and takin real good care of me , i said oh pa i enjoy takin care of you , if ure not here i worry about u so i keeep u here so i dont have to worry . he said yes and thank you for keeping me here , gave him a hug and a kiss and turned on his fav pasty cline music and told him we ll get up in morning and have a good ole bfast . and boy did we have a good ole bfast . :-) .
then i thought wow he realy apprecatied me and it felt good . i amjust happy to know that i can and able to keep pa home . at first it was horrible but as later he decline downhill it got easier and sad too .
you people complain about the water bill just tickles me to death . ihave well water so i often wonder if my well will dry up cuz of all time washin his wet clothes . but then thats ok . there is laundry mat . :-)
bobbie , did ur husband make it to u safety ?. i hope so . keep in touch. my love to u and sara xoxoxo .
Hope you all ae doing as well as can be. I am still in shock and not functioning well.
All in all I am ok, just not myself.
Bless you all and I love you,
Bobbie
i know this is back to the stone ages- but to cut down on water bill costs due to incontinence- we wash all the clothes in a washtub basin with a ringer and board. Financially, we couldn't spend over 150 a month just in water! Crazy, but I honestly find washing the clothes by hand an escape and relaxing. gross when there is bm involved but still do-able.